catspaw

I'm taking a vacation day on Friday. I'm going to lock myself in my apartment with the new X-Com game, duck out to see Hyrule briefly and fill a ruck with groceries, and fuck the commute.

Catspaw's dieting pro-tip to the two women behind me at the checkout line tonight: if you are buying Trident because it has it "has 3 calories per stick instead of 5", and you are "trying to cut down on calories", you are either optimizing your diet at the wrong level of granularity, or you should stop eating entire cases of gum for lunch.

There's an ongoing joke between my manager and I about me winning. He feels (and not unreasonably so) that I'm motivated by improbable, challenging goals. That that's when I kick into "great, let's figure out how to do this" mode, laser focused, and align the universe to my whims to make it happen. But, of course, I'm in the least goal-oriented role ever: managing a team and balancing their individual happiness, career growth, team cohesion, etc. with project goals that are of course never as simple as "launch this thing" but are instead intertwined and messy. I can find satisfaction elsewhere, like watching my reports do well and watching the team thrive. But the reward is diffuse and more like the soft pleasure of reading a good book on a long Sunday afternoon than the sharp high of a dopamine bomb. We joke about it, but it's one of those half jokes buried deeply in truth. There are shades of "don't go, change" swirled in there, and not unkindly: this is the job track and future that I've chosen for myself. And so I get my highs elsewhere: videogames, lifting, jumping out of planes. And for now that's enough.

Wed, Jan 27th - Workout Log Relevant part of the workout log today is squats. I also did a bunch of mobility shit at the start (like, a bunch) for the leg, and spent a bunch of time afterwards doing Hyrule homework for posterior chain activation which I would describe as "not exciting, at best". But back to the fun stuff... Squats 135 x 5 135 x 5 155 x 4 175 x 2 175 x 2 195 x 1 205 x 1 215 x 1 225 x 1 [10 lb PR] Bam! It was heavy but easy, if that makes sense. Like my CNS was "uhhhh are you sure about this?" once I unracked it, but in terms of actual RPE it certainly wasn't anything like the 12/10 I feel like I give oly lifts sometimes. Things I'm really bad at: rest periods before a PR attempt. Uuuugh I am The Worst. I kinda wanted to add more weight afterwards and push it, but decided to save subsequent PRs for a later date. BE HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU HAVE, CATSPAW. This is like 2/3s of what I pay Hyrule for: to determine when my aggressiveness for PRs is appropriate, and when I'm just being a dopamine junkie in an alleyway somewhere yelling at passersby: "hey, got any spare goals?"

When the guy in the squat rack says he's going to need about half an hour and you can't complain because that's how long you plan to take too.... Sent from my Nexus 5X using Tapatalk

It's....okay. I like seeing the data, but I wouldn't say that it really helps me sleep better in any way. For example, last night: "You were asleep for 8.3 hours and sleeping soundly for 1.8 hours." Well that's not great. Let's go look at the little graphs and see what's up: Temperature: greatHumidity: greatAir quality: greatLight level: greatNoise level: greatSo, not super useful in this case. I think the "sleep tracker" would be better as a rentable sleep diagnostic. Check your room one week per year to see how stuff like your humidity is doing, and then put it back away. my $0.02.

Sun, Jan 24th - Hyrule Workout We start with an injury check, to see how my adductor is doing. It's actually doing almost entirely better, though the rest of my leg is extra-tight. Even after some serious mobility work time (15-20 mins), my calf and hamstring are both tighter than usual. This is typical post-injury: my adductor was a little torn and weak last week, so the rest of my leg was overcompensating. Hyrule declares me fit for lifting, but we're not going to go anything heavier than 80% on snatches, and staying away from heavy squatting (aka: no cleans today). Snatch 75 x 1 85 x 1 85 x 1 85 x 1 85 x 1 95 x 1 105 x 1 All of those 85s were because Hyrule noticed something odd about my timing today and wanted to film it to try to identify what was going on. My heels were coming up sliiightly too early, which is a new fault for me. As soon as we figured out that was what the problem was, I adjusted and was good again. Hang snatches 105 x 1 105 x 1 105 x 1 105 x 1 105 x 1 Split jerks 75 x 1 85 x 1 95 x 1 Hyrule stops me here. My split stance is better today than usual (I'm really focussing on driving my front heel forwards and that seems to be helping), although my split continues to be my normal "too slow", but the bar path is being wonky. The bar is ending up too far in front of me, even though from the side Hyrule says that the bar path is straight up and down. He has me do a few more reps at 95 to diagnose. I'm splitting too early, not completing the post-dip drive. This means that the bar isn't getting high enough (since my upper body strength isn't there), so my body is trying to get under the bar faster, and when I'm doing so, I'm actually going down at an angle, so even though the bar is going straight up, it's ending up too far in front of me. Hyrule says he wants to work on the dip drive issue separately, but let's keep going with singles today and see how high I can get, assuming that things don't fall to even worse shit. 95 x 1 105 x 1 115 x 1 125 x 1 135 x 1 145 x 1 155 x 1 [PR] It's the least exciting PR ever. We both just kinda shrug. It doesn't feel earned because the jerks aren't feeling great today. But a PR nonetheless. We end the day with a band wrapped around my legs, just above the knee. Hyrule makes me front rack just the empty bar. The goal is to dip, like I'm about to jerk, and then drive upwards with my legs and see how high I can get the bar to go without any arm assistance. Answer? 1/2 inch. It baaaaarely goes up. I do it over and over. Nothing. He has me front squat and explode at the top, and the bar goes up to eye level. Now this should be more than a dip, but the delta shouldn't be that big. Hyrule tries many cues to get something out of me and my glutes are definitely activated when I pause in the dip, but nothing works. "Well," Hyrule says, "the good news is you're jerking bodyweight with no leg help, so once we get those firing you'll be jerking your clean weight in no time. Bad news is this'll take some work." He reminds me how long it took to get my lats to fire properly. I'm given a bunch of supplementary exercises to do this week, and he promises many hip thrusts and back planks in my future. Joy.

