The Most Loathed

1 hour ago, RisenPhoenix said:

Holy crap I'm happy to see you here.  I've been thinking about messaging you on the book of faces when things got slightly more settled in my life.

 

But important information for you to know is I moved and have a guest room.  So at some point I expect you to visit the Boston area and run Harvard Stadium with me.

The November Project in Minneapolis has moved over by me recently. They run the stairs by the sculpture garden. It seems like a pale comparison to the stadium. 

 

I had thought I was going to be in Boston this fall but some things fell through. After my international travel this year, next year is my domestic year. The American SouthEast is on my short list but I'll definitely have to consider Boston. It's been, I think, 20 years since I've been there.

Another Youtuber who I think people can enjoy 

 

1 hour ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

The phrase “very limited run” tempers my enthusiasm somewhat, but I’m glad you popped in.

Mr. Quick-on-the-trigger.

 

I'll start with the limited run comment. I'm going on vacation in two weeks. I'll be in an entirely different hemisphere and I won't have access to wi-fi or even power for significant chunks of of it. So, I'm going to plan to post for two weeks but then there will be three weeks where I won't be posting or I will be posting very sporadically and with no workouts involved, although a million steps. I will be hiking the Inca Trail.

 

I debated not even starting back to posting knowing I have this lay off around the corner but I wanted to get back into practice and I wanted somewhere to log my workouts. My plan/hope is that after I return to post more often. My fall is pretty packed with moving into a new apartment in October, CabinCon in October, and two weeks at work conventions in November so I may blip on and off the radar at times but I'm (re)building a habit. 

 

This weekend I plan on ending my membership at my local Crossfit gym (I still refuse to call it a box). I have mixed feelings on this. I love the coaching that they provide but their programming sucks. I get what they are doing with their programming but it's amateurish. I don't blame the coaches at my gym specifically, they don't do the programming. However, it's what they execute so I need to move on. Plus, needing to be in "class" at a specific time bugs me. It's too much of an easy excuse for me to just bail. 

 

Other stuff

Reading

I have not been great about reading much in recent months but I have been, very slowly, working through Mythos by Stephen Fry. I really want an audio book of this with him narrating. For reasons I can't explain, in the Northern Hemisphere it is only available on CD but in Australia you can buy it on Audible. Regardless, a great survey of Greek and Roman Myths.

 

I've been reading more graphic novels. In the past they have felt too short for me to care but lately I've found them to be the right length for my attention span. I found that I really dig the Hawkeye books, Jeremy Renner in the movies. They have the right amount of silliness to action to engage my brain right now. I've also picked up a few random graphic novels at my local comic shop, mostly based on graphical style. Nothing really jumps out as amazing but I have a few more to work through.

 

Movies

Man, I have seen so many more movies this year. Some of them have been deliberate selections of B movies (The New Barbarians for example). Others have been nostalgia flicks (I want the OG Karate Kid at the Parkway Theater). Some have been events (Fifth Element Movie Party at Alamo Drafthouse). Some have just been straight boredom (every Marvel flick). I'm seriously intrigued by what I like vs the general public vs some of the reviewers I really respect. 

I recently decided that I'm going to rewatch Fury Road. I hated that movie. Shit CGI. The story is nothing more than a thinly veiled coming of age (destruction of the illusion of paradise, taking on the world as it is) as made by an 18 year old metal head with an infinite budget. But, I keep hearing how amazing it is so I'm going to try again. Similarly, I loved Venom, but keep hearing it's terrible with with very little argument as to why. So I'm going to rewatch it as well. I also have an itch to rewatch Desparado, which I haven't seen since it was brand new. 

I think this weekend I'm going to watch Godzilla, King of the Monsters. I get what it is and genuinely hope that I enjoy the ride. 

I haven't been keeping a list and, honestly, I kind of wish I had been. 

 

TV

The Boys - My favorite take on a super hero movie. Not for children but lots of fun and has important things to say

Dark - Season 2 is almost as strong as season 1. I think I would have liked it best without the cliff hanger ending on season one and no season 2 but I'm enjoying it and will watch season 3 if it happens

Stranger Things - I enjoyed season 1. Season 2 sucked. Season 3 is right in between the two in terms of quality. They left too many hooks for them to not to try a season 4 which makes me a little sad because they need to stop

Cobra Kai - I resisted the urge to watch this for a long time then I binged two seasons in one week I found is really enjoyable and I think the writing is really good. Strong recommend. 

