Razzy

So... I've been late on keeping up and I know. Stupid Halloween Party on the 7th just royally threw my diet, so I'm starting fresh. AGAIN. Which is stupidly hard now because dad keeps putting M&Ms out on the table and I have the pleasure of eating with them right there next to me, morning, noon and night. I feel so BLAH and like big blob I just don't want to move. I just want to sleep. And I had oatmeal, why did I have oatmeal? I haven't had it in YEARS why now? This is crazy. Anyone noticing a binge pattern here? I am. It's worrying. Yesterday: Workout: 20 30lb squats14 explosive pushups6 pullups20 30lb deadlifts14 tricep dips15 alternate toe-touches8 T-stabilizations10 hanging leg raisesBike time: 20 min Definitely lost some strength because of sheer laziness. But I still managed to do 3 circuits. Just.... not well? I think this lingering cold is sapping a bit out of me still. My brain is just fried and I can't seem to focus on anything. And I tire easily. In fact, I'm so tired right now I could sleep through a tornado. But no no, homework and homework and homework and my brain is fried and I can't focus and I really just want to sleep a few days. T_T Excellent advice which I did make use of (sorry for the late reply) and thank god it isn't just me that can't seem to taste anything but sugar while on a cold! Okay, I'm not going crazy. Phew. I still think this cold is messing with me though. I can't focus, I'm tired all the time and there's this stupid, lingering cough. >( Now, by the end of the day, I'm starting to get a sore throat again. Lord, if it's another cold right on top of the other one, I'm doomed. And this cough is driving me nuts. It's hard and sporadic. Just the other day I was drinking some coffee. I was tipping the coffee into my mouth when, somewhere, my brain slammed on the big COUGH BUTTON. You know that movie-silly way people spit whatever they're drinking when they're startled/surprised suddenly? That's EXACTLY what I did. It was weird and hilarious at the same time. *CUES THE THRILLER MUSIC* You have returned! *hugs* Welcome back, Barfly! I am actually partial to Ricola cough drops. No sugar and they don't leave a hideous after taste in your mouth. So! I'm trying to get back onto the healthy eating bandwagon. here's my log for the day. The extra coffee at the end is because I have so much homework to do. No joke. Log: Breakfast: 2 eggs light and fit yogurt coffee many raspberries Dinner: salad (3 olives, 1 dolmada) 1/2 of a chicken wrap (leftovers from Mexican place: has lots of chicken, some rice, that bean paste, onions, peppers, tomatoes.... with guacamole) No idea what the calories are on this thing. 1.2 cups of BNS soup. I made some. Couldn't resist. Coffee (later) 7 Multiseed crackers. Dunno why. Just ate them. Salt, I think. Or maybe I just completely fail at eating clean. I'm seriously starting to think I physically incapable of eating clean indefinitely. The time before the wedding, I had super drive. Where the HELL did it go now? I'm so damn tired, I just can't think. At this point, I am quite comfortably full. I know the salad will account for feeling full, but calorie wise, it isn't much. The olives are 50 calories and the dolmada is 80. Dunno why I keep track of this anymore, but there you go. I am so tired, I could just die. *sigh* And yet, for all the gymnastics and dancing today, I feel as though I ate too much. Guilt? Psyching myself out? Really eat too much? Dunno. Probably all 3. That's just the kind of month I'm having. Everything is just shit and I feel like shit and the days and work that goes by are shit. Today I felt a flash of my energized, happy self. It was fleeting. I have decided to always think the worst regarding my workouts and eating. If I always think I'm on the losing side, then I shall never be tempted to break the rules. See? No 'reward' or 'oh, it's okay'. I've also sworn to not examine myself in the mirror or weigh myself until Christmas. That way I cannot be 'surprised' by 'progress' and continue to think I'm fighting a losing battle. And, on Christmas day, if my plan works, I will give myself a gift of weighing in and being most happy with the result! Yay! Also, some sad news. Found out my second cousin was dead, today. He didn't die today, they aren't sure when, but he was found today. He was a Marine and Vietnam veteran. He had a very hard life but always loved to laugh. Your prayers are much appreciated. His name was Rick.

I SO KILLED IT! Hahahahahahahaha! *spikes imaginary football into the ground* BOOYA, BABY! Workout: 15 20lb jump squats14 explosive pushups6 pullups20 30lb deadlifts14 tricep dips15 alternate toe-touches8 T-stabilizations10 hanging leg raisesBike time: 20 min That is what I did yesterday. I truly didn't think I'd be able to 3 circuits. At the end of the second circuit, I felt my gas tank was running kinda low. But I said, screw it. I'll give it a shot. If I collapse in the middle of a set, I'll just stop. At least I tried. But I powered through like a BA bee-atch! HAHA! Take THAT you stupid cold! I spent half the day just strutting. I only had to use my inhaler once! I find that when the workouts are difficult, as it was yesterday, I shit-talk myself. "Come on, you bitch, let's go. Show 'em what you got, you think this is hard? High schoolers could do better, now do that pull-up again, this ain't hard, you freaking crybaby!" That's basically the gist of it. xD I pep-talk and shit-talk myself the whole darn time. I think I spent most of the day just muttering to myself, to get back on the horse and kick some major ass. I know for a fact that I was talking to myself in the shower the whole time. The general theme was, "Why do you even eat unhealthy crap? You know it'll just make you feel like crap later, so don't do it! Just don't!" And I think when I finished, I was saying something along the lines of, "See, if you could do all that while still sick, you know this workout is outdated. You gotta update, chica. You gotta keep moving up. Wussy-ass workout." xD Word for word! It may sound pathetic, but sometimes I think we all need to hear a voice rationalizing and explaining why we should and shouldn't do things. Dunno. It's easy to ignore that voice in your head, but when you say it out loud, you can't ignore it. But hey, whatever works. I'll do whatever it takes, you know? I gotta figure on upgrading my stuff though. Maybe make some weights up or something. I don't think I'll ever feel I've TRULY made strides in fitness until I start rocking some serious weights. xD Call it a paradox, call it stupid, call it ironic, I know -- it's all true. I just keep wanting to up the ante. *shrugs* Anyway, I gotta say it went pretty successfully. I KNOW I still ate more than I should've yesterday. (I could not seem to resist the call of pot roast when I went to visit my fiance that evening, even though I had dinner before I left.) But even though I was offered some Oreo's, I turned 'em down like a champ. HA! Kicking ass. Hell yeah. Booya. Still, at least I didn't eat bad shit. Today, I've gotta get in some time to work on my gymnastics thing. The teacher was very kind to give me another week! Thank god for that! However, we are hooking up our house to a natural gas line. (We've been using propane for nearly 30 years.) And the work crew will be in the basement. Not that I'm practicing in the basement -- god knows, not enough room for that down there -- but if I were to do a lot of tumbling and jumping in the living room, that creates a lot of loud banging and pounding on the floor, which is LOUD in the basement. The guys have to communicate somehow, you know? So I gotta wait until they are gone. *sigh* And then TOMORROW, there's that Halloween party. I gotta workout and put on costume and makeup and bring something for the pot luck. And on Sunday, the pre-marriage class! Oy vey, but this will be a very busy weekend. Wish me luck!

