Pathfinder

I've retconned. I'm going back to Level 1 (or 0) on everything (Forum, Rebel, and Academy levels) to give myself a fresh start and a blank slate. I've always thought beginnings felt so hopeful - it might be time for one. The only place I'm keeping track of everything is my signature, so I've overhauled that to reflect my Complete Respawn.

Hello, Khajjiit. :3

So, I haven't exactly been going great guns so far. I'm realizing exactly how much energy overtime pulls. I did a pretty great job the first night - I took a bath with Epsom salts, and ordered dinner from Jimmy Johns to make sure I ate. I also set up a bucket to put stuff in that I'm going to figure out how to get rid of, so that when I decide I don't need something I can immediately set it aside for donation. I went to bed early and let myself sleep in, and I bought lunch for myself when I forgot to bring anything to work. I mention buying food because my reaction to stress is to stop eating, or to eat just for calories. As a reactive hypoglycemic, neither of these options are particularly good. Last night, I didn't go to bed early, but at least I took what I had left of the evening after overtime off and showered. I was going to go to the gym to take my "before" pictures, but I only had two hours before bedtime after I got home and thought that would be cutting it close. Not to mention that my job got really physical/dirty yesterday and my body needed a break. I watched House of Cards and went to sleep. I slept in this morning, which is good for me but bad for overtime. :/ I had Cliff bars for breakfast this morning. I could have done better if I'd gotten up earlier. I'm going to have to work on getting my sleep schedule under control so that I can have... less panicked... mornings. But I bought a frozen meal with meat and veggies for lunch and plan on eating dinner at home before sailing practice. Tonight is a practice race for my distance sailing team.

*Peeks out* *Waves Timidly.* Hi. Disclaimer: I'm actually pretty shy. It took me forever to figure out that was why I have a hard time posting on the forums. I don't act shy anymore - Rebels who have met me out in the IRL will probably be surprised to hear that. It's just that I was trained as a kid to be outgoing, and have always been afraid that being reserved in public would be viewed as being rude. But I never really got comfortable with being vocal. So it might take me a while to get used to posting regularly (or not take at all). Anyways, here goes nothing. From the Rebellion's Respawn Guide, there are four key components to a respawn. I'm going to take my respawning cues from there. First, Be Selfish. Our Fearless Leader says to dedicate yourself to health for the next two weeks, as much as possible. That might prove difficult for me, because I'm trying to save up leave so that I can take an EMT class in July. This means I'm working at least 8 hours of overtime a week as "compensatory time." I'm also a member of a distance sailing team that's gearing up for its first official race. But short of scaling back on work, I should be able to make healthier choices, especially if I decide that I won't take on any social commitments and use the time for recovery instead. Second, Use Buffs. In the Rebellion's Buff Guide, they come in different flavors: mercenaries, potions, armor upgrades, group improvements, weapons upgrades, ect.) In case you're wondering, that's you guys (Allies). I'm planning on updating here, unless a topic is too sensitive (read: "before" pictures), in which case I'll post on the Women's Facebook page. I'm hoping the added accountability will help me stay on track. I'm also going to equip some potions. Namely, I'm going to start carrying my two liter-sized bottles of water. I can fill them up with water or (herbal!) tea in the morning, and no matter where I go I'll have a day's worth of hydration with me. I'm actually going to reverse one aspect of the Guide - instead of improving my inventory, I'm going to do an inventory dump. As I notice things I don't need anymore, I'm going to put them aside to be returned or donated. With less clutter in the way, I'll be able to focus more on my health. Third, Attack the Problem Differently. You'll notice this time around, there are no superhero analogies. It turns out that comparing myself to my fictional heroes got really toxic for me, so I'm not going anywhere near that for now. This challenge, and likely my next few challenges, won't be themed. I'm still trying to figure out who I am. So my new attack vector is to be open and honest with you guys and with myself. And finally, Pick ONE Thing, and Get Started. Since Steve lists the Academy as a structured way to respawn, I'll start by working through some of the quests there. I'm going to start working on the Mindset coursework tonight. *Whew*, ok, bye.

