sddragontat

Thanks for the thoughts! My diet is mostly vegetables, whole starches (rice, potato - can't have sweet potato), and meats and fats. I do overeat, not necessarily on "sugar" as such, but mostly fats and potatoes because I can eat those. I fell into that because when I first started on the FODMAP diet for all my stupid stomach things, I was eating just vegetables and meat, and barely hitting 1,000 calories a day, even with snacks. So I was tired, and angry, and hated life, so we reintroduced potatoes as an easy way to hit calories. Since then we've found other starchy foods that work, and put them back in and that could be it. I live in San Diego, and we can't afford to live near enough work to make biking/walking feasible. Cities aren't built in a way to make healthy living easy around here. My husband keeps suggesting talking to a nutritionist as well, but I dislike spending the money just in general, so I've been refusing to do it. We've got a lot in student debt so it feels wasteful to pay for something that feels like vanity and I have a hard time getting over that feeling.

I haven't been very active in the forums, I'm not a very social person, but I feel like I've hit a wall, and I'm having a hard time getting over/around it. Basically, the tl/dr version is that I feel like I've been trying various ways to shift about 30 pounds for 20 years (since I was 11 years old), and have gotten exactly no where. I've been overweight since I was 11, and have never been able to get to be a normal weight. I was discouraged from participating in sports (my parents pulled me from ballet when I hit puberty/started gaining weight because I was "too fat to dance," had the usual bullying in gym class, and giant breasts that made running, jumping, and basically all sports painful to participate in. Good sports bras were still a decade or so away, and not affordable anyways). I "discovered" exercise a little less than 10 years ago, and have been slowly ramping up, but it's still only regular about 6 months out of the year - I can get myself to go for about 2 to 6 months at a stretch, and then something happens and I fall off the wagon, and then have to start all over again, which is the hardest part. Last year was probably the best, since I was steady at the gym for most of the year. I even had a doctor ask if I was a runner, because my resting heart rate and blood pressure were so good. I do like going to the gym, and I miss having it part of my schedule, but I can't seem to make it a priority again. The only difference really is that we moved closer to work, so I'm not commuting an hour to work any more, and that should make it EASIER to fit in a workout, but I haven't been able to and I'm frankly not sure why. In the meantime, I've been trying to eat better, but have been plagued by stomach issues for at least 15 years and only last found that all my attempts to eat "healthy" were only making things worse. Besides the long list of things that I can't eat without causing a reaction (dairy, gluten, soy, onion, garlic, and some other weird stuff including avocado), I also can't eat too much fiber at one sitting. So I can have one salad a day, if that, and otherwise have to be careful about how much vegetable matter I consume. So I'd spent so much effort trying to make sure I was eating vegetables, and not too much carbs, and cutting out processed foods and it turns out that all that was just making me sick. Yay! It's been about a year, and I've basically got the diet thing under control so I don't usually feel sick, but I'm still obese. To top everything off, as a woman having a BMI of over 30 (5'5" and 185 right now) means that I may be making it more difficult on myself to conceive and carry to term a healthy child (one miscarriage and an ectopic already, but all my hormones are healthy and I have no ovulation issues that have turned up) and may be passing on health problems to my child as well which just terrifies me. But as I haven't been able to shift the weight, despite adding in exercise (even if inconsistent) and cleaning up my diet I don't really know what else to do. I'm already 33, so it's not like we can wait until I lose 30 pounds to try especially since it can take up to a year to conceive (it took us 8 months the first time). In the meantime, on average I have not lost any weight, and it's starting to feel hopeless. It feels like I'll only ever be able to lose weight with a superhuman effort that I'm plainly not capable of (having shown no signs over the last 20 years that I can make it happen). And while consistency is king, I clearly am incapable of consistency. From the other direction, the exhortations to "love yourself at any size" play a siren song that's difficult to ignore. Why should I continue to stress about my weight? Why not just try and get to the gym and enjoy the movement and how good it feels to get physically fit? Why continue to torture myself when it just hasn't worked? It just feels like I'm fighting a losing battle and I'm so very tired. Has anyone else been there? What did you do?