Lol, a lot of people have been telling me that lately. I don't feel that fiery. I just feel frustrated. I HAVE GAINED 5LBS BECAUSE OF THIS STUPID COLD! ARRRRRG. This is truly just -- frustrating. Fight like hell to eat good and stay active but the sugar and the fat just keeps COMING BACK. I'm honestly starting to feel like a yo-yo. Up and down, up and down. This is maddening. I wish I could just stay on the straight and narrow for a solid, clear 6 months and not have to worry and angst about it all the time. I swear, I'm THIS CLOSE to just screaming, tearing my hair out and running in triangles. God, I hate my stupid pathetic will save whenever I get sick! The sugar cravings are very bad. As is my craving for unhealthy mexican food. I think it's because I can actually taste that stuff. My sense of taste is a little off kilter still. And I'm sucking down cough drops like no tomorrow just to keep a semblance of politeness in class! Speaking of class, whoo boy that was a disaster today. Whatever this cold is, it's definitely in my chest. I've been taking it easy, ja? I didn't exercise yesterday because my limbs were all weak and shaky and leaping about with weights and unstable muscle control is, generally, as a rule, not advisable. So in gymnastics class today, we do 10 laps around the gym just as warm up. Easy right? Yeah. Sure. I only managed about 6 laps and proceeded to spend the next 10 minutes trying to regurgitate a lung. I did NOT expect that to happen whatsoever. Even the instructor looked concerned. She asked if I had to go home. I actually had to call my dad and ask him to run out another dose of the cough suppressant meds AND the inhaler just so I could get through dance class. And halfway through warm-ups, I had a coughing fit again. Hard enough to warrant several classmates and my professor saying, "Just sit down, take a breather. Do you need water?" I got kinda dizzy. So this SUCKS. This ROYALLY, SUPER SUCKS. Not only has this stupid cold screwed with my tastebuds so I'm craving the worst shit, but it's also actively impairing my ability to get back on the exercise horse and kick ass. MY MUSCLES ARE LEEEEEEEAAAAAAVVVIIIIINNNNNNGGGGG MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. *phew* Okay. Had to get that out. But no, it really is super frustrating. I'm pissed. I'm kicking myself everyday for that bite of chocolate that I really don't need but I don't feel like I've eaten anything till I have it. But I've stopped the muscle weakness/trembling thing, so tomorrow I'm going to throw myself into a workout in earnest. If I have to cough through every rep, I don't care. Gotta keep the weight down, the muscle and activity up and the sugar gone. (Except for the 1tbs of coffee creamer, because coffee is rapidly becoming a sacred tool for getting me out of bed this last week and a half.) I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna kick ass. I'm gonna straighten out and shape up, literally. And I'm gonna make a kick-ass gymnastics floor routine for next Wednesday -- the instructor was kind enough to grant me an extra week to do my midterm. I'm glad she did. I'm not sure who was more surprised by the coughing fit, her or me. And I'm gonna freaking own this. *flicks off all the Halloween candy* *battle cry* *hideous, wracking coughing fit* (That pretty much describes my last 10 days right there.)

This cold has seen me gain at least 4 pounds and I know it because the docs weighed me. I feel like fatty McGimGims over here but I'm still just sick enough to preclude real exercise. *pants* Okay, I figure I'll at least do some biking. That's certainly much better than just sitting here, yeah? I feel that by Thursday I will be at least at an exercise-level of wellness once again. Damn, this cold took it out of me. A LOT. But only felt an upswing when those antibiotics started working. Asshat should've given those to me from the start. Oh my god, my fatty mcgimgim head is splitting open. Stupid sinuses. Stupid mucus. Forgive me if I say odd things. I feel odd and I'm still going to class. stupid overachieving straight-a dumbass. but if I don't go, how else am I supposed to get the homework assignments?

