Razzy

Nope, there's literally nothing. Once, for an art project, I drew faces on a whole bunch of eggs and some fruit and had to photograph them in humorous scenarios. (It was an art class. Don't ask. Not worth the brain cells.) Know what happened? My brother ATE MY HOMEWORK. I'm not even joking. You hear the dog being blamed all the time but the brother is the REAL threat to academic success! LMAO man, I really love the way you think. Cat food 50 cents -- I'm totally going to make this happen. I will even eat it straight out of the can just to see their faces! I will do this with everything! Tuna will become 'cat food'. Eggs will become 'fetus juice'. Salad will become.... actually, no idea for salad. But bananas will become 'albino snake steaks'. All the food will be MINE! Truly nothing can compare to this diabolical plan! (All kidding aside though, that really is a good idea, Barfly. I'm totally going to try it with some tuna! And that salad idea is perfect! I will hardboil some eggs today and give it a go. Thank you!) And have you ever seen the show Last Comic Standing? It actually has some hilarious stuff. But since you mentioned chicken and eggs together, and I nearly died laughing, you must now watch this video RIGHT NOW. It isn't a long skit, but it's soooo perfect to what you were saying! His comment about celery it spot on. "It's dental floss wrapped inside a carbohydrate!" Oh, as for the art show, we totally killed it. In about 16 hours (second day was shorter) we made about $2,300. Not bad for a 2 day show. The gal I worked with was on Weight Watchers and she was telling me how she pretty much eats nothing but fruit. I told her that bombing your body with sugar all day isn't going to help. And I told her about the Paleo diet and how I can eat when I'm hungry and not have to tally points and calories and she really was interested. I think I have a new convert to the Nerd Herd. THE HORDE OF MINIONS GROWS WITH EVERY PASSING MOMENT! MUHAHAHAHAHAHACOUGHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Also, my cheat day was uneventful. I had some Coke and about 2 Tootsie Pops. Yippee. High livin' here, folks! Also, also, I'm gonna do Razzy Squats on my exercise today. Surprisingly, I had very little DOMS when I did it last time and now I'm all good to go again! Now that is how we level up here at NF. Not through diet pills or *tsk* sthpecial diets or exercise videos. But through kicking our own asses and getting up to do it again on a regular basis. NF. Where kicking your own ass is openly encouraged. For that is how the nerds do.

Does standing and hopping around on your feet for 10 straight hours count as exercise? I think it should. It really should. My calves hurt like hell from the constant extension of the muscles there. My lower back also hurts. Ow. So, dinner last night consisted of Campbells Chunky Split Pea and Ham. I know. But it was 10:00 (I got up at 5AM) and as I said, my mother is visiting my grandma, so the only ones at home are my dad and my brother. And they don't know how to do anything else other than open can. And I was too damn tired to cook anything. Seriously. Just because I have the only uterus in the house, doesn't mean that I'm the ONLY ONE THAT CAN COOK A FOOD! Uuuurrrrrgh. Anyway. Today, breakfast had eggs, yogurt and coffee with half 'n half. Then I realized it was my cheat day and I could've just made a darn bowl of cereal. Sh*t. Lunch will probably consist of subway, again. And some fruits somewhere in the middle. We made some crazy sales yesterday though, so wish me luck on breaking that record!

Woof, sorry guys, I'm posting yesterdays shennanigans today because boy! Date Day was busy. Lesse: Breakfast: 3 eggs (nom nom) and some cherries. Lunch: meh, kinda just snacked on some cheese and fruit. Dinner: Delicious pork chops from the grill. Veggies lightly coated with some olive oil and a dash of garlic powder for mouth-blasting deliciousness. NOM Workout: Okay, I'm in hurry to get to the fair. Yes, I'm posting this ridiculously early/late, depending on your point of view. I gotta leave for work soon, actually. I know what you're thinking: She's posting under this much pressure and time wasting? That's madness! Well, guess what? For that is how the Razzy do. Accountability, peeps. Worth every minute. Anyway, exercise is the same, see last post but I did do Razzy Squats this time. I love these things, actually. They're more difficult to do and I love knowing that, as I'm slowly going up and down on one leg like an epileptic flamingo, I couldn't do these when I started out. In fact, I'm the only one in my whole social circle that can do them and I think that is pretty awesome. It's little victories that let you know you're becoming a badass, you know? Recognize these and savor them -- after all, you worked for them. Also, on an unrelated note, The Boyfriend and I went to see Guardians of the Galaxy. I will say nothing, other than it is hilarious and you must see it immediately. Like right now. I mean it. Drop everything and go. Why are you still reading this!? GET YOUR TICKETS NOW!

