SuNoYo

Days Four to Twenty-five Physical . . . So . . . I kind of slipped and wrenched my knee and ankle on the replacement sea path. Physical was a wipe. Self-esteem challenges: Mental 1a. Bed by 2am (progress towards midnight). 18/42 1b. Progress towards midnight: This past week sleep has been getting quite late. I'm now back to around half two or three because of a few very interesting stories and Just One More Chapter set in. But prior to that I was anywhere between one and half past. 2a. Sleep meditation. 25/42 Yep! Every single night - usually it's music for some reason, but I do switch things up a bit now and then. 2b. Thoughts Diary 25/42 Yep! Every. Single. Day. Without fail. Except once where it technically was after midnight when I wrote it, but it was still the day's accounting. It's switched more into a diary diary, but seeing as diaries are about the thoughts of the day it counts. And sometimes I get really distracted by story ideas so I write them down fairly late at night to stop the ideas buzzing in my head and keeping me from sleep. I tend to write it between seven and eight OR between nine and eleven depending on how I'm feeling. Sometimes I'll write during both usual slots and a little extra depending on how good or bad the day's been. Or if I had a lot of plot bunnies or things swirling in my head. I'm still far too prone to procrastination, I've noticed that a lot in my writing that it's always 'the next day' or 'tomorrow' or 'didn't do it today even though I said I would, I'll do it tomorrow'. I'm working on that. Self-esteem challenge Diet 1. Snacks (one a day working towards three a week). It's almost universally a drink nowadays except on Tuesdays. The drink tends to be orange juice, though I have allowed a diet coke on occasion because it's better than most of the other options there. Sorry, but I cannot abide bits in my juice. Oh, and sometimes I'll have a couple of chocolate chip cookies. Currently four a week. 2. Progress towards minimal gluten Paeleo. Yes. The bread day tends to be on a Saturday, and only when I'm having toppings on my burger because the lettuce has been especially rank this year. Meals are almost universally some form of meat and veg, but now that I'm adjusting to normal meds again my appetite is fluctuating a bit. Self-esteem challenges: Life Quest: Self-love 1. Try out two-to-six new activities/things that I've wanted to do for ages but haven't because [reasons]. 4/2-6. - My hair will be partly blue or a dark red wine by the end of the week. - I'm going to near-London for a weekend with my friends - not entirely new, but it's at a mate's house so it's the first time we're having a sleepover at someone's place. And it's a new town. We're thinking of going hiking. - Bought the Sister two Bras That Fit. In nice colours and styles. Kind of weird including it here? But her bras have been annoying me for years (they gave her granny boobies) and I managed to talk her into try things - okay, lie. I badgered her into doing the measurements as according to A Bra That Fits, then went and proved to her that bras could be pretty in larger sizes. And if it made me feel happy about myself and my relationship with the Sister it counts. - Bought lavender essential oil and use it nightly as part of my sleep routine. I rub a drop into my feet and sometimes in that weird gap between the jaw and ear because I'm trying very hard to cut back on my tooth grinding too. Still want to try a manicure/acupuncture/massage session though. But technically this is a Challenge Complete! moment. 2. Stop judging. Stop judging myself and other people. Compassion and understanding is key. For this I will, to reference a Pratchett concept, I will have Second Thoughts, maybe even Third and Fourth ones. Write down at least one of these things a day. 19/42 Some days I judge and don't think about it. :\ But I do try. When I catch myself having a negative thought I try to think about why I had that thought/why I think that way. I think it's helping. 3. One of the best ways to feel more confident about yourself as a person is to change the way you present yourself to the world. [...] In short: a thorough evaluation of my wardrobe/accessories and general presentation is required. Followed by a cull and then shopping. Flirt with makeup and hair styling. Get the pixie trimmed so it keeps its shape. Pass/fail. The sugar scrub was nice actually. Wardrobe has been mentally sorted and evaluated, tomorrow brings new night clothes and then I can finally throw out what seems to be a bin bag's worth of clothing. And by throw out I mean donate or recycle. Hair style has been mostly wrestling with my sproingy hair strands because I don't always want to look as if I've been pulled through a hedge backwards, but I always look smart. So I'm terrible at updates. And the physical stuff is mostly a wipe. I've counted off the challenge because I don't want to feel like I have to do anything, but I do do a little bit of stretching every day and am now thinking about working some yoga in. Despite that, and because I have been working a lot on the mental and dietary aspects I've lost some weight. Pretty sure some of it's muscle because of the leg, but a fair amount is in fat. I highly doubt I'm a UK 14 in trousers (and my boobs guarantee that I'm always a 16/18 regardless of the belly), but my 16s are loose. Even the tight 16s. Also I'm terrible at updates. So, throwing it out: Dark red wine, peacock/teal blue or icy blue on medium-dark brown hair? I'm equally torn I think. P.S. Really, really terrible at updates. (No, really) @Jill Beats: in case you don't read in-spoiler content: the Little Story is all complete minus the wording for one fiddly scene. And it's one of the key scenes. So I've taken time off from staring at it and am doing some snippet work on the Long Story (which is actually composed almost entirely of anecdotal type scenes woven into thematic chapters) and writing down any other story ideas that pop into my head so they don't interfere with my two main stories. @Teros: Aside from the leg I'm doing pretty well. Today was actually a bad day with a major fight at home, so I took an hour in my Thoughts Diary Thing and basically swore my way through it. And I hate swearing. And the leg wouldn't have even been a thing if I didn't (I swear this is true) slip on exactly the same patch of path three days in a row. First time? Walk it off. Second? Bit of a limp. Third? Slide my leg under and then out from under me and then hobble home because there was no one around and though I have a mobile it is never used. Ever. Except when I'm travelling up country on occasion. Which is once a year on average.

I have a tutorial sort of thing for improvising pull ups, but thanks for the video and offer of help! I might check out the minis for the next week, I usually give at least one mini-challenge a go. Day Two and Three Physical 1. BBWW -> ABWW. 1/24 Day Two, no. Day Three, yes. An IBWW (intermediate etc.) given I progressed from BBWW a while ago. 3x20 bodyweight squats 3x20s planks 3x15 side lunges 3x5 knee push ups 2x1 push ups 2x7 dips (chair) 2x5 pistol squats (five each leg) w/ chair for occasional balance My dumbbells have gone walkies thanks to a room clean. Pistols are still just above parallel, but I'm working on that. Now excuse me while my body goes ouch. 2. Yoga/Flexibility Work. 1/18 Day Two, no. Day Three, yup. Yoga Therapy for Wrists, Hands and Forearms (aka a short class from Week One of the DYWM Beginner's Programme) because my arms are a little sore after the IBBW. Also That Video of Lilith's. Self-esteem challenges: Mental 1a. Bed by 2am (progress towards midnight). 1/42 1b. Progress towards midnight: Night Two had me in bed by a few minutes after two. Was then woken at quarter to five in the morning to fix a minor internet connectivity problem. Didn't get back to sleep after that meaning I had an afternoon nap of multiple hours. But autistic sibling, so I couldn't ignore it even though I dearly wanted to because it was actual, genuine deep sleep. Night Three . . . argh. Stories. I started reading something about one(ish) and Just One More Chapter syndrome kicked in because it was really interesting, and next thing I know it's twenty to five in the morning. :\ Maybe I can get a downloadable alarm clock for the laptop to go off at two or something? Does that even exist? 2a. Sleep meditation. 3/42 Yep! Though having to replay it on Night Two did not work because I was too angry to relax/focus on it properly. Not sure how I feel about my inverted meditation playlist, might have to switch it back around to the old way. Or add some more. Any suggestions? 2b. Thoughts Diary 3/42 Yep! Entry Two was spent on me noticing that I'd written 'why can't I change' (or something like that) in Entry One and pondering why I'd chosen that phrasing because these Thought Entries are stream of consciousness. It was a good session. Entry Three was more of a gratitude list than thinking about how I think, but gratitude is a good thing. And having to think about things to be thankful for is a good exercise is it not? Self-esteem challenge Diet 1. Snacks (one a day working towards three a week). Day Two: orange juice Day Three: strawberry and banana smoothie and a bar of dark chocolate. 2. Progress towards minimal gluten Paeleo. Day Two: breaded fish. Day Three: fully Paeleo and gluten free because roast dinner. Need to eat more than one meal a day. Self-esteem challenges: Life Quest: Self-love 1. Try out two-to-six new activities/things that I've wanted to do for ages but haven't because [reasons]. 0/2-6. Turns out there's a Chinese place in town that does massage. 2. Stop judging. Stop judging myself and other people. Compassion and understanding is key. For this I will, to reference a Pratchett concept, I will have Second Thoughts, maybe even Third and Fourth ones. Write down at least one of these things a day. 3/42 Day Two: The till lady was absent-minded and messed up my purchases three times. Absent-minded enough that the customer behind me, and one of her friends, asked if she was okay repeatedly. Instead of being merely annoyed I thought about reasons why she might not have been at her best when serving me - tired, worried about something personal, that sort of thing. It helped and I think I was more relaxed about it than anyone else involved. Day Three: Wasn't out much today, but I caught myself thinking that I was greedy when pinching some of the pseudo-crackling. But it was pinching as I was doing it openly and it was mine in the first place because I really like crackling. As in 'always get the first piece of crackling after the joint is cut'. I think I called myself greedy because I ate it quickly, but I was relishing the taste and texture. So I've linked speed eating with greed which really isn't all that accurate. 3. One of the best ways to feel more confident about yourself as a person is to change the way you present yourself to the world. [...] In short: a thorough evaluation of my wardrobe/accessories and general presentation is required. Followed by a cull and then shopping. Flirt with makeup and hair styling. Get the pixie trimmed so it keeps its shape. Pass/fail. I am literally off to go make a homemade sugar scrub and use it after I post this. Self-confidence go! Progression towards simple DIY and being more frugal with money go!