Me too. Seems like my worthless joke for medical care doesn't know what it is either. So. Yippee. Oh, protein shakes are a great idea. That's actually quite clever. If only my mother wasn't so viciously opposed to protein shakes; she views the need for protein shakes as a judgement upon her cooking, that her meals are not 'adequate'. Still, she's been 300 miles away since June 20th (the day I got engaged, actually). I might be able to make this work. I won't lie, I have slipped in my dietary controls lately. And it's Halloween. Yesterday, I actually had ice cream! O_O I've no doubt I'll be kicking myself for it later, but it actually did feel good on my throat a little bit. And I have this habit of taking about 4 M&Ms after I have to choke down that nasty ass cough syrup. EUGH. It was right around Halloween too, good and seasonal sounding. :3 So. It's been a while because I've been so damn sick. My last workout was on.....geez, was it really Thursday? Damn. Since then I've been laid up in bed with a persistent low grade fever, screwed up sinuses and no voice. That's right! I haven't been able to speak since Wednesday night. The best I can manage is a breathy whisper without tearing up the vocal cords and bringing on a coughing fit. And boy, the coughing has gotten so much worse. My abs are actually screaming because I've been coughing so much. The evenings are the worst. I have coughed so hard that my 'voice' -- such as it is -- comes out on a very hard and VERY painful squeak. So, I went to the doctor on Thursday and he said, 'breathe steam, take alieve' and I got an inhaler after I asked for it, so that's all I had. Since I saw him, my condition has worsened and stayed that way for THREE DAYS with no improvement. None. Now, the doc took a throat swab for testing and we had to wait until Monday for the results. I called today to see what those results were. "Well, good news! It isn't strep!" ARE. YOU. FUCKING. KIDDING. OF COURSE it isn't strep, you dumb sonofabitch. People lose their voice with strep because it's too painful to SPEAK. The only pain I have in my throat is the bloody rawness from coughing nonstop once the sun goes down. By the way, a strep test takes TEN FUCKING MINUTES. I should know, I had it twice and each time they stepped outside, did their little test, and were back in the room with the results ten minutes later. So that means I must be too young and stupid for this doctor to take seriously. NOW he wants me to come in and get tested for mono! Oh, really! Mono! Like I don't sanitize my hands before I put anything in my mouth! Not like I go around sucking on gym equipment either. Dumb fucker. I'm done with this place. I'm collecting my medical records and leaving. Screw this shit.

HAHAHAHA! DAY = MADE Oh man, i just saw your post after I posted mine and I just giggled and wheezed through one nostril for like five minutes. Got weird looks from some people and it made me laugh more. Thank you for that, Lanny. I needed it!

Oh my gaawwwwwwd screw this cold. I did an abbreviated workout yesterday: Workout: 20 30lb squats14 explosive pushups6 pullups20 30lb deadlifts14 tricep dips (I could only manage 14 before my arms collapsed)15 alternate toe-touches8 T-stabilizations10 hanging leg raisesAnd i only did 2 circuits, and a partial third. (Squats, pushups and pullups, basically.) SCREW THIS COLD. UGH. Making life so much more difficult! I forced myself to eat some stuff yesterday too. Haven't felt hunger pangs in days. If i had my stupid log book here, i'd just list the last 3-4 days for you. I've barely eaten anything most days. *sigh* And taht gymnastics routine is just hovering over me like a Damocles' Sword. T_T If there were even ONE GYM I could practice in.... but no. Nope. [sCREAMS INCOHERENTLY BETWEEN FITS OF DRY COUGHING]

T_T I just... i think firefox hates me because I remade my post and it wiped it out again. MY LIFE BE HELL. Ouch, dark, wet and cold.... sounds like the perfect setting for a Gothic novel doesn't it? Ha, that explains a lot! Also, my reaction in order: *squee* *ohstopityou* *VIRTUAL HUG* (I had all these really cute pics, but didn't use them because whenever I do, the thing crashes. ) Thank you sweety! *SUPER HUG!* Such simple words and yet they mean so much! So, I had this post that should have been posted last night, but for some reason it didn't go through. So, I post it now: Did my workout Saturday. *waves a flag* Yaaaaay.... Got some kind of respiratory infection over the weekend. I could FEEL it get worse by the hour last night. It hurts to swallow and breathing is a strain. Super sucks. *FLIP TABLE MEME HERE* And it came on right before my dance exam, too! But I did the dance exam today and it was a breeze, I had a lot of fun and apparently I have one of the best zombie faces in the whole class. WHOOHOO! *Freddie Mercury success meme here* Anyway, last 2 days I've been up till 6AM doing work on that stupid mid-term portfolio. For some bizarre reason the prof actually WAITED to give us the damn rubric for it, ensuring we'd only have one weekend to do all this mind-numblingly stupid crap. As if we don't have other classes, you dumb jackass. >_> But still, it's almost done. BUT I still haven't found time to even get started on my gymnastics routine, so that answers any questions as to what I'll be doing THIS weekend and after class most days. *sigh* And I'm sick. Possibly pneumonia, because that's what my friend has and i saw him not a day before I got this sore throat and heavy breathing issue. Also, last 2 days (the 6AM ones) I've had bad chocolate cravings. I think I'm also eating far too deficit but the problem is I'm just not hungry and don't really get hungry until my blood sugar drops. So maybe that call for chocolate is a sign from my body to shape up. It isn't that I'm starving myself intentionally. I'm just freaking busy. I can't cook all the time and if I'm staying up til 6AM to do homework for two days running, you know how frantic I am. Also not working up a hunger because all that homework involves sitting and writing for ENDLESS HOURS. My butt hurts.

