madamevastra

It's worth remembering that those people are assholes. I mean, philosophy aside, they are jerks.

Body hair is such a weird thing, and it's such a weird thing to spend a lot of time thinking about, you know? But we do! I don't think that one needs to let all of one's body hair grow to great flowing lengths to be a "good feminist." I also think you can wear lipstick and mascara and be a "good feminist." I also think that trying to sort out who is and isn't a "good feminist" is a waste of our time, as women and/or as feminists. I would be happy if everyone were a little bit more feminist tomorrow than they were today, you know? There's no "must be this tall to ride" sign outside the feminist carousel. Personally, I shave my legs and pits regularly and my girly bits *very* occasionally (mostly just for a change of pace.) But I don't feel like I ABSOLUTELY MUST OMG shave my legs before appearing in public, and if I need to run out to get a jug of milk on a Sunday afternoon in July and my legs aren't shaved, so fucking be it. I also don't make any particular effort to shave before swimming laps at the pool; if the dude in the next lane over spies my unshaven legs or pits, panics, and drowns, that is not my problem. So far, this has not happened. I do enjoy the sensation of freshly shaven legs on clean sheets, which is something that everyone should experience, men and women. It is very nice! Silky and indulgent.

hey tracknut (or anyone else who wants to chime in), I've set a goal of doing a one mile open water swim sometime in 2014. Obviously, as it is December and everything is freezing, I'm training inside...what kind of indoor distances were you swimming before your race? As I've stated elsewhere, my goal is to not drown/finish the race... I'm not planning to actually, you know, race, in the truest sense of the word. I'm more concerned with endurance than I am with speed. Thanks for any insight you have!

Yeah, add me to the list of people who totally missed this thread at the halfway point. I am somewhere between 85-90% on my goals, which I am pleased with. But more importantly, POINTS! Either I somehow missed this or forgot about it entirely. Exciting!

Holy crap, I can't believe it's taken me this long to find the Cute Puppy Photos Thread. All of you, please, give your doggies an extra snuggle from me!

Blergh, woke up this morning to (a) a snowstorm and ( nose/head/throat congestion/grossness which taken together mean I'm not making it to the pool today. It's gross outside, I'm gross inside, back to bed it is. This week I did something new for me, which was to do yoga without video/audio instruction. I mostly did a routine from doyogawithme.com that I've been doing regularly, but skipped some of the poses that are problematic for my hip/back and added some that are good for me. I wanted to be able to stay in certain poses longer and I had done the routine enough times to have it more or less memorized. So that was a milestone for me! At (almost) the end of week five I can say that I am definitely bendier than I was when I started (though I'm still pretty inflexible overall, particularly in the hamstrings) and my back and hip pain has been much reduced. I've also saved a ton of money by bringing breakfast/lunch most days -- that wasn't a stated goal, but definitely a positive side effect that I was hoping for when I started the challenge.

this needs to be a t-shirt.

I had pierced nipples many years ago (ack, I am getting old) and I will just warn you: if your nipples, like mine, decide that they do not want to be pierced, they will push (migrate) the jewelry out. This will leave you with a split nipple that may or may not ever heal fully. (The scars on mine are still visible, but only if you are really looking... which would be a weird thing to do.) So if you do notice that the jewelry is being pushed out, I would recommend taking it out before your boobs make this decision for you. That said, I am glad to hear that it wasn't painful for you! Mine hurt like a sonofabitch, way more than my many ear piercings and definitely more than my tongue.

W4DM, when the revolution comes, the condescending dudebros will be the first ones up against the wall. At least that is what I tell myself in situations like this.

Uh, week three and four updates, because I apparently never did that. Week three was the week of Thanksgiving, and it was a STUPID WEEK. My STUPID GYM was closed for 5 out of 7 days, and I didn't make it to the pool at all. I did make 100% of my other goals, though, so there's that, including some extra yoga because I was so mad at the stupid gym. So my percentages are 100% on meals, 100% on bedtime, and 60% on swimming/yoga, for a weekly average of 87%. Week four was a normal week in which the gym was open for its normal 7 days (seriously, how hard is this?) and I hit all of my goals 100%. Running average for the four weeks is 92%, which I am pleased with.

