cats_and_coffee

I don't even know when was the last time I wrote on this board, nothing shows up in "what I follow" meaning it's been over a year and honestly that isn't too terrible surprising.

 

I'm not 100% sure even when I joined.

So I'm not 100% sure when I fell behind the promises I made to myself.

 

I know I was getting on board with it back in 2016, to the point my body was rebelling! I was so sick most of the time!  It was a nightmare, and sadly my employeers totally agreed and had to let me go.  So while I gave into my body's want of junk food for comfort, I also got my old job back and was supporting both my fiance (at the time, now just significant other) and myself.

 

It was enough to drive me into the arms of my paranoia, anxiety, and depression.  All lovely symptoms of my childhood PTSD reacting to my worry about all the uncertainty.  To be clear, I don't know of any other way to be, but I'm working towards not having it in such a negative fashion in my life.  Those feelings exist and are real, but they're just knee jerk reactions to things and most likely not true.  Probably. 

 

 

LOL

Anyway.

During this stressful time I gave in and started playing otome games on my phone.  From there I fell in love with one in particular "Guard Me Sherlock" and realizing there wasn't a blog dedicated to it I started one.  From there things have spiraled..... in a good direction.

 

Since starting that blog I have:

• Reconnected with an old best friend, she and I maybe DON'T talk to each one day every two months
• Started writing more than I ever did when I was in school for writing
• Found that writing was more effective for dealing with stress and my mental health
• Discovered my real writing process
• Been offered a job writing a visual novel game for an 'in the works' visual novel company (may not make any money depending on how well the company gets off the ground BUT HEY!!!)[also note that the job was offered because of my fanfiction, cool right?!]
• Become haunted by the characters I love so much from these games that they are almost constantly fidgeting in the back of my imagination and making comments about what's going on.  (Hey I'm not hallucinating, my imaginary friend's are just active.)
• I've also co-created a character with said friend and her story has people actually and continuously concerned for my health because if I go so do my stories and the characters I work with.
• Slowly I'm also getting better at talking with people, mostly online, but I'm working towards getting over the idea of "I can't talk to them because I'm bothering them" mentality.  You never know until you hit send.

 

However... somethings have come up....

• Carpal Tunnel
• Shortness of Breath
• My half orc body is able to take the mild electrocutions and keep going, my human heart but not recover as fast
• Carpal Tunnel
• How happy Vegetables make me when I can actually get them in my diet
• The fact that my own imaginary friend's are concerned
• Carpal Tunnel

 

Okay so the main pain is carpal tunnel... meaning that there are times when the characters are loud, but I can't write it down.  Doctors are saying 1. change your job and 2. lose weight.

 

Okay so I got point #1 in the works, company is moving me to a different location that should be easier on my body.... but that means #2 is waiting in the wings, tapping it's foot, and constantly checking it's watch.  The universe may have been dropping hints that it's time for a change for a while, but I've given it the barest of acknowledgements... now it's given me these fantastic things.  Working towards being a storyteller, a bard.  However it now seems that if I don't start making changes I'm going to lose the things that I hold dear.

 

My current goals:

1. More Sleep/Better Sleep
2. Getting outside and walking more
3. Having a set writing schedule
4. Stretching
5. More variety of foods

 

Long term goals:

1. Muderella
2. Half my tops being stuff I made
3. Having my writing out there for people to see
4. Feeling comfortable in what I wear
5. Having a decent collection of recipes I don't mind sharing

 

I've spent so much of my life scared, worried someone was going to kill me, worried that people didn't like me, believing that there was nothing to like at all. And as one of my new friends have told me, "You remind me of MC".  And honestly I think it's about time I let myself be the MC of my own story.

 

There's so much more to say but... I could probably write a novel on the insanity lol

 

TL;DR

 

Carpal Tunnel is threatening to take away my writing which is really something I cherish, love, and is good for my mental health.  Gotta change my lifestyle if I want to keep it at bay. 

 

 

TOP 5 THINGS THAT MAKE ME NERD OUT:

1. Pokemon
2. Otome Games
3. D20 Modern/D&D
4. Voltron
5. Gravity Falls/Mysteries in General

I'm trying to get back into my writing.  The only piece of my writing you can find would be: http://cre8here.com/2012/09/26/part-of-the-pack/

 

I need a recipe that is paleo that I can throw in the crock pot.... things came up and changed so I will be MIA almost up until the holiday party tonight.  I need something I can throw together

It's a little hard.... One of the things that doesn't help is if I over think the food part (which isn't that hard for me) usually I end up convincing myself to skip that meal.  