Firefox just crashed and totally annihilated my freaking post. T_T

Ah, yes, rain. Seattle? I've seen multiple times that Seattle has the highest suicide rate because of all the rain. It's hard for me to imagine rain as being depressing though -- to this day I'll go out and just stand in it if there isn't any lightning! (But yes, I'm totally weird like that. I embrace my weirdness.) Also THANK YOU SO MUCH for directing me to Raptron! Oh my lord, the advice -- before, I was facing this massive bear of a task I had no idea how to tackle. Now, I got a process and a method and it seems so darn simple to do! I am also in your debt! Okay so, daily update! Workout: 15 20lb jump squats (I'm thinking of switching these to frog jumps, because those really kick ass. literally.)14 explosive pushups6 pullups20 30lb deadlifts14 tricep dips (I could only manage 14 before my arms collapsed)15 alternate toe-touches8 T-stabilizations10 hanging leg raisesBike time: 20 min Those deadlifts are just not doing anything for me. I HAVE to find a way to up the weight on them somehow.... The alternate toe-touches are BRUTUAL. 15 makes my whole core just ache on the first circuit! So, in the naturally predictable way of a fitness nerd, I love the darn things. Heh. OH! I got such a WONDERFUL (inadvertent) compliment today! ^_____^ I'm still preening about it. So it was creative writing class today, mkay? We got into groups and workshopped each other's pieces. Because I've been writing fervently since, Iunno, 5th grade, I've got a LOT of practice and always have a lot of advice to give -- not that they are bad writers or anything! They just aren't aware of the tricks and nuances of writing the way years of experience has taught me. (Not to toot my horn or anything....) (....moving on....) So anyway, after we were done, one of the girls in my little group asked me if I was an athlete! I looked surprised and she said, "Your arms look really toned...." and I laughed and said, no, not an athlete, I just do strength training. She got all flustered, thinking she was being awkward and creepy but I assured her otherwise. I felt so damn vindicated. Granted, I had just done my workout not 90 minutes ago and I was wearing a muscle shirt -- well, not really, but cap sleeves make anything a muscle shirt. (Hint Hint, ladies!) So those factors helped, but still! I'm grinning even now! I was mistaken for an athlete and it felt AWESOME! Hahahahahaha, I'm fangirling all over it now. That really made my day! Consumption Log: breakfast: 2 eggs coffee Lunch (post workout) 1 banana Dinner: chinese chicken and vegetables (I rinsed that nasty, greasy sauce off in a colander. So this probably ended up being much healthier than it would have otherwise!) 1/2 cup of white rice (seasoned with Worcestershire sauce) a salad w/ some feta and 3 olives After: about 1/4 cup of mixed nuts, mostly almonds and cashews. Was feeling a little nommish and after 2 water bottles did nothing, I figured it might've been a protein hankering.

Lemme post this first before I forget again.... Workout: 15 20lb jump squats (I'm thinking of switching these to frog jumps, because those really kick ass. literally.)14 explosive pushups6 pullups20 30lb deadlifts14 tricep dips (I could only manage 14 before my arms collapsed)15 alternate toe-touches8 T-stabilizations10 hanging leg raisesBike time: 20 min I'm swapping out the old and true reverse crunch for an alternating toe-tap thing. I don't know what it's called. Lay flat on your back, hands above your head. Lift yourself up (kinda like doing a V-up) and tap your left toe legs straight!) with your right hand. Lower back down. To that with the left hand/right foot and alternate. If you haven't done these, I highly recommend them. They kick ass. Also doing more leg raises and explosive pushups. Getting better and stronger, booya! Yesterday wasn't so great. I had stayed up till 7AM monday finishing homework. I slept in my clothes, sports bra and all, for 2 hours and headed to class. But I did my workout afterwards, so can't say I'm not dedicated. Of course, i was so freaking exhausted I didn't want to cook, so we ended up with chinese take-out. >:& ICK. So I made a salad and went to bed early. xD Oh man, seasonal depression is the absolute worst. Always feel my highest in summer and the rock bottom in winter. If you're somewhere that gets long, snowy winters like I am, I definitely know your pain. But the exercise and eating clean has definitely alleviated some of that. I wish I'd known about it sooner! I have not seen Raptron's thread at all! 8D THANK YOU SO MUCH! OH GOD, YOU ARE A LIVESAVER! *sprints away to find the thread and beg for help*

8D Thank you so much! I kinda danced about giddily when I read this, but I'll admit I just got out of my gymnastics class, so some left-over energy may have spilled in there. ^_______^ You have made my day! I am quite proud of my zombie costume, I won't deny that! Don't bother cutting slashes and holes if you're making one, just go straight for the cheese grater and tear the clothes up like you mean business. And the fake blood recipe is excellent and it keeps well. It really gives it that extra gruesome touch. I had SO MUCH FUN scaring the pants off people that I'm hosting a Halloween party this year. It does feel very good to be back on the horse again! Bleh. I just feel so lackluster and mopey when I'm not exercising enough or eating well. My whole attitude just lifts when I'm on target and knocking it out of the park. As I have a struggled with depression for most of my life, I can say that feeling alone is worth remodeling my whole lifestyle. I've only been doing this for about a year and half, but I've never been happier in my life than in those months. HELL YEAH, FITNESS! xD Okay, that energy is still seeping in so I won't ramble on like an Army recruiter. I do, however, have to get you guys caught up and clued in. Firstly, Saturday: Workout: 15 20lb jump squats (I'm thinking of switching these to frog jumps, because those really kick ass. literally.)12 explosive pushups6 pullups20 30lb deadlifts14 tricep dips (I could only manage 14 before my arms collapsed)15 10lb reverse crunch8 T-stabilizations8 hanging leg raises (may bump this up to 10)Bike time: 20 min I don't have my log book on me right now, or else I would put the consumption log here. Sunday Consumption Log: Breakfast: coffee Lunch/Dinner got a bento box with our pre-marriage counselor couples (My fiance and I are taking a pre-marriage class. It's like a prep course for marriage; "here's the issues that we bring into a marriage, here's how they hurt us and why they hurt us, here's how to recognize and avoid/understand these issues." That sorta thing. There are married couples that act as counselors for every engaged couple in the class, and so we had a kind of working lunch with them.) small salad w/ginger dressing bowl of miso soup (I even peeled the batter off the tempura vegetables. When my counselors saw me doing that, they followed suit. xD) Dinner: Got home super late, but still wasn't hungry. Had about a 1/2cup of mixed nuts (mostly almond and peanuts) because I figured that I probably needed it but didn't feel hungry. That happens. So there ya go! I do enjoy Japanese food. It fills you up without weighing you down, you know? You don't get up feeling like you have a big rock in the bottom of your stomach. This was the first time I'd ever had a bento box and it was delicious! Very affordable too. My fiance and I will definitely be patronizing that place again. So, I do have a concern: My gymnastics mid-term. It scares me. We have to create a floor routine 1 minute long, set to music, with only 5 basic skills and some dance choreography. Now I could be suuuuper smooth and make it holiday themed and throw in a bunch of the Thriller dance I learned. I fully intend to do this. The PROBLEM is that I have a small and cramped living room to practice in. And... I have no idea how to even BEGIN putting together a routine. The writing class and the dance class, I'm not worried about. But this one is terrifying me.

