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About fleaball

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    Stronger than She Realizes
  • Birthday February 28


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  1. Welp. Came across a post on Reddit about a breathing technique to help clear shit out of your lungs. Read the comments, mostly helpful and lots of folks confirming they’d been taught it for pneumonia or CF or something. And then people saying they wish they’d known it two weeks ago bc they had the virus and had breathing issues but it was minor - one guy specifically said he’d been taking slightly shallower breaths than normal like when acid reflux flares up. And fuck me, that’s an issue I have off and on, including right now. When my asthma + reflux get angry I feel like I’m choking sometimes and I can’t stop coughing and while I’m not short of breath it does feel like I’m not getting a full breath each time either. Lots of the folks responding also said their fever stayed below 100 for several days if they had one at all. I’m not panicking and saying I have it. I’m just getting even more frazzled because except for the fever it seems like every. fucking. symptom. is something I deal with normally. I’m checking my temperature and oxygen level on a regular basis and they’re both totally normal so I’m not going to actively worry unless one or both get wonky. But it’s absolutely miserable as someone with not only an anxiety disorder but also a specific anxiety about medical issues. I really really fucking need them to roll out a treatment, vaccine, and those antibody tests really fucking soon. The latter so I can figure out whether I miraculously got a super mild case, and also so people who’ve definitely had it can start returning the world to normal while the rest of us continue to hide indoors. I think what’s bothering me the most with the fact that I constantly have most of the symptoms is that I’m 98% sure that if I get it a.) someone else in my house will too if they’re not already the one who gave it to me and b.) I will be totally fucked and wind up in the ICU given my current underlying conditions. So not only is it a constant game of “is this cough just asthma or something more?” it’s also “okay is this going to be the day I wind up in the hospital?” And then that goes into more fun things that I’m not giving a voice to right now. ugggggh therapist why must you observe religious holidays.
  2. Alternatively, quote the post like normal and hit enter a couple times where you want to separate the quotes. Works on desktop and mobile sites, no idea about tapatalk. I need to catch up on your thread but I wanted to throw that out there.
  3. So The Post that Wasn’t earlier was just me complaining that I magically had energy and motivation to be productive but it was stupid hot and I was cranky about it. (The high was only 61F today but my room is an oven, and I am fat.) I was actually on the verge of saying fuck it, Wednesday is going to be ~15 degrees cooler and rainy, I’ll leave it til then. And then I magically kept going anyway? I very easily knocked out my adulting goal today. Lots of trash and recycling taken out, dishes done, food organized on shelves again, various tasks finished around the house that no one else was doing, cats fed. It always feels weird when I actually accomplish stuff like this. (Remind me I said this when I complain about dusting everything in my room. I’m dreading it and it’s going to be miserable.) And the last portion of today’s news is brought to you by the letter D. For Duh. - Since going outside is scary I've been eating a lot less takeout and other garbage. And surprise, I’ve lost a bit of weight, my skin has cleared up a bit, and my reflux and other GI issues aren’t acting up so much. who could have guessed?? I’m not losing a lot of weight because I’m still not eating terribly healthy or even paying attention to macros right now; but given the greasy, fatty trash I was eating it makes sense that eliminating most of that would make a difference. Still have a long way to go because I’m still eating mostly starchy things and that’s not going to play well with the insulin issues, but I’m not going to complain. If I actually for real want to lose weight I need to figure out meal planning or something. As much as I loathe grocery shopping I’m really not doing well with not even having the option to go if I want to. Each time I’ve been able to snag a delivery appointment they’ve been two weeks away, and I don’t plan well. Nor do I have enough space to keep that much. I know a lot of people are in a similar boat. But to me and my traumatized brain it feels extra fucked because not cooking in the past means I don’t really have a lot to draw on in terms of ingredients - there’s no spice rack, no random things lurking in the cabinet to experiment with, etc. And no skills to draw on. Do I have enough actual food to eat? Yes. I have more than enough pasta, rice, grains, and beans to survive on. Can I actually cook with any of it? Debatable. And so even though it’s not like I would be cooking a gourmet meal every night anyway, I feel like I’m really constrained. aaaaand I don’t know how I got on this track but I’m done babbling about it. The feelings are valid and all but if I keep going I’m just feeding the gremlins. I’m well aware of the thought processes causing these issues and I need to just chip away at them. (warning: my therapist is off this week because Passover so there may or may not be more posts like this. I make no promises either way.)