I've had pixie lust for years, but the old 'fact' 'fat girls don't get short hair/short hair on girls makes you look unfeminine' combined with laziness and nerves prevented my hair being cut full stop for years. Actually it was mostly laziness. So longer-than-bra-strap hair went down to shoulder length about three years ago; then to a chin length (or so) bob (which I loathed), so it grew out to bra strap length. Then in November back up to shoulder skimming length, then to chin length semi-pixie thing, then to straight up asymmetric pixie. Tumblr's cool like that for pictures of real people with 'unfitting hair/fashion/make up/whatever'. http://fatgirlsshorthair.tumblr.com/ I ramble again. But point is: courage! Not just in liquid form. And the heat was awful. For the UK. For you, Miss Australia it probably equates to a balmy winter day. I can do a few burpees. Well, two if I do unmodified burpees. Ha, post of shame. Nothing like public embarrassment to make you steel up and do hard things. Daily purposes seem like a good thing. Even if it's just 'Do the dishes' it's a purpose. That and dirty dishes can smell something terrible. *high fives* Look at you Miss Perfect. Hope you keep the momentum up. New purpose for you: keep inspiring others.

brainmatrix.com? Maybe? For the next hour (or [insert time]) use your non-dominant hand - helps increase creativity, ambidexterity (and dexterity) and cross-brain connectiveness. Meditate. It counts . . . Sleep. Talk to yourself. Apparently it can temporarily increase short-term memory. And help you find misplaced items. Or make a puzzle? Cook?

Yaaaaayyyy, new challenge! *waves hello* Likewise. It's mostly been okay for much of 2014, so this particular . . . attack I suppose, has been poor for my progress in many areas of life; in some cases it's even retrograded them. Still, perseverance is key, no? Thanks for the luck. Day One Physical 1. BBWW -> ABWW. 0/24 Nope. 2. Yoga/Flexibility Work. 0/18 Nope. Self-esteem challenges: Mental 1a. Bed by 2am (progress towards midnight). 0/42 1b. Progress towards midnight: Last night was day zero/one and I went to bed about half three; about an hour before my usual bedtime but ended up listening to music for an hour or so. My sleep was semi-fitful and I woke up a few times, having problems getting back to sleep once or twice. Woke up around half one. 2a. Sleep meditation. 1/42 Yep! The playlist somehow rearranged itself so the ten minute meditation came first (usually it's second) so I found myself zonking out around halfway through the second meditation (about twenty minutes long) if not earlier. 2b. Thoughts Diary 1/42 Oh, and I should add that my Thoughts section down in . . . Life Quest doesn't count towards this. I'll usually only be posting a summary of this. So I went straight to the meat of things and wrote (am actually still writing, I just paused quickly to write this here so I wouldn't forget as I still need to fill in some other bits up above) about rejection and academic inadequacy caused by depression during my final year. :\ Can't be disappointed or rejected if you don't even start right? And then better things won't be expected further down the line. Self-esteem challenge Diet 1. Snacks (one a day working towards three a week). Had some orange juice and a chocolate eclair. 2. Progress towards minimal gluten Paeleo. Only had one meal today, it was Chinese takeaway; house special with rice. I don't know if the sauce contained gluten, so I'm going to say it did. And probably not Paeleo either for the same reason; also the chocolate eclair. The semi-breakfast I had was cornflakes. I call it semi-breakfast because it was three handfuls of dry cornflakes. Self-esteem challenges: Life Quest: Self-love 1. Try out two-to-six new activities/things that I've wanted to do for ages but haven't because [reasons]. 0/2-6. I'm pretty sure I want to try a massage, now to see where they can be done. 2. Stop judging. Stop judging myself and other people. Compassion and understanding is key. For this I will, to reference a Pratchett concept, I will have Second Thoughts, maybe even Third and Fourth ones. Write down at least one of these things a day. 1/42 Walking back from the shop I noticed a girl wearing a dress that I own; I caught myself thinking something along the lines of 'Don't have enough curves for that, the dress's hanging off you!'. Fat shaming is a thing many of us on NF know about. Thin/skinny shaming also exists - and it often comes with a dose of venomous jealousy or envy to boot, making it sometimes worse. Some people genuinely can't help the way they look, shaming them for this is bullying and can lead to awful things. Some people can and do work towards changing their body composition towards something more healthy and by shaming them for their progress towards health is just another way of crushing someone's aspirations. Others are perfectly happy where they are and shaming them for the way they look is bullying and another way to crush someone's spirits. Unless I am very close to a person and am sincerely worried for their health I should refrain from judging or commenting on their body shape/composition/whatever unless asked for my frank opinion. Infinite diversity in infinite combinations. She and I both look marvellous in that dress for different reasons, just because I'm envious doesn't give me the right to judge, even inside my own head. 3. One of the best ways to feel more confident about yourself as a person is to change the way you present yourself to the world. [...] In short: a thorough evaluation of my wardrobe/accessories and general presentation is required. Followed by a cull and then shopping. Flirt with makeup and hair styling. Get the pixie trimmed so it keeps its shape. Pass/fail. Haven't done anything towards this yet other than plan out things that are getting chucked and thinking of items that need replacing.

Tea, did you get a pixie? Strange thing to ask, perhaps, but I got one last week and now I'm in love. Also it suits your smile and your cheekbones; you look adorable and so happy. Following this challenge, naturally, and burpees? Wow.