 

YouTube

I have watch so much YouTube in the past months. So many channels and videos I would have shared but here are a few curated selections:

• Red Letter Media - I love their Wheel of the Worst episodes most but everthing they do is good and I have watched a lot of it twice. 
• I love all of Tom Scott's educational content but I'll point you to his humor stuff because I think I have also watched all of this twice
  • Games Garage - Tom Scott tries out really random ideas to create a new game show. I love the wacky ideas and I really enjoy the low budget experimentation
  • Citation Needed - a game show based on Tom bringing up a pseudo random wikipedia article then getting his friends to guess their way through it. That's a bad explanation. I'll work on it.
• Rick Beato - he's a cranky old producer but his What Makes This Song Great series is absolute gold for learning about iconic music
• First We Feast - Hot Ones - celebrity interview while eating increasingly spicy wings. 

I could go on but I'm going to call it there. Those are all new discoveries for me so check them out

 

Video Games

I've been playing video games a bit too. I played through most of the DLC for Legend of Zelda : Breath of the Wild, it's a beautiful and fun game. Lately I have been playing Rogue Legacy. It's fun but mindless. I just started Dicey Dungeons but have to play on my laptop which isn't my favorite tool for gaming. I've also been playing Marvel Puzzle Quest on my phone. I enjoy a match three with characters but that thing is kind of a like a job if you want to do it well. Not sure of the longevity there.

 

Guitar

Still working on it. I don't feel like I'm progressing as fast as I'd like but trying to take the long view and keep plugging away. It's hard to be excited to practice some days but I keep working.

 

Music in General

I have been to so many concerts this year. At least to me. More than one a month on average. So far, my favorite was Nothing More with Rooks. My least favorite was Hellyeah. I have at least two more booked for this year.

 

Tattoos

I got my first tattoos back in March. I like them. I want more. I did a consult with a different artist a few weeks ago to cover my left shoulder with an angel. The longer term plan is the have and angel on my left shoulder and a demon on the right.

Despite the large number of shops in the Twin Cities, getting in to see anyone worth a damn is tough. So my should will be done in January. I don't mind the idea of having my tattoos spread out over years because they interrupt my lifting. 

 

Work

Still amazing. We're busy right now with some system changes. I'm going to back to back weeks of conventions in the fall. I take it as a compliment that they will spend money to ship me off to conventions. I'd like to start presenting at some. My leadership is supportive. It's on me to get my shit together and create my presentation.

 

Drama Llama

So, a year ago I was dealing with some drama in my life. I haven't kept is secret but I try to not dwell on it here so here's the super short update.

Laura and I got a divorce in December of 2018. I dated several women, one of them fairly seriously, for almost three months. I ended that for its own reasons and decided I'd be alone for a bit. Not long after that Laura and I went to a concert as friends. There was a moment where the chemistry was just there and I went with it. Jump cut to us dating very serious a month or so later. 

Things have been going well there. I required that if we were going to date that we had to do more couples counseling. We found a counselor that really fit us well and worked with him for a few months. He felt he had nothing more to offer at the time and told us to book more time if we felt we needed it. He pointed us to some workbooks to work through together and off we went. We're still working through the workbooks but we're meshing in a way that we haven't ever. In October, we're moving in together. 

 

Leaving on a downer video but @Rooks  and I saw these guys perform this year and I'm going to see the again in October. Also, this song has been where I was during a chunk of my away time. It still makes me tear up to listen to because I've spent too much time in this head space. 

 

OK, just to not go out on that note, same band, song makes me feel the exact opposite., it makes me want to "dance" (flail about like an idiot) everytime I hear it.  One of my favorites

 

This post is part of a very limited run of posts that I will explain in the next post. First, I want to log a workout. Then I'll make breakfast than I'll come back here and attend to some much overdue business.

 

This workout was the first in almost three weeks after having a cold and then just been slow at getting my ass back to the gym. It was also my first in at least 6 months, probably closer to a year that was self programmed and executed at the local YWCA. As a result, it's a little light.

 

Power Snatch 40 kg (95 lbs) 5 x 1

Overhead Squat 40 kg (95 lbs) 3 x 5

Front Squat 60 kg (135 lbs) 3 x 5

Push Press 3 x 5 60 kg (135 lbs) 3 x 5

Strict Pull up 5 x 2

Single Leg Deadlift 12 kg 3 5/5

 

Took a little over an hour, gave myself ample recovery between sets, around 2 minutes, without timing though so high variability. 

Felt great, I think my legs will bitch tomorrow but good for them. 

A little music while you wait (not that I actually believe people will read this between now and then but here you go)

 

Proof of Life!

 

Wow. It's been since October. Sorry all.

A few of you have reached out to me outside of the forums and I want you to know that I really appreciate it.

 

Workout wise I have failed to put anything cohesive together and stayed home drinking more often than going to the gym. I've gained the predictable pounds that would go with that. So, this week I started at Crossfit Minneapolis. I know all of the poo poos that can be layered on that system but right now I need the structure and community more than anything. 

 

Work is amazing and continues to get amazing-er. They love me. I love them.

