ebm1224

i don't post here terribly often lately (though i still <3 you guys!) but i'm dealing with something and i could really use some advice. there are people in real life i could talk to, maybe, but since the person i'm concerned about also knows these folks, i don't want to risk spreading gossip around/etc. so here we go. i'm concerned that someone i care about alot may be developing a drinking problem. he doesn't have any of the tell-tale signs (trouble at work or in relationships because of drinking, etc.) but i definitely find he's getting to a point of excess much more frequently lately. i've always had a fear/issue with vomit so, for me, i always tried to stop drinking before i got to that point. i also tend to feel nauseous when i drink more than a couple of drinks so, basically, i'm not and never have been, a heavy drinker. i realize that others are not like that and that some people will even continue drinking after they've become physically sick. question: is the point where you throw up from drinking important? or is it kind of an arbitrary line? i always figured that when you throw up your body is basically rejecting what you've given it so that's an important point to realize and avoid. but i could be wrong. thoughts? this person was a heavy drinker in his late teens and early twenties. i started spending time with him about 4 years ago and, in the first 3.5 years of that, i know of maybe 3-4 times he got physically sick from drinking. that has happened 3-4 times in the past few months now...and that has led me to be concerned. he might say that, since he doesn't drink as much as he used to, when he does drink to excess, he has a tendency to get drunker on less...like he doesn't know his own tolerance and overdoes it more frequently. i can understand that but i'm surprised he doesn't learn from his experiences and adjust the next time he drinks (again, i realize this is all sort of based on trying to avoid getting sick which obviously doesn't bother others). anyway, any advice would be greatly appreciated even if you just want to tell me i'm overreacting