I said yes. Expect copious callous comparisons.

I've decided to start pre-preparing for responses to "helpful" gym mansplainers. That way when it happens, I'm not stuck fighting between polite canadianisms and wanting to tell them to fuck off. I already have a script ready. Here's my next encounter, already ready: Him: "Hey, [advice about squatting or benching or whatever bullshit]." Me: "I know you think you're being friendly and helpful, but it comes across as condescending and demeaning and makes me not want to be here. If you really want to be friendly and helpful, you can do something for me. Let's be secret gym allies. The next time someone comes by and tells me how to lift, you can come by and tell them not to be an asshole, that I know what I'm doing, and to leave me alone. What do you think? Are you willing to help out?" It may not work, but the time after that I'll have yet another script ready. The fact that this is something I have to prepare for at all is unfair. But I like to hope that there are a few people reading your thread and mine who see that this is unwanted behavior, recognize that this is something that they would do, and decide not to do it in the future. It's not my job (or your job) to educate this out of people, but if a bit of light on the problem can prevent future incidents, I'm going to keep trying. <3

My gym clothes bag sat on the floor next to my work bag, and I stared at it for several minutes. I have time booked off on my calendar this morning for squatting. My leg/hip's feeling a lot better -- no longer hurts at all during the day, I don't even feel it. But when I do a few air squats, even though it doesn't hurt, I become aware of it, like those nerves are sending my brain a yellow caution sign. I imagined all of the possibilities in my head, like a tree of decisions and consequences. A cladogram of universes. In the best case, I go squat today and hit my 225 goal and feel awesome and it doesn't hurt my hip at all. But down that road, the "go squat today" road, there are other branches. Some neutral: I go squat today and during a warmup set realize I might injure myself and have to stop. Some bad: I go squat today and don't realize I'm injuring myself further, don't make the 225 anyway, but then can't lift for months as I deal with an adductor rip. Along that other major branch is not squatting. I lose...a day at the gym. I attribute part of my success in life to being bold. I jump head-first into fires at work. I climb along japanese mountains, gripping onto a chain that is the only thing between me and catastrophe. "Being bold is not the same thing as being stupid," I tell myself, picking up my work bag, and only my work bag, and leaving the gym clothes bag on the floor at home. But as I walk to the shuttle, one bag fewer, I can't help but feel pissed off with myself. I don't feel like a responsible adult, I feel like I'm letting a part of myself down. Patience, I tell her. Pick your battles. The price of that clean PR on Monday was a slight injury, and that injury is fading quickly. A small price to pay, but one that must be paid in full. This impatience is part of that cost. And it's going to make the next PR taste all the sweeter.

Mostly! She said she ran a crossfit gym, I said "oh cool, I do olympic lifting" and she said "that's awesome!". End of conversation. We didn't compare hand callouses or anything. Wow, gauntlet thrown, bigm.

Conversation at work this morning: I'm limping veeeery slightly. Colleague: "Is your leg okay? What's wrong with your leg?" me: "It can't snatch my bodyweight yet. That's the only thing wrong with it." Colleague: "I don't know what that means." me: "It's okay. It's a pretty common issue. Fortunately I'm working with a professional to fix it. I'm hoping it's fixed in a year or so." Colleague: "Oh. Okay. Good...."

speeeeezzyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. That's all. I just wanted to say your name in exaggerated vowels.

I thought this said "well enough to go to the gym and get my sweater on."