hey RA, I don't know your wife personally (or, uh, you, for that matter) but I wouldn't necessarily think that coming out as trans automatically means the end of your relationship. I know at least one couple for whom this wasn't true. So, it is not written in stone or anything. I don't want to imply in any way that the community here isn't supportive, but I really, strongly encourage you to find a support group where you can talk about this stuff with people who have gone through it, or are going through it. They will have a lot of perspective that we are lacking... even though I would consider myself reasonably well read in trans issues, I'm not part of that community, and sometimes you need to talk to your own people, you know? Everyone needs to be home sometimes. In the meantime, these are some sites that I like -- http://www.autostraddle.com/tag/transscribe/ (personal essays) and http://www.autostraddle.com/tag/trans-issues/ (news more generally) http://tranifesto.com/ (has some good "trans 101" articles that you can link people to when you just can't answer another question about pronouns) http://raisingmyrainbow.com/

Welcome, reluctant amazon. If you feel comfortable sharing, I would be interested to hear about how/if your feelings towards your body change as it changes shape/size. I completely understand if you don't want to go in-depth on that, though. There is also an LGBT thread... somewhere... I didn't bookmark it. Fairly certain I didn't imagine it, though. Anyone? Anyone?

I am not an expert, but I turned this problem over in my head while I was swimming the other day, and here are some ideas I came up with: -as others have said, breathe regularly -- every second or third stroke -- instead of breathing only when panic sets in. That way your body knows there is more air coming. -exhale completely and forcefully, every time. When I actually paid attention to it I realized I was exhaling through both my nose and my mouth; if I try to exhale just through my nose, I actually can't exhale fast enough to keep pace. -take an extra breath before you flip turn. It's not the most elegant thing in the world and will probably slow you down a little bit, but... can't win 'em all. -remember that if you get into trouble, you can always flip over onto your back and breathe all you want. This isn't the Olympics; no one's going to yell at you. I find that just keeping that in the back of my head helps, even if I never actually do it. When I am swimming butterfly (I max out at 25 yards) I keep something similar in mind: if I start to struggle, I can just switch to swimming freestyle. It helps.

Final week two results: I hit all of my goals 100%. So my running average is 90.5%. This week, so far so good, except that my gym was closed Monday too (unexpectedly), and I couldn't go today, so I'm only going to be able to get one swim in (tomorrow.) Yargh.

hey jhp, how is it going?

Update for week 2: Another 3 day workweek for me. I hit my bedtime and breakfast/lunch goals 100%, and am about to head out to the gym for swim #2 for this week. But it is so cold and windy outside and I don't want to get out from under the blankets, sigh. (also the cat is sleeping on my feet and I fear his wrath.) A wrinkle: found out yesterday that my gym is closed Thu/Fri/Sat/Sun for Thanksgiving, which means I need to frontload next week with swimming. It's doable -- I don't have any evening commitments next week -- but I'm still irritated. The good news is, my bad hip (jeez I sound like I'm 100 years old) has been MUCH better with this regular yoga/stretching regimen. I feel comfortable pushing myself a little more in the pool, which is great.

I think it's mostly due to tiredness, though general curmudgeonliness might also be involved. Generally at the end of the day I am just... done. My job isn't particularly taxing physically or emotionally so I am not really sure what the deal is. Part of it is probably also sitting all day, which makes me feel kind of achy and stiff. The pool also tends to be crowded on weekday evenings, often with folks who maybe are not the best with pool etiquette or standard practices. I don't want to discourage people from swimming and I get that it can be intimidating to walk into any space where everyone else seems to know all the unwritten rules... so let's just say that this is a personal failing of mine, that after a day of work my patience is at a low ebb. (side note to all: if you are not sure what the norms are at your local pool, ask someone -- preferably a lifeguard, but most swimmers will be happy to answer or advise as long as you don't interrupt them in the middle of a set.)

