Elisha

I came back looking for a play list I posted and realized how much I missed this. It’s 4:32 am so this will be short. Since I was last here I found out I’m autistic and a bunch of other major life changes. As one would expect in 10yrs. I’m looking forward to reaquainting myself with the process and meeting new nerds😁

Last week I finished the whole30 and I lost 11 lbs. I also felt so much better. The last 3 days I have eaten a lot of sugar/things I had been craving. I wasn't going to, but a friend of mine wanted to celebrate by taking me out to eat a ton of stuff. Then I spiraled a bit. I tried to start Saturday and Sunday with a whole30 breakfast and I had planned on eating healthy the rest of the day, but I caved. Mostly because I still had s'moreos. I noticed milk really causes irritation in my throat. and sugar gives me mild headaches. Not to mention, puffy face. I have decided for my diet I will do mostly paleo. I am going to allow myself goat cheese and sour cream. I want to continue the no treat mentality of whole30. I had a really good time with paleo on my first full challenge. I may or may not reserve some meals for eating with my family. If I stay in Illinois and help my Uncle's build a deck, I don't want to miss out on eating with them. Not because I want the food, but because we do meals like a bonding experience. I will make healthier choices when available though. It may not even be necessary. I just know I missed out on a few things for the whole30 and it made me sad. If I follow 80/20 then I'll be happy. Today, except for some coffee from Starbucks (I have to drive over an hour both ways for a doctor appt and I had 3 hours of sleep last night), I am going to follow the diet. I do have goat cheese in store for some stuffed mini peppers with roast beef for lunch and probably a grilled chicken salad for dinner. I'm excited for my food though and I think that is the most important thing to keep me going with a diet. As for exercising, starting tomorrow, I'm doing yogalosophy. 28 days of daily yoga. I hope after that my back will be up for some running. I may also be putting in the aforementioned deck or digging holes/trenches for my Uncle. Pray/Meditate every day for at least 10 minutes total. I just read something that said praying is asking and meditating is listening. I'm going to pray in the morning and meditate at night.

I did! I finished it last week and it was so tough, but completely worth it. Sort of, at least the next 28 days.

My first whole30 is over on the 11th. I know I'm going allow myself sugar (s'moreos came out during of all times) if I really want it. I'm hoping by day 31 I really won't. I am not clear about what I want to do this challenge, other than keep it simple. My options are: do another whole30 or eat whole30-ish, yogalosophy (yoga for 28 days plus some resistance), running. I want to rush and get back to lifting weights, which used to be my primary exercise, but each time I try I just stop. I need to build my activity up slowly and actually maintain it before I go back to lifting. I'm leaning towards yoga. I'm sure I'll run a little. I think once I add some workouts I'll feel even better than I do now. No more naps, no more sleeping 14 hours a day (plus naps).

I have 7 days left on whole30. I really don't think I've lost any weight. I could be surprised, but everything fits the same, my stomach looks the same, etc. I have been perfect except that one time I ate soy on day 16. It's frustrating since everyone always says, give up soda (which I had for a year and all other sugary drinks for at least 6 months), give up all sugar, give up wheat, etc, you will lose weight. I'm not really discouraged about it, just frustrated. I can't believe how long these 30 days have seemed and I know the last 7 will be the longest of all. I don't know what I'm going to do after day 30. I know I want to do another whole30, but I don't know if I want to start on day 32 or wait a little while and eat whole30 except if I'm invited somewhere. I just don't want to be rude. My brother invited me to his friend's bbq. I only ate the meat (and now that I think about it, that could have had stuff that wasn't compliant in the merinade, but there were no sauces) I almost ate some of the sides, but I just had a banana instead. I do really love how I feel about food now. I'm looking forward to sugar on day 31, but every day it is less and less. I don't automatically stop at fast food because I'm a little hungry and it would be easy.

So since the 23rd, my Uncle has bought a delicious looking cake and him and my brother almost have the entire thing finished. At least they don't last long, but there's always something new and equally delicious on the way. I would like to add that I did reach my 30 minute straight running mark this challenge. I'm proud of that. So while I may have been overly ambition at the beginning of the challenge, I definitely made some headway.