Day 2: 4/8/2015 Setting up Camp: Rations: Trail Mix (420 cal)Water (~.5L)3 Mug CoffeeMaple Bacon Donut (RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE)Yakisoba Teriyaki Beef Noodles (500 cal)Trail Mix (420 cal) Fitness:

Day 1: 4/7/2015 Setting up Camp: I finally got a dish rack, and got a step shelf for my spices and a wire shelf for my tea cups. The kitchen already feels much more spacious. About half way through organizing the study - I did what repair I could on my salvaged desk and housed my computer stuff in it, then bagged up four bags of (mostly assorted paper) recycle to go out. Laundered some clothes and the guest sheets. Rations: Some water (less than 16 oz)1 "Blueberry Hazelnut Oatmeal +" by Quaker Oats (270 cal)1 Reeses Chocolate Egg3 Mugs of Coffee1 Navel Orange1 Handful Chocolate Easter Egg candies1 Boyardee Beefaroni Cup (500 cal)1 20-oz Diet Coke1/2 Bag Swiss Trail Mix (420 cal)1 Little Debbie Mini Powdered Donut2 Bratwurst, a side of Spatzle, a side of Squash and Onions, and a buttered roll1 glass iced teaAt least another Liter of water.Fitness: Walked for what I'm fairly certain was 30 minutes. I did my errands locally by foot instead of in the car. I also meditated for about 20 minutes when I got home from work today (self-guided). I also did a guided meditation before bed that was 30 minutes long. As a random note, I remembered to take my meds.

Erm... *Peeks out from under a rock* Uh... I'm back. Again. This time, I really developed a pooch. And a sinus infection. And my muscle tone is probably in the negatives. I'm not sure what went wrong because, honestly, I barely remember my last respawn. It's been a minute. But honestly it was lack of willpower, whatever the minor reasons were. And that's still the problem. I thought I might as well announce I'm still alive, and make an attempt at a proper respawn. Honestly, I feel like giving this respawn a theme is akin to naming a goldfish - it'll just go belly-up in a week or so, so why get attached? But I decided to do it anyways. Maybe if I get attached I'll actually keep it up. *shrug* Since I recently figured out I'm 97% Viking (thank you to a somewhat confusing genetics testing package) and I'm a big fan of "soft apocalypses," we're going with a pretty true-to-life telling skewed just a little bit darker than reality. Subsequent posts will be less dramatic, I'm just settin' the mood. Ragnarok "Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light." Like many these days, I am infected. Colloquially known as "Zombies," a staggering percentage of the population suffers from deep apathy, unshakable lethargy, and immobilizing anxiety. The culture promotes it - our media is a world of comparisons to exaggerated idols and false ideals. Fortunately, unlike most mythical "zombie viruses," this one is curable. Through action. So I'm taking a stand, here, with you. Hundreds of years ago, my ancestors left their homeland, forsaking comfort and familiarity, in search of freedom from Danish rule. Today, I do the same to seek freedom from the Dark Side. I am rejoining the Rebellion. Setting up Camp: Problem: It's going on a year, now, since I left home to find my place in the world. I was lucky enough to have a job despite the economic climate, and to secure shelter early on. However, my camp is still in shambles. So far as a base of operations goes, the Rebellion would be disappointed. It's hard to do a body weight workout when there's too much stuff on the floor for push-ups. Solution: Finally reorganize. I am a scavenger, and I'm good at what I do (I got a full-room-sized area rug with minimal wear for free - 'nuff said). But I need to learn to organize my finds and only keep what really fulfills the "need" and "want" categories. If it gets to the "all this does is stub my toes" stage, it's time to make another scavenger's day. Rations Problem: Contrary to popular apocalyptic theory, what's killing us is that there's too much food - it's just none of it's very good for you. And I've been eating a lot of it. Solution: I'm going to track what I eat for seven days, putting me back on the path to a more functional diet. Fitness: Problem: Sitting at a desk all day is probably taking years off of my life - my posture's in decline, I'm gaining weight, and I'm always tired. Solution: Do 30 minutes of activity a day. That's two 15 minute walks, stretching twice a day, or almost any physical event that I'd participate in. I just need to get my foot in the door. Or... out the door, as it were. The Goal, and The Prize Stereotypically, Vikings are driven by loot. For the sake of me justifying getting myself shiny things, we'll assume the stereotype is accurate. Should I fulfill my goals for seven days, I will enroll in the next challenge as a Druid (unless I feel more drawn to a different class, but I'm dealing with an injury and anxiety so yoga and meditation sounds up my alley). I'll take my "before" photos and a couple extras in apocalyptic garb. I'll also get myself an NF hoodie, because I've been around here long enough (off and on) and it would remind me to log on once in a while. ;b I'm also leaving room to go further, should I get attached to this respawn and decide to make it count. Should hit all my goals (if I miss one, this isn't an option any more), the following rewards/levels apply: Setting Up Camp: Organize the Caravan (which is actually a Jeep) and my rucksack (which is actually a backpack) as well as the camp, and I'll set aside a day to go on an unmapped day trip. Rations: Cut liquid calories for the week in addition to tracking my foodstuffs, and I'll get myself a canteen (or find one... I think I have one...) and start using it. Fitness: If I do something that "counts as a workout" - like Zombies, Run!, the BBWW, or an equivalent - three days of the seven, I'll upcycle the badass but over-sized blood donor shirt I have into a running tank. Also, if I attempt meditation every day for at least 20 minutes, I'll let myself play with the LearnMeditationOnline.org meditation class during the next challenge.

