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About Cookie351

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  • Birthday 09/08/1993

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  1. The last week has basically not happened, as I've come down with bronchitis and as such been stuck in bed for days >.< However, I didn't eat appallingly, and am back into life as of tomorrow. So that's awesome. I've also taken to doing stomach muscle exercises morning and night, because I desperately need some core strength. Back into uni work too, which has been nice, and I'm happy with the progress I'm making I also went to see a PT this afternoon. His assessment is that my heartrate, blood pressure and hip-to-waist ratio are all fine. I'm quite healthy, just big
  2. Have been very irritated with myself of late. I've kinda plateaued at the 'functioning' level. There are many, many things I wish to do, and know that I could do if I applied myself. I'm just very lacking in the effort department :/
  3. I'm part of a group called the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA), which is a worldwide medieval group. I went to Rowany Festival, which is the largest annual event of the Lochac (Australia) group. It was absolutely brilliant. We had around 1000 people camping together for six days doing all kinds of medieval fighting, crafting, dancing, everything. I love it to bits, am already planning what I need to get done before the next event, and then again before next year's Festival. Yesterday was my day off - I was completely buggered after Festival, and so had a day of rest where I could do/eat as I pleased. However, back into it today, with uni work to review, exercise to be done and a house to tidy. I'm actually feeling kinda pumped, as though maybe I can actually do all these things. Allons-y!
  4. Aaaaaaaand I'm back. My time away was awesome, more than I can possibly say. Did a stack of swordfighting, tried out some archery and have arranged to buy my own bow, and have even picked up supplies to try out some new crafts. Ate quite well too, given I wasn't the one in charge of food. And now back to the real world. I head back to pole dancing class tomorrow, and am hoping to do some archery tomorrow as well. Start back at uni today, meeting my tutor to discuss my essay proposal. Probably will head to the gym this evening. Have some nice food pre-cooked/ideas for meals I can make. Generally, looking at life thinking "It's a challenge, but bring it on!"
  5. Thanks for the support guys! Mangostrike, those pictures are awesome. Day 1 went very well - had my solid healthy meal, and had pole class. I did a lot of sewing on Monday, and felt that much effort had been put into the day. Woo! Day 2 I had to put in effort - yet more sewing, and five hours at work (long shift by my job's standards). Was supposed to do sword training, but had a pounding headache. And I got my solid healthy meal in. Today there will be huge amounts of effort in the cleaning and sewing departments, plus hopefully a gym session. And my meal is in the microwave Tomorrow morning I leave for six days of being medieval. Running about in medieval clothing, fighting in nine tournaments, volunteering as an announcement herald, trying some archery, a few craft classes, sooooo much shopping at the markets, and spending the evenings sitting around a fire with friends drinking and singing. In case you can't tell, I am HUGELY excited XD I will also have no phone or internet access, so if you notice I'm not posting, don't worry. I haven't given up, and will in fact be eating three healthy meals a day (courtesy of the camp cook) and putting a huge amount of effort into fighting and other things. In case I don't get back on here before I go, have a lovely Easter all!
  6. *hugs* You are awesome! Good luck with doing a pull up, I wish I was that strong!
  7. So my last challenge went a bit...crap. Emotional issues are no fun. But what do we say to sadness and failing? "Not today" Challenge 1: To go to pole dancing class at least twice a week and improve my core strength I've never had much core strength, and it's holding me back in pole class. I love doing pole (trust me, I'm as surprised as anyone) and am sick of being unable to do the things I want to because of my own lack of effort. Challenge 2: To go to at least two sword trainings a week, and put in actual effort Again, I love sword fighting, but for the last few months have been extremely lacking in the 'effort' department. This means not only going to training, but actually armouring up and spending the majority of my time stabbing things. Challenge 3: Eat at least one solid, healthy meal a day, and remember my meds I had a bit of an interesting moment yesterday when I realized I hadn't eaten a proper, balanced meal in six days. My brain tends to be of the opinion that I would rather not eat than eat things I don't like (which are usually the healthy things). However, I can't function like that.And meds will help my brain be a teensy bit more sensible. Life Challenge: EFFORT, WOMAN! When I was still in school, I did alllll the things, and it was awesome. These days, my confidence is a lot more sucky and so I tend to hold back from doing the things I want to in favour of siting on my ass and finding ways to procrastinate. It's not at all enjoyable, and I get very cranky at myself over it. So... time to put the boot in and actually do things. This includes, but is not limited to, exercise, healthy eating, uni work, swordfighting, pole dancing, and looking after myself/my mental health. Really, I know I can do all of that. Emotions just have a habit of getting in the way. En garde, good gentles. The fight begins now.
