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ebm1224

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About ebm1224

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    Renegade
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  • Birthday 12/24/1984

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    Atlanta, GA
  1. hey kids...long time no see. i used to post here alot towards the end of last year and the beginning of this year. i graduated in december and then life changed alot (got a grownup job, moved) and i kinda fell off the nerdfitness bandwagon. not that i wasn't a huge fan of the site...i just really kinda moved away from using the computer when i wasn't at work. so here i am now, though, and i feel like life is going really well in alot of ways (job, boyfriend, finances) but other areas have taken a hit recently and it's bringing me down...and i need to find some help. so i've decided to reach out to you guys for some support again. i'm also seeking out some other means of support (boyfriend, friends, perhaps a therapist) but there's something nice about this community that used to always inspire me. and i feel like i could use that right now. so a little summary of where i've been, where i am now, and where i'd like to be: throughout my life, my weight has fluxuated quite a bit. i was always a little on the heavier side but not what most people would consider fat. i also have a russian/polish background so i have that sort of curvy/pear-shaped thing that is common in that genetic group and i've found ways to sorta dress thinner than i actually am. i've also dealt with some medical issues over the years that have affected my weight. back in high school i got down to about 120lbs (i'm 5'4") simply because i had no appetite for several months. i had a similar situation about 3 years ago and i got to about 125 without even trying...just wasn't hungry (and when i was hungry, it was usually for junk food and carbs). i loved how i looked back then but hated how i felt because i wasn't feeding my body properly. since that low point weight-wise a few years ago, my weight has gradually increased. i try to work out but am consistent with it in varying degrees (a good month here, a bad month there for example). my diet has been about the same i think the whole time. i definitely realize i have some bad habits (portion control, eating when i'm not hungry, and loving sweets/carbs way too much) but i also have some good points (i love fruits and veggies). last december i had been on nf for a few months and really got dedicated. i tried paleo for 30 days in january and was working out 3-4 days per week (even trying the stronglifts program). i was about 145-155 during this time though i did drop about 5lbs in the 30 days on paleo. unfortunately, since my paleo experiment ended (i liked it and have learned alot of lessons from it but i don't think it is something i'd want to stick to full time) the weight has gradually crept on. couple that with the stress of job-hunting after a temp assignment ended in april, moving in may, and basically sitting on my ass 8 hours a day for the last 4 months. currently i'm about 160 (close to the heaviest i've ever been) and i absolutely hate it. i feel incredibly self-conscious whenever i'm with friends (most of whom are just ridiculously beautiful and skinny) and even with my boyfriend (who says he doesn't care and is still attracted to me and all that...but i don't feel sexy). i'm just at a point where i'm really fed up and annoyed because i feel like all the reading i've done (both here and everywhere else) just isn't giving me what i need. and i'm wondering if this is just how i'm meant to be and if i should just stop fighting it. jeez, this post is long. the things i'm frustrated with: 1) i bought into the idea that "little changes add up" but that just doesn't seem to be the case for me. i've made alot of little changes...but nothing changes. 2) i just found out about a month ago that i have a thyroid condition and just started taking meds for it. i was hoping that maybe some of this weight gain was related to that but so far, the meds haven't made a difference on the scale. 3) i've never successfully lost weight on purpose. when i lost weight a few years ago, it was due to a medical issue and i basically ate crap for months...just not enough to sustain my weight i guess. it does weird things to your head when the only time you've ever lost weight was done by eating hostess cupcakes and bagels. 4) i feel like the people in my life won't help. i've been totally honest that i've gained weight (not that i'm fooling anyone) and feel like i've put enough feelers out there that people should pick up on the fact that i'm really looking for some hard-core support. i don't know if people are shy to offer help or don't care or what. 5) i don't know why my weight is so tied into my self worth. i've begun to have some serious self-esteem issues in the past few months and i think alot of it relates back to not feeling good in my skin. it's annoying that those two things are related so closely in my head. the things i know i'm just bitching about for no reason: 1) i know my diet isn't great. i'd even go so far to say that it sucks these past few months. 2) i've had some consistency working out the past few months but i know i haven't done enough - especially to compensate for the crappy diet and ass-sitting at work. 3) i know it's not my friends's responsibility to help me with this. i know what to do, i just have to do it. the things working against me: 1) working 8 hours a day sitting on my ass. 2) i don't have a great kitchen set-up at the moment. currently sharing a kitchen with family and it can be complicated to cook healthy meals when everyone is trying to cook/eat at the same time. i should have a fully functional kitchen again in a few weeks though. 3) i no longer living in a pedestrian friendly area so, if i want to go somewhere, i pretty much have to drive. 4) there just don't seem to be enough hours in the day to sleep, work, work out, cook, clean, etc. i have no idea how people with kids manage. the things working in my favor: 1) gym membership (with a gym super-close to my house) 2) elliptical machine and weights at home 3) a few friends nearby who are sometimes game to work out together 4) a wonderful boyfriend who supports me no matter what so there we have it. super long so, if you read all that, you deserve a cookie or something. i feels really good to get all this out in the open instead of having it swirling around in my head. i really want to believe i can do this but all the wisdom in the world just hasn't made a difference like i want it to. i don't want to be one of those people who only drinks water and eats chicken and broccoli for every meal...and from everything i've read i don't have to be...but lately it seems like only 100% perfection will yield results. i guess the only thing to do is get back on the horse and keep tryin different methods and see if something sticks. thanks for listening, nerd fitness friends. i've missed you guys
  2. Oh, there you are! Glad all's well. I know what you mean by not wanting be on a computer after a full day of it at work.

