momburntdinner

So, Nope, haven't been around much. I was feeling down for a bit because last week, I jammed my toe on my coffee table. I hit it SO HARD and at JUST THE RIGHT ANGLE that It ripped off my toenail and fractured my bone. I tried to deny the fact it was broken, but over the course of a week it became obscenely obvious that it was broken. 2 days ago I made the mistake of trying to put on sneakers and go to the gym. OH HEEEEELLLLL no. So that made me feel incredibly bad. I can't do any cardio and I can't go to the gym to lift. I'm left with my dumb bells at home with no shoes on, and it's getting to me. I never thought that I would miss working out but when I CAN'T... I DO. On the plus side, I've met some new friends. My friend Andrew goes to school with this girl A. Apparently A knows everyone or works with everyone, and we figured out via A that we both knew a mutual friend named D. I've known D for about a year. So D has 2 kids (4&6) and then his roommate/girlfriend/??? S has a little boy who is 6. The past 2 Saturdays my boyfriend has had to close (doesn't get off until 10 PM) so Andrew and I have gone over to hang out with the "group." And I have to admit, hanging out with a group is fun. I missed socializing in groups of more than 3 people... it's a fun time. That's been uplifting my spirits lately, especially since yesterday I took my daughter over impromptu to meet S's son, L. It's hard for my daughter to meet friends. I don't know why, I mean she has friends but she never invites them over, or whatnot. Anyway, they got along, L showed my daughter his year book, they played on his iPad and colored and then D and S made spaghetti and we all ate. I mean, I don't know. In a way I feel like I'm intruding... but D has always invited me over and always tells me I'm welcome in his house. I think the years of "not being allowed" to have friends causes me to over think these situations. Some random Pictures!

So, maybe it's time to switch up my goals. I don't know. My muscles are awesome. My arms look nice and muscle-y (hehe) and my legs are getting better. And I love lifting. For this, I'm happy. I'm happy even though I usually can't dfind the time to get to the gym 3x/week... yeah it's just not working out between work, school, my kid, etc. And despite being happy, I'm still realistic... even though I know I'm replacing fat with muscle, I do need to drop this excess weight. I wish this were as simple as calories in vs. calories out but for me, it isn't. I am showing a deficit DAILY. I should be losing at the very least a pound a week. I really want a bike. I've been eyeing up craigslist to try and find one to try out for maybe $50. I so don't need to spend $1,000 right now on one! But yeah. I can see myself bike riding. Things with the gym and cardio will get better over the summer. My ex husband and I are doing one week on with my daughter, one week off. So on those off weeks I have no excuse not to go. A lot.

No, I didn't row crew... I went to art school and I'm pretty sure the most active thing we did was haul rocks to carve.

Finally got my ex-husband's name off my back!! Before and after. So happy. It hurt. It hurt A LOT and it STILL HURTS. The artist said it's because with cover ups, you really have to hammer in the ink so the previous tattoo is covered. I was bleeding like crazy and it a lot of pain. now it feels like someone burnt me with an iron. I probably didn't help that I went to the gym today and did arms and back. He also touched up my one foot tattoo and touched up the star I have on my ankle. Then we decided to put my daughter's (Sophia) name above the star so she was still on me.

I can't dye my hair "unnatural colors" or have any facial piercings, visible tattoos, etc. But my kid is only 7 so why not let her dye it while she's young? I'm already the youngest mom at that school.. I swear all the other moms and dads are 35-40. I'm 29, and always feel awkward at assemblys and the like. So now I'm the young mom that lets her kid dye her hair purple as well! Oh, social stigmas... Speaking of tattoos, Right before my divorce (of course) I got a tattoo on my back with my ex-husband's and daughter's name. Stupid, I know.. but anyway, Originally, I went back to the guy who did the original tattoo, because he did a great job. But when I went in to have a consult to have it covered up, he blew me off. He basically looked at it, said "get it lasered" and gave me the card of someone who does tat removal. He didn't sketch anything on me, or even consider helping me out. When I went into another artist, he had a picture of my tat printed out, and drew right over it to show me what could be done. Honestly, it took him 15 minutes to come up with the perfect way to get rid of it. HAPPY DANCE.