I will exercise at least 4 times per week. failed. 14 days left I will have at least one vegetable portion with two meals per day. Failed, only one vegetable meal. 14 days left I will not eat non-IBS safe foods more often than once a month. Failed...A friend sent a care package with non-IBS foods. Of course I ate them. Need to make it to July 27. I will get up 5 minutes earlier each day than I did the day before. Failed. Need to make it to July 27 I will keep calories to under 1500 per day. Failed. 1689 calories. 14 days left

This is for Sunday, June 26: I will exercise at least 4 times per week. failed. 14 days left I will have at least one vegetable portion with two meals per day. Failed, only one vegetable meal. 14 days left I will not eat non-IBS safe foods more often than once a month. Failed...A friend sent a care package with non-IBS foods. Of course I ate them. Need to make it to July 26. I will get up 5 minutes earlier each day than I did the day before. It was the weekend. This is only for weekdays. Need to make it to July 25 I will keep calories to under 1500 per day. Failed. 1927 calories. 14 days left

I will exercise at least 4 times per week. failed. 14 days left I will have at least one vegetable portion with two meals per day. Failed, only one vegetable meal. 14 days left I will not eat non-IBS safe foods more often than once a month. Failed...A friend sent a care package with non-IBS foods. Of course I ate them. Need to make it to July 25. I will get up 5 minutes earlier each day than I did the day before. It was the weekend. This is only for weekdays. Need to make it to July 25 I will keep calories to under 1500 per day. Failed. 1880 calories. 14 days left Also, quit coffee today. So super tired which is why i couldn't find the energy to exercise.

I will exercise at least 4 times per week. failed, will run tomorrow. 14 days left I will have at least one vegetable portion with two meals per day. Done! Had salad for lunch, and grilled burger and salad for dinner. 10 days left I will not eat non-IBS safe foods more often than once a month. Done! All IBS safe foods today! Need to make it to July 21. I will get up 5 minutes earlier each day than I did the day before. Failed! Need to make it to July 24 I will keep calories to under 1500 per day. Done! 1416 calories! 10 days left Also, quit coffee today. So super tired which is why i couldn't find the energy to exercise. Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk

I will exercise at least 4 times per week. Done!! Widowmaker boss battle and second day of couch to 5k 12 days left I will have at least one vegetable portion with two meals per day. Done! Had salad for lunch, and grilled burger and salad for dinner. 11 days left I will not eat non-IBS safe foods more often than once a month. Done! All IBS safe foods today! Need to make it to July 21. I will get up 5 minutes earlier each day than I did the day before. Failed! Need to make it to July 23 I will keep calories to under 1500 per day. Done! 1406 calories! 11 days left Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk

I will exercise at least 4 times per week. Done!! Doms boss battle and first day of couch to 5k 13 days left I will have at least one vegetable portion with two meals per day. Done! Had spinach and carrots in the fried rice for lunch, and grilled burger and salad. 12 days left I will not eat non-IBS safe foods more often than once a month. Done! All IBS safe foods today! Need to make it to July 21. I will get up 5 minutes earlier each day than I did the day before. Failed! Need to make it to July 22 I will keep calories to under 1500 per day. Done! 1358 calories! 12 days left

I will exercise at least 4 times per week. Failed! No exercise today. So tired. 14 days left I will have at least one vegetable portion with two meals per day. Done! Had spinach and carrots in the fried rice for lunch, and grilled peppers and roasted carrots for dinner. 13 days left I will not eat non-IBS safe foods more often than once a month. Done! All IBS safe foods today! Need to make it to July 21. I will get up 5 minutes earlier each day than I did the day before. Failed! Housesitting for MIL, got really confused at 3AM and turned off all my alarms. Need to make it to July 21 I will keep calories to under 1500 per day. Done! 1360 total today. 13 days left

