aishahhope

Hi everyone! I started here back in 2014 and fell off the wagon really fast. I recently have been doing challenges by myself and have been wanting some support, and I thought of this place. So I'm back I am planning to slowly jump back in and maybe join the NerdFitness Academy in a couple weeks. I lost some weight on a med, gained it all back plus a bit, had some med-induced severe depression out of nowhere which has lingered for about six months but is starting to get better (and I'm getting treatment). I broke up with one of my partners and moved halfway across the country again to care for my other partner's parents, so adjusting to life as a caregiver has been both rewarding and stressful. I'm planning to go back to school in a year or so. I have not hit most of my goals (although I've pretty much kicked soda!). But I started this year with a list of habits I wanted to develop and started doing 30-day challenges to inculcate them. I could use some structure. So I'm back Thanks for being here and being awesome, informative, and inspiring.

Wow! Congratulations!

I've been tracking on MyFitnessPal just out of laziness - they have a section for measurements, weight, food, and exercise. I like them because their food database is really huge and thus I don't have to go look things up myself. Before that, when I tracked, I normally did it just in a journal or something...although I am a huge fan of Excel. Whatever works for you that you are willing to update on a regular basis! I know a lot of people use their challenge or battle log threads for tracking measurements and things. I've been in recovery for eating disorder & substance use for 9 years now. My most recent (hopefully last?) slipup was in summer of 2012 and I've been sober since. I'm not working a program - I have gone to open NA meetings from time to time but mostly stuck to therapy when I can afford it. I've found dialectical behavior therapy to be extremely helpful. I'm so sorry to hear of your mom's passing - I lost my mom several years ago and I know it's rough. I'm glad her memory has been a good catalyst for you in changing your life WOOT!!!! on the job!!!

There are certain kinds of yoga and meditation that require certain kinds of breathing (like breath of fire) but for the most part I have always taught and have been taught that breathing naturally is more important. Some specialized forms do require certain kinds of breathing. But typically it is not the biggest issue. The focus on the nostrils that often is emphasized in one-pointed meditation or mindfulness meditation is something that can be adapted. It is a tool to help focus - it doesn't matter if you're focusing specifically on your nose. Usually the aim is to breathe naturally and draw attention to the breath which in and of itself usually forces your body to slow down and slow your breathing. The focus in yoga on breathing and out on certain movements can be adapted to nose or mouth breathing, and sometimes for me it helps to slow down the movements because the timing given when you're following classes or a video is often not a timing that works with everyone's respiratory system. Diaphragmatic breathing to forcefully slow your breathing and your pulse rate is an exception - but forcing yourself into "deep breathing" through your nose when you're basically just asphyxiating yourself and then freaking your body out because it's starved for oxygen is counterproductive to the extreme. For things like breath of fire which cannot (to my knowledge) be done successfully through the mouth, maybe it is best to leave those practices aside. But for most basic meditation and yoga it should not be an issue. People breathe differently - the assumption that we should all breathe the same is false and I know I'm not the only person in a meditation hall or yoga class who has done it differently. It's just not taught in a way that makes it seem adaptable or accessible, which is unfortunate.

Thank you so much for the sweet comments I posted a reply a few days ago but it got eaten by my stupidity (accidentally hit the back button while I was trying to hit the submit button...meh!). I have been keeping up but it's been a rough few days, hence the hiding under a rock. Here goes Day 7: Thanks to my body and its awesomeness, I get to enjoy the pleasures of...enough human contact. I am hugely a touchy-feely person and I typically feel kind of odd about that. Except for when I was really young (and sometimes not even then) it wasn't until this past year where I had the right close relationships and just everything falling into place perfectly where I actually touch and am touched by other people (hugs/snuggles) every day. Regularly. And I don't have to feel weird about it or ashamed or anything. It's freaking amazing. There are lots of pleasures to thank my body for but this is definitely top of the list. Day 8: My body doesn't allow for completely free movement 100% of the time, but the movement I do have + what I can't do (or can't do anymore) + the ways my body adapts to mobility limitations are all important and valuable parts of who I am and what my body does. I love that I can walk, dance, do awesome things to change the world from my bed, move around my house, cook, go and get the mail, stretch, hoop, take a shower. I know what it's like to be bedridden and what it's like to be able to dance for hours on end without stopping. Bodies are brilliantly adaptable. Thank God for that. Day 9: For me, "training to be awesome" means to treat my body with the most respect and care that I can. Right now one thing that I want to do is walk to Rivendell, which to me would be pretty effing awesome I even have the maps of Middle Earth so I can trace my path. Day 10: This is a toughie. I am getting better with compliments, I think...although the only ones I can recall lately are from my partners. I have been deflecting them lately since I've been struggling with my mood. Mission: stop doing that and start accepting them with grace and dignity. Because they are true and truth should be recognized.