LOL You have no idea how stupidly pleased I am that you made that reference and that I understood it instantly. By George, I feel rather posh and sophisticated! *Puts on top hat* No, no Greek comedies to be had, I just want him to... consider it more carefully. The Boyfriend doesn't exercise regularly (thanks to ridiculously long work hours). And he doesn't track his food very well. (Both things you mentioned somewhat in how to make room for beer in the day.) I don't want to be a domineering witch, but I do want the love of my life to be healthy. I mean, heh, if everything turns out exactly how I'm planned, then I'll achieve immortality by 35 at the latest! I sure as hell ain't going to spend all my time alone -- he's definitely coming with. I'm going to see if I can persuade him to try healthier alternatives (hard cider, etc.) now and then. I did indeed eat more today. A good breakfast of yogurt and eggs, (I worked through lunch though -- my bad) the boss's wife offered a dinner of chicken and green beans. There was stuffing and mac and cheese offered as well, but I only took a spoonful of mac and cheese as a polite guest ought. Then I had my own dinner of rice and stir-fry vegetables when I got home later. Plus a handful of Michigan sour cherries -- one of the best perks of living in this state! The only other thing we grow here is potholes. Some as big as a house! They're getting stronger, I tell you. A pot-hole plot is UNDERway....

Ah! A fellow Mass Effect fan! Much rejoicing! I love Garrus and Thane equally, tbqh. (Snipers are so sexy.) However, Thane is an assassin and since I LOVE assassins (always end up playing one in D&D or video games, one way or another) and I fondly wish of joining the Assassin's Guild, I keep Thane there as a kind of totem or lucky charm. It's like an subtle reminder of how awesome I will eventually become, with the tantalizing mystery of whether or not I'll transform into a green alien when I finally become capable of a neck-snap. I believe chibi Thane is pleased with his cute, ninja kitten apprentice. (Artwork belongs to hanaraad. Please support the original artist.) Ah! Well then, thank you! That certainly helps me out a great deal. I'm cooking handicapped, as it were, so any resources in this vein are prrrrecioussssss~ I have thought about preparing meals ahead of time. Alas, I live at home, and anything I were to make would undoubtedly be consumed by the brother or the father, for they are bottomless pits so deep, not even a Balrog goes near them. However, I AM willing to make an attempt at preparing meals. (since I'm the only one on the Paleo diet, the buggers don't have to eat it anyway, and I think I might get the point across if I superglue rat traps to the tupperware.) Thank you for the leads and I will definitely check them out! Tomorrow is my off day, so maybe I can scrounge up something on a short notice for the 14-hour work day on Saturday. Unfortunately, salads do not keep in a lunch box very well. I tried this. Once. Let's just say that lettuce does NOT taste the same coming up as it did going down.

HAHAHAHAHA, man, I gotta admit. I LOVE the way you describe things. And I am in full agreement, as per usual. A drink now and then, is no big deal. It's a treat, and the thing about treats is that you don't get them often at all. (Unless you are my cat, in which case, you're spoiled rotten and I'm a dope dealer.) Personally, I don't like beer very much. Schnapps are my weakness. Particularly peppermint. But The Boyfriend does like beer and is a particular shade of adamant about not dropping that. Feminine countermeasures may have to be employed here. Also, yeah, I know it isn't enough for a whole day. Calories come out to about 350. 24g of protein, so that's not so bad. I put on ALL the veggies, pretty much. And I am hungry at the end of the day, but too darn tired to do anything about it. It's either sleep little hungry or eat crap and, considering the massive amounts of crap fed to us by the media every day, I figure it's best to cut back and just go to bed. It's hard to plan meals when you're gone from dawn to dusk and the only ones at home to cook are the two males who need to set a timer too cook eggs. I wish, I wish I were joking. And Barfly, you have just allayed a great concern of mine! *PHEW* I've always been my worst critic in a way -- when I'm off my work out routine by a few hours, a voice is already nagging me in the back of my mind. But it's good to know I can let things slide. It's small peps and reassurances like these that make fitness so much easier, so thank you! P.S. You've done lost wax casting? Awesome! And I'm so, so very sorry for you. You know how much work it is. Polishing the silver pieces alone is torture! Good part is, I've probably inhaled so much silver particulate, that, when I finally achieve my strength goal of "Unleashed Kraken" I could kill a werewolf with my bare hands! For that is how the Razzy do.