First week results, with apologies for breaking the rules and posting halfway through the second week... Some background on this week: I was out of town for all or most of 4 of the 7 days this week, and out of the office for business for 2 of 5 workdays. First the good news: -I hit my sleep goal 100% of "school nights" -- man, being well rested is freaking awesome -- 100% on that one -breakfast and lunch -- the goal here is to hit >60% homemade/brought from home meals for workdays where I'm not traveling or having a business meal. For 3 days in the office, I brought lunch twice and breakfast three times, so 100% on that one as well. And the not so good: -exercise goals were a little tougher. I went to the pool once (50%) and did yoga once (33%). I actually intended to do more yoga while I was away this weekend, but I ended up in a hotel room that was so ridiculously small that I could barely turn around in it (thanks, NYC.) So, that was kind of a bummer. 43% overall for this goal, sigh. (As an aside, one of the reasons I wanted to do yoga is to deal with some chronic pain in my hip, and I was definitely way achier at the end of the week. Talk about motivation.) Overall average for the week is 81%. Not the best, but I knew going into it that this first week was just going to be insanely overscheduled, so I am not going to beat myself up about it. This week is another three day workweek (as is next week, due to Thanksgiving) though I'm not traveling, just taking some time off, so things should be a little more manageable. Onward!

When I am Not Drinking but my friends are, I usually just order a club soda with lime, which looks enough like a cocktail that drunk people will think it's a vodka tonic and forget that you're Not Drinking. It may also help if you're up front with your friends and tell them that you're not judging them for drinking, you're just trying something new. They might be hostile because they're feeling judged. (I do still drink, and I do drink to get drunk, but much less frequently than I used to, because sometime around age 28 or 29, all-day hangovers became A Thing. Getting old sucks.)

first day! I did possibly the most important thing: I made a spreadsheet. Then I printed it out and purchased star stickers, because I am apparently seven years old, and so now every time I do something towards one of the goals I get to put a star on the spreadsheet. Looking at the calendar, this week is going to be one of the most difficult, as I have a number of time-consuming obligations and business travel/meals, but I can juuuuust squeak in everything if I'm very careful about it and don't slack off. Today I brought breakfast and lunch from home and swam for about 35 minutes (and I have every intention of going to bed by 11, because I am already sleepy.) I've noticed that I swim like crap when I go to the gym after work, but I guess there's nothing to be done about that, because I have to go to work every day, alas. I've also test-driven a couple of yoga routines, available online, that target my hips and back. I have to skip a couple of poses due to pain (the bad kind) but overall they are very helpful. The cats like to sit at the end of my mat and stare at me/judge me while I stretch, which is kind of nice, I guess?

One of the best things I ever did for myself, when I was feeling particularly wrung out by life, was learn to cook soup... it's generally pretty forgiving, doesn't require a lot of skill or effort, and makes a lot, so you can eat it for awhile and feel warm and cozy and taken-care-of for days. Plus you don't need much to get started: a big pot, a cutting board, a knife, and maybe an immersion blender (the cheap ones are fine.) Good luck to you.

So sorry to hear about your kitty. Why don't pets understand that they are supposed to live forever??? Gah. (I do have a carbon monoxide detector! But yes, I agree, everyone, get one, please.)

If you find that your particular brand of PMS/cramps/etc responds to Advil (ibuprofen), start taking it before your period starts -- 1-2 days, if you can, and keep taking it until you stop bleeding. Advil inhibits prostaglandins, which are implicated in menstrual cramping and general misery, but you have to start early and keep taking it for your whole period. I have also found that I am less crampy when I use the divacup. I have no idea if this is at all common -- it may just be the particular shape of my body, who knows -- but thought I would throw it out there. (Perhaps it is related to not having to buy tampons every freaking month? My uterus just unclamps itself in thrifty joy? It's possible.) I have done yoga and swum laps with it in with no problems.

The water thing gets easier -- it will start to feel natural and normal to be drinking water all the time. I mean, you will still be peeing all the time, there's really no way around that, but the actual drinking part will start to feel less weird. I drink probably 2-3 liters of water during my workday, plus more at home. I pee a lot. (if you work a desk job, it's a good excuse to get up, walk around, not be quite so sedentary, etc.)

well, it helps that I really like sleeping, so... In all seriousness, the thing that usually keeps me awake is if I'm reading a really great book I want to stay up and read, so I try to give myself at least 30 minutes to read before bed. By the end of that time I'm usually pretty sleepy. I used to have pretty bad, but intermittant (stress-related, I suspect) insomnia, which was miserable, and I have no real insight about how to combat that, other than waiting for it to go away. That was the worst, most horrible feeling, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.