A Hard Hat Towards Vanity My last two challenges were aborted, the last due to a crippling bout of depression combined with intense (for me personally and for the area in general) and unrelenting heat and humidity. But a new month brings the opportunity to meet my friends after a nearly nine month gap between visits. So I'm going to be very vain this challenge, but I'm going to hard hat it all the way. And focus on some other basics to deal with the depression and things, hence my bounce to the Adventurers Guild. Simple, tight and focussed. Challenge Goal: Thanks to my successful challenges I was down to a rather loose (UK) 16/tight (UK) 14 in trousers/bottoms in general; I am now a more or less perfect (UK) 16. So I want to get down to a UK 14 by the end of the month/end of the challenge. Ideally by the end of the month. Physical 1. I honestly can't do the pull ups or chin ups in the ABBW because if I did the table would actually tip over - I tried. But I'm going to do three full circuits of the ABBW by the end of this challenge. And four times a week. To be graded out of 24. 2. Yoga and/or hip/general flexibility work. I really enjoyed the yoga I did before, but I fell out of that and want to get back into it. It's only going here because I have other ideas for my other goals. Follow the DYWM Beginner's Programme. I believe it's a thrice weekly things. To be graded out of 18. Self-esteem challenges: - I can has splits? - One. Damn. Pull up. - No T'ai Chi because holidays, but practice at least once a week anyway so I don't fall out of practice. +2 STR, +1 STA, +2 DEX, +1 CHA Mental 1. My sleep is really, really, really out of whack. Heat, depression and some silly choices meant that I couldn't sleep until about five in the morning when it was finally cool, but I slept away most of the day. So I'm having a hard limit bedtime of two am. No excuses (unless it's a legitimate medical/other emergency). By the end of the challenge I want to get it to around midnight. This one will be hard as I share a room, and the sister is basically a hermit who never leaves it. And she is a bit of a night owl too. To be graded out of 42 (two am hard limit); progress towards daily midnight bedtime to be assessed weekly. 2. To facilitate the first goal I'm bringing back my sleep meditation. I'll also be spending ten minutes (minimum) daily writing about whatever pops into my mind regarding me as a person - mental, emotional, state of mind, that kind of thing. Can be done in one session or in dribs and drabs throughout the day. By getting a better handle on my thoughts and general non-physical state I can hopefully start noticing negative patterns, positive patterns and work towards negating any depressive issues before they become too serious. To be graded out of 42. Self-esteem challenge - This, though it's here and thus a bonus goal, is absolutely non-negotiable. The only reason it's here is because it's too 'small' to be a Life Quest and it relates to something mental. I have noticed that I have a problem meeting goals, even self-set goals, particularly when depressed. My procrastination issues aren't just dismissable as procrastination any longer. I have a dear friend whom I've never met and will likely never meet. She has a serious chronic illness (dysautonomia) that is basically chronic fatigue syndrome up to eleven. She also has another illness that has currently rendered her legally blind and the chances of her one day becoming totally blind are . . . about fifty/fifty or so. She loves writing stories and fanfic, it's one of the few things she can do because of her dysautonomia; and to cut a long story short I promised to write her a story. Two months ago. Then it got out-of-hand (plot bunnies) so I also decided to write her a shorter, more self-contained fanfic set in her favourite 'verse because she's hit a bad spot in her life. Still not done. This story will be written, edited and sent to her within two weeks. The longer story will be finished by the end of the challenge (or at least fully drafted and broken into chapters so I can start sending it to her. My procrastination, problems with deadlines and other things are affecting a dear friend of mine; I hate this. I will see something through to the end even if I harbour doubts about whether or not she'll like it. - PvS LYBaYF and HOoRAY. +2 CON, +1 WIS Diet This one is really hard because the main shopper (read: dad) does it on the way home from work and I have basically no input on the week/fortnight's main food. And I'm cheap so I don't want to buy my own 'better' food when we have stuff at home that's filling and satisfying and mostly healthy. So let's work towards minimising some things and putting greater emphasis on others. 1. Snacks. I have fallen back into the 'evils' of snacking. And definitely veer into excesses and overeating at times. Defining 'snack' as 'sweets, crisps, desserts, biscuits etc. (or overly sugary drinks) eaten when it is not a meal time' I will hard limit snacks to one a day, working down to three a week by the end of the challenge. Things like fruits, nuts, dark chocolate and smoothies are to be snacked upon in preference and gain brownie points. If we have a surprise dessert that counts as a meal simply because they occur at most once a fortnight. 2. Progress towards minimal gluten Paeleo. So cut down on the bread products (probably once a week then), buy some gluten free spaghetti because spaghetti is now a guaranteed weekly meal. To be graded out of . . . I don't know, I'm terrible at sticking to regular meals - probably why I'm snacking more often because I'm missing all but one meal a day. To be assessed weekly. Self-esteem challenges: - Cook at least four meals a week - Three new recipes. +2 CON, + 1WIS Life Quest: Self-love I did say this was all about the vanity. I'm hard hatting the physical stuff because I feel the diet only needs refining and tweaking. So I kind of hate myself as a person. Not so much in appearance, but as a soul. The past month has been especially bad and I dearly want to avoid falling back into bad habits. Oddly enough, not the self-harm. In spite of my non-appearance in my last challenge and cessation of the one prior to that I . . . I've actually managed to stop my self-harm - that would be the biting, ripping, nipping, picking and eating of the flesh around the nails and fingertips - completely. Well, I'll rarely find myself 'slip-picking' (what I call running my nails down the side of other nails searching for weak areas that break 'on their own' so I can rip the flesh away), but I always stop it. Now the worst it gets to is that I run the pad of my right thumb (and sometimes the edge of it) up and down my index finger; enough that I'm getting a callus. But that's rambling. Boasting actually. I think that perhaps I've internalised the self-harm, or the heat or the depression or both have exacerbated my self-deprecation in ways I haven't felt in ages. So it's time for me to love myself and be shamelessly vain. While the overall goal is vain, and my goals are sort-of vain, I just want some nice indulgent self-love mixed in with some hard work that'll make me feel more confident. 1. Try out two-to-six new activities/things that I've wanted to do for ages but haven't because fear or money or not good enough or social anxieties/pressure or [reason]. These can be things like getting a massage, a manicure, an acupuncture session, try a new skill/resume an old one. Dye bits of my hair red, blue or purple. Though given I have fairly high hopes for a recent job application (college librarian) I may have to pass on this even though I've wanted this for basically a decade. Suggestions are welcome. 2. Stop judging. Stop judging myself and other people. Compassion and understanding is key. For this I will, to reference a Pratchett concept, I will have Second Thoughts, maybe even Third and Fourth ones. Write down at least one of these things a day. To be graded out of 42. 3. One of the best ways to feel more confident about yourself as a person is to change the way you present yourself to the world. I've been hanging onto old, ill-fitting for too long; I've been hanging onto things I've never worn; I've been hanging onto things for 'one day'. I am a smart, well-presented person almost all the time but I could be better. And when at home? The nighties and pyjamas I have are nigh-universally old or ill-fitting because no one else is going to see them, so why bother? But they're old and not-so-comfy any more. The nighties I was wearing when I was fifteen don't suit twenty-three year old me. Yeah, I haven't grown very much in those eight years so height/size wise they fit physically (ish), but they don't suit. In short: a thorough evaluation of my wardrobe/accessories and general presentation is required. Followed by a cull and then shopping. Flirt with makeup and hair styling. Get the pixie trimmed so it keeps its shape. Pass/fail. +2 CHA, +1 WIS Yay, late start!

Actual worldbuilding. I like building worlds - or, as a friend who writes on ff.net puts it - "making [other people's] work seem more in-depth and meaningful than it actually is (oh, and by the way, thanks for telling me things so I can be smart )" by knowing strange things or assuming they know strange things and wrote it into the story. Maybe this little challenge will help you think of ways to build another world of your own? And I really need a name for my little world or I'll just start calling it MLW. I'm certainly ready to rock out right now; here's hoping the momentum stays. Yep! After some futzing around I decided to just stitch a couple of rough-cut circular and ovoid shapes onto the one leg. Day One (Week One, Mon) Reflect Meditate - yes, I did the challenge yesterday though I'd not posted it thanks to stalling over what to do for a life quest. Spent about forty minutes meditating on bed about half an hour after waking up. Likewise sleep meditation was done listening to music and zoning out. In a meditative fashion. (1/42) PvS HOoRaY and LYBaYF - but I did forget about this. Oops.(0/42) Skill Check - Language (Modern European): I'm fluent in two languages (English and French) and know enough about Romance languages to be able to read or listen my way through a fair bit of Spanish or Italian, though there is guesswork involved. This means that I'll be reasonably comfortable wandering around a decent portion of Western Europe and the Mediterranean and have access to all sort of fun and interesting types of media. (1/42) Martial Arts T'ai Chi - nope (0/24) BBWW -> ABBW nope (0/24) Yoga - nope (0/18) Diet Snacks - one snack, can't quite remember what it was though. Gluten-free - all breakfasty things are gluteny, but lunch and dinner were both gluten-free. I'm pretty sure the snack wasn't though. :/ Recipes - nope. (0/6) Life Quest: Worldbuilding This was written last night. Day Two (Week One, Tue) Reflect Meditate - yes to the meditation one, sleep meditation was done last night and counts towards today. (2/42) PvS HOoRaY and LYBaYF - but I did forget about this. Oops.(0/42) Skill Check - Language (Dead/Old/Dialects): Old English (lWS and a little Mercian), Middle English (Northumbrian, 'Chaucer's', Layamon's strange and archaic 'dialect' and a few others), Old French, a touch of e. Middle French and Dante's Italian. And some Old Norse. And some Latin (primarily medieval). I can read so much cool stuff and also feel pretty smart and snobby about it even when I'm reading the equivalent of Twilight or a trite sword and sorcery novel picked up for 20p at a charity shop. (1/42) Martial Arts T'ai Chi - yes, kinda? I went to T'ai Chi, but I felt awful so left about halfway through the class. Don't know whether to class this as a point or not. Anyone? (0/24) BBWW -> ABBW nope. Would have after T'ai Chi, but see above. (0/24) Yoga - nope. Might have after the above, but see above. (0/18) Diet Snacks - my last graze box came today. All nice pieces of fruits, nuts and seeds; I've had two today. (Three snacks out of five for the week). And yes, I'm aiming to cut down to 0 - 5 snacks a week by the end of the challenge. Gluten-free - all breakfasty things are gluteny, but lunch and dinner were both gluten-free, as were my two snacks. Recipes - nope. (0/6) Life Quest: Worldbuilding Hmm, bit more worldbuildy via research and planning than by fiction today, but I like it nonetheless.