I am still figuring out my new health insurance so I'm not sure if it covers this program I used to be in.  

I've come to accept that my relationship with food is not the healthiest.  That summer I mentioned was probably the healthiest it had ever been.  

 

Also: it's too bad it isn't an exercise, I'd be a professional at it.   

I recommend "The Runaways"

Actually stuff to maintain his health is one of those things he loves getting for presents.  For his birthday I got him a Jaw bone and he adores it, doesn't leave home without it. 

 

We have talked about it, and while he likes the idea he also feels a little hesitant because we have a gym membership he wanted and barely use it.  Course the only thing I can do is remind him I'll go with him, but I'm not a gym person. 

 

So we've decided that I'm going to use it to get myself the academy, I'm going to do it, and share it with him and if he wants to he can join up later.

 

I realize a lot of people think I'm being mean for thinking of giving it as a present, but it's how our relationship works.  And it is never the only thing we give each other.

We are completely comfortable with each other as we currently are, but neither of us are clueless to our predicament

(I write this more for myself:)

 

I know how to succeed.

 

It's a sad realization that I keep coming circle back to.

 

I'm going to be 25 in April.  And I am no wear near where I wanted to be by this time. 

I'm large, unhealthy, and scared for my well-being.  I need to get healthier.  I keep trying certain ways of eaten, certain restrictions, exercise programs.  (I still plan on joining the academy as soon as I can)

But the thing is I know what works for me, I've done it.  It was a summer when I was only working part time.  I was 19, home for the summer between college semesters.  I went from an XXL to a Medium without realizing it.

I ate three meals a day and two snacks.  And I went on bike rides or walked.  I lived with my grandparents over the summer so I would get out and walk, or bike.  The exercise was maybe a half hour at best, broken up between a lot of sitting/standing and watching nature, or people watching.

 

Breakfast: meat, dairy, fruit (cheesy eggs and yogurt)
Lunch: Meat, dairy, fruit, grains, veggies (spinach salad, carrots, a sandwhich of meat and cheese, and grapes or a banana)
Snack: Pickle or carrots, or maybe a twizzler or two if I purchased a bag

Dinner: meat, grain, veggies (the one mealed I had with my grandparents)

Dessert?  Maybe cheese and crackers, maybe a handful of twizzler, or a cup of frozen yogurt.

I was shocked at the change, and then went back to school and ate ramen for almost every meal

It saddens me that I know what to do.  I've done it.  But for some reason I fight myself at the thought of not eating certain things at certain times. 

 

(note: the twizzler thing was like maybe once every few weeks)

What is holding me back: a good part of it is my addictions

I am addicted to carbs, particularly pasta.  I have realized that I will find any excuse for it: bad weather, bad day, lazy day, laundry day,
Sugar and caffeine.  I have gotten to the point where I will lose days to migrains because of not enough Sweets or Caffeine.  When I'm not plagued by it because of blood pressure, knots in my shoulders, or dehydration.

And food in general.  When I'm trying to make myself eat certain meals and not full meals in between I get angry and cranky.  I don't mean to.  I'm not even hungry I just want to.

So there, I've admitted it.  I keep trying all these different paths to get healthy, get to the point where my breathing is labored, where I'm not shrugging off each injury because I cannot avoid harming my joints.  But I already have a path that has worked. 

I know that was then and my metabolism has probably changed, but I haven't even given it a try.

Tonight after work: Grocery shopping and meal planning.  Going to walk to the grocery store a top of that.  (I used to maintain my pasta addiction with walking to the grocery store when it was an hour walk away before getting a car, now I live four blocks away, I think my knees and ankles can manage that)

So I am sitting on money I have saved up for the academy...

But I was going to purchase it for my fiance.  He had shown interest in the past, and I think it would be a nice place for him to start again.

However I feel like I'm just cheating myself out of it because I didn't spend it on getting myself into shape.

Basically the guilt monkey is screeching on weither or not I should purchase the men's for him or the women's for me.

When I talked to him about getting the men's academy and making it an early Christmas present so we could get started right then he shrugged it off and went to play video games while I prepared dinner.  At least I have the power to make one meal we eat. 

