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fleaball

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Everything posted by fleaball

  1. oh. Also. Last week my father had an echocardiogram on Thursday. On Friday morning his doctor calls and says that she's putting in a cardiology referral because while it's not an immediate life or death issue she does want him to see a specialist about what was found. It's been a week now and no one had called to schedule that yet. I've told him he can just call the cardiology department and they'll see the referral in there. He decided to send his doctor a message saying they haven't called him yet. Jesus Christ she's not your mom. Or theirs. If anything she'll just tell him to call himself. I cannot fucking handle this shit. and because I'm an asshole I went into his account and looked at the report myself. Regurgitation in several valves, I think? Regurgitation was definitely the keyword I just wasn't clear on whether it's in just one part and was visible on other views, or if it's affecting all the valves. Idk. He had an echo done a couple years ago as well and idk if anyone told him about it but this one said it's worse now compared to then. So that's fun. If he dies of heart disease then he dies of heart disease, I don't fucking care. I do want to know if this is something I could develop though. I remember his mother had something weird going on with a heart valve, maybe that it wasn't closing right or something? I wasn't really looped in on any of that. maybe I should buy a mega millions ticket while we're out. I'm pretty sure it's still over a billion dollars. That would be nice. I'll buy a fucking island where no one can bother me ever again.
  2. This has been a week of Mondays I swear to god. Tuesday was anxiety over thing 1 and thing 2's shit that had nothing to do with me. So I slept like shit that night and wound up cancelling therapy half an hour beforehand because I just didn't have the spoons. Really could have used the appointment but I couldn't focus on anything to save my life. Rest of Wednesday sucked. At like 1:30 Thursday morning Fat Kitty stood in the middle of the hallway outside my father's door and started singing the song of his people. My father woke up and then spent at least three hours in a mood because he couldn't get back to sleep. (I have been begging him to ask his pcp or the fucking sleep specialist he's seen multiple times to do some blood work because literally none of the myriad medications he's been prescribed are helping. He continues to just... not do that. Now has a sleep study scheduled in June and I'm praying to any deity who'll listen for there to be a cancellation that gets him in like, tomorrow.) I don't know if or when he got back to sleep but he spent the day in a miserable fucking mood and made sure everyone knew it. So I was walking on eggshells so I didn't set him off again. Ugh. Now it's 3a Friday, I'm still stressed af, and we're going fucking microwave shopping at 11. Unless I can convince him to get the one RES recommended. I'm pretty sure he doesn't think any of my internet friends are real so that may not help. also. Currently in Pokémon go you get a bonus if you trade Pokémon with people. At the end of fucking December this dude posted on discord asking if anyone wanted to, turns out he's like a mile away so I'm like sure let's do it. We're *still* working on those plans. I've said several times "pick a time and place and I'll be there" just to try to move things along. We're supposed to meet up this weekend and istg I just want to block him on everything and move on with my life rather than wait days between messages. But that's not a grownup response so idfk. fuck it. My finger slipped and I blocked him on pogo and discord. Still not a grownup response but this dude is talking about how we have to find somewhere dog friendly because his dog doesn't like being left alone. A) I'm pretty sure he lives in the exact area we were meeting judging by in-game photos, and b.) your dog can't survive half an hour alone? Jesus dude. anyway. Tl;dr I hate everyone and everything. but a cute thing: this morning I woke up sleeping on my side and the cats had tucked themselves on either side of my legs and it was adorable. Yay cats.
  3. Gotcha. While I was googling "best microwave" listicles to send to my father for "research" (because he can't buy any appliances without consulting the bible of Consumer Reports) this was the top one on so many sites. It's not available in any nearby stores though and when I mentioned Amazon he rolled his eyes so idk. Not sure what the problem is; I refuse to buy from Amazon because fuck Amazon but he has no such qualms. Maybe it's just that I'm constantly telling him "my friend(s) said/recommended X." Because like, everyone is smarter and more level-headed than he is, although the bar can't get much lower there. it would be so much easier if I just bought one and took his money after. Five-years-ago flea probably would have. I'm probably still going to wind up making the decision but at the very least I'm making him drive around for it.