New challenge posted here.

Let's Get Down to Business To Defeat the Huns! As swift as the coursing river With all the force of a great typhoon With all the strength of a raging fire Mysterious as the dark side of the moon Previous challenge. Because we might as well get the stereotypical theme out of the way next. Last time it was cats (ze arrrees-toe-cats), this time it's Mulan. Everyone loves Mulan! Or at least Mulan. But what's not to love?! (Aside from some cultural stereotyping and some mildly cringeworthy attempts to replicate the Genie ad nauseum) A classic bildungsroman (coming of age story) with familial devotion taking precedence over all other relationships, cross-dressing, defying gender expectations, that damn song, crushing physical/mental plateaus with style, using wit, agility and dexterity to compensate for pure physical strength . . . the scenes on the mountain, the climax, the scene under the cherry tree. And the artwork is so good. Mulan is not my favourite Disney film, but it's in my top five depending on what you count as a Disney film. Mulan was my first major crush, not my first - that was either Maleficent or Pocahontas - but Mulan was a constant source of admiration for me from the moment I first saw an advert for it on . . . I want to say telly, but it might have been on a VHS. It was spoileriffic mind, I mean the advert had the "You have saved us all," speech playing over the footage, but oh the moment I saw that I had to get it. And come Christmas 1999 I was a very happy eight-year-old. Mulan means a lot to me, let's see if I can do it, and her, justice. Well, I didn't do her justice last time for reasons that are mentioned in the previous iteration of this thread, so let's try again! Albeit with a different Life Quest because that's the only thing I kicked arse on and modulating a few things here and there. Who is that girl I see, staring straight, back at me? (Reflection) When will my reflection show Who I am inside? So sometimes I suffer massive hits of gender dysphoria, body dysphoria, and really just general dysphoria, anxiety and depression. My mind says one thing, my body another; familial/social/cultural pressures/ideas say one thing, my mind says another different thing, and then my body chimes in again. I've never really 'done' labels, they confuse me actually, and I've dabbled trying to see if something 'fits', nothing really does, and I'm fine with that; SuNoYo is SuNoYo, and there will never be another. But she would just like it very much if all parts of her could be in accord for once. Not agreeance per se, but accord. An understanding based on mutual feelings underpinned with a firm knowledge that no matter how Su, No and Yo may differ SuNoYo is herself. While eighty odd minutes and a montage song did it for Mulan, that won't work for me (alas), but I can definitely strive towards feeling completely confident and comfortable in myself. To this end I will: - meditate daily for at least half an hour in one sitting and do my sleep meditation. I've been slack on that recently, and I've been feeling more discomfitted in general since letting my sleep meditation slip. If one is done and not the other that counts as a half point for the day. To be graded out of 42. - I take part in the PvS HOoRAY and LYBaYF threads, they help. I still don't like looking in the mirror very much and I sometimes struggle to find things to mention that are good about myself. Even some of my posts contain enough self-deprecation that, looking back on it, I feel like I'm slyly insulting myself. So I will look in a mirror. I will say the things I post in HOoRAY and LYBaYF to myself. I will look myself in the eyes especially when wearing my glasses, I won't skim the area, I will look in my eyes and just remember everything good and positive in my life. I will then post a reflection (hahaha) of these little sessions in this thread. To be graded out of 42. - I feel like I have no practical worth as a person, be it as an employee, a family member, and sometimes as a friend. Sometimes it's all I can do to get out of bed because I feel so useless. But I went to a good uni, am told I am useful, have skills and things that others consider useful/helpful/good. So every day I will literally do a Skill Check. This is my skill, how can I use it to be and feel better in any capacity I could be needed in. To be graded out of 42 +2 CHA, +2 WIS Self-esteem challenge: this challenge is all about the self-esteem, so I'm not going to be awarding any points unless something exceptional pops up i.e. getting a job. With all the force a great typhoon, with all the strength of a raging fire Can't really fit the lyrics here I've written them twice before~ Just know that it's a quest of Awesome To improve~ my martial arts (hoo-ah!) God, bet that didn't fit at all. Family issues last challenge meant that I didn't attend T'ai Chi for much of the last challenge period and it''s only been in the last three weeks (including today) that I've even started going T'ai Chi again and I still feel out of sorts with it. Today I was barely able to attend class for half an hour and I have absolutely no idea why. It seems I have hit a plateau or two. Thus: - I honestly can't do the pull ups or chin ups in the ABBW because if I did the table would actually tip over - I tried. But I'm going to do three full circuits of the ABBW by the end of this challenge. And four times a week. To be graded out of 24. - Work on my Form, Dance and stances. Four times a week, including class. Call it general pattern and balance practice. To be graded out of 24. - Strength training. Once a week minimum. Why does this go here? Aside from fitting the montage song it ties in with something below . . . To be graded out of 6. - Yoga, I've missed it and it will help with my balance and such. Follow the DYWM Beginner's Course again. To be graded out of 18. +2 STR, +2 DEX, + 1STA Self-esteem challenges: - PISTOL SQUATS. Last challenge I could do nine single-leg squats per leg. By mid-challenge I was doing one pistol squat per leg, though barely above parallel. I want to get below parallel on my pistol squats with good form, and work up to doing . . . five per leg per set. I'll still be nicking some of the Assassin's six week skill work from the previous challenge for this. - I can has splits? Diet (I don't really have a Mulan reference that isn't mildly insulting when it comes to food) Food, glorious food Wonderful food Marvellous food Glorious food! I alluded to some problems above? So I'm probably a good twenty-five pounds overweight and that makes some exercises difficult. I recognise this has to do with core and balancing muscles as well, but that'll get mentioned too. The belly fat compresses and because of the position it also puts pressure-pain on my boobs. Also it puts me off balance meaning I compromise on other things. - Cut out all but two snacks a week unless said snacks happen to be nuts or fruit, in which case, only five snacks a week. Hopefully to be reduced to three a week by the end of the challenge. Say goodbye to your shop-bought smoothies and occasional chocolate milk (they were half price!) girl. - Go as gluten-free as possible when you're not the one buying the groceries. This will mean buying certain staples gluten-free and just not eating gluten-y things if they're not part of a main meal. MAIN MEAL meaning dinner. - One new recipe a week. I want to try lemon pepper chicken karaage. It sounds delicious. Maybe with caulirice. Extra points if it's a gluten-free or Paeleo recipe, but not obligatory. To be graded out of six. Self-esteem challenges: - make a little box or area of goodies, ingredients and cookery related things just for me. - cook a Sunday roast. - cook for more than just me. +2 CON, +1 WIS Life Quest: Crossdress! Maybe later. Life Quest: Creativity in Perseverance I love reading. I love writing. But I also like research. I don't need things to be one hundred percent accurate, but I like drawing from the real world to flesh out my work or make it more realistic. To quote TVTropes, I like to Show My Work. But the thing about getting sidetracked when reading about Guanshiyin is that the sidetrack is so interesting I eventually go off track and I stop work on my stories and things. Or when I'm trying to work out how a certain disability would affect someone's perception of things I can get distracted by varying forms of handling it etcetera, etcetera It's a kind of academic 'oooh shiny!' thing. This means I excel at creating little 'what if?' synopses and plot bunnies, I can write really interesting little shorts, but the longer things get bogged down. So when Mulan hit her wall she persevered and eventually her intellect and creativity allowed her to overcome her wall. What I'm going to do is a little different: I'm not going to stop my research. I'm not going to say I have to write x words a day/total. I am going to build a world - My research will help me build a world, because I know I'm going to research, so I might as well create a mostly cohesive backstory for my world. - I will write something creative every day set in my little world, but it doesn't need to be a coherent story. It can be fragments of history - sometimes from several viewpoints with the actual version of what happened written down if I ever need to pull unreliable narrator on an entire people/country/whatever. It can be language and culture quirks. It can be character vignettes and backstory as if I'm rolling up a character for a campaign. - I will do a little research every day for the express purpose of creating my little world. If I end up reading about non-binary genders throughout history then I must write a little note about what my little world thinks about it. - My little world doesn't need to be completely coherent or fully thought out, but I want a structure. More than that, I want little sketches, glimpses and entire scenes/whatever laid out, based entirely within that world/person/country's viewpoint with accompanying Author Notes in another document. In me creativity engenders research, therefore I also need to show myself that research, in turn, engenders creativity. Research is the world's foundation, but without a story research is nothing more than a series of 'did you know . . . ?'s So bring out the medieval literature, history and culture; bring out my language and linguistic skills; bring out my Google Fu; bring out my esoterica and vague annoyance with other people's work. I know stories, I love history and words, let's make a world. And post something about it. Ideally it'd be daily, but let's try twice a week instead. It can be maps, weather patterns, history, characters, politics, economy, whatever. But it has to prove that the world is being built alongside a story. Pass/fail +2 WIS, +1 CHA.