  3. it's going good guys! sorry i havnet really been around. i got a grown up job where i'm on a computer all day...so hanging out on web forums has lost some appeal. but i still get the email updates and such. how are you guys?

  4. Lachy apparently we were thinking the same. How goes it ebm?

  5. Hi ebm, I haven't seen your name on the forum lately, thought I'd pop in and see how you're doin'! :)

  6. ok so i just got back to sl after being out of town. dropped the weight on my squats down a bit to work on form. i'm not really tech-savy and i have only a mildly bright phone instead of a smart one so i'm not sure if videos are possible...though i'll look into it. what i found is: no, i'm not going all the way down in my weighted squats. i get to about parallel or a little above and then come back up. partially because i'm afraid of going off balance and falling but partially because it's sorta uncomfortable down there. after about parallel i feel like i get some body resistance (perhaps because i carry most of my weight in my hips/thighs area...sorry to be crude but it sorta feels like there's just too much "meat" being squeezed into a small area. anyone else have that feeling? also, going further down than i have been takes a little extra...oomph. like, i'm so used to stopping at a certain point that i have to really think about "i need to go lower." and once i'm down there, there's usually a second where i'm like "shit, can i get up?" hmmm...typed all this and realized i probably should just figure out a way to post a video. maybe i can get my bf to video it with his phone. kthxbai!
  7. congrats on giving this a shot! it's a really great experiment to see how you feel and how your body reacts. even if you don't stick with it (i didn't) you'll learn tons about listening to your body and your own emotional food triggers and such. oh, and don' t worry too much about the fruit for weight loss thing. i ate 2-3 servings of fruit a day and lost about 5-10 lbs in the 30 day period. others will disagree but that's my personal opinion.
  8. hey all, some friends and i are getting together on april 14th in piedmont park for a picnic and play-day. it's an open invite and everyone is encouraged to bring friends...so i'm inviting my nerdfitness friends! we will be grilling out, drinking margaritas, playing frisbee, and just generally having a chill saturday. festivities start at about 1pm and we will likely be on the large field near the park tavern restaurant (across from the grady high school football field). if you'd like to join us (and feel free to spread the invite), just send me a private message and i'll give you my phone number so we can meet up on the 14th. we are encouraging everyone to bring a dish or drink to share but you're certainly still welcome even if you dont. hope you can make it! emily
  9. i've never been a runner. even as a kid i hated playing tag because it was too much running (now, climbing trees and playing basketball? that's where it was at!). but, as an adult, i've had a few forays into running. i don't find it particularly enjoyable...but there is something nice about it especially when it's a beautiful day. so i'm trying to learn to do it right and learn to do it for longer. i'm currently working up to a 5k. i've watched a few videos recently talking about running form and i live in an area with tons of runners so i get alot of first hand watching experience. it really seems like everyone runs differently...and i'm sure some ways are better than others. i recently realized i have a heel strike style which isn't so great. esp if my goal is to run more than a mile or so.... so i watched a couple videos and they all recommend hitting hte ground with the ball of your foot...which sounds great...but seems to be a little easier said than done. so i tried it this morning. i found that i was landing a little softer...but my calves hurt more. i'm still new at this but i'd love to know how you fixed your running form issues. and how do you know if you're doing it right? i mean i guess i could have someone watch me or video tape me...but i'd rather not. the biggest difference i found his morning was that, instead of flexing my foot as it came forward, i tried to leave it in a neautral position or ppoint it just slightly...is this the way to do it? it feels a little silly and reminds me of my ballet days...but maybe this is one of those "if it looks good youre doing it wrong" things?