hey kids...long time no see. i used to post here alot towards the end of last year and the beginning of this year. i graduated in december and then life changed alot (got a grownup job, moved) and i kinda fell off the nerdfitness bandwagon. not that i wasn't a huge fan of the site...i just really kinda moved away from using the computer when i wasn't at work. so here i am now, though, and i feel like life is going really well in alot of ways (job, boyfriend, finances) but other areas have taken a hit recently and it's bringing me down...and i need to find some help. so i've decided to reach out to you guys for some support again. i'm also seeking out some other means of support (boyfriend, friends, perhaps a therapist) but there's something nice about this community that used to always inspire me. and i feel like i could use that right now. so a little summary of where i've been, where i am now, and where i'd like to be: throughout my life, my weight has fluxuated quite a bit. i was always a little on the heavier side but not what most people would consider fat. i also have a russian/polish background so i have that sort of curvy/pear-shaped thing that is common in that genetic group and i've found ways to sorta dress thinner than i actually am. i've also dealt with some medical issues over the years that have affected my weight. back in high school i got down to about 120lbs (i'm 5'4") simply because i had no appetite for several months. i had a similar situation about 3 years ago and i got to about 125 without even trying...just wasn't hungry (and when i was hungry, it was usually for junk food and carbs). i loved how i looked back then but hated how i felt because i wasn't feeding my body properly. since that low point weight-wise a few years ago, my weight has gradually increased. i try to work out but am consistent with it in varying degrees (a good month here, a bad month there for example). my diet has been about the same i think the whole time. i definitely realize i have some bad habits (portion control, eating when i'm not hungry, and loving sweets/carbs way too much) but i also have some good points (i love fruits and veggies). last december i had been on nf for a few months and really got dedicated. i tried paleo for 30 days in january and was working out 3-4 days per week (even trying the stronglifts program). i was about 145-155 during this time though i did drop about 5lbs in the 30 days on paleo. unfortunately, since my paleo experiment ended (i liked it and have learned alot of lessons from it but i don't think it is something i'd want to stick to full time) the weight has gradually crept on. couple that with the stress of job-hunting after a temp assignment ended in april, moving in may, and basically sitting on my ass 8 hours a day for the last 4 months. currently i'm about 160 (close to the heaviest i've ever been) and i absolutely hate it. i feel incredibly self-conscious whenever i'm with friends (most of whom are just ridiculously beautiful and skinny) and even with my boyfriend (who says he doesn't care and is still attracted to me and all that...but i don't feel sexy). i'm just at a point where i'm really fed up and annoyed because i feel like all the reading i've done (both here and everywhere else) just isn't giving me what i need. and i'm wondering if this is just how i'm meant to be and if i should just stop fighting it. jeez, this post is long. the things i'm frustrated with: 1) i bought into the idea that "little changes add up" but that just doesn't seem to be the case for me. i've made alot of little changes...but nothing changes. 2) i just found out about a month ago that i have a thyroid condition and just started taking meds for it. i was hoping that maybe some of this weight gain was related to that but so far, the meds haven't made a difference on the scale. 3) i've never successfully lost weight on purpose. when i lost weight a few years ago, it was due to a medical issue and i basically ate crap for months...just not enough to sustain my weight i guess. it does weird things to your head when the only time you've ever lost weight was done by eating hostess cupcakes and bagels. 4) i feel like the people in my life won't help. i've been totally honest that i've gained weight (not that i'm fooling anyone) and feel like i've put enough feelers out there that people should pick up on the fact that i'm really looking for some hard-core support. i don't know if people are shy to offer help or don't care or what. 5) i don't know why my weight is so tied into my self worth. i've begun to have some serious self-esteem issues in the past few months and i think alot of it relates back to not feeling good in my skin. it's annoying that those two things are related so closely in my head. the things i know i'm just bitching about for no reason: 1) i know my diet isn't great. i'd even go so far to say that it sucks these past few months. 2) i've had some consistency working out the past few months but i know i haven't done enough - especially to compensate for the crappy diet and ass-sitting at work. 3) i know it's not my friends's responsibility to help me with this. i know what to do, i just have to do it. the things working against me: 1) working 8 hours a day sitting on my ass. 2) i don't have a great kitchen set-up at the moment. currently sharing a kitchen with family and it can be complicated to cook healthy meals when everyone is trying to cook/eat at the same time. i should have a fully functional kitchen again in a few weeks though. 3) i no longer living in a pedestrian friendly area so, if i want to go somewhere, i pretty much have to drive. 4) there just don't seem to be enough hours in the day to sleep, work, work out, cook, clean, etc. i have no idea how people with kids manage. the things working in my favor: 1) gym membership (with a gym super-close to my house) 2) elliptical machine and weights at home 3) a few friends nearby who are sometimes game to work out together 4) a wonderful boyfriend who supports me no matter what so there we have it. super long so, if you read all that, you deserve a cookie or something. i feels really good to get all this out in the open instead of having it swirling around in my head. i really want to believe i can do this but all the wisdom in the world just hasn't made a difference like i want it to. i don't want to be one of those people who only drinks water and eats chicken and broccoli for every meal...and from everything i've read i don't have to be...but lately it seems like only 100% perfection will yield results. i guess the only thing to do is get back on the horse and keep tryin different methods and see if something sticks. thanks for listening, nerd fitness friends. i've missed you guys

i saw that on netflix the other day and it sounded interesting and entertaining. now that i've heard someone's seen it and liked it, i'll definitely check it out!

i did the ballet/jazz/tap thing as a kid/teen but really want to get back into dance again. i'd like to try ballet again. the thing for me was, when i was a teenager, i felt outta place because, although i wasn't awful, i didn't have the tall/skinny dancers body like so many girls in my classes. it would be really nice to find a place to take classes where women who look like women go.

