fleaball

lurking again

woot woot

Last minute dentist appointment this morning so no time to go through the entire planned dental routine. My gums have indeed receded on the bottom which isn't great, but I'm not at full-blown gum disease yet so that's good. They gave me a small bottle of hardcore mouthwash and sent me on my way. 
 

Gonna be tired for the rest of the day now, between being woken up early by the phone call and then stressing about getting there. So glad coffee exists. 

You know it's gonna be a great challenge when you have to check your thread three times because you forgot what your goals are. 
 

1 - water goal achieved. pissed off the reflux pretty good though so I probably tried too hard and could've taken the L on that one. 
2 - didn't brush my teeth in the morning because I was planning on doing so after drinking my coffee rather than before... and then wound up just nursing the coffee for a while and forgetting about the teeth thing. Need to figure out whether I'm gonna start doing it before coffee or after. Definitely didn't think about that part. 
3 - had apple slices, a couple grapes, and the some tomatoes in a sandwich. 
4 - no big mad today to write about whee

5 - didn't check my sugar today but that's fine

❤️ 

Welp. Humidifier did not get cleaned because my brother asked me to go pick up his medicine from CVS and that used up all the spoons. Plus the small amount of walking it involved totally wrecked me. Stupid covid. 
 

so 1 out of 3 goals achieved for the day. Better than zero. I also renewed my license online and thank god they let me do that instead of going in and getting a new photo taken. The current one looks awful and I weighed 80 pounds less then than I do now. No thank you. (Have I already complained about needing a new passport and not wanting photos done for that? Because that's even worse.) 

even though the challenge hasn't started yet I hit the water, plant, and tooth brushing goals. Way to go flea. But now I'm hyper aware of the fact that my teeth hurt (even though it's probably just because I've flossed two days in a row after way too long not doing it) and it's driving me crazy. It's taking everything I have not to go down a Google rabbit hole to determine if I have some kind of gum disease and is it past the point of no return and all that. It's a bad idea on so many fronts but anxiety is a thing and the gremlins are high on it. Woooo. 
 

also I made myself food today instead of ordering something on UberEats. It took me three hours to go from deciding to do that to actually putting something in the microwave but I did it. 
 

also also. I fucking love boobcat right now. He's been hanging out on my bed most of the night and even though he doesn't really acknowledge my existence he's fucking adorable and does the cutest stretches. He is soft and silly and I like him. 

16 hours ago, Pyralis said:

Sounds like a great start! Here's to new beginnings! 

 

I know how hard it can be to take baby steps away from some kind of slob state, luckily it quickly improves (because doing anything is an improvement then, haha). Over time I've started to accept these temporary zombie periods, I mean, it would be cool to maintain a balance during the day, but guess sometimes it's only possible to maintain it via slump after high. Hope you're doing okay and wishing you best of luck that your teeth will be fine.

thanks! I'm definitely trying to power through and just start things because that's the hard part; after I do it once I don't have to "start" anymore, I just have to keep it up. Which is also hard but less so than starting fresh. At least that's what I'm telling myself lol

16 hours ago, RES said:

 

I do both, of course my journal is a Google Doc...

ugh that's so convenient how dare you! I've tried that before and I hate it. >> despite the fact that every other post I make here is more of a journal type rant, if I'm going to journal on purpose it has to be pen and paper. Which is lame. 
 

16 hours ago, Pherales said:

Humaning in general is tough, man.  Basic shit can be the most overwhelming part because the brain loves to point out how "this is basic, it should be easy, why can't you just do it?"  

 

You got this. Following along

 

For real. Like why am I struggling to drink water? I need this to live. It shouldn't be this hard.  
 

15 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Peopling is not easy. I will follow and support 

Welcome aboard, sir. 
 

14 hours ago, Ahyar Dreamspark said:

Basic humaning is indeed difficult. I shall be here to provide encouraging letters and words and sentences etc.

I appreciate all of this. 

I am making encouraging noises in your general direction!

I'm sorry the people in your life suck at this.  

Happy birthday!! I forgot to factor in the part where you live in the future and thus I messed up the timing. 

Laundry is not happening; I slept weird and my back is killing me so fuck carrying things today. Shower has been taken and while waiting for the water to heat up I happened to look in the mirror and realize I look like the fucking marshmallow guy from ghostbusters. Not loving it. 
 

Dentist did not call. Now that I think of it I'm pretty sure they close the week between Christmas and new years anyway. Which is fine, if I were having an emergency I'd have called that number; but it's not an emergency, I just suspect I've neglected myself into having gum disease. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 
 

humidifier will happen soon. As will replies to everyone. 
 