Oh yeah, you know, you should be ashamed. Only 500-600 pushups, psh! So grade-school difficulty there. You should totally just give up now. ARE YOU INSANE!? I, who struggle to do 30 pushups, in a circuit, cannot fathom this kind of feat. It is beyond my comprehension. You are the king of push-ups. You win! Okay? Why keep doing more? You have officially Won The Game. My mind is literally blown away (surprisingly, it happens often, so I keep many cloned back-ups in jars. They have all the good ideas.) That is freaking awesome and if I were you, I would be strutting every... darn.... day. And possibly tossing around those little meep-meep smart cars, just because I could.

Welp, the Word of Barfly is good enough for me. I shall wield this with AMURA's article (thank you, btw) in my continuing battle for sexyness fitness! That is possibly the sweetest, most touching and morale-boosting thing I've ever seen on the internets! I'm humbled and honored to have inspired someone else! LOL Thank you AMURA~ You've made my day. But be warned! My insanity is definitely contagious. If you find yourself wearing funny hats and plotting world domination, that means you've gotten lethal exposure. Also: Don't plot about world domination. It's unhealthy and reduces caring for you're fellow man and it was my idea first. O___O As a good motivator should, I shall gift you a funny picture that shall motivate you to great new levels! Use this power wisely, young padawan. In other news today, i think I should be straight with you guys. I've been unable to stick the Paleo diet wholly for a few days on and off recently. It's not terrible though! It isn't like I'm gnawing on Big Macs dipped in Coke. I have, for a day or two, eaten a Subway sammich. I know, I know. But hear me out. The last few years, I've managed to get a good job with a silver jeweler as part-time help. Everything is made by hand (like, seriously. I've helped make it.) and uses the lost wax casting method. If you do not know what this is, please just google it. It's exhaustive and I am le tired from working 11 hours today. Anyway, the artist/jeweler I work for kinda has to procrastinate making merchandise before a show. So he stuffs 3 months of work into 1 week, and needs a lot of help over a lot of hours. That's where I come in! And alas, he's in such a working, caffeinated, sleep deprived frenzy, lunch breaks are unheard of. Alas, not much food packs very well that is both filling and nutritious. So, I've resorted to a Subway sammich (don't worry -- it's a very healthy one, I made sure of that!) And it's the only meal I have for the day. Here's what my eating schedule looks like when I work these days: 8:30AM: 3 eggs and milk and coffee. 4:00PM: 6-inch Sub Club with extra green things. And that is it! I figure, yeah.... it's bread. But, it's also the only thing I'm eating all day. So.... my body is probably burning it up and using it and it's preferable to going into starving mode. Speaking of diet and exercise, I'm in something of conundrum. Because of the work schedule (10AM-8PM) I have to get up at 7:30 to make the 40 minute commute to the jeweler's place to, ya know, work. And tomorrow should be a workout day. But there's no way I'm getting up at 6AM to workout. Because I am not, nor do I believe in, the mythical creature some call a morning person. And yet, when I get back home at around 9:40, I'm exhausted from frantically trying to make jewelry all day. So, here's what I'm thinking: Skip it tomorrow and just do my full work out (Razzy Squats included!) on Friday, which is my day off, because of the Holy Date Night. I work a craft show this weekend as well, which means a 13-14 hour day, most of it on my feet and running around non-stop. I dunno, in my book, this contributes to the exercise thing. But it also limits my work out time. I'm thinking I will (much as I hate it being so) be forced to skip 2 days, workout Friday, skip another 2 days, and workout Monday. It's a pretty exhausting work schedule, but I really don't want to backslide. Whachya guys think? Workable? Or should I set my alarm clock for real early? Warning: My chances for indulging in cannibalism are inversely proportional to the amount of sleep I've had. You have been warned!

