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Countess D'If

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Everything posted by Countess D'If

  1. Have you talked to your therapist about being evaluated for ADHD to address your executive function?
  2. I heart that I dropped the ball on this challenge twice
  3. I for sure need to invest in some gatorade. I didn't drink nearly enough water today. I did find a parking spot that gets shade in the afternoons, and that helped SO much. My poor car. I brushed my teeth am and pm and took my pills. I didn't need to take the xanax this morning, but i took it because i was being a spaz. so then the morning was niiiiice and slllllllowwww. I won't take one tomorrow.
  4. Day two. I woke up with a blistering migraine. I spent the morning dry heaving. I never actually threw up, but I couldn’t stop. I tried to brush my teeth, but it just didn’t happen. Listerine to the rescue. Sorry for the unnecessary details, but y’all know me by now. I did brush my teeth after supper. So. There’s that.
  5. I don’t understand why people like to visit here in the summer. It’s overwhelming.
  6. I moved to Las Vegas. Yesterday. I started a new job today. It is awesome. I have clearly made an awesome and correct decision. I am starting this new challenge thread so that I can have an actual challenge this challenge. This challenge I shall: Brush my teeth every night Brush my teeth every morning Take my pills every day That's it. That's all I have the energy for right now. Also, it's still hot in Las Vegas
  7. too much correct-ness in this post. brain b0rked
  8. OK. Ready for some whiplash? I took the lower paying job. (1) Because it's a real attorney job; and (2) because the $$$ job left the offer open (RED FLAG! I'll explain in a second). I got the offer at the awesome job for only $12K less than the $$ job. It's also exactly $12K more than I am making at this job. I have been informed that salary will increase at a fairly regular clip. But the reason I did what I did (very much to my own surprise, might I add) is I had a conversation with the partner. I've told a thousand people that I wanted to hide and get my groove back, so I asked him - should I hide at $$$ job and try to jump back in to lawyering in the future. He said, I don't know about you, but my first instinct is HELL NO! Get back on the horse. Hiding will only make you more scared. And he said, I know for a fact that you will quit that job within the year because that place is a mill. I fully understand that that kind of law is grindgrindgrindgrind. I get that. And I don't really want to waste a year doing that, TBH. $$$ job pays $$$ because they go through young attorneys like kleenex. And they left the job offer open because they lose attorneys all the time and need attorneys all the time. So, I have a safety net, TBH. A shitty safety net, but a safety net. So. I've officially made up my mind and I'm not going to change it. Now, all that being said, I want to murder my realtor. I hate him. I have him saved in my phone as "Realtor McStressBomb." He's driving me crazy and he is PISSING ME OFF. I informed him that I took the lower job offer and I might need to push the move in date to the end of July because I'm freaking out. He said Ok, Ok, what are you freaking out about? I said Well, timing, money, I'll be more able to pay the first and last month's rent at the end of June. And he goes, (I am not making this up), "Did it just occur to you that you needed to have first and last month's and deposits and stuff?" UM, NO MOTHER FUCKER, I JUST TOLD YOU THAT I ACCEPTED A LOWER PAYING JOB AND THAT CHANGES MY CALCULUS. Asshole. Dipshit. Of course I knew I needed the money. I was going to HAVE the money when we started this, then I did a 180 on the job thing and I need more time. Fuck face. I'm strongly considering just renting an apartment and ghosting this guy. I hate him. I've been intentionally marking lower priced rentals to fuck with his commission. Because I am a child.
  9. I am not trying to justify my decisions, and I am not looking for anyone to talk me out of this. I just need to get this out on paper so it's not in my brain any more. Six work days until I leave this job. I'm having a moment. I have a job that's offering me money like I ain't ever seen before. But everyone is telling me to run for my life. I've done this kind of work before and I don't love it, but I can deal with it for the disgusting salary. The reason I left this kind of work in the past was my supervisor was a skeezy piece of shit whom I hated and whom I wanted to PUNCH IN THE FACE LIKE ALL THE TIME. So, there is no guarantee whether I will or I won't be miserable. BUT! I won't be stressed. Because I won't care about the work. And I can focus on my non-work life. I can focus on going to the gym and eating well. Just like I have been doing at this job. And, $$$ job doesn't have to be permanent. I want to take care of my credit cards and pay down some student loans and still have enough to go see a movie with my family. There is no wiggle room in my current budget. Anything extra I could possibly want to do has to go on the credit cards and that spins me right back down a cycle of debt. I know enough, I am old enough, and I am experienced enough to avoid golden handcuffs, so I will probably make sure this job has a drop dead date sometime in the future. But also, who knows? Maybe this will be an awesome forever job? However, I'm expecting an offer from another job for a full $20k less. It's a better job. It's an awesome job. I'd love to take the job. At this job, I would be stressed out because I would be busy as fuck and I would deeply genuinely care about the work. But I am fucking sick of being broke. Awesome job would cover the bills and that's all. I'd be house-bound. I'd barely cover groceries. I would put myself in the exact same position I find myself in at my current job - treading water. I don't want that. I am fully fucking sick of it. I feel like a monster taking a shitty* job for a lot of money, but, as The Marine pointed out, my A-Number-One stressor is money. I am the sole bread-winner in this household and I need to be able to pay rent, utilities, netflix, food, gas, insurance. EVERYTHING. I can't be sitting around being scared about money. But here's the thing - I think that I can find me a job like this in the future when I am NOT the sole bread-winner (we are actively working on The Marine's shit to make SURE I'm not stuck in this role forever and ever). I also just withdrew my application to the public defender's office, which is a LITERAL dream job for me. And I'll tell you why: I have no confidence in my ability to be a lawyer anymore. I got my teeth kicked in really hard last year and my confidence, self image, and self worth is destroyed. I believe that I can sit in $$$ job, re-learn how to lawyer, and build myself back up from the puddle of shit I feel like. FEEL like - absolutely am not, but still feel that way. I need to find my feet and I believe that I need a relatively safe place to do that. $$$ job is a boring job, but it is a safe job. I don't want to jump directly into a job where people are actually relying on me. My spirit is still too broken for that. I need to be like the blackbird in the beatles song and re-learn how to fly. *possibly
  10. Thanks! I'm not going to lie, I'm sick of being broke all the time! Thanks so much. I can't explain it, but I know in my heart this is the right thing to do. I feel it. Like the Force. If for whatever reason you talk to The Marine, and you hear him talk about his brother, he's talking about Sean. We're all devastated and I feel like this is the least we can do. Sean is the reason The Marine and I are together.