Actually no, humidifier may not happen. Showering took a lot of spoons so I may just let it go one more night. To be determined. 

Challenge goals start Sunday. Saturday goals are the perpetual to-do list of taking a shower, doing laundry, and cleaning my humidifier. And also hoping the dentist doesn't call and want to squeeze me in while my clothes are all dirty, I haven't showered in a week, and I probably won't get a ton of sleep since they open at 8:30 and it's 5:40am while I'm writing this. I am a disaster of a human being yall. 

I am doing a pretty poor job of being an actual functional person right now. Time to go back to basic shit that, if I keep up with it, will lead to feeling slightly more human and less like a zombie. 
 

1 - drink 128 ounces of water a day. [Used to hit this easily and then suddenly it's become a struggle.]
2 - brush teeth & use mouthwash in the morning/floss & use prescription toothpaste at night. [Subject to change as I'm waiting to hear back from my dentist about something that I hope I haven't fucked up.]
3 - eat minimum 2 different plants a day. [lol what even are micronutrients]
4 - when big mad, write about it in my journal instead of on the interwebs. [witty comment goes here idk]

5 - check blood sugar when I wake up at least 3 times a week. [don't be diabetic, kids.]

bonus - track all the shit in the fancy ✨wellness planner✨ I bought and feel like a fancy person 

bonus 2 - check my blood pressure for 7 straight days and send the results to my doctor bc she's thinking of lowering the dose on my meds. Yay. 

 

the gif button is failing me rn. I'll find something to put here later. 

Someone please tell me I'm not a bad person for not letting Fat Kitty hang out with me. He wouldn't stop trying to eat my food and tried to bite me when I kept pushing him away. So I scooped him off my bed and dumped him in his own. He came right back up and pulled the same shit so I scooped him again, dumped him in the hall, and shut my door. He spent over half an hour yelling and trying to get in and only succeeded because eventually had to leave my room for something. And he came up on my bed and kept giving me this super sad look when I pushed him away from my food. Idk if he still wanted the food at that point or just wanted to cuddle but neither was happening anyway. So now he put himself in his bed and he just looks so dejected. And I feel like a horrible human being. Help. 

mad face just because you said this isn't the first time. gross.

bruh. please make a complaint about this guy if you haven't already. and make sure they document the bullshit of it in the ER. 

holy fuck, what?! did he time travel from the 1700s??? i hope you're seen soon and it's not terribly serious.

sending support from the lurker zone!

you got this!

Happy birthday Emma! 💖 I hope things are getting better. 

Also I got some kind of chicken and rice soup and a gyro from a Greek place and it was all fucking delicious. Even more so when my father slowly came up the stairs sniffing the air and making a disgusted face. He said "did you get some kind of weird food?" And I said yep. Although I've gotten weirder and stinkier in the past and I don't actually know what about this meal smelled so offensive to him. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Good news: my nutritionist is going to stay with the practice she currently works for and keep seeing her Massachusetts clients even after her private practice in Minnesota gets up and running. No need to worry about that anymore yay. 
 

not bad news: my doctor thinks it's highly unlikely that I have covid again. I want to agree with her but also the uterine shenanigans started 12 days before I had any discernible symptoms last time so I'm still going to worry regardless. Wellbutrin can apparently fuck with menstrual cycles but according to her it's fairly rare. So we're just in a wait and see period again. I could email the gynecologist but when I saw her for the last bout of it she said there wasn't really anything else going on that would have explained it which means unless she's now omniscient there's nothing new she can tell me. I'm not concerned about the bleeding in and of itself I just want it to fucking stop. 
 

also not bad news: pretty sure the weird breathing issue I've had the past 48 hours is some combination of the usual asthma/reflux bullshit and also sinus congestion and some or all of the above pissing off my gag reflex. Just unfortunate that it happened at the same time as the bleeding thing and that both instantly made me think of covid. I don't fucking want covid again. 
 

my therapist is off this week and I'm kinda glad because I need sleep. (Let's ignore the fact that it's 4am right now.) My plan for the day is do laundry, clean my humidifier, and wash a bunch of silverware that needs washing. And try not to kill anyone I live with because holy shit I'm so done with them. 

My uterus has gone off schedule again and I've had weird issues when it comes to breathing. I fucking swear to god if I got covid again despite barely leaving my house and always wearing a mask when I do, I'm just going to light everything on fire. I'm hoping it's just a coincidence but I'm honestly just so done with the world right now. 

Sending good vibes and hugs if you want them. ❤️