  4. My life is a joke. (Context: my father sees his therapist virtually on Fridays. She sometimes emails him worksheets to print and use the following week, which he usually forgets about until at least Tuesday.) - did you say you checked my email for something from my therapist? - no why would I do that? - well you've done it before. - only when you ask me to print something that's already there. - *aggrieved sigh* fine, what is the title of it? - wut - YOUVE DONE IT BEFORE WHAT DOES IT COME THROUGH AS - idk I just look for her name - FINE imma need some of these job applications I've put out to actually respond to me please. The longer I stay on the house the more likely I am to burn it down with everyone in it.
  5. yeah. still far beyond the reasonable lifespan of a goddam notebook. are you recommending this one specifically or just going "holy shit picking a microwave is not that hard!" ? If it's the latter I fully agree but I'm not forking out the money for it lol. My father is realizing how inconvenient his life is without one so it will probably happen in the next couple days.
  6. Nothing is getting done today. I've managed to shower which is an accomplishment, but that's going to be it. Stupid fucking anxiety is draining me. There's the lack of microwave, the unnecessary-but-characteristic worry about what my father and brother are going to eat sans microwave (eye roll emoji goes here), and also stress over my brother's adderall and the fact that it's impossible to get. Also not my problem and I'm fully aware of it, but he keeps asking me what to do or what to tell his doctor or can I call another pharmacy to see if they have it and of course this is all after business hours on any given day so it just feels stressful as hell. I've told him to figure it out himself (nationwide shortage isn't his fault but he still could be more proactive about refilling on time) but even when I say I'm done with a subject or problem it doesn't actually stop bothering me. and we still need a new microwave, which my father is making no indication of doing in the near future. Even though microwave food is basically what keeps him alive. So I'm also on edge about the inevitable blowup that will come when he realizes he has nothing to eat and just rages into the ether even though it's his own damn fault.
  7. That's the best part. It wasn't in his pocket. It was a full-size notebook that he apparently put on top of the hamper while cleaning and then immediately forgot about and put more clothes on top. I initially wrote that he graduated in 1969 and then realized I forgot how math works lol. Probably could have edited out that comment. Oof. I didn't notice any sparking but my brother and I did both notice a burning smell in the kitchen. Could have been that, could have been ancient dusty radiators that make that smell on a regular basis. Either way I unplugged it and told them both they're SOL. My father asked what happened to it and I really just wanted to be like "you and brother and lack of cleaning. This is why we can't have nice things." But I didn't. Because I have no energy for a fight today.
  8. lol jk, microwave doesn't need to be cleaned because it's fucking melted on the inside and we need a new one. Huzzah. my plan for Tuesday was to finish my dishes and work on a job application. Now it's probably going to be take a really fast shower and go with my father to get a new microwave and try not to kill him in the process. i might still do the dishes. Probably not the application if I have to use all my spoons on not-murder. edit so this post isn't entirely a downer: I did do dishes and clean the kitchen sink. I just didn't do all my dishes because it was hurting my back. I also completed an obnoxious mini game in Final Fantasy X that I have never managed to do before, which is fucking awesome and I never want to have to do again. And target had my favorite chapstick in stock which they haven't had for ages. Yay, positive things.
  9. Next fucking task I have to do because I live with animals: clean the microwave that may or may not have fucking mold in it. Which I only noticed after heating my food. Christ on a pogo stick.
  10. A fun bit of information about the washed notebook: it was from his college. Which he graduated from in 1979 [edited because math] and which ceased to exist in 1982. That notebook was older than me and quite possibly older than most people reading this post right now. when I joke about my house being on Hoarders one day, I'm not joking.