And once again, the great Barfly proves himself a psychic hero! (If he keeps it up, he'll get an honorary lapel pin. Very je ne sais quoi.) xD Yeah, mine is pretty much in the same boat. I did indeed do a lighter workout yesterday. No Razzy Squats and I only did 2 circuits. I wanted to do a third but, by Grayskull, I didn't have the strength to power through that burn. Also, yesterday I stated my goals (see the first post) to The Boyfriend. Understandably, he was skeptical with the whole Pinning part, but I think I smelled some apprehension in there as well! I must say, it was most intoxicating. Of interesting note, when discussing dietary limits of the Paleo diet, (as per Goal #5) The Boyfriend insisted that beer is a health food in Germany. (His majors are German and Business; specifically, he wishes to be a translator for a big import/export company.) Therefore, beer should be wholly allowed and consumed without guilt. I think this is full of crap. So my friends, I ask:

LOL! Well that's fine by me, Barfly, I'm shamelessly addicted to flattery. Bring forth the honeyed words! A flameless shirt would be excellent to have. I should definitely acquire one to keep the ninja's off me. In other news today: OW. OW OW OW OW OW! My legs are freaking killing me! It hurts to climb stairs or get out of bed and this is driving me nuts! Today is a workday but holy shit, I don't think I'll be able to do it! Every now and then I can feel the muscles in my thighs twitch and shudder now and then. This is cray. They should have recovered by now, yes?

Dawww, thank you Mel_Issa! I hope I've done you proud today! My results! Well, as promised, I did change up the difficulty on the squats. I tried doing pistol squats but as I have nothing, no pole nor even a handy clutter-free wall to support me, this didn't turn out well. So I came up with something on the fly after much trial and error. I introduce to you, the Razzy Squat (which sounds a lot more erotic than I intended.) 1. Assume the squat position. 2. Take the ankle of one leg and brace it on the opposite leg, just above the knee. 3. Put your hands out for balance like a good tight-rope walker. 4. Do the hokey-pokey. 5. Actually, step 4 was a lie, you just do a squat on one leg. Switch legs as needed. I found this allowed me to keep my back much straighter than with a pistol squat and made it easier to balance. It also put more weight on the one leg, so the squat was sufficiently harder and I had to do them much slower than I usually do. Also, I am happy to report that incline push-ups are quite doable at a 35 degree angle! In fact, I'm worried they may be too easy. I think I may hunt down that weight belt I got around here somewhere and put it to good use! So, in summary: 60 Razzy Squats60 twisty lunges.30 incline pushups90 dumbell rows using MTG cards, as per nerd club regulations.30 mountain climbers (though i really do want to find something else that will also contribute to back strength)90 jumping jacks.3 30-second planks.I've also considered what I've learned from StrengthUnbound (many thanks to Barfly for helping provide bodyweight exercise resources!) In there, there's a bodyweight program that basically has it where, when you've mastered a particular exercise and it's no longer a challenge, you merely make it more difficult by performing a harder variation. This sounds like smashing advice. Ergo, having looked at the Advanced Bodyweight routine on NF, I think I may switch out the dumbbell rows for dips. Because why the bleep not? I think I may also start holding my cat when I do the lunges. He's 20lbs. And furry. And unless he's sleepy, he'll thrash a lot. Sounds like a perfect way to ramp up the difficulty on that move! Oh. Another thing. I've been doing all this jazz for some time now. I'm starting to think there's a sinister reason I'm not getting stronger faster. Yeah, lifting weights could help, but I'm hosed in that regard, not unless a truly ripped Santa drops some weights down the chimney. (If you're on his naughty list, you get boxed sets of Jerry Springer.) The only thing I can peg is my diet. I know I get a fairly laughable amount of protein. (Cashews are my primary source of protein. Yeah.) So I am thinking of supplementing that in some way. Shakes. Probably shakes. I'd pretty much do anything if it meant speeding up muscle repair and whatnot. Unless it were cannibalism. I probably wouldn't be able to eat it all by myself. (Razzy Squats are property of Razzy the Spazzy. Any unathorized commercial use will be met with swift and snarky retribution. Praise Yog Shoggoth.)

I've always wanted to be a ninja kitten! *sniff* The faith of nerds is almightily powerful. Many thanks!