According to most adults - though seeing as I'm also an adult I should say older adults - prospective employees would call/send you a letter that was at least partly personalised if they had to reject you. It definitely feels bad though, 'oh hi, we know you applied to work here, but we don't actually care about you as a human being, just as a gear in our company; you have no feelings or reasons for existence other than to potentially benefit us. You don't benefit us, goodbye.' Point. We did a pancake stretch in warm up and I felt like I was able to go deeper and spread my legs a little wider (that's what she said). That and when doing a certain stretch/exercise to open our hips (rest ankle on opposing thigh and push/rock the leg downwards) I was able to completely rest my upper left leg on the floor entirely and just hold it there with no aid from an arm pushing down; there was some breathing to help keep pushing the thigh deeper into the stretch, and I certainly felt warmer after that. The right hip remains frustratingly closed in that I can only get my thigh about half to two-thirds of the way down. . . . I think this might be a contributing factor because I am a little more flexible than before, and after the hip openers, pancake and a certain back bend I really felt warm. Cool! Kishi has all the smarts. (But I also think the slightly over-warm room is another factor to consider) Oh hey! Guess what I'm doing? Saturday(ish) I think I'll be helping to break a world record (hopefully), but currently I'm looking at hairstyles. Because, like a silly person I deleted my hair reference pictures and now I need to go find them and possibly some new ones. Because if experienced hair dressers like having pictures showing what you like and don't like, want and don't want, I think trainees will appreciate it even more! Seriously £6 for a cut and finish, and possibly an extra $14 for a tint regrowth? Bargain. Which reminds me, someone owes me money!

More stable than it initially was though. And presumably you have a better alternative now, so it's all good. Like the number nine. I'm not entirely certain on dairy laws myself, but I know there has to be a required amount of fat in it to even qualify as milk. And that most people prefer semi-skimmed. UK butters tend to be between 80-83% fat, so we can both look on disconcertedly at American food. And their portion sizes. Sorry America, but those foodie shows you broadcast so much do tend to reinforce a stereotype or two. Tea is amazing. As are cream teas. Strawberry jam, of course. Oh, where've you visited over here? I too, prefer jam first, mostly because it's easier to spread jam on scone/bread (yes, I have jam and clotted cream sandwiches sometimes. Gorgeous.) than on cream. I know! So surprising! Though it's actually nine now. And sore shoulders and . . . whatever the muscles in the upper back are called. Is someone contemplating a similar set up? Plastic cheese. I'll never get over plastic cheese. It's even called American cheese. It's a bit wobbly coming back up, and it's definitely not as deep as most people recommend it be, but it's a pistol squat just barely above parallel executed with as much control as possible. Now to perfect my form and feel happy. Update time: Three meals today (though I actually forgot to take a pill with one, so I'm doing that post-post) - one was completely gluten free and Paeleo. A nice graze box of snacks. T'ai Chi too. For some reason the warm up had me really sweating - a good sign! And I noticed an increase in flexibility from last week, but given last week was my first time in three weeks I'm not counting that as much. No T'ai Chi next week though; half term. And a twenty minute walk there and back that I managed to do in about twelve minutes (there and back) because of the music I was listening to. I want to put it down to being fitter, but I'll put it down to the music helping me walk faster without noticing. Lovely weather. Used some sort of volumising gel product thing in my hair - had to blow dry it, and I'm really not keen on that; I'm a long time air dry type - but it worked quite nicely. Heard back from a job application with a company whose ethics I quite admire. Didn't get it. Even worse: it was obviously a stock reply. So much for personalising rejection letters eh?

You know, you don't even really need an ice cream maker for some recipes. Or any. I made homemade ice cream once. Well over a decade ago with my Granny. We used a big bowl, a lot of ice and our arms. Given that I was six or seven my arms tired from the shaking very, very quickly, but Granny just shook that bowl effortlessly. Talk about an arm workout. Oh, belt making is easy. I just repurpose things. My old school colours tie makes an excellent belt - but it's also a very nice tie, so I don't use it all that often, and the other belts are just strips of fabric or scarves. That and I actually own a proper leather belt with a hand made buckle made out of solid pewter with a design taken from the Lindisfarne Gospels. I am inordinately proud of my belt buckle. But really, belt making is easy. Did you slip the dowel into heavy blocks or something to reduce the chance of rolling and/or slippage? If so, then it's a fairly solid bar. If not . . . at least the floor isn't too far away. As for my progress on inverted rows, I'm going to be up to nine tomorrow. Nearly did it today only the phone rang, startled me and I lost my grip a little.