  11. Caught up on everyone I've been missing. Might go poke some newb threads later. Dishes are on hold for now. My father is in one of his fucking moods. It's been snowing for a couple hours and for some reason they haven't treated the roads yet. No plows, no sand trucks, nothing. Somewhere around noon he decided he had to go to an urgent care to get a rash on his arm looked at. So he went to one like ten miles away instead of the one across the street. (In his defense the one he went to is part of the hospital system we use, while the one across the street is not. Good decision on days you can see more than a few inches in front of you.) So he was stressed tf out driving to the place on an untreated highway, because god forbid he take an extra two minutes driving on not-highway streets. He finds out this rash is like every other goddamn rash he keeps getting. He said while he was waiting for them to discharge him he could hear them saying "omg he came out in this weather just for that??" which is not helping his mood. And then he got to drive home in the same conditions. He's home now, he's pissed at himself and the world and he's embarrassed about what they said, and basically there's just a big ol' dark cloud all through the house because when he's in a mood everyone has to know it. So yeah no I'm not going to be in the kitchen for any reason right now. In lieu of dishes (which I may still do later idk) I've already cleaned my humidifer and out away laundry I did and folded several days ago but left in the basket. I kiiiiinda want to clean under my bed and hunt spiders but I also like, really do not want to disturb Aragog and his family if that's actually what's happening. I may just read a book like an actual human. Who knows.
  12. dishes SUCK. I do have music on when I do just about anything and it does help. But also fuck dishes. And anything else related to adulting. >__> I’d prefer no spiders. But yeah if I have to get bit I better get superpowers out of this. Fuck. Spiders.
  13. I know this takes spoons which are currently limited in supply rn, but can you go to HR and say that boss is fucking targeting you for shit and using you as the scapegoat for things that are his fucking job? sending all the hugs Bean.
  14. Grumpy flea is grumpy. Itchy skin things seem to have fucked off but the bug bites I woke up with the other day do in fact seem to be spider bites so now I have to burn everything to the ground. Like there are two puncture marks close to each other in each place and that’s what happened the time I know it was 100% a spider that bit me so… fuck. (Gem from my father: “aren’t black widows the only ones that bite?”) challenge is still meh. I decided I am going to scrap it and now I need to figure out what to do for the remaining time. It’s gonna be batcave shit and possibly playing with food prep but I really should not attempt to Do All The Things. otoh if I burn down the house because spiders I won’t have to clean. Hmm, decisions decisions. i need to catch up on so many threads. Maybe that will be my goal today. Yeah, okay. Catch up with everyone, and do dishes/clean the sink. I can handle that. Maybe.
  15. and I’m happy to hear THIS because even though she said it was a normal thing I’ve literally never heard anyone else mention it. My shitty old pcp hadn’t heard of it either and said it must be acid reflux. shitty family club high five! this makes sense. I just get annoyed bc half the time my list consists of simple one-time things that are easy to do and then I still don’t do them. And now that I’ve written it out yeah that’s what you’re saying is that too many can be overwhelming. Duh. “foolishness” is the nicest way to put it. I’m just glad it wasn’t his phone. In the pre-smartphone era he lost THREE phones to the washing machine. Why bother emptying your pockets when you could just… not?
  16. Words I love to hear before I've had coffee: "when you get a second can you go down and make sure I didn't ruin the washer and dryer?" He washed a whole-ass notebook with his laundry. And then proceeded to put said laundry in the dryer too. I'll be back later with an update and replies. I just had to share this.
  17. Can y'all convince me I'm not a terrible person? I went to CVS just now (10:30p) to get my brother's prescription. There was a guy talking with the pharmacist about birth control that insurance denied or something - he was really agitated and talking about how the archdiocese was blocking it despite it being for a medical condition and he was going to punch the cardinal. (I hope he does.) And I'm standing in line going "I should tell him about GoodRx or Cost Plus bc that doesn't solve the problem but it's something" and then he left and I was like "should I follow him no that weird wtf" and now I feel bad about not saying anything. but also like, maybe don't follow an angry older man and interject yourself in his issues? But yeah the gremlins are running wild with this one since I'm supposed to solve everyone's problems and whatever. I just want to do the eye roll emoji a half dozen times here.