 

Guitar is good. i'm still terrible but guitar is good. Work in progress.

 

My marriage is all over except the paperwork. We're planning to take care of that this month. 

 

I always end these posts with a promise to post more. I won't make that promise today. There is no plan right now except reestablishing my patterns. I don't know if or where NerdFitness fits within that. So if you want to get together or have an email or phone relationship, please feel free to keep in touch through whatever means you find helpful. 

I'm bummed that I missed the atlas stone carry. One more thing I can school most folks on. The spring race is mine!

Bought a pair of Nothing More tickets. I'm seeing if Laura wants to go first then I'll ask around if she's not interested. There were like $60 after fees and taxes so I figured I could afford to have a spare. 

 

Thursday was roleplaying We're doing a Call of Cthulhu campaign that is currently set in Peru. I'm having a lot of fun. I used to know a columbia woman named Pamela so I decided to embody her for this character. Pamela is a local smuggler which has been serving the group well as I've been taking advantage of her local contacts and knowledge to the benefit of everyone. 

 

Friday started a staycation that I had arranged for Laura and I. We dropped the dog off at the kennel so she can stay at my place for the weekend. We went out for a very nice but expensive supper at Hammer and Sickle then came back to my apartment to crash. The plan for today is probably to a take a drive north for lunch and to see the leaves changing. Tonight we're going to a comedy show that features depression as a topic. 

We don't have a whole lot more of a plan than that right now. That's kind of the point, to take it easy and enjoy the weekend and each others company. Once the week starts again, we aren't going to see each other a lot for the next two to three weeks. 

Good luck with all the ife change coming around the new gig. Be good to yourself, it's going to be a bumpy ride but almost certainly worth it. 

21 hours ago, Rooks said:

 

She should have included "@The Most Loathed is going to destroy you at the race."

I really haven't seen enough banter between you two to be satisfied. Get to it.

I decided that this year is a re-building year and I'm sitting the fall out. 

The spring will be mine.

On 10/6/2018 at 11:25 PM, Elastigirl said:

Cabin Con sounds fun, but I'd have to take walk breaks, because that's way too much sitting for my attention span. What game didn't you like?

It was a game called Champions of Midgard. I blends some Euro elements similar to Stone Age or Lords of Waterdeep with the dice building and chucking of Quarriors. I like all of those things but they don't mix together well and clocking in at 4 hours is way too much time to waste on a bad game. 

 

On 10/7/2018 at 10:51 AM, Sloth the Enduring said:

I must say I’m disappointed. It’s my own fault for ghosting you.

This year is a rebuilding year.

 

On 10/8/2018 at 2:56 PM, Rooks said:

I was debating about buying tickets to FFDP myself, but realized I'll be out of state when they are here. And thank you again for the ticket. I'm looking forward to that. I go to so few concerts that it should be a good time for sure.

 

 

Resonating with this something fierce. My wife and I were chatting the other day about how lately, I've just had no idea what the hell I'm doing in anything and she told me about a podcast from the Minimalists. I haven't yet listened to it myself, but I did read the little blog post they had about it. I'll link to both in case you want to explore it. The principal seems sound in that you need to identify what's important to figure out if you are indeed living to those things of importance. Makes sense, but in reality, I imagine this quite a difficult practice as how do you figure out what the true value is? Anyway... I won't digress too much with my rambling head. 

 

http://minimalwellness.com/values/

https://www.theminimalists.com/p069/

Heads up that Nothing More tickets go on sale on Friday and they're cheap. I also bought a general admission ticket for Shinedown and Papa Roach but it was kind of pricey.

 

going to look at your links after I finish posting.

 

I came back from Cabincon with a cold. It later Monday and throughout Tuesday so no workouts so far this week and it looks like it will be sunday before I hit the gym again. It's mostly been R&R this week. Nothing crazy, I've been diligent about my guitar practice and loafing a bit more than usual and slowly trying to catch up on home maintenance tasks. 

So long between updates

 

I don't have my notebook handy but I got a couple good workouts in this week as I try to build out my new program. Current workouts are very experimental. The most interesting workout was yesterday.

 

This weekend is CabinCon for me. Some friends have started doing these in the past few years and I've never made one until now. Some gamers I know rent a house in northern Minnesota, we all chip in on the cost and take turns cooking and play games for days. I've always wanted to make one but various things have always stopped me. This year I had no excuses. 

I came up on Thursday with some of the guys who are the primary organizers. We played a few games that night and ate too much pizza. The whole weekend is too much beer, too much food and too many games. 