June 8, 2016 Weight 172.6 Neck 14.5 inches Chest 42.5 inches Biceps left: 12.75 inches, right 12.5 inches Waist 42 inches Hips 44 inches Thigh left 21.5 inches, right 21.75 inches Calf left 15 inches, right 15.25 inches Why I want to get in shape: I feel embarrassed when I go out in public because I feel like I don’t look good. It’s especially bad when I go out with my husband because I feel like he’s so much better looking than I am. I want to give him a reason to be proud of me – he already he, but I feel it’s unreasonable because I’m not actually very good looking with all the weight. I want to be able to shop in normal people stores, and buy normal sized clothes, and not have to go through the embarrassment of asking the 12 year old how high their sizes go and being told “10”. I want to be able to do physical things like yoga or hiking, and do them easily and with aplomb, rather than gasping through everything because I’m not fit enough or strong enough. I want to keep up with my husband on our adventures, not slow him down. Additionally, I feel like I will be a better parent, and be able to pass on better habits if I can get my life in order. Goal: I am somebody who is a healthy weight (about 150), eats healthy food, exercises regularly, rises on time, and keeps my IBS under control. I will exercise at least 4 times per week. Loot: 1 sexy underwear per 2-week period. I will have at least one vegetable portion with two meals per day. Loot: 1 hour of quiet alone time per 2-week period. I will not eat non-IBS safe foods more often than once a month. Loot: 1 new thread color per 1-month period. I will get up 5 minutes earlier each day than I did the day before. Loot: 1 day at library per 1-month period I will keep calories to under 1500 per day. Loot: 1 new hiking place per 2-week period Batcave: Three steps to take: Pack gym bag every night. Pack lunch/breakfast night before Plan weekly dinners Three barriers to add: Lock phone apps in morning For every fast food meal, must walk extra 30 minutes that week. Must go to store myself for junk food (can’t send spouse, or ask for it from Costco)

Accidentally ate just over 1000 calories, and did week 7 day 2 run. Very cranky, bad mistake. Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk

1,351 calories today, yoga in the morning and again in the evening. I really am starting to feel a little bit better. Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk

Thanks guys! I tend to be hard on myself, and look right past any achievements and focus on what's wrong. It's really easy to get wrapped up in the negativity. In the meantime though, 1,433 calories today, did yoga this morning before work, and went running this afternoon. I feel better and like I'm back on track. :-) Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk

1763 calories. No treadmills so no running. Very frustrated. Really high hormones, messing with my head. Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk

1931 calories. Fell off the wagon. Restart tomorrow. In the meantime, down to 180.8. Will wake up to do yoga tomorrow morning. Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk

1425 calories eaten, tomorrow is weigh in day! Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk

1552 calories today, couch to 5k week stuff day three. Really tough run today. Not sure if it was just fatigue, or having dinner before working out, but I felt really sluggish. It was also a full two and a quarter miles, so there's that. Also, this week has felt like a bit of a backslide, which could be hormones, but my calories were a bit higher, and I missed a couple evening workouts. I did add a couple morning workouts and move couches, so maybe it works out on balance. I think I just need to take some time and recommit over the weekend. Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk

Thank you for the support! 1,436 calories today. Only exercise was moving couches, so tired! Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk

Ate 1,467 calories, did couch to 5 k week 6 day 2, but I'd had a net before so was difficult. Did yoga this morning. Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk

Ate 1,524 calories yesterday, and did half an hour of yoga. Has to put belt on tighter loop this morning. Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk

1,757 calories eaten, but also did couch to 5k week 6 day 1 for about 300 calories, did yoga this morning, and went bowling for an hour, so I think it was OK. Was my wedding anniversary, so celebrated! Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk

Ate 1,419 calories today, rest day, no exercise. Going to try to get up early and do yoga though, more for meditation, but should help with the strength. Weigh in day, down to 183.2!! So seems to be working so far, just have to keep consistent. Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk

Ate 1,667 calories today, but also burned around 300 on week 5 day 3 of couch to 5k, and then walked around IKEA for two hours, so I figure it'll balance out. Tomorrow is weigh in day, and the end of week 5, so we'll see how it goes. Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk

Thank you for the encouragement, and the link was very helpful. I'm trying to get more into that frame of mind, but it's slow going and a lot of work. I'll get there one day!Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk

Ate 1,443 calories and did yoga with Adrian, yoga for weight loss. It seems to get harder the stronger I get. And my arms and abs are really sore. Was thinking about doing the thirty days of yoga every morning, but might be a bit much. Sent from my XT1032 using Tapatalk