  4. we used to have a smallish dog and she’d do the same thing to people on the couch. If you were lying on it she’d worm her way in between you and the back of it for a nap and then out of nowhere you’re halfway on the floor. All of the pics of this breed on Wikipedia are cute and derpy. This guy just wants to fuck some shit up. I knew this was a thing and yet it never occurred to me to try it. Thanks! Okay, you get an exception. Mostly because I don’t want to get shoved in the mud if our spartan actually happens. lmao if the derpy cat is the animal I *want* to be, this one is definitely the one I actually *am*. Love it. Of course you deserved it. I bullshit papers, not compliments. Also, blanket apology for not posting in your thread more often, or anyone else’s right now. I’m lurking a lot but actual interaction is a struggle.
  5. lol y'all don't need to sad face this. It's no loss. I just want to make sure I didn't accidentally post elsewhere, since I've done that on more than one occasion.
  6. From now on if anyone asks me what kind of animal I want to be for some stupid icebreaker or something I'm answering this guy, based on looks alone. edit: derpy cat
  7. Did I accidentally post my daily rant about my life in someone else’s thread?? I wrote it out and I swear I hit submit but it’s not here and I’m so confused.
  8. <33 always glad to help roommate has met my parents and years ago before all this started I told someone I had a “complicated” relationship with them and she was like “what? They’re not that bad.” Which makes sense bc that’s how abusive people work. But it’s just not worth the argument trying to convince her that I’m right atm, especially given that her dad has fucking cancer. Oh well. tbh I kinda like burnt popcorn. I could handle that. But I usually manage to burn it without trying so the way my life works it would come out perfectly if I actually wanted it to burn. mine don’t jump down, they just huff disapprovingly if you move and disrupt them. I’ve kicked boobcat so many times because he likes to sleep at the foot of the bed. During the day FK will make a nest out of 2-3 pillows on my bed. At night he invites himself under the covers and then does this thing where he spins around in a circle to drag them all with him so they get bunches up, making him a little pillow/cushion thing he can put his head on while firmly planting all 4 feet in my stomach and somehow stealing even more covers. It’s insane.
  9. Monday is winning already. I am thisclose to lighting everything on fire.
  11. Did something similar to this. Started doing small things like making coffee, taking a shower, etc. Took some trash out, did some banking on my phone, stuff that wasn’t completely necessary but feels good to have done. Still not having a great day but at this point I can’t say I’ve done *nothing* today. Blah.
  12. Today was supposed to be a day of getting things done and not just sitting around doing nothing. Instead I am anxious as fuck over vague unnamed things, which means I have no way of resolving the anxiety. And I’m still sitting around doing nothing which is making me even more anxious because regardless of what I “should” be doing, I really don’t like sitting around being useless and I just want to get something done. I need this whole virus thing to be resolved ASAP.
  13. I was trying to block Fat Kitty from eating Boobcat’s food and he managed to go sliding down the stairs. I feel terrible. 😭 He seems fine but he’s a fragile old fart with arthritis and I hope he’s not hurt. I have not changed my sheets because when I went down to get the clean ones I found them on top of a pile of super dusty things... a foot away from my empty laundry basket. So I’m not putting dusty sheets on my bed and I’m waiting for them to finish drying again. Sure I could have gotten them a lot sooner than I did but who the fuck chooses to put clean anything on top of dirty shit instead of in the laundry basket that’s right fucking there??? In other fun news, my brother has no days off coming up for at least two weeks because one of his coworkers is sick with something so they all have to cover. He said this guy doesn’t think it’s Coronavirus and they’re not sure who decided he couldn’t work (eg his doctor, the store, etc) but it is what it is. Thankfully the union has been pushing had to protect the employees so they all have purell and N95s and whatnot. But it’s still not fun to think about. Plus my brother has a massive unkempt beard that gets in the way of the mask fitting properly anyway. Part of me just want to start wearing a mask around my house 24/7 because these idiots have no concept of personal hygiene or not sharing germs. FK just came back up from downstairs and jumped up on my super high bed instead of using one of several alternative routes he usually takes via things lower to the ground. Guess he’s okay after all.
  14. Didn’t get out of bed til ~8:30pm. Every time I woke up I’d blink and magically it’d be like an hour later. Not great for my sleep schedule or for eating properly. Heard back from my doctor, she said sprains can take 1-2 weeks to heal. Not sure if that means she thinks it’s a sprain or if she was just saying that since I asked if it could be. But the more I think about it (and walk on it, and compare it to past sprains), the more I think it definitely is. Fml. Even if I lose the weight and get healthier my ankles are still going to be fucked. Whee. I’ve been doing reasonably well on my challenge goals so far. Haven’t done a lot of moving around but, def not enough to hit the daily goal, but given the ankle situation I’m being a little lenient for now. I’ll slowly start working on PT exercises next week. now back to my video game where I can ignore everything else.