  10. So ive been doing stronglifts for the past few weeks and been enjoying it. The last couple of times i did squats though i found my back hurting. For reference I'm at about 100lbs of weight on these. Just sorta feel like the stress is on the back as well as the legs. Also i think I'm not going as deep in these as i used to. I feel like i go to the bottom of where i can get back up...but I'm not sure its white parallel (by this i mean any lower i don't think i could get up). Any tips?
  11. i tired paleo for 30 days but overall it wasn't for me. i have taken alot of the lessons from it, however, and now try and eat more protein, fruits, and veggies. instead of thinking of this in terms of what you can't have, perhaps instead try and think of a few awesome meals that don't incorporate any of the foods you want to avoid. i used to never feel like my meal was "finished" until i had a piece of bread but now as long as i have a starch of some kind i'm good. i ate potatos while doing paleo (i read various opinions and it seems that there is a difference of opinion as to whether these are really paleo or not) so perhaps subbing potatos for your pastas and rices can help. also, pay attention to your body in terms of how certain foods make you feel. i try and keep my pastas and breads to a minimum because i've found that when i eat them, i never seem to feel full and i keep eating even if i've clearly had enough in terms of calories. best of luck and welcome!
  12. your trainer is insane. no way you should be eating that little. i will say that your goal weight might not be achieveable depending on your body shape. the low 130s is my goal as well and i'm only 5 ft 4.
  13. i think this is something we all deal with. yes, i think hormones can certainly be related in terms of sometimes your mood is just a litte down at some times of the month and such. but i think the best way to handle it is to focus on the positive. i know tha'ts really generic advice but i think it's the best way out of that slump. when you start to feel like your mind is heading in that way, start making your mental list of things that are awesome about yourself - mentally and physically. hell, you should even make a list of these things one day when you're feeling good so that you have something to relate back to. on a slightly different but i think related note, have you done any clothes shopping since losing 30 lbs? sometimes when i feel a little down, buying a cute dress or something that i think is really flattering makes me feel tons better about my body. also, if you're still wearing mostly the same clothes from when you were heavier you might not be able to "see" the changes you've made as prominently as you might in a new outfit. hope you feel better and remember that you have so much more to offer than just how you look.
  14. i've been doing stronglifts for about 3 weeks now and i find that i don't usually use the whole 30sec-2 minute rest. i just take a few seconds and then get back to it. i assume once the weight gets heavier i'll need more time to recover but right now, i'm pretty much good to go right away. i just set away for a sec, "shake it out" and start again. also, remember deadlifts are only supposed to be 1 set as opposed to 5 sets. something in your post made it sound like maybe you were planning to do more? oh, and i started my deadlifts lighter than he recommends. i think i started with the bar plus 5 or 10 lbs on each end. from what i understand form on deadlifts is really important so i wanted to make sure i had that down.
  15. welcome to the community! congrats on what you've already accomplished - this is a great place!
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