  11. Thanks, friends. I am Ok-ish. I've accepted a job in vegas. I need to get housing dealt with. I feel guilty as fuck resigning from my current job. I need to do it today. Thing that happened: They offered $X/year (X was an obscene amount of money, BTW). I asked for more. They said yes. Holy shit. Is this adulthood?
  12. Hey there. So, my dear friend suffered a medical emergency that was going to require significant neurological rehabilitation. So my fam and I were starting to make plans to move to las vegas to help him and his family. Sadly, he took a bad turn and he passed away. I am devastated. He's left behind a wife and two beautiful kiddos, so we are still going to move to Vegas. I am looking for jobs. I am waiting on jobs and looking for housing. I am not in a great mood (understatement), but the moving was the thing I could't talk about, because I have no information to share and nothing is solid and everything is fucking stressful. Well. Now everything is up in the air AND I've lost my best friend. So yeah. Fuck
  13. HI. I kind of disappeared. Because of reasons. I was planning on getting really serious about my weight loss journey starting last challenge, but life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. I should be able to talk about it, soon? IDK. I'm struggling to decide if I should try to keep working out while this is going on, or if I should just chill out and wait until things settle? I STFG, if everything isn't taken care of by the end of this challenge, I will start hurting people.
  14. It was an awesome evening. We're doing it again tuesday
  15. DAY TWENTY FOUR: Last night I went for a hike with Midget Mayhem and my younger sister. It was super super fun This morning, I COULD NOT drag my ass out of bed to go to spinning. SO that's the first time I've skipped this challenge. I really needed the rest. I will be heading to yoga in about an hour.
  16. DAY TWENTY THREE: I've just been to yoga for the first time since May 16th. It hurt. Then the office security system went off. SO now I'm exhausted and stressed out at the same time.
  17. Retweet Day 20: I kind of forgot why I was so motivated. I kind of forgot that I'm going to Las Vegas for a fancy weekend. But I feel like I'm doing pretty well. Today I did a lot of work in the garden and then we went and practiced some baseball and now I'm super duper tired.
  18. I did not go to yoga because Midget Mayhem is off school today and wanted to come to work with me. She LOVES being at my office, IDK why.
  19. DAY NINETEEN: Spinning was fucking hard this morning. IDK what's up with my bike, but we were in a fight and it kicked my ass. I had my last conference session for the week. Now we have a week off and start up again on the 7th. This is the DEFINITION of evil.
  20. DAY EIGHTEEN and also somehow only Day 9/15 of this conference. Please send cake. Tomorrow is the first day I can go to yoga. I am going to be HURTING
  21. DAY SEVENTEEN: Went to spinning this morning. It was a DIFFICULT class. I'm in day eight of a 15 day conference and I hate it. It's all over Zoom and I never want to see Zoom ever ever again. Otherwise, it's a super good conference. I
  22. HI!!! HAPPY MONDAY! It's 10:59 PST. I would like to go back to bed please.
  23. DAY 15: I think? Vegas was bananas. Mental illness and substance abuse are no fucking joke, people. Person in question is not currently OK, but he will be. Or else I will drive back down there and fully murder him. We walked a LOT. We being me and The Marine. The gorls had school and I didn't feel like having them around at all during a family crisis. I also bought a hella cute bikini and went to the pool. THE. POOL. So there. I got a teeny tiny tan. Then, I met up with my law school peeps and got drunk. Like, big time drunk. I went back to spinning first thing this morning. I busted a PTP PR. I worked very hard. I then had to take a nap on the sidewalk next to my flower bed in from of the house. I legit forgot to pack up my yoga bag so no yoga for me today. Oops!
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