Hey Barfly! I'm glad to see you here and thanks for following! Now I feel I should tell you something about me and bribery/flattery. It works on me. A lot. It's my secret weakness and I have absolutely no problems with this. Keep it up and you'll soon find you will have your own regiment of flying monkeys at your command! xD Sunday is my cheat day, and yet when my exercise day falls on it, I always seem to exercise anyway. (Except once. It was my birthday, in which I declare myself Supreme Potentate of the Land and do whatever I want, which is to say whatever my family will let me get away with.) Will post later when I've done my workout.

Alright, the weekly weigh-in shows I've lost almost another pound.... I'm a few spare hairs away from 118lbs. There's also a picture of my irksome self in a truly horrendous zebra bikini somewhere on the internets. How did that get there? Actually, I'll admit. I did it. I figure this will be a way to compare in the future, like putting a cattle prod to the butt, and a way to perhaps get a sound-off advice on what I can do to reach my goal, and maybe get some opinions on whether or not zebra bikinis make you look fat. And I feel it's somehow required that I show of my curly hair. It's just about the only thing on my body I'm semi-proud of.

You can make anything with shrimp. You got shrimp fondue, shrimp salad, shrimp cassarole..... lol, that is a very handsome cat! Is he yours, by any chance? Also, i'm with you with the school insanity thing. I find it to be rather liberating to imagine myself bringing down severe bodily harm on certain professors. Really makes a workout go by. :3

So, due to the wonderful advice of Mel-Issa, starsapart and Teneris, I've decided to set a challenge, of sorts. Building block 1, now that I'm at a somewhat presentable level of capability, I can do things now! So here goes: Challenge One. Get back to 10 push-ups a circuit. See, on July 4th, I went canoeing with the boyfriend. And in that process, I really screwed up my right shoulder good. It has taken until now, the 26th, for it to fully recover to the point where i'm comfortable using it again. But until then, I had to lay off all upper body exercises that involve the arms or shoulders. (I'll never live it down if I went through life lopsided like that guy from Lady in the Water.) And my strength withered shockingly fast. 10 push-ups are incredibly difficult for me to do for some reason, and I can barely get them done. It seems like horribly slow progress to me so, thanks to MacAttack and Teneris, I shall also do this: Do push-ups at an angle. Perhaps, if luck is with me, this will boost my upper body strength faster. It's too darn slow for me and I want to get stronger faster. So I can do those really insane body-burning, fat melting things like pull ups! (Not fire, pull-ups. Fire makes me tan too much.) And finally, because I found myself drifting and counting into the 30's on my squats and lunges today: Ramp up the difficulty on some moves. In true bodyweight exercise fashion! The hill is always going up. And a the top.... there shall be a llama.

THIS POST SHOULD NOT BE HERE. DOUBLE-POSTS ARE INEXCUSABLE and the system did it thank you starsapart! One day, I wish to join the Assassin's guild and rock parkour with the best. One day...... *sigh* I will stop taking crack and indulging in pipe dreams.

And so, what is it that I DO? Well I'll tell ya! I've mastered the BBWW (beginner's bodyweight workout). To the point where I've started throwing my own things in. Every other day or so, (barring working at craft shows where I must be on my aching feet days in a row) I jump the following hoops: 60 squats60 lunges30 push-ups90 dumbell rows (Having no money and no dumbells, I use my all my Magic: The Gathering cards in a tote pack. They weigh about 15lbs. #NERDCRED)30 mountain-climbers90 jumping jacks3 30-second planks Since starting on February 22nd, I have indeed seen a large improvement. I'm stronger and leaner and I lost something like 18 pounds. But still.... not good enough. I've also embraced Paleo as much as I can. Now I'm going to go eat some cheese for I am le hungry and had a very small dinner.