  18. I quit. Last night instead of Thursday's bedtime pills I took Friday morning's pills for some reason. So I slept like shit because no melatonin and I now feel like shit because no allergy pill. I also woke up with several bug bites on one arm. Not the mystery itchy things, actual bug bites. That's awesome, now I'm back to "there better not be spiders in my bed." Plus more stupid itchy bumps which I'm starting to suspect may be related to my favorite pair of pajama shorts because they only seem to pop up when I'm wearing those ones, which I've had for years and wash on hot and should not be causing any sudden issues. Today feels like a great day to crawl back under the covers and hide from the world. it's snowing out though so that's pretty. And my brother actually cleaned up a mountain of his shit in the dining room that we've been asking him to clean up for weeks, so that's positive. I owe replies to a number of comments here. I'll get around to that eventually if my brain ever starts up again.
  19. New goal: get rid of all my stuff on facebook asap and then never accumulate shit ever again. Way too much anxiety involved in this. Mostly all in my head as a result of programming. But ugh. Now I have to get up at 8:30 to put something outside. I could have my brother do it because he'd still be awake, but anxiety wouldn't let me sleep until/unless the person said they got it anyway if I don't put it out myself. This is dumb. on the flip side, I swear every single thing I get rid of makes my room feel bigger and brighter. So I have to suck it up for now because it pays off in the end. And then work on just not accumulating useless shit. Baby steps. challenge wise, not doing so hot. Actually fuck it I'm failing. Once again after writing the goals down and making them real I've just totally fucking lost interest. As I write this I'm wondering if I should just scrap the challenge as a whole, yet again. And instead maybe just focus on the building the bat cave stage, clearing what I can out of my room and finding ways to reduce the mental clutter as well. It makes sense and in theory is not a bad option, but I worry that in reality it's just me making excuses again. Mehhhhh of course this all comes up after I've had therapy for the week and now have to wait til next Wednesday to discuss it. anyway. Plan for Thursday. - grab my laundry from the cellar because I forgot about it - motherfucking dishes - make couscous - page through a cookbook my father got from the library since it's due soon - wash vacuum filter - make FK an appointment - mayyyyyybe clean out under half my bed that should only need swiffering and not the vacuum - maybe more laundry. probably not but a girl can dream
  20. I did take a shower yesterday. Took laundry downstairs and then realized I didn't want to deal with the dusty cellar so did not do laundry. Did nothing else on the list. so today, nail polish and food items have been posted to Facebook with varying degrees of success; one load of laundry is in the dryer and another in the wash; clothes and groceries have been put away; kitchen things have been moved; and Pokémon guy has been messaged. I was planning on cooking but I think that would use more spoons than I'd like. Yay productivity. I want to do more things but also want to do none of the things. I have a fun new stomach pain to hyperfixate on as well as several more itchy things that popped up and are annoying the hell out of me. Not worried about the itchy things now that I know what they are (or aren't, anyway) but they literally itch 24/7 and I'm over it. In the time it's taken me to write this much and go switch my laundry, I've lost basically all motivation. Two people claimed stuff on FB and then ghosted so that's not helping. I will let myself off the hook for now. If motivation magically reappears I'll do something else, if not I'll just read a book or something. I need to stop with the all or nothing shit. also my father is getting an echo done tomorrow. I'm curious about why bc afaik there are no heart issues in his family. As much as I want him to drop dead soon, I hope his doctor didn't order it because she suspects an issue that could be inherited.
  21. I am congested af and feel like shit and really not looking forward to this to do list. Can we all just pretend that post doesn't exist?
  22. Things I *will* fucking do on Tuesday: - at least 1 load of laundry - move rarely used kitchen items into a storage thing so I have more shelf space - post nail polish on Facebook - put away a pile of clothes - put away a bag of groceries - take a shower - wash my vacuum's filter Things I will do this week: - clean out and vacuum under my bed again - cry over evidence of spiders on things under my bed - post random clothing and food items on facebook - cook some goddamn food - make FK a vet appointment - have a breakdown over the fact that FK is 19 or 20 and any vet appointment could be his last - message a local guy about trading pokemon god I'm already exhausted just looking at this list.
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