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Everything posted by fleaball

  1. omg. I love my cats and they’re both lower maintenance than the other humans in this house. But Jesus Christ I wish they would just chill the fuck out for ten minutes and let me breathe. also, does anyone know how many piranhas it takes to erase a ~6ft human from existence? and where to get that many piranhas? asking for a friend.
  2. Yessss. When someone in California says 89 is too hot, I am totally validated lol. Anything above like 70 is too hot for me.
  3. Goals for Saturday: - refill my pill holder for the week - read through at least one of the cookbooks I have on my library app and return it - go to CVS to pick up my meds and a birthday card for my brother. who's 30 today. on paper, at least. I wanted to walk to CVS because it’s less then a quarter mile, but it’s going to be 89F and super fucking humid. Miiiight be a bad idea. Even if I could afford it it would be stupid for me to have a car right now, but I really miss being able to just go to whenever I want. Bah. Actually. Scrap that idea. If I were to walk I’d want to wear shorts and a tank top and I haven’t shaved anything in months. Didn’t stop me from wearing that exact outfit to the dermatologist, but I figured if the grossest thing they’d ever seen was a girl who hadn’t shaved in a while, they weren’t doing their jobs right. Okay I’m mostly joking. I actually just hate body hair, especially when the wind is blowing. But I’m also far too lazy to keep up with it.
  4. Holy shit dude, you've had a hell of a year already. Sending sympathy and good vibes your way. ❤️ How do you like Cronometer? I downloaded it a while ago for the micronutrient tracking but I haven't actually used it yet.
  5. Blanket warnings: the biggest part of my vocabulary is 4-letter words; I whine a lot about mental health issues and shitty home life; I talk about my cats a lot but never post cat tax.
  6. I was going to offer a high five for being someone else with CPTSD but... that's not really a high five kind of thing. Sympathetic high five I guess? Also, respectfully, your mom is full of shit.
  7. I was literally just coming here to say "hey I'm glad you don't work in a hospital anymore." And then I got caught up before posting. Yikes.
  8. https://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/116924-flea-is-here-for-the-participation-trophy/
  9. I showed up, that's gotta count for something right? I'm still not feeling challengey but I should probably attempt something. Let's consider these last two weeks prep for a real challenge. 7/12-7/18: - seriously for reals finish off all the non-vegan products I have and stop buying more so this stops being a goal - figure out a schedule for how often to check my blood sugar and follow it - also figure out a schedule for eating since I'm bad at doing that - also also figure out how grocery shopping works - dust and reorganize TWO shelves in my room. just two. - take all my vitamins daily 7/19-7/25: - maybe get blood tests done before doctor appointment next week? - keep checking blood sugar - figure out some kind of realistic exercise schedule - dust and reorganize two more shelves - keep taking vitamins - figure out a meditation schedule apologies to the rest of the world for the dates; I never got used to DD/MM even when I was living in countries that did it that way.
  10. fleaball