Thanks mjwallenburg! I'm glad the structure was inspiring So, the scale is driving me (more) insane than I already was/am, and I'm ditching it. It might have a place later, but not yet. It's triggering ED stuff and kind of scaring my family (and me). It's probably better to focus on other things for now. I've been doing really well with the soda - mostly water, occasional tea and coffee. I've been not drinking soda more than I've been drinking it lately, and one of my partners is actually jumping on the bandwagon with me, yay. Not so good with the exercising and crusading. I'm kind of bummed about the job hunt right now - I'm waiting to hear back from a few places and I feel fairly good about them, but the whole thing has been draining and it is frustrating all of the hoops you have to jump through and the things that are considered "taboo" (like being visibly disabled, surviving sex trafficking which can make background checks and what-have-you-been-doing-for-your-gaps-in-employment hella complicated, etc.). I know it's for a good cause (to prevent discrimination in the hiring process) but it is really frustrating to have to pretend to be someone I'm not. Or, like, a better, made-for-TV, not-as-human version of myself. Anyway, I haven't been getting out of bed much the last few days except for job interviews (I'm proud of myself for making it to four of them in the last two days), and I can't even think of any crusading I want to do because nothing sounds fun. Bollywood > real life right now. Obvs. spending too much time in bed and on Netflix tends to snowball. I'm going to walk or dance later today and tomorrow inshallah. The good things will start to snowball, too. Or I will make them.

I mostly buy from Islamic clothing stores but they have some great options if you're looking for pants, long skirts, or long-sleeved tops. Al-Mujalbaba is hands-down one of the best I've ever shopped with...my clothes from there have lasted over five years and I order fairly regularly. She sells comfy koshibo palazzo pants. EastEssence and Shukr both have beautiful tops, skirts, and pants (EastEssence is also really inexpensive when it comes to tops). They ship internationally although I'm not sure what the cost for that is like. I get most of my t-shirts and hoodies from WeLoveFine (ponies FTW). Thanks for introducing me to QwearFashion! I love it.

Ugh, I hate transparent clothes! And I'm a layerererer but still. I hate when you layer like three things and you can STILL see through them because apparently when you call tissue paper "couture" you can charge $80 for it. I pretty much buy all my clothes online, too. Breaking up with fashion is one of the best choices I've ever made. I like my uniform...usually some combination of jeans, long skirts, cardigans, long-sleeved shirts, graphic tees, tunics, leggings, and dresses. And I own a pair of sneakers, a pair of flip flops, and a pair of mary janes. None of which have heels. Dressing up is fun but it's a want, not a need. And OMG SevenofSeven, I feel you on the ridiculous patterns with plus sizes...ugh. That and if you get above a size 2x in the US all the clothes are short and wide, which does not fit me right at all. Suddenly the tops go from hip-length to waist-length-but-twice-the-width-of-my-actual-waist. I love designing stuff in Achaea, my favorite game...I get all my clothing creativity out through that and then the lack of options in real life doesn't suck so bad.

Welcome back!

Thanks, Nuala! The Assassins are definitely on the top of the list of guilds for me I will check out those threads!

Welcome! Big Bang Theory rocks

I'd recommend taking height, weight, neck, waist, hips, biceps, chest - this will give you a starting point to gauge your body fat % (unless you are using something else like a special scale or calipers). Body fat % sounds like a good thing to track but I wouldn't go nuts with it since it is so hard to measure and can be maddening to keep up with. Measure biceps since it sounds like that is important to you re: getting the proportions you want! Congrats on being 8 months clean and on kicking the cig habit! Sending lots of love and support your way. I'm in recovery too & also looking for a job. We can do it! What's your motivation? What keeps you going when things are really hard? I've found this to be a super important thing to have to keep me on track.

Ugh, I'm going through the same thing here re: martial arts! I was wanting to take krav maga classes but the only place here that teaches it is of the super skeevy type. No go. If you're into yoga, sometimes there are places that do community yoga classes on donation, though? Finding group classes on a budget is rough. I am so there with you. It's been fun following your recon experiences!

Yesterday was a big ol' Lay In Bed and Watch Ponies, Do Nothing day. No excuses for it. But today I've kept on track - only one soda (my cravings are going away!), walked 1.6 miles in 40 minutes (which for me is pretty good time, especially with all the hills), and I went to a halaqa (women's study/discussion group) at the mosque. I've decided that one of my new quests is going to be to walk to Rivendell by my next birthday (about 290 days!). So far I've been gaining, not losing weight. I haven't been eating very well and am looking forward to having more money next challenge so I can buy fresh veg. I'm not letting the weight thing get to me, I just know this is going to be a long journey.

Welcome! Good luck with your goals.