fleaball

nvm they figured it out

welp. PA who initially checked me out was like "yeahhhh you def have reason to be checked for a clot." So at least I'm not crazy or overreacting. But they ordered labs and the "is it a blood clot" one was negative - I pulled it up on my phone for the doc who just came in but hadn't seen it yet and he was like "yeah definitely good you came in but with that result you're fine." Huzzah. so not a clot for either of us. That's good news. Also annoying bc okay, now what? Apparently I've been misinformed and covid lasts 7-10 days, you're just not contagious after 5? Which is weird but whatever. When I got to the er for myself they still had my father sitting in the little triage room and not in the main waiting room with other patients. So when they were triaging me I was like "hey my father is also isolating over there, can I just go in that room rather than take up space here?" And somehow that was interpreted as "hey you should see us both at the same time." Which is weird but okay. They aren't concerned about a clot for him at all, just that it's probably still covid being a dick. And of course bc it's the er it's just "we made sure you're not dying but we can't help you with it beyond that." Meh.

lawl. Did a virtual urgent care visit to say "hey tell me I'm overreacting" and the guy was like "nope, go directly to the ER, do not pass go." Ugh. What a fucking waste of my time. The front desk lady who yelled at me that I couldn't be there with my father is probably going to be like "why the fuck are you back??"

They had me take him to the ER to make sure it's not a blood clot since it's been going on for a while and covid can make them more likely. ER said I couldn't stay with him bc I had covid recently (totally understandable when I asked previously when I'm considered free of it I was told 5 days so wtf). guess who's now freaking the fuck out about her coughing and chest burning today. God help me. That I would understand. But it was def a call and was displaying on her car's screen as such. And the quality was terrible enough that it had to be speakerphone lol

As soon as I posted he called and said "I'm here. Never let me do that again." I tried not to. So now I am indeed getting in an expensive Uber that he will be paying for so I can pick him up. Or the car if they send him somewhere. Wish me luck. edit: I think my driver is listening to a church service of some kind on speakerphone? Like someone there called her? Idc but it seems a little weird too.

Please send spoons and patience. my father continues to have anxiety about his breathing and whatever the fuck else idek. Decided to go to urgent care 20 minutes away while it's raining and dark. I asked several times if he wanted me to drive him. (I don't want to but if he gets in an accident and takes out someone else I'd be pissed too.) He keeps saying no. He gets 5 minutes into the drive and calls me while driving saying "I'm at [landmark] should I turn around and get you?" To drive him, that is. I have to ask questions to clarify then say yes please do at this point. Or just go park at the nearby target and I'll take an Uber. But he's still driving while this conversation is happening and now he's at a point where he can't turn around easily so forget it, "i don't want to get there too late too be seen so I'll just get back on 93 and hope I don't kill myself or anybody else." Jesus Christ. Should I just get a fucking Uber and meet him at the urgent care so we don't do this again on the way back? "I'll let you know what they say." in the meantime I'm having my own breathing issues although I'm 97% sure it's asthma/reflux/my body doing its normal shit but I'm just hyperaware of issues because covid. Like it's a definite Thing that because of my asthma a cough will last long after whatever caused it cleared up because my lungs suck, and also reflux aggravates the asthma and makes me cough too, so it's just a ball of suck. I'm not terribly concerned but the ptsd is still there making it a bigger issue. And now I'm like, do I make myself dinner like I was planning? do I wait and see what happens with my father? Should I cross my fingers I just get a phone call from emergency services in a few hours saying he wrapped his car around a pole but nobody else was hurt? Idk. This was the other reason I never wanted him to get covid - even if he magically didn't give it to me he'd be even more insufferable in the aftermath. At this point I hope he drops dead and I can cash out my half of the investment account and just bounce. I would also totally say "whoops can't go to the funeral because I'm still covid-y, sorry." I'm not entirely serious. But still. ngl I get a little nervous when I say I hope he dies because what if it turns into some kind of monkey's paw thing. Like okay he dies but it happens when I'm in the car and I wind up being a quadriplegic and needing the money I inherit to pay for care instead or something. (It's not actually a ton of money. But that would be my luck anyway.) ugggggggghhh

Grudgingly cleaned my humidifier. It's not hard I just hate doing it. Also cleaned my night guard per dentist instructions so hopefully there's no covid on it. It's been a week since I wore it so fingers crossed. Did not Lysol the shit out of everything and instead opted just to wash my hands every five seconds because there's no fucking point in cleaning up after him. He continues to cough and sneeze without covering his mouth and I continue to daydream about finding his lifeless body on the floor some morning. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I also did some other small chore things that weren't on the list and hoo boy did my body not like that much movement, although I do like seeing more of my room clean now. Friday I need to change my sheets, eat a frozen meal, and finish cleaning out my grad school Google drive since it's getting shut down in November. I have the dumbest fucking cats yall. I bought two identical beds from Target and they keep fighting over one of them. If that one is in use the left out cat will go off and sulk rather than get into the identical one two feet away. boobcat actually bopped FK on the head while he was sleeping in it earlier and it was hilarious but he's still dumb.