    Rebels Juice Bar

    I'm Flea, I'm hella late here, and since there seems to be a theme - I know the Greek alphabet? But only in uppercase, because my fraternity was kind of a joke. Or at least my chapter was. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  11. My key takeaway: we can still be friends because you guys hang your toilet paper the right way.
  12. Fucking lawl. I just read my last post back to myself and I realized the way I know y’all are actually my friends/family is I’m not afraid to tell you when I didn’t do something or when I tried and bombed it. I don’t love saying I didn’t do something, but I don’t feel the need to hide it either.
  13. Yeah. I’m slowly training myself not to share everything with my family, but it’s slow going. Trying to redirect to begging for attention here instead, with an eventual goal of getting the approval from myself instead of elsewhere. Yuuuuuup. So many of my toxic friendships started like this and I’ve only realized it recently. And it’s why I’m lowkey terrified of actual relationships. But that’s what therapy is for, I guess.
  14. Welp, my adulting thing for the day is calling the derm office because the written instructions I got said not to touch it for 48 hours but I was told verbally to change the bandage after 24. The nurse I spoke to said it’s 48 but given it’s in an area that sweats a lot it’s likely wet so I should change it anyway. So I did. There’s a hell of a bruise, but my skin is much angrier about the bandage adhesive than it is about the wound itself. This is going to be a super fun two weeks.
  15. Oh no, I hear you. I’m just a petty bitch too. I knew it would piss him off and I knew he’d never help me anyway, so I definitely did it on purpose and didn’t lose anything by it. I just expected more of a “ewww noooo” or some kind of performative “I wish I could but you know I can’t handle that stuff, I’m sorry I’m a terrible person etc.” Walking out of the room wasn’t anticipated. I do really need to work on grey rocking more though. My need for (positive) attention/approval means I share way too much information and I need to scale that shit back in a big way.
  16. I asked my father if he’d be willing to take out my single suture for me since I took care of his ear for weeks. He literally just walked out of the room. I wasn’t expecting a yes and I was only asking as a way to dig at him, but I wasn’t expecting that reaction either. Womp womp. I found paper tape that sticks reasonably well and just put a huge strip of it across my side over the existing bandaid. Definitely going to make sure I keep it clean if nothing else. The last thing I want is an infection.
  17. I’m supposed to keep this goddamn wound covered for two weeks. While sweating balls in ridiculous weather, and being allergic to adhesive, and trying not to move my entire left side because every time I do it dislodges the bandage. I don’t regret asking them to remove and test it but I’m probably going to complain about it every day for the next 13 days.
  18. #3 sounds like something out of the Saw franchise. Wasn’t it a medieval torture method too? yeah no. I was gonna google it to be sure but I really don’t need to see those search results.
  19. You’re saying that like I’m not doing anything at all. Just because I’m not reporting it here doesn’t mean nothing’s happening. Also, I could move halfway across the world right now and I would still be afraid to exercise. I would still be afraid of cooking. And getting a job and talking to strangers and everything else that bothers me right now. This isn’t just a situational thing where if my father disappears from my life I magically become a fully functional human. This is all a result of decades of trauma and making a scene every time he does something that bothers me isn’t going to change any of that. And considering I’m currently stuck living here with no other options for the foreseeable future thanks to my country being a dumpster fire, why the fuck would I start antagonizing him and making it all worse? That’s hilarious. I totally agree though. I was giving him time after retirement to get used to it and realize he was bored out of his mind, and then boom, virus shuts everything down. He’s climbing walls right now because he hates being stuck in the house. Unfortunately he’s far too technologically challenged to do any kind of remote volunteering or anything, so I’m waiting for things to open back up a bit. I do have a small list going of things to push him into, they’re just not options right now. (He expressed interest in volunteering at the VA but even if they were looking for people right now I’d talk him out of going to a hospital on a regular basis.)
  20. The flaw in your plan is assuming he has friends. But no, he's such a professional victim that even if i were to shame him publicly I would be the bad guy and he'd be totally unfazed by it. See Tank's reply. Plus this behavior can be easily explained away. Which he's tried with me. "I'm just curious. I'm just trying to talk to you. I'm just trying to take an interest in what you're doing." So then it's my fault for not letting him in.
  21. Aaaaaaaand I’m pretty sure my father is jacking off in the shower. With the bathroom door open. What are boundaries again?
  22. So. Today I went to a dermatologist to get a tiny mole checked out because it was bleeding a week or two ago and fuck that. She looks at it and first says it looks like an irritated mole, then that it could be an ingrown hair. If I've had an ingrown hair on my side for several years I think there would be other problems? But she said she could remove it if I wanted and I said yes, because between my father's skin cancer and his mother having it as well, I'm not playing games. There's now a single stitch in my side and I have to go back in 2 weeks to get it taken out. So annoying. It's right in the bra band area too, so it's a good thing I don't have any reason to wear a bra for now. In other news, on Sunday I decided I'm just going to do one adulting/productive thing to call a day a win. And so far I'm 5/5 for that. It's such a low bar, but it does feel good to look back at the end of the day and be like "yep, did my thing. good work." I wish the weather weren't so miserable so I could get more done. If I wanted tropical humidity I would live in the tropics. Not fucking New England. I hate being hot and sweaty. If I'm working out that's one thing, it comes with the territory. But working up a sweat just by existing? Fuck that. Today didn't actually feel as terrible to me as it was supposed to, until I'd gone out and then came back to realize my house was like 10 degrees hotter than outside was. And now I'm bored. I'm at the end of FFXII again and just doing a few pain in the ass random questy things to finish it off 100%, and I'm bored of it. But I want to finish it. But I'm bored. Meh.
  23. This has been on the to do list for a long time and I just... haven't. I have a similar issue with exercise as I do with cooking. If I go do literally anything, even just go for a walk, my father starts in on an interrogation. When I was doing couch to 5k a few years ago I'd come home right around the time he was leaving for work and every. single. time. he would ask me how long I went for, what distance I covered, how did I decide those lengths, etc. And I would tell him every time that I had an app on my phone that told me when and how. And then we'd do the same thing the next day and he'd get mad that I was annoyed by it. There are other examples but that's the easiest one to share. So it just makes me reluctant to do literally anything. Obviously I need to get past it but ugh. Yeahhhh I should figure this out too. I'm so used to boundaries not being a thing I forget I should still have them. Definitely hoping for this too. Ah, baby steps. My mortal enemy. But yeah I can probably make this work better than "must walk a 5k or it doesn't count." Starbucks delivers on UberEats. But nah, I skipped it on purpose when I got up and then by the time I was actually feeling the lack of it it was too late to have any if I want to attempt sleeping tonight.