TheGreyJedi-Ranger

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About TheGreyJedi-Ranger

  • Rank
    Despite her Protestations, Not Actually a Padawan
  • Birthday 02/07/1995

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    Lynchburg, VA, USA

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    ranger

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  1. Okay so I'm going to go on a rant about anxiety and work and y'all are welcome to skip it but I need to get this out. So work has been an incredible struggle the past couple of weeks. My boss and I are scrambling to do the work of twice the people we are (me with mental health issues and him with physical health issues). Things are falling through the cracks and clients are unhappy. This week, and today in particular, have been especially bad. After everything he said, I went into full shutdown and panic mode. I've had not one, but TWO out of my five employers, both of which being jobs in my supposed field of experience, have fired me with basically no notice. Or rather "Let Me Go" with no notice. Every time things start to go wrong, I start to freak out and wonder if I'm being fired. Which puts my mental health in an even worse spot, and fuels a spiral where I become a self fulfilling prophecy. As of now, I'm trying to defeat the spiral. I'm trying to be truthful with myself, but treat myself with kindness. It's tricky. I want to feel like it's absolutely vital that I do everything right every time. But not only is that wrong, that gives me anxiety and makes me afraid to do anything. Analysis Paralysis if you will. But my friend had a chat with me this weekend about unrealistic expectations on myself leading to unrealistic expectations on others and I'm... working on that. Because my unrealistic expectations were making me bitter and angry, and anytime I opened myself up to be teased (even just in good fun), I took the opportunity away from others by completely downing on myself and basically 'saying it for them.' Which isn't good at all. And only recently realized. So I'm working on relaxing my performance anxiety, and trying to feel like enough just as I am. Thorns and all.
  2. I feel you on the anxiety thing. My friend that I saw this weekend (who is, interestingly enough, from somewhere in the same vicinity as you once were) gave me good advice that I took today and it helped. Basically, she told me to start by sitting in my feelings. I did this by ranting to her about all the things, letting myself have a good cry, and overall just letting myself feel things. When I started feeling wrung out from that, I buried myself in a fanfiction that was very fluffy and cute and just enough of an emotional roller coaster that I could wrench my feelings out of anxiety a bit. The way she phrased it was basically 'take a break from yourself and your stress.' After that, you remind yourself of the truths(in my case, I reminded myself that my boss likes me and depends on me, and a bad couple of weeks isn't going to cause him to fire me with no warning, and that I know well that my mental health affects my work so perhaps I should work on my mental health if I want my work to improve). When I came up for air after reading, I felt more at peace. I'm still anxious, but I'm more functional and now I can work (which is what I was incredibly stressed about) and actually get stuff done. Plus, I'm managing to come up with some ideas on how to move forward. And a suggestion that I'm taking myself: You might look into L-Theanine. It's a naturally occurring thing in green tea, and it helps even out anxiety a bit. You can get it in pill and gummy form. It's helped me before, maybe it would help you? You are loved, friend ❤️ As a reminder to you about the truth, you are fearfully and WONDERFULLY made. You are not a failure at your job (you're a great writer and honestly your job seems super cool), your kitty is incredibly lucky to have you and you work so hard to take the best care of him you can. Eamon, I can tell from the pictures I've seen and stories you've told, cares about you a lot. Because you deserve it and because you're gorgeous and interesting and an all around awesome person. I hope things start to get better for you ❤️
  3. Wow I have a lot of feelings right now. Not a lot of good ones. The short version is that I've been going through a lot recently, a lot of which has been tied to having insanely high expectations of myself and those around me. My friend had a chat with me about it on the way to breakfast, and I'm still processing some things. It was a painful conversation but honestly, I've never had a friend who would call me out like that and I'm so so grateful for it. I'm going to use this as the push to get through some of the things I'm struggling with. Because I deserve better than the way I've been treating myself. Now I'm going to go focus on work, and get things done there until our oven repair man gets here. And find a few things to be thankful for.
  4. oh hey it's your resident actual trash panda. Yesterday started out horrific and ended up amazing. I was struggling at work, there was zero food in the house, I was exhausted, one of my 2 pairs of jeans ripped beyond repair, etc. But my friend woke up, got me food, took me clothes shopping, and got my groceries >_> We had a lot of fun. Unfortunately, for some odd reason, I couldn't sleep to save my life last night. I was supposed to go to an exercise class at 6am today, so I went to bed around 10:30/11 last night. I laid in bed until 12:30, then just got up to be with Mr. Right and my friend. I stayed up until 2:30ish, and didn't fall asleep for at least another 2 hours aside from a random catnap. So we're on day 2 of 5ish hours of sleep, and no catchup. My body is on the most atrocious sleep schedule ever, and I don't know how to stop it. I feel awful for skipping my class, but I suspect that I really really needed it. I wouldn't have been worth much then, or now. And I've got a meeting in like 15 mins. UGH. I am on track to get my steps, and I'm cooking tasty homemade chili tonight so that'll be a good time. And I'm wearing my new clothes, and they're so comfortable and look nice.
