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Status Updates posted by Machete

  1. Every post has a reply today. I think it's great that you are making this a thing. I do hope it snowballs and we as a community become more involved with the new members. Except the spammers. Fuck those guys.


    Keep fighting the good fight.


    - Machete

    P.S. Apparently you can't receive messages. Strange.

  2. "At the end of the day my life is so soft, that I have to make up fake work by lifting weights so that I can hang out with the same decent respect that my ancestors had physically"

    1. Steppinon D'Arrows

      Steppinon D'Arrows

      At the end of the day you're another day softer, and you have to lift more to increase self-esteem~! When you go for Paleo, and compare yourself to a caveman, being that strong just looks like a far-away dream~! One more day being modern~!

    2. TheAccountant


      Something we all have in common: at least 2000 generations of human ancestors that endured all the famines, floods, disease, war, wild animals, infections, etc.. long enough to keep the next generation alive, it's simply humbling.

    3. TheAccountant
  3. Had to have the big salad.

    1. Steppinon D'Arrows

      Steppinon D'Arrows

      YES! I love big salads! I might have one for dinner tonight!

  4. It appears someone has passed his CSCS exam.

    1. TMedina


      It appears, then, that congratulations are in order. ;)

    2. TheAccountant
  5. Kicked out of the gym. New Year sucks.

    1. kaelvan


      How did you get kicked out?

    2. Ceasefire
    3. TMedina


      Closing early for the holiday, I'd have to assume.

  6. Almost pulled 405 with straps today on a whim. Failed to lock out. Back probably rounded. Irresponsible.

  7. The more often you fall down sewers, the more skilled you become at fighting Ninja Turtles.

    1. Bekah


      and rats, you get good at fighting those too :P

    2. aquafreash


      Damn straight (and what a lovely way of thinking of it!) :)

  8. They say you burn as many calories during sex as you would running one mile. I think that is ridiculous. Who the hell runs a mile in 30 seconds?

  9. Loneliness has followed me my whole life. Everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man. June 8th. My life has taken another turn again. The days can go on with regularity over and over, one day indistinguishable from the next. A long continuous chain.

    1. ch3


      And what have you done to change it? :)

    2. Machete


      Nothing. And that's a good thing.

    3. TheAccountant


      Ah, the "Ronin" complex. Loneliness is freedom. A Ronin's search for self-respect is never ending. A Ronin cannot "feel" when people love or respect him, because he cannot "feel" any love or respect for himself that lasts for longer than a few moments. The thought of unearned affection is repugnant, accepting it would destroy him. Attending to the "petty" demands of long term friends, family, or lovers would steal the life force from him.

  10. I believe that I am in the top 5% of the most awkward, uncoordinated people in the world. I'm a functional adult, and I still regularly drown whenever I eat soup.

  11. Brought up the issue of sprinting zombies in a discussion about Motor Unit Recruitment in my Advanced Strength & Conditioning course. Let's see how it goes.

  12. My hand fell asleep while I was masturbating. No wonder women leave me.

    1. MalleusMaleficarum


      What the fuck is this trashy shit?

    2. Machete


      Apparently I'm a terrible lay.

  13. The fact remains that getting people right is not what living is all about anyway. It's getting them wrong that is living, getting them wrong and wrong and wrong and then, on careful reconsideration, getting them wrong again. That's how we know we're alive: we're wrong. (Philip Roth)

  14. Coffee, PB&J, instant Ramen, and NatGeo food dosumentaries.

  15. I interacted with 64 people. I'm such a socialite.

  16. Lifeguard tryouts. A man has concluded that he cannot swim.

    1. Bekah


      well now you know. At least you didn't drown :)

  17. A man is unable to stop obsessing about licking the toilet seat.

  18. A damn McGriddle with hash browns is calling my name.

    1. Goofyfoot


      DON'T DO IT! Food only tastes good for a few seconds!

  19. 38 hours awake and counting. Danger: Asian guy operating a Hummer while pretty much intoxicated.

  20. Fish Oil gummies are fantastic.

    1. Bekah


      yes, yes they are :)

  21. Getting fired from a job you hate because you suck at it.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. El Exorcisto

      El Exorcisto

      Johnny Paycheck has some advice for you.

    3. robozebra


      Happened to my best friend recently, she applied for unemployment and at her hearing they asked her old boss why she had been fired and they said "because her heart wasn't in it." Yeah, she got the money.

    4. Machete


      Had it coming for a long time. I've been faking it for years, and most people knew I didn't belong there; it's about time they caught me. I didn't necessarily do it on purpose, but I didn't try to fight it either.

  22. Out to town, no shower for three days, axe body spray, sleeveless hoodie, mid-thigh shorts, hiking boots with no socks, and a look of absolute existential despair. Watch out, ladies.

    1. Bekah


      You might be surprised


    2. Guzzi


      very surprised.... :P

  23. Crossfit is the ADHD of gymming.

    1. El Exorcisto

      El Exorcisto

      Crossfit is the epilepsy of gymming.

    2. Why not?

      Why not?

      It's only epilepsy for those who can't handle it ;)

  24. Terrifying day at the gym. Sitting in the sauna alone to warm up a bit when an attractive female comes in and sits too close to me (i.e. anywhere within the same room). I try to appear calm, even though my heart rate monitor is saying otherwise. After a few minutes of silence she asks me a question. I can't remember what I said, but I remember running out of there. Long story short, I ran 10 miles, attempted a backflip, and pooped my pants.

    1. Ba'sini'on


      Total Badass move :-)

    2. The King of Lame

      The King of Lame

      Little do you realize she pulled the ol' Bioshock question on ya.

      "Would you kindly..."

    3. El Exorcisto
  25. I melt in your mouth, not on your hand.

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Machete


      Balls. I like balls...

      Anyway, it's an intentional misquote for a line with an incorrectly-used preposition.

    3. Machete


      Also, yes. Never the hand. ;)

    4. Bekah


      Hahahaha ^5! And yes if there is any way to make something sexualized, you can count on me to do it! But then again have you seen him in action?!?! He makes it an easy job! Lol!

      I too love balls :P and I have heard that being left in the hand is like a milkshake with no whipped cream or cherry on top, and I would want to smack someone who gave me the crappy version of something badass like that, just sayin'

      It isn't always him that's...

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