TheGreyJedi-Ranger

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About TheGreyJedi-Ranger

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    Renegade
  • Birthday 02/07/95

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    Charlottesville, VA, USA

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    ranger

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  1. Jedi-Ranger Remembers her Training

    Well here's my week three recap. I did not work out at all. I really wanted to, but it didn't work out this time. My only weekday that I was able to work out was Wednesday and for some reason I wasn't able to go. I had planned to go yesterday but I ended up being exhausted and not having time. I was so exhausted and achy that my feet still hurt when I woke up this morning. And tonight I was gone longer than anticipated. I didn't even get all of the laundry done. I'm a little bothered, but it's okay. It is what it is. I'm calling to make a therapy appointment this week. Upon examination of my insurance, I think my therapy copay is $20-30 a visit. And since it's that cheap, I don't have any reason not to start now. So I'm going to call them tomorrow. I've got time to get all of my work outs in next week as far as I'm aware, but after that I probably won't be able to work out again until the new year. I'll be busy traveling >_> Edit: I remember why I couldn't work out on Wednesday. I strained my ankle while walking the dog and didn't wanna murder both of my ankles.
  2. Jedi-Ranger Remembers her Training

    And this, in honor of finally seeing The Last Jedi! <3
  3. Jedi-Ranger Remembers her Training

    Fair point Thanks for being part of my awesomesauce-tastic warrior squad <3
  4. Jedi-Ranger Remembers her Training

    I always feel bad if I vent too much, but I know I need to get it out. It still gets bottled up a little more than I want it to. I'm still working on getting over that a little bit. Yeah... That article kinda hit home. I've definitely been putting off any kind of help for somewhat of that reason. If I've got something diagnosable, it's probably a mix of Binge Eating Disorder/Body Dysphoria sorts of things. I'm most definitely not the poster child for anything. I'm not stereotypically anything. And my ED likes to tell me that it's not worth treatment. That I'm not worth treatment. I really like the idea of people who are battling EDs called 'warriors.' The way I look at it is this. I've been learning how to fight by myself. No formal battle tutors, just some fellow soldiers and a lot of self teaching. For some people, they can learn the ways of battle. Others need a formal armstutor. And that's what it means for me to go to therapy. Not that I'm a terrible warrior, but because I want to be better. Or, in a more timely comparison, I'm a self taught Jedi who has learned several skills but haven't truly pushed the boundaries of what it means to use the Force. I need a Master to teach me the fullness of the ways of the Force. I think validation is something that's getting increasingly important to me as someone dealing with these issues. I need validation that my problems are real and not just a product of me not being good enough. And I'm terrified that people are going to tell me that I'm wrong. That I don't have any problems aside from "willpower" and "not being good enough." But the following question from the article really made me think: My answer? I think it's been making promises that one day I'll be thin and have the exact body that I want. I feel like I'm giving up by not being patient enough to "fix" things. And I kinda am. But not in a bad way. I'm stopping the fight for a losing battle. I'm not going to get the body I think I want by doing these things. The only way to get truly healthy is to let go. Not my strong suit >_> I know that right now things are extra bad because of the stress and anxiety that I'm feeling about the coming (eventually) doctor's appointment and about going back to therapy. But I need to muster my 20 seconds of courage and make the appointment for my physical.
  5. Jedi-Ranger Remembers her Training

    Whelp. Between the twisted ankle and the headache I didn't get to the gym tonight, and i won't until my second workout >_> Oh well. It happens I guess.
  6. Jedi-Ranger Remembers her Training

    I just have to keep reminding myself that any potential adjustments to my food can wait. But I don't have to wait for those to make my gym days worth something!
  7. Jedi-Ranger Remembers her Training