I mean, being a mandated reporter and all I think she's required to discourage me from that, or at least not know it's happening. But I'm pretty she'd unofficially support me if there were a real life purge night or something. She's as done with his shit as everyone here lmao. ❤️

So there's a blood draw aspect of this covid study too and they send someone to your house to do it. There are 5 tubes and the lady barely put anything in the last one and was like "I'm not gonna stick you again, I hope they can use that one." Really??? So now I'm low key freaking out that it's unusable but it's not like it's my fault or anything I had control over. Gremlins suck. Too bad knowing you're being irrational doesn't make you stop being irrational. and then there's the lovely fact that the thing on my arm looks weirder now, probably still totally benign but they're booked solid anyway so I can't get in sooner at least as of right now. Asked my brother to take another picture for me, he says later. Asked my father to do it and he's too fucking dumb to figure out how to zoom in and focus. I would 100% do it myself if not for the fact that I've already tried and even in a mirror it's impossible to get a good clear picture on my own due to where it is. I'm not surprised they both suck but it's still rather infuriating given how much I help them both with their issues. And I swear my brother is the only person who smokes weed and becomes an even bigger asshole instead of chilling the fuck out. anyway. Have done none of the things I said I would do so far. Plenty of day left, I'm just in a mood and don't wanna.

My brother was supposed to be off tonight but got called in bc someone else can't be there. Now I have to wake up to feed the cats instead of sleeping. Boo. messaged the dermatologist again, said hey just to clarify I do have an appointment in December, does this mystery thing need to be looked at sooner or can it wait? Doc said it can wait but keep an eye on it and report back if [various symptoms] happens. So now I'm checking it every five minutes to see whether it's a different color than last time or if anything else has changed. Dear brain, pretty sure that's not how this works. Now I'm questioning whether I should try to get a sooner appointment anyway. Blaaaaaaah stupid ptsd. 0/10 would not recommend this either. things I have to do on Thursday: - Lysol the shit out of everything my father keeps touching bc I'm pretty sure he's still sick - disinfect my night guard - clean my humidifier Fat Kitty would also like everyone to know that I am a terrible person because he was asleep and I had to disturb him in order to get in the bed that he somehow takes up half of. He'll get over it, but he wanted everyone to know his pain.

I love when you're on the wait list for a doctor/dentist and they call with "someone cancelled tomorrow at 9 can you be here?" and they're like mad when you say sorry no. Yes you're doing me a favor offering me this spot but I can't just drop everything on short notice. On that note, I cancelled last week's dentist appointment because of all the not-covid reasons I felt shitty, and now they're booking into March. Oops. Made a March appointment and if I get in sooner great. Until then I should probably step up my dental hygiene game. 😕 my father is having some kind of prolonged anxiety episode right now because despite getting a mostly clean bill of health from the ER last week he still feels like he can't breathe. used his emergency inhaler, has taken some of the (expired) anxiety medication he was prescribed last year, and is currently just being more annoying than usual and I want to hit him with something. on the challenge front, when I'm not feeling lazy I will update the first post with an additional goal of taking a probiotic every day because I've fallen away from that. Took it already for today so I win. I've done a bit of light cleaning and getting my room sorted which is making me feel better. will attempt to eat a healthy snack later and call it a day.

i want to steal this baby omg. if i ever manage to move out I'll be getting my own cat asap and i want a black one. boobcat will lure you in with his adorableness and then try to flay you alive. it's awesome. yeah my father is a fucking piece of work. he also thought the anti-viral meds worked like an antibiotic and once he finished the course he'd be cured. istg this man is too stupid to be alive. i just don't want to deal with making the mac & cheese if it's not going to be enjoyable lol. I had some ginger turmeric chicken broth the other day and it was just like drinking salt water. god don't remind me it's almost next year. I haven't done anything so far 😧 flea: idk the only thing I can think of right now to improve my situation is patricide. therapist: don't commit patricide, you wouldn't do well in jail. so great minds think alike. we just need a better idea.

I am absolutely terrible about this myself, but what if you just stopped telling your mom things? Let her find out you bought a house when you're packing the moving van. also proud of you for not hitting the liquor store. well done.

Teeniest tinyest silver lining of getting covid: signed up for a research study at the hospital. It doesn't pay but if I had to get stuck with this shit at least someone can benefit. yay science. And there's a new addition to my ongoing medical drama. Early last week I noticed a weird red spot on my arm that definitely wasn't there before. Finally got my brother to take a photo of it for me to send to the dermatologist, got a message back from a nurse saying "yeah that needs to be seen, the scheduler will call you." Great. I'm not worried about it at all but it's just one more thing on the list of things wrong with me right now and one more appointment to drag my ass into town for. Blehhhh. whatever. Gonna let zero week be zero week while I see how everything else turns out but will still unofficially be trying to meet my goals. oh man I just got the strongest craving for kraft mac & cheese. But I'm pretty sure there's no point to eating that if I can't taste it; would probably just be weird gloop. I'm tempted to brush my teeth and then drink some orange juice just to see if I can taste any of it. I won't. But only because I don't have orange juice and I'm too lazy to get some. But still.

socially distant high five for the boo covid club! was it that long ago already? Yeesh. I thought you just had it. ngl when I got the result my first thoughts were "goddammit" and "that motherfucker..." You'd think that with his head so far up his ass he'd be protected, but no.

I'm interested to hear what you think of Bistro MD as you try more of them. I was considering that one for a bit.

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hugs for both of you ❤️

So. Covid-19. 0/10 would not recommend. Especially not when other parts of your body are imploding at the same time. So between covid recovery and having a bunch of doctor appointments to figure out mysteries during this challenge period, I have no clue what I can or can't or should be doing right now. It's fun. Therefore, super duper bare minimum challenge time! 1 - journal or meditate every single day for any amount of time 2 - do some other kind of healthy or self-care thing every day and report it here no less than every other day here's a boobcat

Surprise, another rant from flea. I just need to get this out before I kill someone.

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