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Haku

Member
  • Content Count

    954
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Haku

  • Rank
    Trooper
  • Birthday 01/28/1992

Character Details

  • Location
    Netherlands
  • Class
    druid
  1. Haku

    Haku's psyche work

    Well, I didn't make it that tight in the first place. I made that suit when I weighed 73 kg or something..? Now I weigh 99. When I weighed 89kg I still fitted it. I mean, not perfectly of course, but it was still comfortable enough to actually wear it without having to worry about anything. The only change that's really needed is me losing weight. But I think last Saturday, after that panick moment, I found peace with it. I'm going to accept me as a person first. If I can't fit in the suit for now, so be it. I can do other things too. It's not like fursuiting is my only hobby. Hahaha! There ar
  2. Haku

    Haku's psyche work

    Here's a picture of me of what I look like right now. It's just the face. My hair has grown a lot. I'll see if I can make a picture where you see my body too, just for some reference.
  3. Haku

    Haku's psyche work

    Thank you. Unfortunately those pictures are at least a year old. I've gained weight since that time. I am officially obese even, as far as I know. I weigh 99 kilograms at the moment and I am 174 cm tall. My ideal weight would be around 67 kilograms, which means I'd have to lose more than 30 kilograms! I'm happy if I weigh 70, because that would already be a massive change. It's the numbers that count too... I am one of those very fortunate people who don't have to worry about fat sitting in just one place of their bodies. The fat really spreads everywhere, so it's not as visible that I am over
  4. Haku

    Haku's psyche work

    Haha, thanks. Well, please do keep in mind that it's only one room to keep tidy, and not a whole house. It really helps in making all the tasks go faster, haha! And yeah, I'm a fursuiter. I really like entertaining people (as you might've also guessed from the drawings AND my study animation) and fursuiting is just another way of doing that. It's kind of like street performance, I suppose. You get the immediate reaction, you give people something funny to remember and talk about with their friends/family when they get home. Coming Sunday I will go to the comic con in my city and entertain pe
  5. Haku

    Haku's psyche work

    When I look at my list of stuff I had to do today, I think I may be proud of myself. Okay, I didn't manage to get everything done, but that was simply impossible with the time and energy I had. I have truly done my best. Right now it's time for me to go to bed, so I will be sort of awake in school tomorrow. I want to install those things on my laptop tomorrow, so it will be completely ready to go for the rest of my graduation. I also need to wash and brush my fursuit tomorrow, because it needs to be dry on Sunday. I've been invited to go and entertain people at the comic con in my city, so I n
  6. Haku

    Haku's psyche work

    Beautiful dreams you listed! They will make warm memories for sure! Haha, well don't be too hard on yourself. Don't call yourself daft. (Actually the word "daft" always makes me think of Daft Punk xD Haha!) I'm really glad to hear this. As for the video, holy moly! It's amazingly piercing, like you said. I'm not sure how I would react if anyone said that to me like that. Most probable reaction would be just telling about all those people of whom I seem to be in the way because of this depression, and crying because I feel miserable and I still feel like I'm the one supposed to keep up the s
  7. Haku

    Haku's psyche work

    I know... I know... Like I said, I want to survive. I want to live. Honestly, I do. The problem is these suicidal thoughts crossing my mind every now and then, sometimes stronger than usual. And last weekend was one of those moments. I just saw the opportunity. And I am so glad I could stop myself from actually doing it, because there's still so much in my life that I want to achieve. Besides, since I have these suicidal thoughts for a very long time already I have thought about all kinds of ways. And I know that it's selfish to jump in front of a train, simply because it's quick and effective
  8. Haku

    Haku's psyche work

    Well then, I haven't updated in a whole week! Honestly, I have failed a lot the past week, because of a few reasons. 1) I was gone for a few days and stayed in my dad's house. The days go a bit differently there 2) There was so much going on that I completely forgot about the challenge 3) I have felt horrible the last 2 weeks Now I want to elaborate a bit more on reason 3, because things are really REALLY not going well here. I was standing on the train platform when going back home to my room last weekend and I honestly thought about just jumping in front of the high speed train that was
  9. Haku

    Haku's psyche work

    Week 3 - Day 16 - [Tuesday] Glass of water - win Fruit for breakfast - win/fail Morning squats - win/fail Evening squats - win/fail
  10. Haku

    Haku's psyche work

    Aww, thank you Gobnait. As for the three symbolism... Usually that sneaks into my images without even knowing. I usually make my images through intuition, what feels right to my eyes... And somehow my eyes seem to like three symbolism. xD This is the so-manieth time already that it has snuck in. As for the dreams because of the moon, I hadn't even thought of that yet, but that could very well be the cause. Who knows. In all dreams I did seem to have the same feeling, like something can go wrong at any moment. Kind of an anticipating feeling. So maybe my mind is trying to tell me something,
  11. Haku

    Haku's psyche work

    I finished a new drawing today and I just felt like sharing it. I hope you all like it. I know I'm spamming my thread with drawings, but they actually give me energy, when I finish them, so to me it's an important part of getting my energy back. Hence I want to share. Plus I like to entertain people. Hehe!
  12. Haku

    Haku's psyche work

    Haha, I dunno. Probably because you didn't expect me to start my challenges again now? xD But thanks. Unfortunately it stopped a bit with all the wins this weekend, but I'm determined to start again this week and not give up. Oh, my weekend was awesome. I only did things that I liked. I've watched the 3rd season of Vikings, watched 2 films, I made a motorbike trip on my own yesterday evening... I did cheat a little bit, because at times I was curious about some things on whatsapp, so I ended up still sending some messages. But the freedom to not send messages was there, simply because I di
  13. Haku

    Haku's psyche work

    Thank you for those reassuring words, because that's exactly what I tend to think... That I'm being selfish when I put myself first. But I'm glad I've chosen to have this weekend for myself. n_n I'm really looking forward towards it, and actually getting excited over it!
  14. Haku

    Haku's psyche work

    Week 2 - Day 11 - [Thursday] Glass of water - win Fruit for breakfast - win Morning squats - fail Evening squats - fail Today I went to the psychologist again, and talked about my dad not letting me eat or nag about me going to the toilet.. We talked about various scenario's of what could've been and all of them end up being pretty horrible. We came to the conclusion (which I have concluded myself before in the past) that it's impossible to change my dad and that the only thing I can really do is either to go along with what he wants, to get into discussion and do battle, or to avoid t
  15. Haku

    Haku's psyche work

    Week 2 - Day 10 - [Wednesday] Glass of water - win Fruit for breakfast - win Morning squats - fail Evening squats - fail Today was meh. A short lesson of half an hour, in which me and my writing group had to ask each other questions. Then some guy from the 3rd year came bothering us with this huge religious story directed at a classmate of mine (I was sitting right next to it and couldn't keep my mouth shut, so I became part of the happening) that he had to change his ways and whatnot, and he wasn't making any sense because he was contradicting himself constantly and he was wasting our
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