Here's where I am: A) Back (Finally) B ) Respawning (For the five-billion'th time) C) I've pretty much cut out caloric beverages. When I'm on my own I don't drink any, and when I'm out with friends I indulge a little. It helps that my favorite adult beverage is neat whiskey, so I don't take it that many calories when I do indulge. D) I completed the NF Academy Warm Up today in its entirety (if entirely out of order) and in more-or-less one go. I also did 5 pull-up attempts. E) Grumpy, but less so every day - I "beat" depression a year ago. I've found it sneaking in around the edges recently and I'm working on driving it into the sea. That means getting out more, keeping up with friends (in person and at NF), watching less TV, taking fewer naps, pursuing my dreams, becoming a badass... you know, finally trying to execute the same gorram plan I've had all along. But, side-barbs to myself aside... F) I'm THIS CLOSE to getting my hip cleared for impact exercise. I just need to rebuild strength in my core, and by then I should be able to ease back into light impact stuff like jogging and dancing. G) I've started riding lessons, because I've always wanted to learn to ride horses. I was too young to really grasp the concept last time, and my teacher wasn't great. This time I've landed at a laid-back, understanding barn with no-nonsense instructors and easy (if stubborn) horses. They're letting me do lessons at a walk until I get the OK from the spine doc to try a jog again. H) Seriously considering the 333 Project. Let me know if you've done it before, ok?

Thanks for the advice! I went with 2L because measuring gives me a goal, and 3L made me feel too full. I've discovered, though, that if I keep my water bottle full, I tend to drink a ton of water anyways (2L/day easy).

Alright, so this rez has been more productive. I'm getting close to eight hours a night, and making a point of it. I'm eating fairly regularly - today I had three squares, anyways. I'm fairly steady on my medications. I tried to hard-reset my caffeine tolerance, but I almost fell asleep today at work so I had to call that quits. It's too early in my rez anyways - I should focus on getting where I exercise and eat well before I work on my caffeine problem. This week, I'd like to post here every day. The goals are: 8.25 hours of "being in bed" per night, three meals a day, all of my meds every day, and stretching every day.

Pathfinder takes two steps from the respawn point before suffering fatal fitness injuries. Namely, drinking alcohol and coffee with creamer, and not getting enough sleep. Also, I might have freaked out over the weight I'm gaining. *Re-Respawn* Once more, with feeling, dammit. The change I'm making this time is... just trying again, I guess. My mood has improved significantly since the last time I respawned (no idea why, it just did) so maybe I'll have a leg up this time. Also, I now have my reusable water bottle back, so drinking 2L a day will be less annoying.

D'aww thanks!

Hey everybody, I'm back! I dropped out of the current challenge. And gained my lost weight from the last challenge back. And my sinus infection came back with a vengeance. But fear not. I HAVE BEEN REZZED! I'll be over here for the remainder of the challenge, catching up on some of the progress I lost.

I... dropped out of the challenge. And regained the weight I lost in the last challenge. And slid back a level on the NF Academy dieting scale. So... what went wrong? I would say my anxiety flared up, but honestly it's been constant. It's just that the situation allowed for more logical anxiety - being in the field at work, traveling for the holidays, getting back into the dating game, relapsing with my sinus infection, and all that jazz. I also constructed a challenge this last time that wasn't even vaguely appealing to me. So I failed, hard. (Maybe... Maybe... Nope, you're dead) When suddenly... RESPAWN! (Ok, maybe my respawn wasn't quite that hard-core. But you get the idea.) So... what am I doing differently? First, I'm keeping my anti-gritty reboot. No antihero here - no boozing, smoking, maladaptive coping mechanisms, death wish, or emotional unavailability. Hell, I don't even want it. I used to want to be like my antihero heroes (oxymoron?) because they were cool, but being out here in the real world, I realize how fast things go wrong when you apply fiction too strictly to reality. (Besides, as a chick I don't pull off the "scruff and eye patch" look well.) Second, I'm taking those "selfish weeks" our fearless leader talked about in his respawn article. Until 12/19, I'm going to JUST focus on securing as many of my needs as I can without completely becoming a recluse. I'm talking eight hours of sleep per night, two liters of water and three square meals a day, and three thirty-minute periods of activity a week. I'm talking getting up and going to bed early, taking down time, and cooking my own meals. I'm talking luxury, guys. (Momentous occasion: This may be the first time the "Treat Yo Self" gif and the "Crawling Out of Your Own Grave" gif have been used in the same post) Third, I've developed my "Level 50" summary, and I'm going to keep updating it. It should be up on NF soon. Right now it's kind of a draft. I've also detailed where I want to be by 11/29/15, and I have steps to get there. As soon as the challenge dates are released for 2015, I'll be all over breaking it down for the challenges! Congrats on your respawns, fellow respawners! Give 'em hell!