my boyfriend and i moved in together almost a year ago and set up a joint bank account for shared expenses like rent and groceries. we each put in about the same amount each month. we've each kept our own separate accounts of course for things that are more individual expenses. now that i'm done with school and my temp job is over, i am job hunting again and expecting to be employed in the next 1-2 weeks. my boyfriend really hates his job and we have discussed him leaving once i get situated so that he can find something he likes better. he's been looking some already but his job is such that it's difficult for him to sneak away for an interview and such during the day...especially on short notice. we're finding that most places expect you to come in for an interview with 1-2 days notice...and that just isn't possible given his current situation. we've also started doing a small business on the side. it is strictly commisson-based and we haven't actually made any money yet...but any day now we should! we are currently only doing this part time but we are certainly not as productive with it as we could be if we had more time during the day. so, we are considering him quitting his job and working on this side business full time...at least for now. there are also another couple positions he is interested in that would be solely commission based. because of all this, we are considering switching to a system where we live off one salarly (likely mine) and use the other salary for savings and "extras." this would likely mean that one of us is technically contributing more than the other and things would be less equal. curious if anyone has done something like this before. we aren't married and i've only really heard of married folks using this type of system...and usually it's when one is a stay-at-home parent. how did you arrange it? how did you still have money for individual things if one is making more than the other? 'preciate the advice!

ok so i just got back to sl after being out of town. dropped the weight on my squats down a bit to work on form. i'm not really tech-savy and i have only a mildly bright phone instead of a smart one so i'm not sure if videos are possible...though i'll look into it. what i found is: no, i'm not going all the way down in my weighted squats. i get to about parallel or a little above and then come back up. partially because i'm afraid of going off balance and falling but partially because it's sorta uncomfortable down there. after about parallel i feel like i get some body resistance (perhaps because i carry most of my weight in my hips/thighs area...sorry to be crude but it sorta feels like there's just too much "meat" being squeezed into a small area. anyone else have that feeling? also, going further down than i have been takes a little extra...oomph. like, i'm so used to stopping at a certain point that i have to really think about "i need to go lower." and once i'm down there, there's usually a second where i'm like "shit, can i get up?" hmmm...typed all this and realized i probably should just figure out a way to post a video. maybe i can get my bf to video it with his phone. kthxbai!

congrats on giving this a shot! it's a really great experiment to see how you feel and how your body reacts. even if you don't stick with it (i didn't) you'll learn tons about listening to your body and your own emotional food triggers and such. oh, and don' t worry too much about the fruit for weight loss thing. i ate 2-3 servings of fruit a day and lost about 5-10 lbs in the 30 day period. others will disagree but that's my personal opinion.

congrats on all this! i'm working on my 5k so that is a super awesome accomplishment. also, kudos to your wife - sounds like you two are supporting each other really well!

i can't believe none of ya'll have mentioned that men tend to get better (more distinguished) looking as they get older...while women tend to peak and fade. i'm so jealous of ya'll for that.

alot of men have a hard time just listening to someone's problems...they have it built into them that they have to "fix" everything. it can be hard to do (there's an episode of modern family that explains this so well) but you have to know the difference between when your wife wants you to offer advice...and when she justs wants you to listen to her bitch.

hey all, some friends and i are getting together on april 14th in piedmont park for a picnic and play-day. it's an open invite and everyone is encouraged to bring friends...so i'm inviting my nerdfitness friends! we will be grilling out, drinking margaritas, playing frisbee, and just generally having a chill saturday. festivities start at about 1pm and we will likely be on the large field near the park tavern restaurant (across from the grady high school football field). if you'd like to join us (and feel free to spread the invite), just send me a private message and i'll give you my phone number so we can meet up on the 14th. we are encouraging everyone to bring a dish or drink to share but you're certainly still welcome even if you dont. hope you can make it! emily

i've never been a runner. even as a kid i hated playing tag because it was too much running (now, climbing trees and playing basketball? that's where it was at!). but, as an adult, i've had a few forays into running. i don't find it particularly enjoyable...but there is something nice about it especially when it's a beautiful day. so i'm trying to learn to do it right and learn to do it for longer. i'm currently working up to a 5k. i've watched a few videos recently talking about running form and i live in an area with tons of runners so i get alot of first hand watching experience. it really seems like everyone runs differently...and i'm sure some ways are better than others. i recently realized i have a heel strike style which isn't so great. esp if my goal is to run more than a mile or so.... so i watched a couple videos and they all recommend hitting hte ground with the ball of your foot...which sounds great...but seems to be a little easier said than done. so i tried it this morning. i found that i was landing a little softer...but my calves hurt more. i'm still new at this but i'd love to know how you fixed your running form issues. and how do you know if you're doing it right? i mean i guess i could have someone watch me or video tape me...but i'd rather not. the biggest difference i found his morning was that, instead of flexing my foot as it came forward, i tried to leave it in a neautral position or ppoint it just slightly...is this the way to do it? it feels a little silly and reminds me of my ballet days...but maybe this is one of those "if it looks good youre doing it wrong" things?