I know a lot of us have been working on trying to get better, make better habits, get into shape, make better choices.

And I know that we shouldn't let one bad moment ruin the rest of the day.

But I wanted to know what people thought of HabitRPG.

Basically you make a little mini you, and you add the habits you want to change, to do list and things you want to start incorporating daily.

Like mine, I have swimming under the Daily, but marked M, W, and F.  Where I have in habits getting to bed earlier.

I just started with this, but was wondering if anyone else has tried this and their thoughts.

In Bloomington, working out at Lifetime.

So I hear there's a meet up coming up?

Looking for someone to bounce ideas off of, swap recipes, maybe work out together.  I'm close to Edina

I'm in the minneapolis area in Minnesota.

 

I'm level one and looking for a sidekick to workout with, bounce ideas of exercise off of, and share recipes.

(may gush over a superhero/anime/horror movie)

This will be my first challenge.  And I'm excited to try it out with the guild.

How about coconut macaroons? Take a few eggwhites, beat them to a stiff foamy mass, stir in finely shredded coconut, add (optional) 2 tablespoons of maple syrup. Bake at very low temperature until sides start to get lightly brown.

Somewhere, I have a recipe on a paleo compatible nut cake…. have to dig it up though. If you're interested, I'll try finding it.

nut cake?! That sounds delicious! The coconut might not go over well with the kids, but I'm very interested in the nut cake

I've been racking my brain, and so has my family, they're trying to be supportive, but with my birthday coming up in a week we're at a loss.  My family wants to be able to do a cake or some other type of dessert to put candles in that the kids will also eat. I am not a chocolate fan.  So does anyone have a good recipe?

So far I'm thinking of five sets of five.

 

The weighted squats (I can do the bar plus 20)
Bent Over dumbbell (20 lbs, working on being able to do a pull up)

 

But I'm not sure what else.

 

I can try to add push ups, but I was thinking that those would be part of the warm up

I'm trying to build a work out plan, and to be honest my gym companion isn't going to be helpful: "You don't need to be lifting weights that heavy, you don't want to look like [see "Mother Russia" from Kick A** 2]" (don't think my body would get to that point, but I don't see a problem with having a body like that)

I think I'm going to do the dynamic warm up.

 

But the actual work out?
I know I want to do the weighted squats, but beyond that I'm not sure.

I usually just let them sit until I'm ready for them.  But that typically is within 20 seconds.

If I don't take them out of the boiling water right away the yoke part starts to get too cooked for my preference.
 

I don't do things half way, and that's part of my therapy is figuring out the middle ground/"normal"

After working out a response and rereading your post I kind of feel like you're already leaning towards the smaller gym option.  Reading your descriptions it seems, at least to me (I could jolly well be off), that you find the smaller one nicer and more friendly and less creepy.

 

In choosing a gym:
-What are your requirements?
  What is it you can't do at home that you need the gym for?
-Is it comfortable and the staff helpful?

-Any benefits?
-Do you have health insurance that would reimburse you part of the cost of the gym, if so, does the gym work with that?
 

There are various ways that soft boiled eggs can be made. 

 

My preferred method is bringing the water up to a rolling boil first, Once the eggs have been added I set the timer for Five minutes AND Five seconds.  

 

After the timer is up I immediately use a slotted spin to transfer the egg into a bowl of cooler water.  Making the egg easier to handle and help it from continuing to cook.



I like to serve this over either a hamburger patty with some paleo mayo.  Or on a bed of spinach and the yoke becomes the dressing.

Okay, so according to my therapist three hours a day of exercise is too much.

Possibly it's more so because I start with a plan and then I just continue to do whatever I feel most self conscious about.

How much exercising does everyone else do?  What is a normal and healthy amount of actual exercise.  Active lifestyle is one thing, so I like to think, but actually focusing on exercising.

In general I want to get healthy, I want to be able to do a pull up, I want to be able to run, I want to be able to the old exercises from when I was in tkd...  I have a grocery list of things I'd like to be able to do.  Actually run a mile for once... but that might not be something to do in 6 weeks.

I'm on NF because I just need to do a general over haul of my life.

First thing first I guess is figuring out what I want to get better at. 

Phantom by Susan Kay.  It's an interesting take on the Phantom of the Opera story that is based on the original, but delves more into the Phantoms past.