I've seen a few times that a people don't even try to exercise during their first whole30 and I can see why. I'm on day 11 and it feels like an eternity. My sugar cravings are back in a big way. I'm day dreaming about all the bad things I will eat on day 31. I know I won't really want them by then, but it is helping me hold my ground. I am also really bored with my food this week. I am going to make a sauce for meat tomorrow to mix it up. I think this is the last week for this challenge so I guess I went much further back to basics than I planned, but I have learned so much. I am learning how to buy just enough food for a few days at a time so less is wasted. I am learning that eating out is 100% convenience. (Obviously, but wait). I've always thought, "but I'm hungry, I need to eat" or "I'm so hungry I'm going to eat my own face off." So far, I have only been hungry enough to consider caving 1 time. That was 2 days ago. I was hungry all day. I could not get full. I went to a town 20 minutes away to meet a friend. I thought one place, Huddle House, would be able to scramble eggs or something. Everything had soy or wheat. EVERYTHING. They told me. So we drove to a town another 20 + minutes away. We ended up at Texas Road House and I wasn't excited about it, but boy was I wrong. Everything was wonderful and I was able to order a dry grilled steak with steamed veggies. I was so hungry I almost ordered a second steak, but I didn't. If they hadn't had that option I would have just started over, but I'm so happy I didn't. I keep thinking, if I start over, I'm just going to get right back to this spot and want to quit again. How will I beat it next time if I don't beat it this time? Then we tried Starbucks because until a couple of days ago that was my major craving. I tried their black coffee, but yuck. Back to my point, I'm never hungry enough to eat out and if I am, there's a grocery store with fresh produce just as accessible as restaurant and I'll have my food even faster. I'm learning that nearly every single thing you eat when you go out, except raw vegetables or that occasional place you can find a dry grilled steak, is just not good for you. I can't trick myself into thinking the eggs are good for me when they are all made with soy oil. (Well, out of the 2 places I went for eggs.) I'm also gaining perspective on having something sweet every day. It's crazy. It is so unnecessary, especially when sugar is in everything. I'm seeing things as treats that would have been necessities before, like creamy, sugary coffee. They say by day 15 nearly all cravings should be gone. That will be nice 4 more days to go. My energy is slowly coming around. I have still been tired, but I'm not taking naps. I'm also not sleeping as long at night. My real plan after 30 days is to have dessert one day out of 30 or on special occasions. I'm going to have a fairly large piece of said dessert on day 31, but then I want to go right back into another whole30 where I can hopefully build on what I've learned and do even better. Oh and I'm also fighting really hard not to get on the scale. I don't weigh myself unless I'm dieting/working out, but this has been much harder to stick to than I thought. Every time I get the urge I remind myself that there really is no point. Either I will have lost weight and feel like I can splurge a little which will cause me to go crazy or I will gain or stay the same, either way it will feel like all of this hard work and effort is for naught which will cause me to splurge. That's just how I work. I'm learning how to deal with other things for motivation, like the lighter dark circles, the less bloated my face looks, etc.

Thanks. It is a bit tough, but I just see it as my healthy eating makes them feel bad about their choices so they want me to eat poorly so it validates their choices. Except my little brother. He's just giving me a hard time and I know he struggles with eating healthy because of all the things my Uncle bakes or buys. I also know they definitely (although subconsciously) see me as lazier, and a little inferior so I'm sure it really bugs them that I'm sticking to it and they "can't." Mwahahahaha. Thank you. I have thought about leaving, but I am using the full kitchen so I can put up with a ton of junk food laying all around, directly on my healthy food. Right?! They think they are being funny. They seem to have let up since I'm obviously not going to cave and my Uncle had to eat all 12 of the donuts he bought by himself and an apple pie and half a German chocolate cake. My brother ate the other half of that. They could just be gearing up for another onslaught though! Thanks. I'm trying.

I'm still eating really well, even though my family seems to think it is a game to see who can get me to cave first. I've read the book a little more and I've seen on their instagram that fruit is okay. I think 2 servings a day so I've been fine with that. I haven't run and I'm not sure I'm going to. I may have scared myself after the last time. lol. I know, I just have to get back on the horse.

I haven't had any more bright-eyed wake ups, but I feel I had a preview of what is to come with the first one. I'm struggling not to weigh myself. I don't usually weigh myself, but if I'm actively changing my eating then I like to. I don't know why, it never helps me. I'm fighting the urge though because I love the idea of focusing on nonscale victories. Mine so far I haven't had sugar for 5.5 days and I only had that little bit in the mayo in 7.5 days. I don't know if it is the diet or the new eye cream I have sporadically applied, but the dark circles under my eyes are less noticeable. I don't feel like a slave to sugar. If it is in my face, I don't have to eat it. I haven't felt that way in a very long time. The one day when I woke up feeling refreshed. I'm sure there's more, I just haven't realized them yet. I did really well on Paleo for my first challenge so I'm still nervous that by the time the challenge ends I will go back to eating out or I'll be in the RV without a full kitchen and I'll get lazy. We'll see. As far as exercise for the week. I don't know. I'm planning on running tomorrow. That's all I got.

It is hard to make everything fresh, but I think it may be more of a mental block, at least for me. It doesn't take much to make some mayo with a hand held blender. Granted, I work from home and I know I would have a hell of a time doing this working. That's why I like their book because they have a plan for that. I am/was very sugar addicted. I would eat a candy bar in the afternoon and then have completely forgotten about it and think, "I haven't had any sweets today, I can have a candy bar or cupcake," then as soon as I finished eating, I'd remember the other sweet. And my Uncle, who I'm with a lot right now is a diabetic, but eats sweets all the time. There are always donuts in the house and he put hershey's with almonds (one of my faves) right on top of my healthy food. Luckily, my cravings are mostly gone and it isn't bothering me, but any other time and I would have caved. I think the pain I went through the first couple days really made me angry enough to push through it. I'm not sure what my plans are for the week. I'm not very good at planning ahead.