I hope all the mother's out there had a good mother's day. Mine was laid back and uneventful (which is good!) My ex-husband had our daughter until Sunday afternoon... so Friday night my boyfriend took me out to dinner for Mother's Day, (he worked Saturday and Sunday) gave me a teddy bear that said "number 1 mom," a handwritten letter, and a Doctor Who bracelet. We went to a thrift store, and relaxed. It was very sweet. I didn't feel great Saturday, so the day consisted of dying my hair, sleeping, cleaning, and sleeping. Sunday morning before he left for work my boyfriend made me breakfast in bed. I got up, and got a haircut to go with my new dye job. I went to Target and bought a bathing suit. I got Starbucks, and brought some to my boy at his work. I came home and worked out with my dumbbells. My ex dropped my daughter off around 3:00, they stayed for a bit and then she gave me a card... after they left, we dyed her hair purple (it's been a rainbow of colors.) When my boyfriend got home from work around 5, he made us dinner on the grill; sausages, hot dogs, hamburgers and veggies. After the kiddo went to bed, we relaxed and watched Archer for a while before sleep. Sidenote: I took this picture to see how I looked in my bathing Suit... holy crap! I've got guns! That wasn't even flexing

Here are some pictures from D.C. I totally spaced and forgot to post some. I also got THESEEEEEE off CL as I said... they are totally awesome. I wish the weights went up a little higher, but hey...for $25 I can't argue plus that's what the gym is for, right? These are for off-gym days; butterflies, rows, etc.

If you go into MFP, under cardio, you can add"strength training". I don't know how much BBWW is strength training though, I skipped it and started going to the gym to lift. But it's a thought. You could get a heart rate monitor and log from that?

I"m skipping this one... my body is all sorts of different because of my bypass surgery. But GO OTHER PEOPLE!!! YAY!!!

There were more, exciting (not) monetarily draining occurrences in my life yesterday. I took my car in to get inspected. It's a 2012 Subaru Forester and it only has 17,500 miles on it. At the end of everything, it cost me $410. I wound up needing 2 new front tires. I have NO IDEA how that even happens at 17K... but I assume it's because instead of going to the garage I love and trust, I took my car to Meineke and they fucked me over. I paid for my inspection last year, an oil change, and a tire rotation. When my awesome (I will never NOT go back to this guy) man went to inspect my car, not only did I need new tires because apparently THEY DIDN'T ROTATE THEM, but there was also NO OIL in my car AT ALL. That could have EASILY fried my engine, and I am lucky that my engine was fine. In addition to this, the last oil change I had was from MEINEKE and there was, for some reason, a Pep Boys filter part on it. THAT IS SHADY. My garage guy thinks they either shafted me on oil (charged me for 5 quarts, only put in 2) or maybe didn't change it AT ALL. THE ACTUAL FUCK. But I digress. My boyfriend and I had the day off together yesterday, so he followed me to the shop where I dropped my car off. We hit some thrift stores and the antique mall, then I got the news about my car so he took me to pick it up. I was supposed to meet Andrew at the gym at 2:30. I didn't want to go. Oh, HELL NO, I didn't want to go. But I did, damnit. I got there late, so he was only there to spot me on bench press and do ab work with me. (P.S. my abs = ow) But I stayed after he left and did more... triceps pull down seated row, bicep curls, hip adduction, leg press. And I did all of them with a LOT of reps and consistently with no breaks focusing on form, so by the end of the circuit I was sweaty and it felt like a good workout. I didn't run. I didn't bike or anything... but at least I got there and lifted. And today I'm getting these off a woman on Craigslist for $25. So, We'll see how that goes at home. There are tons of exercises to do at home, it's the ACTUALLY DOING THEM part that gets me.

I don't feel good about myself AT ALL right now. Out of ALL my goals that I set up for myself, the only thing I am getting 100% on is taking the stairs at work. I weight exactly the same as four weeks ago. I only went to the gym ONCE this week (Tuesday.) If I was busy to the point where I couldn't go, I would feel okay with that fact. But I had PLENTY of time to go at least once more. I had PLENTY of time to go for a jog, or do arm exercises with weights or bands, or anything and I didn't do anything. This week I fail, and it feels horrible. It feels horrible to the point where I feel like giving up. I know that I want/need to make exercise a priority in my life, but that hasn't gotten through my thick skull yet. Maybe my goals need to be altered to reflect a non weight-related goal. I'm not losing. I eat a caloric deficit and I eat 80% healthy; protein and healthy fats and carbs from veggies. I log 5/7 days of the week. I may not do high impact cardio as many days as I want to, but I do get out and move. Numbers. Numbers are frustrating. And numbers wouldn't be frustrating if I felt the difference in my clothing; pants fitting looser, shirts looking better, sweaters fitting looser; none of this. If ANYTHING, my pants feel TIGHTER. I. Am. FRUSTRATED. One night last week I completely broke down from feeling like a failure in every sense of my life. I literally sat on the floor of Shawn's office and sobbed until I finally had a panic attack about being a bad mom. That's a whole 'nother ballgame, but everything was getting to me and it all came out at once. I think I freaked Shawn (boyfriend) out a bit. Being the spectator to someone's panic attack is never fun. It's my own fault and now I need a kick in the ass to get back on track. It's just so frustrating, and I don't think if I'm alone that I will get back on track.