    Not really as far as goals are concerned. My brain is obsessed with food in general. Is the food "good" or "bad?" Is the food going to make me gain or lose weight? Things like that. And thanks, you guys here on NF have made things a lot easier on me for the past couple years <3 Those hugs help a lot! It really is. I know my brain is wrong, but I've never been the kind of person who can wrest my thoughts patterns into a new shape with ease. I need someone to help me find ways to reframe my thoughts and feelings as well as give me ways to bloody cope with the world. Thanks, friend. I definitely needed to hear that. My 2018 health goal is just about strength. Gaining strength. And you can be physically strong whether you're 100lbs or 200lbs. What matters is that I work out regularly and enjoy it when I do it. (which I do) Food can come later, when I've managed to improve my mindset.
  8. Jedi-Ranger Remembers her Training

    So update for the past couple of days. Yesterday was a weird day. I didn't really do all that well. I was stressed, tired, and upset. I wasn't feeling very encouraged. But today I feel a little better. I still don't feel great overall. I'm down and discouraged. I keep seeing all of these new years resolutions like "lose more weight" and "you can do it if only you try." And it's really hard to wrench my thoughts away from that. Right now, I can't focus on losing weight. I need to focus on fixing my mindset. Right now my brain is still hyperfocused on food and losing weight. I need that to stop. I'm struggling with that a lot. All I can see when I look in the mirror is imperfections and problems. My food choices affect my mindset. If I eat "good food" then I'm okay. If I eat "bad food" then I'm bluesy, down, and sad. I'm trying so hard on my mindset but I'm starting to hit walls. Hence my need to start going to therapy about this mess. I'm still getting my goals, but I don't even know if they're the important part of this anymore. I don't know if I'm making a difference in my brain. Every time I see a scale I start getting obsessed with weighing myself and knowing how much I weigh. Sorry for all of my ranting.
  9. Ensi - The End Of The Map

    Congrats friend!! I'm so excited for you I'm glad things are working out!! Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk
  10. Jedi-Ranger Remembers her Training

    So my last challenge fell apart at the seams and I'm still a little sad about it. However, I learned so much about myself and my body last month/challenge that I'm going to just roll on and keep going. 2017 has been a very difficult year for me. My life has undergone several large changes in a short period and my adaptability is not very high. I need to do some recentering and figure myself out a little more. I think overall this challenge is going to be very much a playpen for myself and my goals. Trying new things figuring the old ones back out so that I can start 2018 like a boss! So part one of my challenge: defining my 2018 goals. 1) To become stronger by cultivating a habit of working out and finding activities that I love 2) To become happier by cultivating the habits of finding joy in my daily life and developing coping strategies to combat anxiety 3) To become more flexible by cultivating a habit of stretching my body regularly 4) To continue to learn by reading new books- both fiction and nonfiction And with these goals I'll define my final 2017 challenge. Goal 1- Work out 2x/week This goal is a very important goal because it directly builds into my 2018 goals. I'm going to restructure my workout plan since I've found things that don't work or that I don't like. I can use those to help build a balanced workout plan with two alternating full body workouts that don't have much- if any- overlap. (Basically my only overlap is going to be squats b/c I HATE lunges so much and would much rather do squats so I'm doing squats). One workout will be in the evening during the week, the other will be on a weekend day. Goal 2- Stretch 3x/week I'm going to stretch three times each week outside of my gym days to help improve my physical flexibility. I love stretching and flexibility, and I'm going to adjust my routine when I get home from work to accommodate it. If I'm not going anywhere, I'm going to put on a pair of comfy evening pants and a tee shirt (or sweatshirt) after work. Then I can stretch whenever I want and don't have to wait until I remove my jeans. Goal 3- Track my sleep One long term goal is to improve my mindfulness practice. I'm going to have to start getting up slightly earlier in the morning overall, which means that I need to sleep more. So I'm going to start tracking my sleep so that I can see where I am in regards of being able to get up early in the morning and relax a bit before work or whatever I do during a day. I can track my sleep in my BuJo for now, I'm hoping to get a smartwatch soon with sleep tracking in it. That will give me better tracking. And that's it. I'm only doing three goals this time to allow myself grace for the holiday season and my first Christmas with my husband. And also to get myself back into the groove since I haven't been doing much grooving recently. I'm really ready to get myself together and start being a bit more of a grown up.