So ive been doing stronglifts for the past few weeks and been enjoying it. The last couple of times i did squats though i found my back hurting. For reference I'm at about 100lbs of weight on these. Just sorta feel like the stress is on the back as well as the legs. Also i think I'm not going as deep in these as i used to. I feel like i go to the bottom of where i can get back up...but I'm not sure its white parallel (by this i mean any lower i don't think i could get up). Any tips?

i tired paleo for 30 days but overall it wasn't for me. i have taken alot of the lessons from it, however, and now try and eat more protein, fruits, and veggies. instead of thinking of this in terms of what you can't have, perhaps instead try and think of a few awesome meals that don't incorporate any of the foods you want to avoid. i used to never feel like my meal was "finished" until i had a piece of bread but now as long as i have a starch of some kind i'm good. i ate potatos while doing paleo (i read various opinions and it seems that there is a difference of opinion as to whether these are really paleo or not) so perhaps subbing potatos for your pastas and rices can help. also, pay attention to your body in terms of how certain foods make you feel. i try and keep my pastas and breads to a minimum because i've found that when i eat them, i never seem to feel full and i keep eating even if i've clearly had enough in terms of calories. best of luck and welcome!

thanks kids! it's good to know i'm not alone ate pretty healthy today (it's amazing what a little planning can do) and went to the gym. i didn't do any cardio because there was a bit of a time crunch but i got my lifting in. and it felt good to feel like a bad ass on the bench press again now i just have to keep my commitment up when we go to texas later in the week. i won't have full control of what we eat so i'll have to do the best i can there. i'm really glad i pulled it together today, though, so that i'm going into this trip feeling stronger and more committed.

lachy that's a good question - and something i've been trying to figure out. what i have figured out so far is that i do enjoy property management. but i've never worked in any other areas of real estate (commercial, industrial, single family residential, or even just more on the financial side of things or the reasearch side). i guess i think that if there is a good time to try those things out, it's now since i have time to look and don't *have* to find a job immediately. so it's possibly a grass is greener scenario. but it's more like "i like grass, but maybe i'll like mulch better...or sand...or...." jsw, thank you for that advice. if i do decide that i need more time to research i think i will use that phrasing almost exactly...i think it says exactly what i want to convey. we'll see what happens tomorrow. didn't get any calls today and i'm supposed to get back in touch with the other company on wednesday. i also leave town late wednesday night for almost a week. i think i'll just follow my instinct on wednesday and see where it leads me. thanks for all the advice and congratulations guys. i know it's kinda silly to be complaining about having too many job offers - i am really lucky. sometimes even good stress is stressful

your trainer is insane. no way you should be eating that little. i will say that your goal weight might not be achieveable depending on your body shape. the low 130s is my goal as well and i'm only 5 ft 4.

wowza. so i asked one of the companies (before posting this) if i could have til wednesday to think it over. this is the company that needs someone asap. the person said he needed to check on how soon they would need an answer. and he just called me back and rescinded his offer. ouch. i guess that's how it goes but...wow. that quick? i have to say i'm a little insulted by the way he said it too. made it sound like i was ungreatful for the offer or something. i'm sure i'm being overly sensitive here. oh well, i guess it wasn't the right job for me. just gotta focus on how lucky i am to be in this position esp in that i don't NEED to find something right away and have a little time to make sure it's the right job for me

jsw, that's a question i have. i was given the advice by a contact who's been in real estate for years that "property management companies always needs leasing agents" so i shouldn't jump at the opportunity for a job doing that..esp since i'm a bit overqualified for that position at this point. and that's sorta how i'm trying to think of it...i can always get a job leasing if something else doesn't work out. my only concern is how it will reflect with the company if i turn them down once and then apply again later...assuming hte position is gone by then...if i applied for a different location or something would they feel slighted like "oh you were too good for us before but not now?"