Workout: 15 20lb jump squats (I'm thinking of switching these to frog jumps, because those really kick ass. literally.)12 explosive pushups6 pullups20 30lb deadlifts14 tricep dips (I could only manage 14 before my arms collapsed)15 10lb reverse crunch8 T-stabilizations8 hanging leg raises (may bump this up to 10)Bike time: 20 min Consumption Log (Wednesday) Breakfast: 2 eggs light and fit yogurt coffee Dinner: (went out to eat because fiance wussed out on his cooking lesson) small salad w/ ginger dressing chicken teryiaki (I only had half, about 1 chicken breast on a bed of sliced brassica) 1 small bowl of miso soup 10 pieces of sushi Consumption Log Today: breakfast: 2 eggs light and fit yogurt coffee Dinner: 1/2 of a sweet potato (maybe 3oz?) w/ some leftover curry veggies as stuffing about 2 cups of cab-zuc stew. 2 small slices of chicken breast from last night 2 tsp of rice about 2 bites of a square of cake and that's it. I'm tired of the damn thing floating in the fridge! If no one eats it by tomorrow, I'll toss it. Phew, so, it's been a busy few days. Mid terms are coming up and so is the cold weather and I just dug up some sweet potatos today. Teh ones in the baskets turned out to be pretty much crap. not big enough, I guess. The one in the ground provided some monsters! Or at least they would've been if something hadn't nibbled them into husks. so.... yeah. That was pretty much a waste of freaking time. I think I got a total of 2 actual, whole sweet potatoes out of the whole thing. I'll dig up the other plant tomorrow but I'm not holding my breath. (sigh) I'm SUPER enjoying my dance class by the way. A classmate and I actually told the instructor that we wished his class was 3 hours long and not just 50 minutes xD It'd be long, but man it'd be so worth it. So much fun! So, if anyone out there ever wonders what kind of dance class they take, I assure you that jazz is where it's at. SUPER. FREAKING. FUN!

Workout: 15 20lb jump squats (I'm thinking of switching these to frog jumps, because those really kick ass. literally.)12 explosive pushups6 pullups20 30lb deadlifts14 tricep dips (I could only manage 14 before my arms collapsed)15 10lb reverse crunch8 T-stabilizations8 hanging leg raises (may bump this up to 10)Bike time: 55min Consumption Log: Breakfast: 2 jumbo eggs coffee light and fit yogurt Lunch: 1 banana Dinner: approx 3 cups of cabbage-zucchini stew green beans After: triple zero yogurt. Coconut cream! (dessert! I ate it nibble by nibble over like an hour) Cabbage-Zucchini Stew 1lb of mild italian sausage meat 1/2 cabbage (I used approximately 3.5lbs I have some big cabbage.) 2 cans of petite diced tomatoes 1 can of jalapeno diced tomatoes 1 BIG zucchini (approx. 1lb) about 4-5 celery stalks 1 big onion 1/4cup Worcestershire sauce dillweed (to taste) parsley oregano (to taste) at least 3 cloves of garlic Directions: I'm not sure you really NEED directions for this. It's all pretty simple. Start with browning the meat with a few bits of diced garlic to enhance the flavor. Then add the tomatoes and, when you've got the cabbage all cleaned and ready, throw that in too. Add in your spice and Worsh sauce early so the flavors sink into all the veggies. Now would be a good time to add your other veggies as you prep them. Just let it simmer along and it'll do fine. Make sure you slice and saute your onion in a SEPARATE PAN first and then dump it in when things are starting to look soft in the stew. This prevents your onion from turning bitter and mushy. Make sure you keep a lid on it at all times. Trust me, if you do, you won't need to add any water to this recipe at all, and thus make it even tastier! (No dillution.) If you have some favorite spices you want, throw those in too. I don't see how a touch of cinnamon could go wrong, or even chili powder if you're feeling adventurous. All the base veggies do is add flavor and the rest simply lend themselves with whatever spice you put in. If you don't have or want to use italian sausage meat, then make sure you add some fennel seed to the recipe. It just gives it that extra nummienes. (Is that a word? A screw it, it's a word now)