It was something of a joke when we got her that there is a pretty well stocked home gym in the basement. One guy really wanted to bench so I helped him get set up and spotted him during his lift. That was the most work it has ever seen during one of these cons. Yesterday after a very long game that I hated, I took a walk and smoked a cigar. When I got back, rather than jumping back into gaming, I threw on my gym shorts that I had brought only for the purpose of sleeping, and my t-shirt form the day before and went down and hit the gym for an hour. It was the best. It's a home gym so they don't have everything but I did:

• Smith Machine squats
• Barbell Hang Clean
• Barbell row
• Seated Row
• Push up
• Lat pull down
• Dumbell  back raise
• Dumbell Curls
• Plate halos
• Plate shovels (I think I used to call these something else)

It was all lighter, higher volume work but the intent was to do a lot of upper body pulling and lower body pushing. I came up a little short on lower body pushing ideas and would take suggestions. I usually would use some leg extensions but didn't have a machine. Any other ideas of what else I should have brought in? I usually think of lunges for these but find they are more a pull-glute intensive exercise than a quad exercise.

 

I'm still loving guitar but still am no good. I'm just doing the grind of working on chords and strumming patterns. 

 

I have been eating, as @RisenPhoenix says, like and asshole for a while now. I need to pull that back in. I have a bit of a gut going right now and don't like it.

 

I haven't told @Sloth the Enduring yet, but am guessing he has deduced, I'm not going to make Hammer Race this fall. I'm using my topsy turvy summer as an excuse.

 

It looks like I get to see @Rooks again soon as I had a spare ticket for a concert and he seemed like the person most likely to enjoy it so I offered it to him. I'm looking forward to  the concert. In an effort to further embrace my rock-loving self I also spent a couple hundred buck across getting myself a ticket for the November Five Finger Death Punch concert and March Shinedown concert. The tickets were pricey so I didn't buy a spare ticket this time. 

 

Laura and I are doing really well We had a minorly dramatic moment last weekend but worked through it and came out well. The recovery is a good sign, these were the kinds of thing that would escalate and drag on for days in the past and we both bounced back just fine. 

 

Right now my primary projects are to align myself with my own wishes in the workout/nutrition space, encourage and nurture myself on guitar, and make sure that I'm leaving myself plenty of downtime to just chill out. It's been going well although I feel like I've been doing things in the opposite order and want to build them in that priority order. 

 

Thinking about training:

What I think I want in this space is a fault tolerant program that has about 5 days a week in it. I'd like to bring in some kind of light yoga that has some 20-30 minute routines that I can do in the morning to wake my body up and work on flexibility. For training itself I'm trying to come up with 3 hard days a week that have an hour of solid training. I'm currently thinking a pull day, push day, and total body day. I'd like to take the remaining days and have some metcon and cardio in them. 

For the volume and intensity of the training, I know that my body tolerates low volume, high intensity programs well so I started with mostly 5x5 work but am trying to push the volume up. So If I have a good 5 x 5 lift one time, I want to keep the weight in the same ballpark but add another set or longer sets the next time. Part of this has meant keeping a log of not just what I have done but what percent of failure I think that was.

So, if I do barbell row with 135 for 5 x 5 and I get done feeling like I could have probably done one more set without failure, I'll mark it down as 80%, that means next time I should make it harder, maybe 6 x 5. If I feel like I could start another set but not finish it, 90%, hold steady next time but maybe push the movement back in the workout so I'll start the set more fatigued. If I can't finish the set, I write down what I did but I'll indicate something like 110% to 125%, telling me to back down next time. If I try lifting a weight that I can't even do for a set happily, I will usually label it as 150%, which is arbitrary but it communicates to me ignore what I programmed and focus on what I was able to do going forward so subsequent workouts need to be easier on that lift. 

The bigger plan is to try and have more variety in my programming, rather than just hammer the big lifts. I want to be more well rounded and capable. I don't care as much about bigger numbers and I don't necessarily want to get physically bigger. Because of this, after breaking myself in for this quart or so, I see myself probably hammering metcon a bit more in the new year, to help with fat loss and to avoid to much growth. Then probably try and pull in more cardio and drop heavy lifting down to even less of a priority in Q2 of 2019. Generally though, I'm too flighty for my program to hold up that long so we'll see.

 

Thinking about grooming:

This isn't something I usually say much about but something I've been doing recently is shaving my head. I started when Laura and I separated, prior to that, she used clippers on my head for me. Initially I was using a Norelco 3-head shaver on my scalp, which worked well. I decided to try using a safety razor on my head. This has been a mixed result.

Using an actual blade on my head gives me a much closer shave than any electric shaver I have tried. It brings the obvious issue that I can now slice my head open. I'm still playing with different blades and do find that this makes a bigger difference than I would have thought possible. The really sharp blades can get my head really smooth, which I love but makes any challenging spots really obvious that they are always a little stubbly. They can also knich and infected hair off with me barely noticing. Those bleed, a lot. 

So, I'm still working on this but am settling into really liking using a blade, even with the occasional knick.