I don't feel good about myself AT ALL right now. Out of ALL my goals that I set up for myself, the only thing I am getting 100% on is taking the stairs at work. I weight exactly the same as two weeks ago. I only went to the gym ONCE this week (Tuesday.) If I was busy to the point where I couldn't go, I would feel okay with that fact. But I had PLENTY of time to go at least once more. I had PLENTY of time to go for a jog, or do arm exercises with weights or bands, or anything and I didn't do anything. This week I fail, and it feels horrible. It feels horrible to the point where I feel like giving up. I know that I want/need to make exercise a priority in my life, but that hasn't gotten through my thick skull yet. Maybe my goals need to be altered to reflect a non weight-related goal. I'm not losing. I eat a caloric deficit and I eat 80% healthy; protein and healthy fats and carbs from veggies. I log 5/7 days of the week. I may not do high impact cardio as many days as I want to, but I do get out and move. Numbers. Numbers are frustrating. And numbers wouldn't be frustrating if I felt the difference in my clothing; pants fitting looser, shirts looking better, sweaters fitting looser; none of this. If ANYTHING, my pants feel TIGHTER. I. Am. FRUSTRATED. One night last week I completely broke down from feeling like a failure in every sense of my life. I literally sat on the floor of Shawn's office and sobbed until I finally had a panic attack about being a bad mom. That's a whole 'nother ballgame, but everything was getting to me and it all came out at once. I think I freaked Shawn out a bit. Being the spectator to someone's panic attack is never fun. But enough complaining. It's my own fault and now I need a kick in the ass to get back on track. It's just so frustrating, and I don't think if I'm alone that I will get back on track. Let's just recap the weekend. Friday, my ex husband picked up my daughter, and had her for the weekend. FREE OF A CHILD! Friday was one of the anticipated gym days. I worked until 5 but then decided to go see The Amazing Spiderman 2 with Andrew instead. Fail 1. Saturday, (I was guilty of some delusions of grandeur regarding this weekend.) I WAS going to get up super early, hit yard sales/ thrift shops with Shawn before work, head over to the gym for about a 40 minute workout, then go to Lowe's to get supplies to paint/upcycle my wooden desk, and then build my terrarium. Instead, we got up at 10, went to a couple yard sales and Goodwill and then back home until 1, when Shawn had to go to work. I had from 1-10 to do something productive. Instead of kicking my ass to go to the gym, I took a nap. Then my mother called and I had totally forgotten about my sister's "trunk show" for her jewelry business. I was intending on skipping it, but apparently everyone was asking where I was, and I was ABSOLUTELY guilt-ed into going. So, from 3:30-6 I was there, supporting my sister. Which don't get me wrong, I love her, and support her but mehhh. 3 hours on a Saturday was a lot. After the show I could have gone to the gym, but again, didn't. I went to a local comic store for free comic day, went to the pet store for more plants for my betta fish, headed to Lowe's to get my terrarium supplies, then hit a couple of thrift stores. I didn't come home with any spray paint, supplies, or desire to paint my desk anymore. Sunday. Perfect day to make up for no exercise, right? No. Woke up at 7AM to hit a local Flea Market. Not going to lie, it was awesome. I only spend like $20 but I came home with a Popples lunchbox, a Strawberry Shortcake Lunchbox with Thermos, A David Bowie diamond dogs record, 13 comics, some action figures, and a hanging plant. I did kick on an app on my phone and I did walk 3.7 miles at the market. Only exercise ever. Got finished there around 10:30, went to Starbucks, picked up tea for Shawn (he has tonsillitis went to an overpriced consignment shop, and then to a reasonable priced consignment shop and picked up a table I'd been searching for, then came home. At home I started ribs in the oven. I did 2 loads of laundry, and cleaned. Cleaned. Cleaned. Vacuumed, dusted, wiped, swept. Andrew invited me to the gym at 5, but at that point my ex had not yet dropped Sophie off (and I didn't know what time he was coming) plus Shawn wasn't home from work yet. Plus I had ribs cooking. So about 6:15 my ex dropped Sophie off, Shawn got home, the ribs finished cooking and were promptly eaten, we put Sophie to bed after some family time, then set off to hang and fold and put away ALL THE CLOTHING that was overtaking our bedroom. So now, our bedroom is nice and neat, vacuumed, sorted, organized... and I still didn't go to the gym. Of course by this time it was 9:30 and I gave up. I watched Archer for an hour, then went to bed. And now it's today. And I'm going to admit something. I feel intense guilt about going to the gym to workout, hell, even going for a jog if it means leaving Shawn alone with Sophie. Mainly because Sophie is not Shawn's responsibility. Rational me knows he doesn't mind; they get along great and really, I'd be gone for like an hour; REASONABLE. But this is where the guilt stems from: 9 years of being with my ex-husband. 9 years of being made feel guilty if I did ANYTHING without him; going out with friends, going to the gym, hell, even spending time with my FAMILY if it didn't include him. And of course, this is over. Shawn is not my ex. Shawn encourages me to go do things on my own, or with Andrew, and I gladly do if he's at work or Sophie isn't home. But yeah, if it involves me leaving him "babysitting" Sophie, I feel like I am pushing a burden on him. I know it all doesn't make any sense. I wonder if that guilt will ever go away. How do you erase 9 years of a negative feeling pushed upon you?