So... diet had a bit of a crash and burn last two days, and I got food poisoning out of it so there you go. Lesson learned. Going back on strict clean tomorrow because I still feel like total shit and sipping a little bit of Coke is the only thing keeping my stomach from turning inside out and is the only thing I can keep down to boot. So yeah. The benefit dinner/dance was FREAKING AWESOME. My costume was the best BY FAR. In fact, I has pictures. http://s16.postimg.org/qmofushh1/zombie.jpg Here's the whole tamale. I went and scared the fiance with it. That fake blood all over my face? I made that. Super good recipe and I was by far the goriest zombie there. FREAKING FUN! http://s3.postimg.org/ytvopni83/zombie_makeup.jpg This is a close-up shot of the make up they applied. The theatre makeup students did it for us and unfortuantly I didn't get a very good one. So I didn't turn out as ghastly rotten as I wanted, but the blood made up for it. and my favorite pic: http://s7.postimg.org/w8kovmeuj/zombie_ribs.jpg That isn't painted on the shirt, that's painted on my rib cage. And yes, I did do that myself using white cream makeup, lipstick and black eye shadow, with a dash of fake blood for good measure. I was actually better than that makeup chick. Looks ghastly, right? Ha! Man I had so much fun. I made 4 people scream, too! I would come up behind them at the table in total silence and then make like I was chomping for their neck closer and closer and closer until someone motioned for them to look in my direction. And then they saw my bloody face with bloody teeth and I'd do my necromorph scream and they'd shriek and oh man, it was so much fun. Never broke character either, I was having so much fun. At least a dozen pictures were taken with me. A whole table -- about seven people -- got a group picture with me in the middle about to chomp a ladies neck. Man, that was a lot of fun. Got some good food too. They had this stirfry with shrip, spinach, mushrooms, green onions and little cherry tomatoes. Super good. Filling. And I did have chocolate mousse but they were in these itty bitty tiny cones. I'll admit, the chocolate covered strawberries were very delicious. Anyway, i feel shitty and got homework to do and my tits are dragging I'm so tired. So, now you're all caught up and clued in. Yays~

Yaay! [hugs] Well, even that much makes me feel good. Thank you, Sloth~ Lol, well, I'd be lying if I said it was through sheer willpower alone. The Adderall helps, for sure. It literally suppresses my hunger like you wouldn't believe. If I can actually feel hunger pangs while on Adderall, I know that I would normally be curled up around my stomach from the hunger pain. :\ Often my lunch is merely something I bolt down between classes, which is why I favor bananas and fruit or cheese. Gives me the energy to keep going. Otherwise, I usually find that lunch would be too much for me, I'm not hungry for an actual meal. (Maybe a salad, because they are so low calorie, but yeah....) I usually eat around 9:30AM and dinner is around 6:30-7PM. In between, I don't get REALLY hungry, not for anything more than a snack. If I do eat more, I feel sluggish and bloated and don't eat at dinner.... which makes me really hungry around 10:00 and makes me prone to snacking on bad things! O_O So I usually just wave at lunch as I go by. Also, I do have a metric ton of protein at breakfast, come to think of it. Coffee (which I always use with a 1/4cup of milk (measured!) ) eggs, and yogurt (which is more protein.) That's a lot of protein right there. It keeps me kicking throughout the day, that's for sure. I don't even start to actually feel hungry until 6:00PM, with that breakfast. OKAY! So, it's been a while, but boy has it been busy. The wedding was beautiful. But I hate hard-soled men's shoes. Apparently 'hard soled' means 'perfectly smooth plastic.' As my fiance was going down the church stairs (he was in the wedding party, one of the groomsmen) his foot rolled right out from under him on the tile. He couldn't grab the rail because he had his jacket in his other hand -- the mother of the bride made it VERY SPECIFIC that they were not to wear their jackets in the car, lest they wrinkle. So he landed hard on his foot on the step below and his foot slid right out from under him like a buttered eel. And he landed hard on it again. He twisted his ankle really good. Just to put this in perspective: I was in 4-inch heels and I was doing better on the tile stairs than he was. Of course, what does this mean? It means I couldn't dance with my fiance at the wedding. > Made me very unhappy. The reception was the full monte: I heard the wedding cost was something like 14grand. DAYUM. However, my fiance and I left early. Why? There was a creeper. And I don't mean the Minecraft type, I mean the human creepy, undressing-you-with-his-eyes type. I was wearing the red dress you've all probably seen by now. Sheathe, with ruching up one side, it's a nice dress. I went with one of the guests at my table to the open bar to get a class of wine. As we stood there, waiting for the guy to pour the wine, this guy standing at the bar with a beer in hand turns around and looks at me. I didn't make eye contact, but I saw him look me up and down with this look on his face like, "Damn, I want to tap that." And let me be very clear, it's very flattering and all if a guy notices you and looks appreciative. But this was a leer in the truest sense of the word. This guy was visibly undressing me with his eyes and he had that look like he was hanging at the bar to get some ass. And his opening line wasn't smooth either. After he had truly eyeballed me openly -- he wasn't being discrete, it was as subtle as a Mack truck -- he goes, "Hi!" And I said, "Hi!" brightly back. Then my drink came, I grabbed it and walked back to my table. Then I was truly not blessed with luck this day because it turns out this creeper sat right behind me at the table next to mine. I mean, right behind me. He could've reached out and tapped my shoulder. So, as the first dances start (mom and son, dad and daughter) we're all watching. But I see this guy keep throwing looks at me over his shoulder. Sneaky little looks. Like I said, it's nice to be noticed, very flattering, makes all my hard work in eating clean and exercising validated but.... this guy had no class. It's one thing to be appreciative, another to be openly lewd about it. But this gets worse. Remember I told you my fiance couldn't dance because of his ankle? Well, I didn't know how bad it was until the dance floor opened up. And I wanted to drag him out to dance but he demurred. So I stood by my table and he just stood in place while I did a few dance steps, just trying to get in some fun. I had told him about this creepy guy earlier. As I danced (did a few cha-cha steps) my fiance's face suddenly gets furious and he grabs me and pushes me behind him. Apparently, Mr. Creeper had been looking at my ass (even though I had put on my long dress shell) and his expression was less than... shall I say, appropriate? And then he stared at my fiance openly in what I can only say was a very challenging manner. I know a lot of this sounds sketchy but the body language was very clear. The guy was acting like he didn't care if I was engaged or not, or if my fiance was there, he'd move in without blinking. I mean, come on. You're at a wedding. Show some class, for God's sake. We told the groom about this guest. Turns out, it was his uncle. *sigh* So yeah. We left early before anything happened and it really had me bummed because I wanted to use some of my dance moves I've been learning. ANYWAY! In other news, here is a picture of the MASSIVE BEHEMOTH watermelon produced by my garden. That Goliath there weighs in at 32lbs and 12oz. Nearly 33 pounds. I don't know what to do with the damn thing. Any watermelon recipes? Heh heh... Oh, and before I forget, expect to see some pictures of me as a zombie. This weekend, I'm going to be dancing with most of my jazz class in some dinner benefit thing. The theme is 'Old Monster Movies.' So for the entertainment value, the jazz students have been taught the Thriller dance (well, a good chunk of it rather) and we will be in costume and makeup and do this dance for the event! YAY EXTRA CREDIT! It sounds fun, so I signed up. And then I practiced that dance until I have it down in my sleep. Lotsa fun! Tomorrow or Thursday, I will go to the thrift store and get some clothes to mess up for the costume. They'll be doing hair and makeup at the actual show for us, so that's already taken care of! That is this Saturday, so wish me luck. I expect it to be a lot of fun! I've already started working on my zombie scream. Also: Workout: 15 20lb jump squats (I'm thinking of switching these to frog jumps, because those really kick ass. literally.)12 explosive pushups6 pullups20 30lb deadlifts14 tricep dips (I could only manage 14 before my arms collapsed)15 10lb reverse crunch8 T-stabilizations8 hanging leg raises (may bump this up to 10)Bike time: 35min My only sins today and last night were some peanut butter. But on top of the wedding cake and the cake my fiance brought over from a coworker's bday, and the chinese take out when we helped a friend close up the pool..... yeah. I'm not happy about that bit.