 

Thinking about me:

A large part of this whole experience has been seeing myself as and adult, by myself for the first time in my life. It's been a really positive thing to work on. It means, though, that I spend a lot of time asking myself who I want to be. What value do I bring and to whom? This isn't a settled question for me. There are my selfish pursuits (lifting and guitar) that I love but are inherently just for me. It also means that sometimes I prioritize myself over others, including Laura, which is new for me. It's not necessarily a bad thing but I can't help but to keep asking "to what end?" 

I've put Boy Scouts on hold as I've been going through this but I haven't found that I want to go back to that troop. I don't feel like I'm getting anything from it and I don't really feel like I'm providing much value to anyone in this space. I haven't come up with something else to fill this gap and I'm not sure what I want there.

 

 

Anyone, that's a brain dump of what has been on my mind for the past little bit.

Mini-goal for the week, actually log my workouts and get at least three posts on NF this week. 

On 9/19/2018 at 5:28 AM, Bearlee said:

 

Now that I didn’t bury the lead, the reason I haven’t been posting is because I’m either depressed or embarrassed or both. I’m nearing my max weight again and that has sent me into a funk that is just compounding the problem. I’ve been on Nerd Fitness for 4 1/2 years and what progress have I made? I get little victories here and there but my overall net gain is negative (or should I say positive since I’m heavier than when I started). And I can’t seem to (or don’t want to) figure out what the problem is.

Not to put too fin e of a point on it but I don't care what your weight is. I mean, I care t the extent that you are happy but that's really it. I know that we're on NerdFitness and all but the reason I hang around here is that fitness communities are a dime a dozen. Communities where people care about you are not. 

I've never seen a community that seems to care more about that. How are you doing with you? Aside from being frustrated, what are you thinking about your activity?

I swear, Ill get back to this habit, it's just taking some time.

 

Things continue to be really good with Laura. We're still figuring a lot of things out but both of us seem to be very happy with what we are figuring out. This wouldn't have been  possible had both of us not had some realizations about ourselves. We're both very optimistic about our future together. It will be a very different relationship, which is exactly what it needs to be.

 

 

The kettlebell saga finally wrapped today. After I reached out to a lawyer, but before I had gotten into any kind of a paying relationship with one the apartment management reached out  to say that they were working on how to balance things with me. So all of last week I just kind of held my breath on the whole thing. Yesterday I kept thinking, I need to call that lawyer but I didn't. Today my building finally got back to me with a $2,000 credit against rent. It was literally the lowest offer I would have accepted but they did offer and I did accept. 

At this point I don't plan on replacing the bells. Today I did a barbell workout and that's the plan going forward. I'm trying to work up more of a true plan but for now I'm just getting my body back in the groove. I was sore after my push workout this weekend and I think I can guarantee the  same after today's pull workout. More on all that later.

 

Work is good. It continues to be a supportive environment. I have minor complaints but nothing that can't be a work in progress. I'm good there.

 

Therapy is still doing me a lot of good . I don't have a lot to say in the moment. I can drill into this in anyone cares.

 

I am still totally digging playing guitar. I'm in the phase of just drilling stuff  so it's not sexy at all but I like having something I can just drill at random times. It's also been a fun for Laura and I bond over. She can't play guitar but she know a crazy amount about music theory so I try to make a point to ask her about it often. 

 

I dunno, I feel like I should have more, what am I not telling anyone that they are dying to know?

 

09/25/2018

Deadlift 335 5 x 3, 5 x 2 - my hands were the failure point

Power Snatch 115 3 x 5 - I was a little less solid in the end but nothing here that I couldn't handle

Pull Up 6 x 2

Good Morning 115 3 x 5 - I had 5 x5 programmed but my hammies wanted to cramp

Barbell Row  115 3 x 8 - the easiest set in the workout

Bicep Curls - skipped these because I still can't convince myself that they are important

So many things. I don't know how long I will type before running out of gas but my life has been topsy turvy in all the ways

 

Kettlebells:

They are gone. The short version is that the maintenance guys put them in the trash room and didn't tell me. They assumed that when they went away that I had divined their location and picked them up. Which is fucking stupid. It's been five weeks. I sent them a bill fo $2,200, the cost to replace my kettlebells. I have heard nothing since. I sent another note today saying that if I don't see an honest attempt to settle up tomorrow, I'm getting a lawyer. In Minnesota they owe me for up to 3x the cost and legal fees. I'm really hoping that they cut me a check and we move on but I will make good on my threat on Monday, in which case, I'll seek full damages. 

The question remains, do I replace my bells at this point. I'm thinking no. It pisses me off that this screws up my big plan to train for and visit @KB Girl but I'm trying to make the most of it. Next year I turn 40 and I may take the money and make an alternate plan to just take and epic trip to celebrate. Of course, if the insist on replacing my bells one for one, I will get back to kettlebells training and stick to the plan. 