So much for feeling more energetic when I wake up in the morning. Yesterday I slept only 6 hours and last night I was pretty restless too. I actually had a nightmare that I ate jelly beans. After I started chewing them I realized what I had done. I panicked and tried to spit them out, but it was too late. I'd already swallowed some. Why is sugar so strong that people actually dream about it when they don't have it? I'm eating fruit and other things for fructose so it isn't like my body isn't getting any.

Well, that was a huge error in judgment. It isn't hot out and there is a slight breeze, but I got so over-heated on my run. I had this big plan where I would run, come home and do yoga, then take a nice hot bath because no one is at my Grandma's today. Ha. This is TMI, but the story needs to be told. About 2/3rds into my run I started feeling bad. Like I had to go number 2. I pushed myself and made it through the whole 30 minute run without stopping. So I started my cool down. I had to stop every hundred feet or so because I was getting so dizzy. I get over-heated fairly easily, but I haven't had the problem in so long that I guess I forgot. Like if I take a shower and then try to blow dry my hair or sometimes even just stay in the bathroom if the shower was really hot, I will almost pass out. I have to run cold water over my wrists. I remember living with my BFF in high school and she would blow dry her hair while I was in the shower and every day she would have to go get a glass of cold water for me and I would have to sit down in the shower because I'd almost pass out. Why I never remembered to bring a glass of ice water with me, I'll never know. Anyway, like I said it isn't even hot out. So during my cool down I'm stopping and sitting down for maybe 5 seconds every hundred feet, trying to push through. Just get home and drink a big glass of water I think. Ha. I am so lucky there is a tavern a block before the house because I barely made it. The bartender has known me since I was a kid so she quickly got me some ice water. I actually took it to the bathroom with me. I'm also lucky the toilet is right next to the sink so I could sit down and run water over my wrists and refill the cup. I do always take a glass of ice water with me if I'm taking a hot bath so I do learn a little. lol I can understand why sometimes people poo their pants running marathons now. It is way easier than I ever thought. I'm so lucky I did not pass out. I know someone would have found me passed out on the side of the road and I would have pooped my pants. I just know there is another universe out there with a poor, sad Elisha passed out on the side of the road with poop in her pants. You all have no idea how close I came to being that Elisha. I really thought I was hydrated enough since all I have been drinking is tea and water. Mostly non-caffeinated tea at that. I guess not enough. So moral of the story, get one of those hydration belts and don't run in the afternoon until I do. Not my proudest run, but I did it and I lived to tell about it.

Last night was tough. I got a pretty bad headache and loads of cravings. I felt like I was starving, but I kept asking the whole30 question, "would I eat steamed fish and broccoli?" Normally, I'd rather go hungry than eat that stuff anyway, but it did help me push through. I considered making hard boiled eggs because that did sound good, but the headache nixed that for me. This morning I still slept 12 hours, but I woke up feeling decently rested. That never, ever, ever happens. I realized 90% of the brain fog is gone. My brain actually feels like it is tingling a little. It's weird, but I like it. I also finally found my sports bra. It's all about the small wins. I was looking at the whole30 forums and I discovered I've been doing it wrong AGAIN. lol. Not anything too bad though considering some people eat Larabars throughout the whole30. I have just been eating too much fruit in one sitting. What I hate about forums with something like whole30, especially if the founders aren't on them, is everyone has an opinion and they are all different. Some said no fruit, some said a little fruit, some said as much fruit as you want as long as you don't want to lose weight and you eat it with a meal. I also discovered no snacks, ever. Which is fine, I was only eating them when I was really hungry and trying to get to the next meal and it was the fruit. I want my body to start using my fat for energy and not sugar so obviously, as little fruit as possible. I ate a lot of watermelon yesterday, plus other fruit. I'm going to finish the fruit I have this week, with meals, then I'll stick with maybe one serving a day. Because I do feel so much better and I was still eating compliant food and no one can agree, I'm not starting over.

Yesterday my food was perfect. I ate mostly left overs. Although while running errands I was starving and bought a lb of strawberries. I ate them in between errands and had the whole box finished before I made it out of town. I don't know if that much fruit in one sitting is allowed. The salmon cake recipe from the whole30 cookbook is supposed to make 2 servings. I eat a lot. I've stretched it into 4 meals so far. I had a left over cake this morning with 3 eggs, my horseradish sauce and a banana. Yum. I talked myself into going for a run even though it is raining and chilly. Unfortunately, when I went to change I couldn't find my sports bra anywhere. The only place it could be, I think, is the cab of the RV where Gunnar hides things. I wore myself out looking for it so maybe I'll go for a run or maybe I'll just do yoga later.