Still really sore today. Ouch. My upper back hasn't changed and at least the abs stop hurting into the day, but once I wake up they let me know nothing's changed. I wish I had some Tiger Balm. *sigh* Very tired today, stayed up all night working on homework. Got a few hours of sleep then had to get up early to throw dinner in the crock pot. Still got my workout in though! Tomorrow is the rehearsal for the wedding, but I'll have time to practice my dancing stuff, so burn calories that way, woooo~ Workout: 15 20lb jump squats (I'm thinking of switching these to frog jumps, because those really kick ass. literally.)12 explosive pushups6 pullups20 30lb deadlifts14 tricep dips (I could only manage 14 before my arms collapsed)15 10lb reverse crunch8 T-stabilizations8 hanging leg raises (may bump this up to 10)Consumption Log: breakfast: 2 eggs coffee 1/2 light and fit yogurt Lunch (after workout) the other half of the yogurt Dinner: Utsuput! (Belgian dish, pork loin in crock pot with potatoes, carrots, onions and seasoning) Cabbage carrots and onions 3-4oz of lean and tender pork 3 small chunks of beets 2 cups of BNS soup! I didn't have any potatoes. Phew, it was a good meal, but I'm staying strong to my policy of having only one plate at dinner. Tomorrow, I might finish of the soup or the leftover salad from the other night for breakfast. I dunno. I don't want to screw up this close to the darn wedding date xD It's really damn lonely out here guys. You still there? Also, I picked the one and only watermelon from my garden today. We went and weighed it on the bathroom scale. it comes in at 32lbs and 12oz. I have a picture that I'll post on my phone. IT'S HUGE!

Phew. So. Gymnastics and dance today. I was starving when I rolled up back home and that was at 4:45. I've been so busy lately and so damn tired that I couldn't drag myself out of bed to set up dinner in the crock pot. Yeah. And that soreness is persistent. So today is the first day I've actually eaten out because I had nothing but scraps for dinner and I just didn't have time to cook -- got homework to do. So I took a quick shower before heading to town to eat and I must say, my perseverance has definitely paid off! Got my nice ass back, that's for sure. And I don't know if anyone knows this, but you will always look your leanest when you're really hungry. And I was looking very lean indeed. Wish I could've waited long enough to take a picture or weigh myself, just to show ya guys! (Eh, I'll take one tomorrow or Friday.) Good to know all my hard work got me to my goal in time for the wedding! After the wedding though... I think I'll allow myself a cheat day now and then. I'm really starting to want a piece of chocolate now and then, or an extra piece of fruit. I've been 3 weeks totally clean (and I can totally try for 6, but oh man, the shit I'll get if I don't eat some wedding cake!), not a single cheat in sight (well, okay, there was one jelly bean.) And thanks to Adderall, I've been eating a deficit for all three weeks. I've lost quite a bit of weight. Haha! But still, sometimes at the end of a frantic week, you'd like a little bit of ice cream or a hard drink. A treat, even just a very occasional one. ....There's this darn giant Reese's egg from Easter and I wouldn't mind slicing it up and having some. Or even a darn s'more, it's the season and I'm feeling like one. Okay, gotta stop now. I'm giving myself some cravings. Consumption Log: Breakfast: 2 eggs coffee light and fit yogurt Lunch: banana Dinner: about 3/4 cobb salad at Lucas restaurant (it's a freaking HUGE salad, served on a platter and topped witch chicken breast and a medium egg and onion and 1/2 a tomato and a sprinkling of chedder cheese. I was so hungry, i damn near ate all of it. I gotta picture I can upload of the remains ) 4 bites (teaspoon) of rice pudding (my dad got it and I limited myself to just 4 bites.) welp, I know I'm probably still in calorie deficit, especially since there's so little in lettuce, but i had plenty of chicken too. If I get hungry tonight, I'll just have myself a bowl of BNS soup! The only good thing from having less people at home to eat leftovers -- that soup is lasting longer! YAY!