So, I've been doing NF stuff since February 22nd. Never made a log here because I figured no one would be interested in my truly pathetic struggles, fears, doubts, and constant self loathing. But I hear these things can make a difference so I figured what the fudgepops, why not give it a go? Maybe someone will find some passing interest in my beleaguered, misguided, laughable, and pathetic attempts in turning myself into a fitspo tumblr image. Expect: Fairly regular workout updates.Fairly regular workout updates accompanied by something snarky and sassy, because that is how the Razzy do.Hysterical-laugh-inducing revelations such as, "do not drop the canoe on your toes when you see a spider near your hand. Drop it on the spider."Crushing depressive episodes which I will attempt to alleviate with funny pictures and YouTube videos.Pictures.Pictures of me.Pictures of me with all my clothes on.Wildly entertaining attempts of semi-successful heists of exercise equipment, because I am poor and cannot drive to a gym.Awesome songs that I will randomly post, because they make me want to lift heavy things.Lots of newbie questions which I expect everyone to read and summarily ignore until such time as I've found an answer, then everyone will weigh in all at once. So, there you have it. Hopefully you've gotten a sense of my humor, and didn't feel the overpowering need to set fires while doing so. Some fast facts about the Razzy: Female Age: 23 Height: 5' 4" (any short jokes will be responded to with a tactical snark nuke.) Weight: 119lb as of last week (Yes, rarely a skinny person shows up wanting to take a level in Badass and not Matchstick.) Fears: Spiders (it's a phobia, okay?), zombies, ending up with crippling back pain when I'm older. Likes: chocolate, cats, chocolate cats, writing, Dungeons & Dragons, fantasy/scifi genres in anything. I'm unfortunately limited to bodyweight exercises only. I live in Michigan. Weep for me. I live off a Michigan dirt road in the country. Pray for me. Goals: These are many and layered, because I pretty much embarked on this for every motivating reason in the book. Not in any particular order: Get insanely strong so I can do things. (Pinning the boyfriend down is a good measure of strength I should think. Next step will be recreational llama-tossing.)Flat stomach. (There's also a sadistic reason for this: I want to be able to show my future kids pictures of myself and say "That was me." Then cackle evilly at their dawning horror.)Make health a habit. (Important to me: Too much of my family is in poor health and it's put a true terror in me that I'll end up the same.)Get insanely healthy and spit on the need for meds until I'm 70, because I've seen how that road just ruins your quality of life.Lead by example and get my friends to GET HEALTHY!Master at least 2 martial arts. Then use these to play Pin the Boyfriend.Look great and strut with confidence. (And to justify any kind of waxing. Seriously.)Have more energy.Be able to break the smugness and the faces of all those nasty cheerleader bitches that ever dared to pick on this nerd in high school. And so there you have it. My name is Razzy the Spazzy. Conjure by it at your own risk. When you need a laugh, when there isn't much to do and you're bored, when you need to know there IS someone out there doing far worse than you, you know where to look for entertainment. I'm on the forums.

Consider yourself stalkerized. Now I must say something supportive and witty. Hmm....

You had me at 'pictures of cats'. I'm subscribing.

I have belatedly discovered a great song for my workout playlist. I highly recommend it.

Answer cluster bomb! 1. I have a standard nose-type saddle, the kind that doesn't come with padding and is as hard as a rock. 2. I've checked the height and everything, it's exactly where it should be, with my knees just short of full extension at the lowest point. 3. Not sure what you mean by backward/forward. Hmm. 4. Not tilted. 5. Most of my weight is supported by the saddle as I try to lean back on it to take the pressure off of areas getting pounded by the dirt roads and the granite saddle. 6. New posture: None, really. I don't lean forward like Speeds McGee or anything, but i would like to be able to lean back more; my hands get numb and tingly after a few miles. I know this is because I'm leaning forward on them due to how uncomfortable the saddle is. It's like trying to run bow-legged and it is most ungood.

Perhaps a bit late for this but... My general go-to snack is a 1/4 cup of craisins (the good kind) and 1/4 cup of cashews. Fills you up pretty good and is nice to have if your groggy and in a blood-sugar low. I don't know if this is actually healthy per se as compared to other options, but it's delicious and filling.

Barfly, PaulG, I cannot thank you enough! It's amazing how just a short post can clear up so much fog! Thank you so much for the continued help and support, I will definitely be sure to continue posting or send a PM if I need further help! PaulG, that was exactly what I was looking for! For some reason my computer has a hard time dealing with that strengthunbound site and the browser turns black when I try to search stuff most of the time. Advanced body workout will be my next goal in about a week. I'm just starting to conquer the 3 circuits of the BBWW. I think I shall also start a battle log. Many thanks again for the help and support!