Yes! I went to the specialty running store BigM googled for me (Inside Track) and the guy had me do a bunch of walking to watch my gait and then talked a lot about proper lacing techniques. After about an hour, I wound up with Brooks Dymo (I believe it's dymo... maybe Dyno?) and 3 pairs of Zulu running socks. Everything is AWESOME... it makes SO MUCH difference!

I don'ttttt. I have my website, which has my portfolio on it... however i don't update it often. I'm a bad artist. I used to have an Etsy, but nobody really buys portraits.

I am so sore today, but in a good way... I went to the gym yesterday with my friend Andrew (he's my gym buddy) and before he got there I jogged a mile (with some walking in there) in my fancy new running shoes. THEY MADE SO MUCH DIFFERENCE plus I found my stride (which hasn't happened before.) He proved that he's far superior than me when it comes to cardio. Although, I already knew this. He came late when I had about .35 miles to go while jogging at 4.2mph. Well he set up beside me and he booked it at 10mph and finished the mile AT THE SAME TIME AS ME- JERK. Then again he is ex-military, about 120 pounds, and generally has a body that is made for running. Anyway, afterwards we did arms and abs. My chest/biceps are on fire, but it's such a good feeling. I was pretty upset though, since I didn't lift all last week I was down 20lbs on my bench press. So, right now I'm doing 15/12/10 at 95, 105, 105. I maxed at 145 2 weeks ago, but then again I only did 4 reps at 145; just to see if I could. I had to return my heart rate monitor because I couldn't get it to work. I even went into the gym, fresh batteries in everything, and had the woman help me put it on, and it just wouldn't read my heartbeat. So it was either dead or I'm too fat or my boobs are too big I guess. Grocery shopping is a MUST, ASAP. I wanted to go today but it is p-o-u-r-i-n-g rain. We have protein but none of it is cooked and that poses a problem, since a lot of my "snacking" I do (and yes, I do snack but protein snack) is ground beef, steak, or chicken. But it needs to be cooked! I think it's a whole chicken in the crock pot kind of week, and a large pan of seasoned hamburger meat... or maybe chilli....

I did draw that. It's out of my realm of artistic ability... I actually am pretty bad at cartoons and like to stick with portrait painting. (HINT: I am open to commissions!)

This pretty much sums up my entire Smithsonian experience (but not my D.C. experience) Enjoy the gratuitous artwork, and I'll post pictures from my trip later!

I would have totally done a meetup with you! Next time I'm in the area, we shall plan something. Do you know what was going on in the city on Saturday? It seemed pretty hardcore... there were medical stands and water stands and a big finish line set up. We saw a bunch of people on bikes, but that was it. I tried Google and that didn't help. I would love to see the Dino pictures!!! I really wanted to see them (at least the T-Rex) and was bummed out it wasn't open. I wanted to go to the Newseum with the Anchorman exhibit and to the Spy museum... but at the end of those 2 other ones we were completely museumed out. I think next time we're just going to do a open air bus tour, and then decide on a museum. Oh well, live and learn. ...I was more bummed out about all the annoying children though!