... So watch the best battle pep talk in movie history! And congratulations on your respawn!

Congratulations on your respawn! You have a really awesome action plan.

For a while, I've been going for this gritty anti-hero thing with my fitness persona, Volk. It's time for a reboot. An Anti-Gritty Reboot, in fact. Why? I realized that gritty stories are about people who broke and never healed, but still have enough strength to succeed. I want to be someone who breaks and heals stronger. I don't think I've ever seen someone who's anti-fragile with a gritty movie. Also, writing a gritty story about myself allows for more whining than y'all probably want to hear. It also comes down to me not being that gritty. Everyone calls me cute, I smile a ton, and I am currently literally covered in kittens as I'm writing this. And you know what? I'm embracing it. I'm all about being a puppy holding a kitten. Let's do this. So, now that I'm not trying to be broken or grumpy, it's time to make myself anti-fragile and happy. Please see figure one... I have some decent holes in this pyramid. Of a pretty big variety. Food - I tend not to drink enough water, and I usually run at a sleep deficit. I don't think I've been eating enough since I cut out liquid calories last challenge (which caused me to lose 3 lbs! WOOOO!). Security - I have a hip injury. I've been sick on and off for two weeks (though a sinus infection has been brewing for longer). I'm horrible at keeping track of bills. My apartment's messy which makes me worry I won't be able to find stuff/bugs will move in/the kittens will hurt themselves. Love & Belonging - I rarely go out at all, am not on the dating scene, and only have a handful of friends in the area. I get most of my socialization from talking to my family on the phone. Esteem - This layer varies from "I guess I did a good job?" to "I can see why people like me, but maybe they're wrong" to non-existent. I think that's mostly because of the seriously shaky nature of the first three layers. Anyways, if I have it, it usually comes from other people and is not self-sustaining. Self-Actualization - What??? This exists?? ;b Sooooo.... This challenge is going to be a "Level up your Life" challenge, with some fitness thrown in. I want a strong foundation for doing fitness challenges in the future, and I'm fighting a sinus infection so serious workouts might actually set me back. THE CHALLENGE: Goal 1: Feel Alert Catch at least a solid 8 hours a night - none of this "I'm going to bed 8 hours before my alarm's set" stuff either, because I know it takes me some time to get to sleep.Practice "zen" at least once a day, and keep a log of it.STATS: 3 CON (Rounded up, based on percentage completion)LOOT: Coffee warming coaster Goal 2: Feel Satisfied Drink 2L of water a day.Eat three meals a day. (Snacks between allowed - this is a minimum intake goal)STATS: 4 CON (Rounded up, based on percentage completion)LOOT: Canteen Goal 3: Feel Loved Attend a social event once a week.Reach out to a loved one once a day (a letter, text, facebook message... whatever).STATS: 4 CHA (Rounded up, based on percentage completion)LOOT: Life Goal: Feel Secure Log an average of 1 hour a day on tasks that make me more financially secure (like budgeting) or physically secure (like cleaning).STATS: 4 CON (Rounded up, based on percentage completion)LOOT: Boot Knife Side Quest: Gold Stars There's a bunch of random stuff I could do to improve my Bat Cave, make myself healthier, and push towards Level 50. They don't all fit under the goals above, and I wanted to keep my goals simple. During the challenge, I'll be keeping track of these things and awarding myself stickers of achievement. In a couple of days I'll set a goal for how many I need to get a piece of loot specific to this side quest thing. No stats or anything, because this goal is going to be a "no pressure" kind of deal.

How are you doing?

>.< Oh my gosh it's felt like it.

Blargh. The past few days are making my life live up to my signature quote. Hopefully I'll be around more over the weekend.

Important fitness update: I've been using Strava to track my walks. It makes a ton of squigglies when I walk that add extra miles. I don't think it messed up my tracking so far too bad. All of the walks look more or less accurate until today. Does anyone know of a good, accurate walk tracker for Android phones?

Someone decided to live half-way across the continent. Not MY fault. ;b

*Tries to think of funny retort but can't, rolls over and snuggles with bottle of Nyquil*

Random Event Down with a cold. My face hurts. >.<

Out with a cold. >.< Fight well, my compatriots. DO NOT FAIL THIS CITY!