Everyone thinks I'm being way too nice and they are probably right. I like this building and am trying to not shit where I sleep, as it were, but this has gotten stupid. Even some of their own employees acknowledge that his has gone on stupidly long and that the resolution is super simple. 

 

Training:

I have training once in each of the last two weeks. Today I did again. I am hoping that today marks a return to consistent training but i need to figure out what exactly that means. Barbells, yes. Cardio, yes Conditioning yes. But what's the big plan? I don't yet know. I see so many paths before me.

 

Marriage:

OMG, such a roller coaster. I have been through all the emotions. Today is a good day though. Last week was a low point. I lost all hope. On two separate occasions Laura and I said out loud that we were done. This weekend I was ready to do paperwork and move on with life as a single dude. This weekend, also, Laura said she could imagine life with no one but me. I was ready to disregard that for ...reasons. It came down to the decisions point on Sunday. I was ready to be done and Laura wanted to be together. For a whole lot of reasons, far to nuanced to talk about now, I said, let's do this. 

Since then we have been madly in love with one another. We're still forced to be separated by leases and so on but we do love one another and are committed in a way that I honestly don't believe we have ever been. It's total madness but we're exuberant around one another. 

That said, our relationship has changed forever, which is almost certainly good. I think we have start and continue to become better individuals and I hope that leads to a better marriage. But, neither of us sees a way forward other than together. Which still kind of blows my mind given where we were even a week ago. 

 

Dating

Yep, I went on some dates as a part of this. Laura is totally aware. She kind of pushed me into it. Short version, ladies of 40 really want a dude who is kind of fit, knows how to cook, wash his own clothes, clean up his apartment and has a stable career. Not all of those ladies can say the same. 

Not that anyone is asking or it's anyone's business but I had a hard stop on having sex during this time but I did take some very nice ladies out for a date and got a few kisses from nice ladies (again, Laura know this). Last night was my last, last date. Once we decided we were together again, I terminated all ating relationships will no room for error. 

Some ladies are terrible kissers. I demoed a kiss that I got on Laura last night to explain this and she recoiled in horror. Do not stick your tongue forcefully straight into your partners mouth and just hold it there. It's weird and there is no where to go from there. 

Some ladies really want a man that has his shit together. They want him as their partner and daddy for the kiddoes.

That's another weird quirk of 30 something to 40 something ladies, many have kids that are splitting time with dad (I totally get this), some don't have kids and want to spend their free time and money to travel (also get this) but a surprising number really want kids. Those of you have known me for a while, know that I can't help here, and this ended one relationship out of the gate. Another said ti was a deal breaker but wanted to continue. 

In my time dating, I one woman thought she was in love with me and I had to cut it off for all the reasons, a couple of us decided to end for mutual reasons and they were my favorite people, and I met a couple different woman with whom there was a potential path forward, each for very different reasons. But, I terminated those based on my situations.

Also, I did use Tinder. It was really effective but does some really weird crap to the dating dynamic. It's easy to get a pile of interested individuals but then you have to come up with your own sorting algorithm. That's a mess. I tended to give people the benefit of the doubt but I was quickly swapped with more social obligations than I wanted. 

For the record, my favorite lady was a doctor with two kids. There probably was something we could have put together there. She was the last one I ended (last night) and yes, I did feel some regret. Laura knows all this but I feel that if we make this go, it's worth 100% of it.

 

Lexapro:

I'm still taking this. I missed a dose one day and Holy Shit. I thought I was going to die. I have a a bunch of crap that needs to be sorted before I back off this stuff. That said, long term I do hope to find the right mechanisms and thought patterns to be a sane human without drugs

 

Counseling: 

Laura and I are each in individual therapy and couples therapy together. My individual sessions are very Socratic in nature. I talk about my week and she occasionally provides feedback or points m back towards something that she feels needs more introspection. I often don't feel good coming out of these sessions but I think that it's because she points me towards things I've been glossing over or ignoring. I think it has been very helpful for me. I don't know the long term picture but for now it's doing me good.

Laura's counselor has been more direct, giving her work to do. That sorts both of our personalities well so I think it's a good thing. Our couples counselor doesn't, I think, know what to do with us. We tend to communicate well, which is kind of what couples counseling is all about. We had a real rough patch but I don't think that it fits any of the usual rubrick's based on what I'm hearing. Regardless, we sally forth. We'll see where that goes over time.

 

Guitar:

I'm totally loving guitar. Tonight I worked on Hey Jude, very poorly for an hour. I have no regrets about the time spent other than the fact that I'm not better. I see this as a very long term project that I'm all in on. I've taken to listening to songs for the guitar parts a lot lately. 