Maybe I stumbled across it in a similar manner then. Gifs abound. Enjoy your hunger, and know that no clotted cream you have could ever be as good as the stuff I get! Best of all, per EU law, Cornish clotted cream only counts as Cornish clotted cream if it's 1) made in Cornwall (obviously) and 2) at least fifty-five percent fat. Though the average is sixty-four percent In fact, according to Wikipedia, America would class it as butter. And I insist you have a proper cream tea. To die for. And the jam goes on first. Yes, there's actually a difference in taste depending on what goes on first: cream or jam. Here's one. Here's forty-five recipes. And twenty coconut milk ice cream recipes. And an entire website. Hope that helps! Update: I just spent about eighty minutes fiddling around taking in the legs of my shorts. I have half a dozen various needles, a biro, a measuring tape, a piece of paper ('ruler') my eyeballs, a thimble and, no joke, a spool of thread the exact colour of my denim shorts. Yeah, I sew by hand. I ended up taking in four inches on either leg at the bottom (just above the knee), narrowing to where the pocket and seam bit end. It's fairly obvious this is a home done alteration as the seam changes from Obviously Made With a Sewing Machine to simple stitching - I used a bastardisation of running stitch and what Mum always called four point hem (making a hem using only four points on the material). And really most of those eighty minutes was me trying to work out how to pin the shorts while I was wearing them and seeing if I could alter the waistline. In the end I gave up, took a guess at a four inch reduction on the outside hem, pinned it, tried it on - walked a bit, sat down; it seamed (ahahaha) fine. So I sewed away over the course of about half an hour (I was fighting a cat for possession of the laptop keyboard whilst watching some videos), and now I'm wearing some tighter shorts. Still a bit saggy in the arse area, and the waistline is, frankly, hopeless at the moment and I'm not sure how to take it in without a sewing machine, but that's what belts are for! Overall I'm pleased with my shorts. And lucky me, I can sew over the new outer seam with some ribbon or some sort of fancy fabric. In short, now I'm done with the practical stuff I can get on to the fancy additions. And maybe fiddle with the hemline, Play around with taking it up or making an actual, neat, hem. Other things: - Four days in a row with 100% on the meds. - Four days in a row with 100% on two or more meals a day. - Only three in which I had three meals though. Sundays man - I only eat one meal. - One snack a day. i.e. when I take my last pill. I'm kind of doing inverted bodyweight rows (under- and overhand) using my bed. Well, it's a bunk bed - I share a very small room with my sister, and I take the bottom bunk whose bars are just about arm's length above my head. Given the soft surface I'm resting on I'm only really hauling up my upper body, so I'll have to work on the rest. But I can do eight of each, so that's something right? Pistol progression: I literally just above parallel on both legs, by that I mean my arse is probably level with the top of my knee, and I can do exactly one per leg. This is unsupported by the by. Music: I now have songs from the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack on my mp3; it's impossible not to bop along to some of those songs, meaning that I'm partially dancing when I'm outside walking around. Push ups: bah! It's said a lot that for correct form you need your elbows tight to your sides - nope. Not at the moment. But with elbows out I can do one and a half to two push ups. And I can nearly touch the back of my head with my toes again.

Barefoot walking! First time outdoors and it was very nice, even though it was on fairly inhospitable terrain. The route I took home involved walking past alley entrances littered with broken glass and splintered wood (DIY projects and things being knocked out of bins by enterprisingly stupid cats). Because clearly when you start walking around barefoot you choose to walk as close to that sort of thing as possible without actually stepping in it. Still good! Likely foolish, but good. I was a smart bunny and I ordered my meds in advance last week so that I could literally walk down to the pharmacy when I used the last of that particular pill. Sometimes I forget. For a week or two. The calm thing was good though! Nothing like a balmy breeze and some good music. Though last night I somehow managed to damage the wire on my headphones so I'm only getting monosound. :/ On the plus side the new headphones arrive tomorrow! Along with a new Doctor Who boxset because I wanted to get an add-on item and needed over a tenner's worth of stuff to get it. So Doctor Who because when you want something for £3.44 you automatically buy something for £14.99 for the privilege of buying the cheaper item. It was. And as for the ice cream, you want a partial ingredients list? 'Course, it's actually a secret recipe, but the obvious things are obvious. Full fat milk from local, free range farms. Clotted cream from local, free range farms. Vanilla extract. Pinch of salt. Eggs (probably).. Sugar And clotted cream on top if you fancy it. Every warm day the queue is always out the door. And because they only make one or two big tubs at a time there have been times when the shop runs out of ice cream in the middle of the day and they have to get someone to bring a fresh tub down the hill from where it's made or close up early for the day. It's won awards. Definitely more preferable to a family blow out. By a solid mile. Anyway, weird thing of the day: the Youngest Brother loves his Lush stuff (I'd say I blame myself, but I'm not blaming any of us for liking the shop), but Coolaulin is no longer being made in the UK, so we browsed through the conditioners they do do online, picked out a new conditioner to try, a body scrub and wrote them down to note down monies. On my hand. In blue biro. Like I always do. And promptly had an allergic reaction to the ink. I mean thick, red, raised lines and itchiness. Good thing we keep E45 on the table in the front room, because within two minutes of putting the ink on my hand it had visibly swollen so that my mother could make out the lines in a dimly lit room. About half an hour later and the redness is gone and the raised lines are barely legible. There is still some residual pain, though I'm not sure if it's from the reaction or from the furious scrubbing off of ink.

Time to take notes and spend a while on the phone asking what certain things are, the difference between levels two and three (I'm assuming experience . . . ) and seeing if I can get it all done in one day. I'm not usually one for dystopias, in fact, I tend to dislike them, but occasionally there's an exception. As for student work: I don't care if my nails aren't perfect, or if the masseuse isn't as confident or precise as they're meant to be. And my hair, well, it's short enough that I don't think anything major can go wrong with it as long as they pay attention to what I say about the front. And besides, even professionals can screw up badly, at least the students will be supervised. Also: where's that gif from? I feel like I should recognise it. Sounds right up my alley then; most of my collection comprises of cult classics, sci-fi or sci-fi cult classics. And I did just read a basic plot synopsis for the film on TVTropes, so the film does sound like something I'd enjoy. A little tale of a dark, dystopian future city-of-endless-night, amnesiac heroes and Pale Men in Dark Coats. Quick update: Brekkie: two handfuls of 'coco pops'. Lunch: nope. A big blowup involving the Youngest Brother and Mum about the new hoover (he hates it and has threatened to destroy it) later and I ditch the house and go outside. I need to pick up my meds anyway. So I go grab a nice tub of homemade ice cream with clotted cream, a flake and wafers (I can even tell you the street it's made on, how it's made (mostly) and where the ingredients come from), pick up the meds and spend a nice barefoot slightly-over-an-hour down on the sea wall eating my ice cream, listening to music and just relaxing, people watching and enjoying the stunning view. Then I walked back barefoot. Little bit sore on the ball of my right foot, but other than that I found it quite nice. The roads and paths aren't well maintained around here so there were lots of spiky stones/gravel around, so I stopped now and then to scrape some bits off, but it was nice. Dinner: >.> I kind of didn't eat it. At all. But I did have ~100g of live strawberry yoghurt! And am going to buy something to eat after this post has been made. But I've had my pills, stayed mostly cool throughout the blow up - mostly by jamming in headphones, turning the volume up to max and ignoring it, but I stayed calm. The weather was gorgeous today though, it's true what they say about getting a nice hour of sunshine, warmth and a slight balmy breeze. I feel great! Although some mysterious blood has appeared on my hand, and I'm not sure from where. No matter. I have also laid in some tea tree oil for preparatory purposes. Still no camera.

Plans make the impossible/implausible far more likely to actually happen. Now to refine it, and stick to it. DVDs and books are great because you pay a one-off cost and can reread and rewatch them again and again. Not to mention they look quite impressive arrayed against a wall. Yeah, fleas. Stupid warm weather (and warm, damp weather) making all the bugs and undesirable-indoors creatures wake up and start getting active. Luckily I seem naturally flea repellent as for every major flea outbreak we have (formerly one pet, then no pets, then one pet, then very quickly two pets, then three, then four. Then four pets down to three, now two) I only get two or three bites. This from a cat who now sleeps on my pillow with me (rather, she permits me to sleep on 'her' pillow), sleeps on my clothes and my lap and boobs and a puppy (not really) who has monstrously thick, super-sheddy fur. No, seriously. We hoovered the entire downstairs two days ago and today it looks as if we haven't hoovered in a fortnight. So seashell mud. Update time: T'ai Chi tonight! Felt like I had to work my way into T'ai Fu slowly, so next week it's Kung Fu too. Actually lead two people in the Dance as opposed to just showing someone what to do in partner work. The guy who was leading it had been absent for the better part of the year, so he was a little shaky meaning that I kind of, was asked to step in and do things. A bit shaky on a few things, but overall I think I did pretty well. Between to two of us we managed to do fine. But a leadership role! Panic! And then overcome. And some other stuff in partner work. But it's surprising how even a few weeks of missed practice can affect one's muscles and things; I had a little trouble remembering some of the Dance and oh Lord were my thighs caning at one point. What else? Ate three meals and several snacks because of my graze box. One of the meals was even Paeleo and gluten-free, the other was just Paeleo. Am considering going to a student-run salon to get some things done. Hair, nails, massage; something like that. Maybe a combination because they have specials offers on top of being really quite cheap. Maybe a cut and finish so I can get my hair trimmed up a little shorter or something. Self-love right? And admittedly curiosity because they have these things like 'body contour treatment' and 'full body massage' and 'lymphatic drainage facial' and all sorts of strange, mysterious words. Plus it's really cheap.