Workout: 15 20lb jump squats (I'm thinking of switching these to frog jumps, because those really kick ass. literally.)12 explosive pushups6 pullups20 30lb deadlifts14 tricep dips (I could only manage 14 before my arms collapsed)15 10lb reverse crunch8 T-stabilizations7 hanging leg raises (may bump this up to 10)Okay, I need some freaking applause here. Because when I got up this morning, my entire upper back hurt. Maybe from gymnastics, I dunno. Then I sat up and holy shit, my abs hurt like a bitch. Don't know what the hell I did, but it hit some areas not used to that abuse. xD And you know what? I still did my workout! So *pounds fits on chest* TAKE THAT! I just know I'm gonna be sorry in the morning though. Anyway, cold air is coming in. So I gave away 2 cabbages and I hauled in 2 really big ones and spent most of my evening just hacking, cleaning, blanching and freezing them. I am freaking beat. I am tired. Consumption Log: Breakfast: 2 eggs light and fit yogurt coffee Dinner: 2cups BNS soup (I put the recipe into MFP, suspiciously low calorie, though I think I'm lowballing the squash. But if I added more, then it woudn't bump the calorie count at all because, ya know, veggies) 1 mild italian sausage 2 or 3 oz of zucchini smothered in spaghetti squash I dunno if I'm even eating enough or not these days. I dunno. I'm damn tired. I'm going to bed.

Oh, hey, stronglifts is a good idea! I shall endorse this. This is Razzy le Spazzy and Stronglifts are my favorite exercise on the Citadel.

Well, worked up a good sweat in gymnastics and dance today. So that's good. The wedding is getting closer and closer, so I'm staying on top of the eating. However, I HAD to make butternut squash soup today. I just had to. I was craving it SO DAMN BAD. It was ridiculous. And it was the most delicious thing I've had in weeks, I swear. Consumption Log: Breakfast: 2 eggs light and fit yogurt Lunch: 1 banana Dinner: oh...4.5oz chunk of zucchini smothered in spaghetti sauce 2.5 cups of BNS soup rosted BNS seeds (which I'm still nomming on) I actually used up only one line in my food log book. heh.

So, today was the first day of a local festival, the Pumpkinfest. Got up at 8. Watched the parade from 10 - 11:30, and then walked around the show and farmers market until 4:00. xD So, been moving a lot today, even if only just walking. I went with my friend and she handed me a little piece of a brownie covered in some kind of peanut butter spread; sold at the farmer's market and so it's all homemade. Even so, I figured that killed my sugar quota for the day. It wasn't more than a few bites, but still.... she handed it to me and I took it on automatic. That was stupid. Consumption Log: Breakfast: 2 eggs 3tbs mexican cheese shreds light and fit yogurt At The Fair: brownie (see above) 4 little pretzel sticks some animal crackers to sample some dip mixes Dinner: 4oz turkey breast maybe 6oz of giant zucchini smothered in homemade from scratch spaghetti sauce After: light and fit yogurt (because I was still hungry)

Okay, so, updates. I've been trying to bump up calorie intake at breakfast because by the time I eat my fill at dinner and log everything into MFP, it says I'm drastically under my 1200 calories bare minimum. This is a bit annoying because it means I have to scramble and do something to make up by snacking, and there's so very few snacks that are good for you. So! Here's my log: Consumption Log: Breakfast: 2 jumbo eggs (topped with) 1/4 cup of mexican style shredded cheese light and fit yogurt coffee Dinner: 4oz turkey breast 1/4 cup mashed golden potatoes salad. I got 2 big salads, with roughly 2tbs feta cheese, 6 olives. Annnd that's it. I MIGHT get an apple later, but that's only if I get really nommish. I have a very busy day tomorrow, so I think I'll pass the coffee. Counting the coffee, that puts my breakfast at around 587 calories. My dinner: 422. As it should be! Yay~ Besides, without butter to give the eggs flavor, the cheese is a nice addition, at least to my tongue. Also, I'm happy to report that there is success! In two weeks or so, I am now down to 123lbs. I covered the mirror so I wouldn't be judgy, but today I took a look and compared to my June pictures. I must say, I am now there! HELL YES. So, I'll be good and ready for the friends' wedding on Oct 2nd. Also been working on the new workout scheme. Workout: 15 20lb jump squats (I'm thinking of switching these to frog jumps, because those really kick ass. literally.)12 explosive pushups6 pullups20 30lb deadlifts14 tricep dips (I could only manage 14 before my arms collapsed)15 10lb reverse crunch8 T-stabilizations7 hanging leg raises (may bump this up to 10)It doesn't look like much but it's pretty good for now. Oh, and before I forget: Bike Time: 25 MIN

Well, I didn't do much today. Just rested, went to class, came back and... rested some more? I honestly didn't feel like I 'earned' my food, but a body wants what it wants. So it goes. Consumption Log: Breakfast: 2 jumbo eggs light and fit yogurt Dinner: 3oz sweet potato half 4oz lean turkey breast a big salad with onion and apple (maybe 3 cups of lettuce?) with 1 tbs feta and 1 dolmada 1tbs whole cranberry sauce And after all that, I started getting hungry again. Naturally, MFP says I only had 913 calories, even counting the coconut oil I cooked my eggs with. So I guess I'll go have an apple too. Maybe a coffee.

Wow... what an honor to work with something so precious! I probably would've been terrified of crumbling them! I used to do dried-flower arrangements for our town's local fall festival and I know how delicate they can be. That's awesome you got that opportunity. Beyond doubt that you are awesome at your work. I can't imagine anyone trusting such keepsakes to anyone but a master. *bows humbly* I'm very sorry it's been such a while since I dropped in. T_T Life got ahold of me and I totally blew most of my gains in 2 months. I gained about 7lbs and it was all just bad eating. So I've decided I had better just reset and respawn and that includes staying up-to-date with my fellow NerdFriends!