 

Cigars:

In the past I have smoked a cigar now and again but in my bachelor life I decided to go all in on this. I bought a humidor and tried a variety of cigars until I found one I like. I bought a couple boxes of those. I smoke one most days and am digging it. Go ahead and judge me. 

 

There's other stuff but the overall theme is, I'm doing awesome. I love my wife more than ever. I am content with myself more than ever. 

 

Hit me with questions, comments, and (truly) criticisms as you see fit. 

I'll try to get back to being more consistent in following your threads and posting here. 

Proof of life post!

I owe a million updates but don't have time right now. My life is still a bit of a roller coaster on the marriage front. I'm taking guitar lessons and loving it. I worked out once last week. All of my kettlebells have gone missing (yep). 

On 8/31/2018 at 11:18 AM, Sloth the Enduring said:

Congratulations on keeping your job the way you want it.

What he said!

Oh DOMS. Take it easier than you think to these first weeks. I know that you're anxious to get going again but rest and recovery is as important as time in the gym. Many efforts have withered and died do to enthusiasm.

8 hours ago, Jittersthe.Clown said:

Today, I will do a thing. It might be lifting, it might be jumping rope, it might be heavy juggling, but I will do a thing. I just can't keep this up. I need to be better.

This seems like the right place to start

 

The battle logs are still open to everyone for whom the churn of challenges is too much overhead. Alas, it's not the social setting that the challenges are though. 

If folks ever want to come down to Loring Park on a Sunday, I'm happy to haul my kettlebells out and workout. 

I opted for a Fender Telcaster. By opted I mean, I walked into a guitar store that really favors Fender products and said "I want to learn to play guitar. I know nothing, I have nothing, and I'd like to walk out of here with everything for $1,000". They looked really stressed out until I said my budget and it was like the governor had called at 5 to midnight. I imagine they get a lot of people who want to walk out of there for 10% of that. 

One of the guys walked me around and showed me a Stratocaster, this Telecaster and a Les Gibson that all hit my price range. A lot of the sites I have read have said that especially for your first guitar, just pick the most comfortable one. After you learn to play some songs and hear the differences, then you can lean towards one manufacturer or another and go for specific looks and feels. The Fenders felt better in hand than the Les Gibson did. I had kind of thought I would walk out with a Stratocaster but the Telicaster had a little more weight, which I really liked. The guys selling it to me seemed pretty excited about the guitar so either it's good or it's terrible and they were glad to see someone get it out of their inventory.

Some things I don't totally understand involve the guitar pickups. Gibson and Fender use different types and amounts of pick ups. This one appears to be something of a hybrid. It uses Humbucklers, which is a Gibson trait but, as I understand it, in a Fender arrangement. I frankly have no idea but I enjoy picking it up and working on chords most days. That's what I got it for so, so far, so good. 

 

 

20 hours ago, Bearlee said:

I'm not saying go out and buy expensive equipment but

Oh, I bought an electric guitar. My first lesson is tomorrow.

 

 

I'm writing this from my single apartment on a Saturday afternoon. It's both weird and normal at this point to be sitting here. 

 

Drugs

Lexapro has really changed my life. I can control my emotions for the first time in my life. As a part of that, my appetite is under control and I'm now south of 210 and falling. It means I function everyday regardless off the chaos in my life right now. It also means that I've uncovered and whole pile of coping mechanisms I had come to rely on to get through the day. I'm a different person who can remember and process things I never could before. It doesn't mean that some things are challenging for me right now though.

 

Separation

We're still separated and will be until probably December. Some days we know that when December gets here, we'll be back together. Other days, like today, both of us wonder if we aren't just better calling it and moving one with our respective lives, as friends. Those days hurt both of us. 

In the meantime I've been seeing a therapist to deal with some of my mess. The first couple times she just listened and I just talked, which I found cathartic. The last two sessions though, she still just listened, it's not really cathartic anymore and I'm hoping that we can take some kind of next step so that I can work on being a better person. We've also seen a marriage counselor a few times. She seems to be really good at her job but it's still early so we haven't made a ton of progress there.

 

Training

I got a couple good workouts in last week. Monday I went down to get a workout in a bit early and guess what. No kettlebells. All of them were gone. 

I went to the building staff that was here at they time and they said that the bells had probably just been put somewhere since the building owners were on site. Ok, not my favorite but if they would just tell me where they are, I'd be happy to haul them back myself. No one knew. I asked everyday for a week. Finally, today I was told that the maintenance manager has them and I'm not allowed to keep them in the gym. Great. So I asked how I get them back from the maintenance manager. Crickets. I'm super grumpy about this. This was supposed to be test week and I was fired up to get something done.

I did do a barbell workout on Friday but that's it. It was good but I'm still not happy with training this week. Next week will be better. 