Hype backlash: it happens. It's how I feel about the Harry Potter series in general. And probably a few other films/serieseseses too. DVD buddies! The family owns the Hellboy DVDs, and Spiderwick. And the new and old Judge Dredds. And The Fifth Element. I only count as mine the DVDs bought specifically for me, be it by me or anyone else. If it's for the family or for someone else, maybe I'll snitch them when I move out providing I'm the only person who really watches them. Brazil has been on my wishlist for a while, I'm not overly keen on Imaginarium (hype backlash). A sibling has Deeper Than Black and Perfect Blue (I think; I had colour themes for people's presents that year) - on the note of seriously messed up movies (that also happen to be anime): Paprika. I have no idea what was going on, but it was vivid and beautiful and strange. Minority Report I found dull, I think I saw a bit of Memento when I was younger and wasn't interested in it. Pi I've only heard of in passing, but it sounds extremely interesting. I adore psychological horror - have you ever seen the original The Haunting?! It is the only film I had to pause whilst watching and go downstiars to seek company while I calmed down. - so I'll buy Pi if it's cheap on amazon. Mmmm, £2.60 including p&p. Never heard of Dark City though, is't good? Oh! I have my own boxsets of Blackadder and Red Dwarf, but that's basically mainstream. And so are my comic book movies. Isn't it amazing that comic book films and the like are becoming more and more popular? As far as anime goes: Puella Magi Magica Madoka, Kanon, anything Studio Ghibli, Revolutionary Girl Utena, Cowboy Bebop, Serial Experiment Lain, Higurashi, Bleach up to about episode fifty or so - the conclusion of the first arc in Soul Society, anything CLAMP, Ouran High School Host Club, Ghost Hunt (this came so close to me stopping it out of terror at one point, but so far The Haunting is still the only thing to hold that record), Ghost in the Shell: SAC, Vision of Escaflowne, Tengen Toppa etc. and a lot more. Not that I own them all. . . . You know, I think for every film/thing I own that is predominantly live action I own one that is animated or mostly not-live (predominantly puppets/stop motion/CGI be it entirely or in background) - OH! I forgot The Nightmare Before Christmas, Corpse Bride and Coraline! I own all of those. And The Highlander and Flash Gordan. Also: I feel I need to point out the recurring writers/directors/etc in my colletion: Neil Gaiman, the Pythons, Guillermo del Torro, Ridley Scott, Queen. And Doctor Who. Because if you're in any way involved in acting in the UK (in any way, including script writing, editing, acting, costumes and so on) you have either been involved with Doctor Who OR you know someone who has. I can prove it. If you want to look, that is. I'm really not trying either - except for one or two of those. If it hasn't, it's still food grade seashell mud and can probably be used elsewhere in the house. And if not, it was only £8 or so.

I have eyes everywhere. I've found a clearing of the air, even a pre-emptive one, is usually a good thing. Even if it's couched in digressions, vagueish terms and potentially unclear syntax. Cool is definitely a good thing. I've even found myself preferring actively cold showers now. I blame Monks. Or rather, I thank them. I was wearing a bravery hat. I can certainly see progress on the all-'round mental front, and some on the strength-and-agility front, now to just keep plugging until I see things on the physical-appearance front. Thanks for the luck! I'm really going to need it as this is going to be quite a long road. At least I've decided on a good place to which I can relocate - a combination of better job prospects, amenities, public transport and so on. Going to be a bit expensive. Understatement. So we're back to the old 'get a job and save lots of money' thing. Or Win the Lottery. Nope, but I have a good imagination and my family on its own can comprise a small hamlet, so I quite literally have a village to help prepare for certain things. Fact: I downloaded that song (or the soundtrack version) to my mp3 on the eighth. As of seven minutes past nine this evening (literally as I type) I have listened to it one hundred and thirty-seven times. On the mp3. And maybe a dozen times online. >.> Stupid Terrance Zdunich with his sexy bass voice. I wish I could actually recommend The Devil's Carnival to you, but I've never seen it in its entirety, though it's supposedly on Netflix. And it only had a limited DVD release. *pouts* But if you liked the song I highly recommend you watch Repo! The Genetic Opera with the proviso that it has a lot of blood, guts and gore. And some initially puzzling casting choices. And some amazing songs. Probably not for everyone though. You know, people comment on my DVD collection being rather strange, something I deny until I actually go and look through it: RENT, Mirrormask, Labyrinth, The Dark Crystal, Repo!, Dogma, Hot Fuzz, Paul, Shaun of the Dead, Pan's Labyrinth, Mulan (and its sequel which isn't that bad), Tangled, Game of Thrones, Sherlock seasons one and two; Cadfael; a score or so Classic Who serials, all the Python films, all of Star Trek: TOS (and TAS), Cardcaptor Sakura, a handful of horror films, Omkara and one or two . . . rom-coms. And things I can't remember. And well. they have a point. Most of my DVDs are semi-subversive in some fashion, surreal in terms of plot, imagery or theme, a good number of them are dark in presentation, imagery, theme etc.; religious murder/mysteries, there's some 'cerebral'/psychological/'come on now, think and use your brain' things in there . . . and sixties and seventies TV sci-fi, Which can be all of these at once. Minus the beautiful animation seen in my cartoon collection. And some of the production values. Really, most of my stuff is beautiful and strange. So . . . if you like the beautiful and strange, pick virtually anything I've listed. Honestly, just looking at this makes me realise that I'm a straight up aesthetic. There are worse things to be. On the aesthetics side of things: put my cutoffs through the wash to see how they wore; I have a nice fringe of loosened threads on the shorts now. Next step: find some pins and start pinning. And find That Damn Camera (TDC). On the improvements side of things: the dog has been severely infested with fleas (again), and thanks to endless reading of lifestyle/non-chemical/homemade bloggy things I suggested diatomaceous earth to Mum on account of it being cheap, less likely to aggravate various breathing issues the family has (the Sister had very severe bronchial asthma as a toddler that has basically healed, but we like to be careful during summer because of hay fever) and also non-toxic to everyone involved. And easily reappliable for a long time. Cheaply She then mentioned it to Dad. Who, being a bit of a cheapskate, but also not so keen on home remedies was interested enough to Google it. After swearing about not being able to pronounce (on Mum's part) or spell (on both their parts) they Googled it, and now we have a small stock of seashell earth as I've started calling it being delivered. Seriously, when you need to pause and take a mental run up to a word to be able to say it you know it's either Seriously Scientific or someone's just likes being mean. But look! Natural things. Things that aren't going to upset the Puddles' auto-immune disease, or make the dog feel icky. Or the family. And no smell. See me being persuasive, forward thinking and rolling high on Charisma. Also I ate three meals today, two of which were both Paeleo and gluten-free. By accident.

Damn. Talk about progress pics. That is a marked difference and your hourglass is becoming even more pronounced. Now to add ze muscles for ze strength.