  5. I've heard good things, my brother has one and really likes it! One of my good friends is a like.. 90% trained stylist, she just couldn't finish school because money. I was actually going to ask her to help me bleach my hair but now she's pregnant and idk if the bleach is safe. My hair is like 3 shades off from black naturally, but it's greying and I have a TON of red in my hair from dying it orangy maroon auburn colors. So it just looks really dark most of the time but in the sunshine it's pretty red. I've considered getting overtone in the brightest red they have so I can boost my red too.
  6. I feel like GARBAGE today holy crap. It's partially my own fault. My friend is nocturnal (night shift L&D nurse) and doesn't have a spouse or SO at home to require her to need to run on a normal human schedule. So she tends to sleep between 3-5am and 1-2pm (later when she's on shift). Mr. Right and I are doing our best to spend as much time with her as possible so we're both staying up late. Yesterday we stayed up until 5am playing Among Us (HOLY CRAP THAT GAME IS HILARIOUS) with our friend and Mr. Right's cousins in our amazing fun discord clan of nepotism (if you're looking for a fun, family friendly discord family, hit me up!). And Mr. Right had to get up around 11:30 for work, and my boss texted me at 8am with some stuff he needed. I ended up waking up around 10:30 and catnapping until 11:30ish. So I'm working with about 5 hours of sleep, which is highly tricky. Especially given that I don't really have any food in my house to eat so I'm subsisting on water, coffee, and energy drinks until my friend wakes up and we can go eat and run errands.
  7. Dude I love my smartwatch. I have a hybrid smart watch that looks like a normal watch, but it tracks things, sends me notifications, and just otherwise looks cool AF. https://buy.garmin.com/en-US/US/p/583562/pn/010-01850-12 I have the rose gold one with a silicone band, the $200 gen 1. I've had it for almost 3 years now and the only issue I've had is that the battery doesn't last as long as it first did. They just released a newer, fancier one this year and I'm hoping to upgrade, especially since I can still use my old band so I have something to swap out for the pretty leather one that comes with. And congrats on the teal hair! I'm wanting to go purple or coppery red but I'm terrified of bleach and my hair is a combo of super dark, very dyed, and grey >_>
  8. Last week was... iffy. But not the worst? Cooking was a success because I didn't go out to eat a bunch randomly. I cooked food and ate it, and there was plenty! I did go out to eat twice this week, but we have company who loves our local food so we're sharing. Today I'm making a grocery list and my friend is hopefully going to go to the store with me tomorrow. I got some days with my steps, but I only got half so I'm pushing the goal to next week. I need to find ways to get into the habit of moving more even though I have a sitting job that I do at home. Maybe a box to make my desk into a standing desk? Not sure. But we'll see how this goes. But I'll be getting back on track this week! Wednesday the oven people come so fingers crossed it's not a super expensive fix >_> But that'll be super exciting. I have two different recipes that I want to make immediately! Actually three. Melt-in-your-mouth chicken is one, chicken casserole is another, and I really want to make a delicious homemade dessert. I'm thinking of buying a cake pan and making the pumpkin toffee cake my mom sent me on pinterest a few months back. But leggings season is back, my fall candles are out, and it's nippy outside so really, all is well
  9. I am a menace to my own health, I swear. Yes this is technically a Ben Solo themed challenge. Y'all leave me and this poor cinnamon roll be But for real, I've been slowly crawling my way back to decent healthy behaviors. I've been held back by: My oven being on the fritz The internet being out regularly, causing me to be stuck doing my work on my husband's work schedule Exhaustion and Overwork Anxiety about exercising at home Straight up bluesiness There's not a lot about this that I can control. So I'm trying to figure out how to work within what I can control. So my goals for this challenge are going to be primarily things that I can control one way or another. Except the cooking. Ultimately, I'd like to: Start the process to fix my oven (pre challenge) Be regularly cooking 3x/week (unless we legit don't need more food because my recipe made more than we needed) Get my step numbers up regularly whether that be by just walking around more inside and out or doing dancing classes Work on finding healthy rest and coping mechanisms So my goals for this challenge are thus. Get Cooking Cook three meals a week from home. I get extra credit if I prep another meal ahead of time - like I did with breakfast burritos this week- but it's not a requirement. But I generally eat healthier if I eat at home. I tend to put it off because between cooking and everything else I am much busy. Hopefully, we can get the oven fixed this challenge and I can open up to more dishes. Plus there are some tasty homemade treats I've been DYING to make, and fall is basically here. There are fall treats to make (like sweet potato dumplings and pumpkin crumb cake and apple dishes) and enjoy. Week 1: 1/1 Week 2: 1/3 Week 3: 0/3 Week 4: 0/3 Week 5: 0/3 Get Moving I'm going to slowly increase my daily step goal over the course of the next five weeks. Most days, I get around 2000 steps. So I'll start with 2k steps for a week, then increase by 500/day every week. Workout days are going to be fairly easy. But this will also encourage me to take more frequent breaks. Like every 20 mins I get up and do a lap around the room. it gets my eyes off the screen as well! The goal will be to do so 6 days a week. Week 1: 3/6 (2000 steps) Week 2: 3/6 (2000 steps) Week 3: 0/6 (2500 steps) Week 4: 0/6 (3000 steps) Week 5: 0/6 (3500 steps) Get Dancing Easy one! I'll be going to a dance class once a week, and then doing one other day of 'dance class' at home. I can do more to help work on my steps and get workouts in, but that's the bare minimum. I love the dance classes, they not only cheer me up but they get me out of the house. I want to be able to go to two a week next challenge. I've been doing this weekly for almost a month now and adding another workout sounds fun! Week 1: 0/2 Week 2: 0/2 Week 3: 0/2 Week 4: 0/2 Week 5: 0/2 I think that's going to be all we have. A simple challenge to help me get through a challenging time in life. I hope everyone has a great challenge! May the Force Be With You! Shhhh don't judge my Ben Solo obsession, I swear he deserved so much better