 

Other stuff

I still don't have anything resembling routine. That's ok for now but I'm sure I will begin to seek routine more as I'm feeling more at home. 

 

I feel like I should have more to write but that's all I've got for now. 

I think I've mentioned this before but it's worth mentioning again and needs to be mentioned if I haven't. This whole mess has brought out a really cool community of people around me who have been amazingly supportive. I think I've had one night since moving out where I didn't have someone I was meeting up with. I don't need that level of comfort and community but it's awesome to know that it is there. I honestly would not have expected it. Even tomorrow I'm going climbing with a mutual friend of Laura's and mine just for some time with people. I've been more social in the past week than anytime before. 

@Shello - thank you for our private conversation. It's been very helpful and I will PM you again this week.

@Rooks - I think I'm free for lunch all week but I'll try to remember to confirm on Monday. Feel free to text me to remind me to get you some availability. 

@Sylvaa - definitely don't be sorry. I'm happy that people are discussing this. 

 

...ok, cutting this off here because I started it a week ago an never finished. posting a short note right after

Welcome back.

Knowing what you want and getting it is key. Sometimes, so is knowing what you don't want.

It's been forever since my last post. Thank you to each of you who have commented. I do appreciate it. I've been a bit preoccupied, as you might imagine. I'm not really sure where to start on this post but I have two big topics that I really want to cover, the separation itself and Lexapro. It's quite likely I will only get to one before I run out of steam but I'll try to come back and do the other later. 

 

Weekend before last, Laura and I went and looked at single apartments in our building and found out that the earliest that one of us could move was September. At that point we couldn't go a day without all the emotions imaginable coming up. It was unsustainable. At that point we looked at some other buildings around us and found a really nice single unit that I could move into the following weekend. We booked it. 

Last weekend @Sloth the Enduring and my massage therapist and Laura spent two hours moving me from one building to another building, less than a block away. They all busted their asses to make it happen and I really appreciate the effort. As of this morning, I unpacked my last large box. I do still need to spend another 4 hours or so organizing but that's it. I'm in a new apartment. 

I will be honest in saying that the separation has been less difficult than I had feared. I haven't even been there for a week yet and I've seen Laura every day so far. That won't last. The key is to be ready when that time comes, whenever that is. The distance has been good (although I can see her balcony from my window and vice versa). We both needed to stop having emotional days and emotional nights. The irony was that we had a conversational breakthrough last week that would have probably made staying in the same apartment survivable, but leases were signed and this probably is easier. 

I don't have a ton of stuff, well, with kettlebells I probably have a literal ton of stuff, but I don't have a lot of things in my apartment. I kind of like it as is. I will probably eventually need to get some more pots and pans but I'm good for now. I need to put away my electronics, which I keep questioning why I have since I haven' touched them in months. I have good books for reading and some other things to consume time. 

Ok, that ended up being shorter than I expected. I guess the logistics of it just aren't complicated. The emotions, obviously, are.

 

I started Lexapro something like 3 weeks ago. It's been life changing for me. I started it because I just could not cope with the separation as a concept. I was useless. I knew I needed to talk to a therapist or someone  but I also had a sense that I needed more. I went to a GP and she gave me a little quiz that told her that I was depressed and anxious, in a clinical way. So, she prescribed Lexapro.

I've taken it once a day since and have learned and awful lot about myself. It takes a while for the drug to do it's thing, or that's what they tell you. The first day I noticed differences. Over time they solidified and became more stable. 

I have always had a lot of conflicting thought in my head, all at the same time. I've talked about the quitter voice, the part of my brain that tells me to put the bells down in a tough set. All of that has cleared up. I now just have one strong thread running through my brain. It's been amazing.

The drug has also done its mode stabilizing thing. I can still get a little choked up talking about the potential of my marriage ending, I think that's normal, but it doesn't carry me away to a grief I can't recover from when it happens. I needed this drug to get through these tough times but I'm also learning that I very likely needed it for most of my life. My mind is clearer, I can remember numbers, all kinds little issues that just made me suspect I was retarded and sneaking by as normal, have just gone away. 

The one down side is I can't sleep through the night. I get about 4 hours of sleep and then I'm awake for 2 hours. I haven't found a way to not have this happen yet. It's not a huge deal being alone, I can just get up and read or unpack or whatever for a bit and then go back to bed. However, that's not my long term plan for it. I'll address it with my GP when I go back next week and hopefully she'll have a solution.

Oh, I also lost a bunch of compulsive tendencies. One of them, is my near need to eat any food placed in front of me and the easy with which I succumb to cravings. As a result, I've lost ten pounds. It's been really strange. Most people gain weight on these meds but for me it's not been that way at all.

Anyway, I need to get back to logging. I can tell I'm way out of practice. I don't yet have anywhere to sit in my apartment so that's been a hinderance but soon.