  8. So here we are, at Challenge end. Sad to say, I did not complete my challenge. I did not exercise enough, I didn't eat salad, and my room is far from clean. It was not a good six weeks for me emotionally, particularly with going back into uni and seeing a psych to sort out my mental health (good in the long run, brain-crushing in the short term). I haven't been particularly nice to myself, and in some cases have generally not been a nice person to talk to. But life goes on. I have achieved Credits in my uni work this term. I have not gained weight, or size. I am comfortable in clothes that I wasn't before. And I know that I need to make baby steps, and have been making baby steps, rather than pressuring myself to the highest standard and then being horrible to myself when I fail. The most enormous thank you and hugs go out to my friends, both here and offline, who have dealt with my whining, bitching, general attitude, and sometimes me taking out my sad on them rather than where it should be. Thank you for your endless support, hugs, cups of tea, and reassurance that I'm not completely fucked. And my greatest apologies for those times when I exploded at you for no apparent reason. I promise there was a reason, it just wasn't you. Possibly the most fitting end to this challenge was the experience I had yesterday. I somehow lost my anxiety meds a week ago, had two assessment tasks this week, and am PMS-ing spectacularly, so safe to say I was not in a good state when my friend asked me to do some axe training with him. I had something of a breakdown after being hit in the head with an axe for ten minutes, because even though I trust him I felt so unsafe and so scared about everything.I explained to him what was wrong, and he took me aside and hugged me and said something that I desperately needed to hear; "It's not your fault." He told me that I have a condition, and that even though yes, it's silly for me to lose meds, and silly to not see my psych, it isn't my fault that this happens. He took me for a walk, held my hand, and we talked about what I could and couldn't do. And I have never heard a tone of voice so free of judgement, so free of pity; he wanted me to be healthy, and that was all. As someone with diagnosed anxiety, and a long suspected eating disorder, that was absolutely priceless. After that, He watched me all event, checked in to see that I was doing OK, and managed all evening to look after me while never implying that I was somehow less of a person for needing to have him there (which is how I always feel). So this time, I'm going to try it without the anger. Without the hatred for myself, thinking I'm weak, constantly throwing other people's needs ahead of my own. I've promised my friend that I will find my meds, make a psych appointment, and at least try to look after myself. Because really, no one else can. And god damn it, I'm worth looking after.
  9. Well my shoulders hate me. Went from 'not a lot of exercise for two weeks' to 5km walk Thursday, PT session Friday, an hour pole class Saturday, two hours fencing training Sunday, and got 45 minutes through another pole class today when my shoulder muscles started to twitch. Seriously, so much aching.
  10. Monuments Men. We're really excited, we both love history, and the rest of the family wouldn't go with us. Will be nice to see her
  11. Have only been about 50/50 with eating properly this week, but getting better. Haven't had a huge amount of exercise, due to uni work, but went to the gym for a PT session today. Good grief. Personal Trainers should probably be charged with attempted murder. My non-existent stomach muscles are *so* pissed off with me right now. In any case. Pole class tomorrow, lots of time to get things done, and going to a movie with my Grandma
  12. So, here we are at the start of week 4. I ate relatively well over the weekend and got some sword training in, which was nice. However, I've also been seeing my psych and going through a lot of old issues and have a bunch of uni work. This morning, I woke up with a blinding headache and feeling generally off, so I stayed in bed rather than going to pole class, and curled up with an old favorite book and some mcdonalds at lunch. And y'know what? That's OK. I think for now it's far more important for me to focus on keeping myself happy and doing my best for healthy rather than trying to be perfect. And if that means missing an exercise, or having a junk-y meal, so be it. I need to be maintaining an average here, not being perfect for a little while and then dropping off. So yeah. The last two weeks haven't been the best. But my essays are due in the next couple of days, I'm keen to go back to exercise, and most importantly of all, I believe I can do this while still looking after myself.
  13. Halfway measurements: Chest:126 (down 2cm) Waist: 117 (up 2cm) Hips: 126 (down 1cm) Upper arm: 39 (both sides down 1cm) Left thigh:72 (down 1cm) Right thigh: 72 (same) Weight: Around 111 ...OK, feeling kinda crap after taking these. I know I've been eating poorly, but still sucks and feels like I'm failing.
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