notbad, yes it's just verbal offers so far. one of them i know needs someone immediately (they'd want me to start in 2 weeks). the other offer i actually don't know how urgent it is.

long story short(ish): i worked in property management as a leasing agent for a few years while i took some time off school/went to school part time. i worked for a really prestigious company during part of that time. then i left that company to go back to school full time to complete my degree. i finished in december and am now job hunting (i have a position at the moment but it's a short term assignment ending in a few weeks). i started seriously looking about a week ago and lo and behold i had interviews with 3 companies last week. the position would be the same as what i did before finishing school (i'm not quite qualified for that next step) but the companies are all large and growing and there is opportunity for advancement. one of the companies is the prestigious company i worked for before. i have received 2 job offers already today (one from the company i've been with before and the other from another company that is equally as prestigious). i am supposed to hear back from the 3rd company sometime today too. my dilemma is that i hadn't expected things to move so quickly and i don't feel ready to make a decision yet. i put in several resumes over the weekend with companies that focus on other aspects of real estate. i enjoy property management (the field of all the companies i've met with already) but i'd like to see what other directions i can go in real estate before committing to something (i feel like i will need to stay with whatever company i choose for at least 2 years). i explained my hesitations to the two companies that have offered me jobs today...but i think i did it in a really awkward way. what i need advice on is how to go about saying "i need to think it over" while still being professional and courteous and not burning any bridges. what is the standard amount of time that is ok to think something like this over? if i accept the offer and get a better offer between now and when i start, can i recind my acceptance? is that legal? and is it professional/acceptable? also if you have any advice on what the hell i should do with the whole situation that would be great. i don't want to reject all the offers and be left with nothing. but i also don't just want to take the first offer and wonder "what if." at this point i have tons of resumes out there and i'm hoping i get called for some more interviews. i'd love to have a good broad range of interviews to get a feel for other areas of my field. thanks guys!

i think this is something we all deal with. yes, i think hormones can certainly be related in terms of sometimes your mood is just a litte down at some times of the month and such. but i think the best way to handle it is to focus on the positive. i know tha'ts really generic advice but i think it's the best way out of that slump. when you start to feel like your mind is heading in that way, start making your mental list of things that are awesome about yourself - mentally and physically. hell, you should even make a list of these things one day when you're feeling good so that you have something to relate back to. on a slightly different but i think related note, have you done any clothes shopping since losing 30 lbs? sometimes when i feel a little down, buying a cute dress or something that i think is really flattering makes me feel tons better about my body. also, if you're still wearing mostly the same clothes from when you were heavier you might not be able to "see" the changes you've made as prominently as you might in a new outfit. hope you feel better and remember that you have so much more to offer than just how you look.

waldo, i think it was just a little negativity poking through when i called my lunch bland it's not bad. it just ain't a cheeseburger

last week was crazy. i'll spare you the details (job interviews, shopping for interview clothes) but what it amounted to was only 1 workout and lots of fast food. there are things i could have done better in hindsight but i'm not gonna beat myself up about it. i half-heartedly tried to get back on the wagon over the weekend but that didn't really work. so today is monday and i'm ready to go. well, sort of. it's so funny how quickly my body forgets that it feels better when i eat healthier and exercise. so, yeah, i don't want to go to the gym tonight. and, yeah, i'd much rather go out for lunch than eat the bland salad and tuna i brought with me. but i'm posting here because i need to do these things. and i'll thank myself later. hope everyone had a wonderful st. patty's day and good luck in the week ahead. if you have any advice on recommitting yourself or correcting a backslide that would be awesome. namaste