On the drive to D.C., We got bored of playing pididdle so whenever we saw one we screamed "DANGER ZONE" from Archer instead. That made the trip in the dark rain almost worth it. We stopped at a pizza joint that also served indian curry and cheesesteaks which was interesting... my boyfriend had a cheesesteak and it was probably the best cheesesteak he ever had, I'm almost 100% positive because he wouldn't shut up about how awesome it was for like, the next 30 minutes. Once we got to the hotel, I drank too much, posted on here, then ate Gouda and went to bed. We woke up, ate the continental breakfast provided by the hotel, and went on our merry way to D.C. (we stayed in college park.) We stopped at a flea market on the way to the Smithsonian, and I picked up a printer tray (yay!) and a mint-condition polaroid land camera with flash in tact, instructions, and light meter. AWESOME. We hit the Air & Space museum, but were only there for about an hour due to annoying fucking kids and obnoxious, oblivious tour groups and stupid parents that weren't controlling their children. We walked around D.C. and through the sculpture garden to get to the Natural History museum and that place was even more crowded and more filled with annoying, reckless children and literally 12319023 people slamming their iPhones into a glass case that housed the Hope Diamond. After a near-panic attack, we left. We walked to see the front of the white house, then we started to walk back to the car, but then we remembered the Bobby Flay burger joint we wanted to try. To MY dismay (possibly his) the restaurant was about 21 blocks the opposite direction from whence we came (and we had already walked about 13 blocks). We tried to walk... and we made it about 14 blocks but by that time I was hot, sweaty, hungry, pissed off and I hailed a cab there. The burger was pretty good, although I could only eat a bite or two... and I refused to walk another 21 blocks back. So we hailed another cab who put us "near" our destination, although not close enough because of some bicycle race going on. We wound up walking another 4-5 blocks to get back to our car. Once we got out of D.C. we were driving to our friend's house when we here thummMMpppBLEPEEPEPEPEEFFFFPPT and I looked in the rearview mirror and we blew a tire. Luckily my man knows how to change a flat, so he did that while I stared intently, pretending to help... then we had to drive the next 40 minutes going 40MPH on the highway with a donut on... we made it to our friend's house and had fun, had some drinks, but I went to bed early because I was beat. I think our total walking distance was about 4.3 miles. Today we had to find somewhere in Lancaster, PA (amish country) that was open on a Sunday and could change the back 2 tires. The other one was so bad, it needed changed as well. Well, there are basically no no-name auto shops open on sundays, so we hit up pep boys. We had Awful service. First of all, it took way too long, there was some serious poor communication, and extremely rude customer service staff. After being quoted an hour and a half for everything, we came back after two hours plus twenty minutes or so, and the car wasn't even touched. when I inquired about that, they then quoted another hour... With high hopes after waiting almost 3 hours, we checked back in a half hour and the car was ready but they didn't call us to let us know it was ready.

It sucked :/ Okay, I totally forgot I am not into LARGE CROWDS of people in tight spaces. I mean, it was okay (no DINO exhibit either which really pissed me off- it was closed out and there was nothing in the REX room) but there were screaming, misbehaving, give-no-fucks children everywhere and apparently, I forgot to turn off my invisibility shield because EVERYONE kept running into me. No excuse me's or sorries either. I'm typing up a full post though, it was all in all a good trip

We're going to hit aero-space museum and the museum of natural history I believe. There's also a Bobbly flay burger joint we're eyeing up, and a couple of flea markets and vintage shops, if we can squeeze it all in a 7 hour time-span. Whatever it takes... I have to walk off about 9 shots of Peach New Amsterdam vodka and like, 5oz. of gouda cheese... oopsies. Can't always behave on vacation.

Well, I coughed up the dough and got my first pair of *actual* running shoes. And not only that, but I went to a specialty running store. I was there for about an hour, tried on several pairs of shoes, was taught what socks to buy, how to lace the shoes, how to tie the shoes, how the shoes should feel... it was definitely worth my money. They feel like I'm not wearing anything and I don't roll in them (like my previous shoes.) Don't know when I'll get to lift weights this week, or if at all. My boyfriend has the weekend off, which NEVER. HAPPENS. (He's a retail manager.) So we're leaving Friday after work and spending the night in D.C. then spending all of Saturday in and around the Smithsonian. There will be a LOT of WALKING... is there a pedometer app or something I can use to track how much I walk?

I prefer the term "douche canoe"