For what it's worth, as a British atheist who quotes Piers Plowman (a C14th narrative poem concerning the narrator's quest for the true Christian life (from the natural perspective of a medieval Catholic) that is both a theological allegory and a social satire) I'm also sympathetic to what you're saying. Americans in general are usually typified as big (not physically, but as a presence), gregarious sorts who do big things, are often gregarious and can sometimes be a little overbearing. And maybe a little ignorant (though the last two things can be said of any culture or place). It makes sense that their various religious/spiritual beliefs would follow suit, especially when it comes to Christianity. There are many, many quotes concerning not evangelising a belief or idea of any sort, dating back to several key religious figures. Naturally, I can't recall any of them right now, but this quote from Thomas Jefferson always felt like a good idea: "I never told my own religion nor scrutinised that of another. I never attempted to make a convert, nor wished to change another's creed [...I]t is in our lives, and not from our words, that our religion must be judged." Or morality as the case may be. Though I have to admit, I do like a bit of pomp and circumstance when it comes to religion - if I had to pick one it would be Catholicism, Hinduism, or some amalgamation of the pair - that's when it comes to ceremonies and festivals and it conveys an emotion. These shows of piety that makes us both uneasy (though perhaps for different reasons) sometimes strike me almost as piety for piety's sake; or sometimes being too fervent, too eager. And hey, religions/spiritualities/beliefs have helped humanity create many great, beautiful wonders. And to quote Ollivander, they've also lead to "great, but terrible" things too. Mixed bags all around then. Regardless, you certainly shouldn't be apologising for anything. You personally have never made me feel uncomfortable; no one on this board ever has. When I read people's threads I come to know them as a person, to understand their goals, struggles and just . . . who they are. It's why I love the internet; I have friends in the Phillipines and Australia and Mexico and America and Sweden, Findland, the UK and so many places! Distance is no longer a barrier to coming to know someone, and if that person happens to be sincerely religious and doesn't say, for example, 'God put us here on this earth to do good things and exalt him' simply to try to convert someone, but because it's something they strongly believe than I can handle it. I don't know if I'll ever truly come to understand that position, but I can handle it, I can sympathise, and hey, they probably feel the same way about some aspect of me too. And besides, I admitted to a slight prejudice that I can now work to overcome. Prejudice is wrong. Full stop. It's something I believe very strongly (except when it comes to fictional characters whom I can hate unreservedly with no attempt to try to understand them quite happily), so I need to get over it. After all, many of my favourite works of literature (or art in general) have been inspired by a religion (usually Christianity); I actually own quite a few books written about, or discussing, various aspects of Christianity. Mostly pre-1700 mind. If I can handle the likes of Christians espousing things that are now considered culturally/morally/ethically wrong (or just plain wrong), I can work to understand and get over my own prejudice. I'm at fault, I probably made several people reading this feel upset or uncomfortable - including you - don't be sorry for my faults. Honestly, I've read works where people have discussed the . . . non-Roman Catholic white people of Europe in terms that would make one blanch. And they believed it. If I can handle that I can get over this. And well, to quote the Angelic Doctor, "Because of the diverse conditions of humans, it happens that some acts are virtuous to some people, as appropriate and suitable to them, while the same acts are immoral for others, as inappropriate to them." Diversity is a brilliant, wonderful thing, and I don't want anyone to feel like they have to apologise for not being 'normal' or 'the same as everyone else'. Whichever way you choose to explain it, humanity is a joyous miracle, and we should celebrate our infinite diversity in infinite combinations. We'll certainly never come to understand one another if we don't try. Unless you're Rose Tyler from Doctor Who or Joffrey Lannister, in which case you can die in all the fires. Kishi, you're awesome because you're Kishi; no one else could ever be you. Even being a little bit blind with a hairy back and your ongoing quest for a painless knee and all the other things you don't like about yourself. There'll never be another being exactly like you. Love yourself, improve yourself, and never feel like you have to apologise for being you. Unless you actually did something wrong like knock an innocent old lady's shopping trolley over one day while in a rush, in which case, an apology is probably needed. But you're still a kickass guild leader, and I'm definitely coming back here. I'm going to be a guild hopping menace. Now: if I have made anyone reading this feel uncomfortable themselves, or made them feel the slightest bit upset for being the way they are, you have my apology.

Yes miss. Check in time! I ate three meals today! Isn't that nuts? And I woke at a nice(ish) time and spent . . . more time than I'm willing to admit cuddling with Puddles and listening to 'Grace For Sale' on repeat. I also think I've decided on my pattern for the shorts: butterflies. I admit to being tempted to dot circles around (possibly leading up and away from the butterflies), but I don't know how wonky the circles would be and there's a chance of the shorts becoming overly busy. Still, we shall see.

Yep! One could insert a quotation or reference to good coming even from - ehehehe. "The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all." Boom! Mulan quote. From memory. It also goes to show that honesty can be very good. If you hide your insecurities things can go really downhill, but if you're open about you're problems help can be found. . . .That, however, might be another trite thing to say. Shame it's true. Well, not a shame, help is good, but the phrasing perhaps could be better. I can be really scathing at times, and I'm technically a pacificist (not a spelling mistake), so I really don't think that kind of thing is worth going to violence over. And when I'm feeling ruthless and I turn to cleaning I can get a lot done in a way that is safe for everyone involved. Including my mental health. I mean, I'm a good orator when I'm up to it, I can make people cry, and I have an acid tongue (not exactly a xenomorph, but close enough), so if I really let loose it hurts things. Ha, I actually showed some restraint when it came to cleaning too. If I'd had my full way over half her things would be gone because they just gather dust. Really I cleaned out mouldy cups, dirty plates and utensils, over one full bin bag of fairly compressed rubbish, some tat, a box of never-worn underthings, a box of never-used electronics and an old, torn backpack. And a few more things. See, her room is also technically 'mine', but I don't keep much in it outside of half a wall of books and a suitcase of clothes. And a laptop. I sleep in the room, nothing else. That was made perfectly clear when I moved in; she cleans after her own mess, I take care of mine. And as I make next-to-none, I do nothing. I really could have been a much more thorough cleaner than I was that day; but I'd made my point. I will take many pics so you can see the progress! If I can find That Damn Camera. The project is slowly expanding however; in a discussion with Mum I mentioned wanting to personalise my shorts. And so many options came out of the woodwork - she really wants me to use fabric paints. Me though, I started thinking "The shorts are a little baggy around the legs, I made these to show off my legs, so let's take them in!" And this will be a lot of work as I'm handsewing and have never taken clothes in before, only up and taking down. And then I though, "Well, if I'm taking in the legs I might as well dart the waist as well to stop it falling down so much." So I'm (going to try) darting the waist, taking in the legs, maybe actually sewing in a hem and doing some personalisation. With half a dozen needle sizes and two colours of thread to my name. This will be fun. Sincerely meant. I'm thinking being domestic isn't so bad if it means you can enjoy doing 'chores' and things. Sort-of busy, mostly tired and sleeping; but with periods of intense busying. And yep, come next month we're done with the Sister's educational issues. Unless she suddenly springs a uni application on us . . . It'll take a while; I want to have my own place and a job first to prove I can take care of them even though you don't need those things in the UK to adopt. But I'm going to be a parent one day! That's such a scary thought isn't it? As to children? I know there are certain 'types' of children that aren't as preferred for prospective fostering/adoption; older children, the physically disabled and aneurotypical, siblings, children with . . . abusive histories and so on; I think I would prefer them. I don't particularly want a baby or a child under three or so, but ultimately I'd be happy with any child as long as they felt safe, happy and loved with me. And as I did mention always wanting six children, yes, siblings definitely appeal. Oh sweet mother of God, I'm going to be a parent one day! Welp. I have my Epic Quest goal. Time to break it down into a series of Epic Life Quests. So: a good job, a place to stay with three or four bedrooms (assuming I'll straight up apply for siblings), become confident in skills needed to manage a home - taxes, bills, maintenance and cleaning. Maybe take a first aid course because those are just useful anyway. Weigh up the pros and cons of staying close to home versus moving away. Further qualifications. I know I want a PhD one day, but that costs a lot (and it requires a good Masters first). As do children. That's very future. For now: job. Job to earn money to do adulty/parenty things. Save all the money. But I'm not scared. That's the thing. It's a bit of an adrenaline rush, but it's not scary. It's currently what I'm thinking. I actually went and bought a (half price) sandwich on the verge of going off (best before is tomorrow) so it'll make me eat it tomorrow even if I'm still so tired I go to bed immediately after lunch because I spent that pound, and I'm not going to waste it. Now have a song! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBbKcyo7yNk

I agree with the above statements, most especially Hatter's thoughts. No sea? I live near the sea, went paddling a while back; cold, but so worth it. Ignore the cold and go anyway. You'll probably enjoy it, and if you've tried it before and didn't like it, maybe give it another go? I might actually buy a cossie this year, it's been a while since I've been swimming in anything other than my old PE shorts and a top. The PE shorts I started wearing at eleven and was still wearing at sixteen. And still basically fit up until I threw them out. Elasticated waists, man. And I didn't grow very much. But like Lilith, I'll need something with a built-in bra/shelf bra thingamajigger.