EmbracingChaos

A day full of temptations. I ordered the best thing I could for lunch, which was a breakfast burrito filled with avocado, egg, hashbrowns, vegetables, steak and chicken. Then spent the rest of the afternoon avoiding pastries and flavored coffees until we went to a company + investors + customers social gathering event with free cocktails, hors d'oeuvres, and appetizers. Waiters and waitresses kept coming around asking if we wanted all of these tasty little treats and things but I managed to decline them all. Finally about 7:45 P.M. we sat down for dinner, at which point I was ravenous, but I held strong and ordered a mixed greens salad with the dressing on the side, an ahi tuna entree for dinner with mashed potatoes and asparagus, declined the free desserts and just asked for a coffee. When I finally got back to my room about 11 P.M. I had some of my turkey and spinach rolls, half the container of strawberries, and a gala apple. The day was a success but my willpower feels it. Now I'm going to an all-day company meeting where they have tables full of cookies, pastries, bagels, fruit, breakfast bars, granola, donuts, etc. in the back of the room that they will just keep filling throughout the day. It's going to be like the boss fight in a video game. Food: Calorie Counting Hiatus (but did awesome, estimating ~2,100) Exercise: Rest Day Supplements: 4 fish oil capsules Daily multivitamin

We didn't end up going to a BBQ place because it was outdoor seating only and it was pretty darn cold outside (relatively speaking, for California). The group decided on a Thai restaurant. I ordered some kind of spicy beef, chicken, and pork dish with a side of rice. I'd estimate I ate somewhere around 1,200 calories for that dinner meal. Then I hobbled my way over to a grocery store and bought some spinach, turkey lunch meat, strawberries and a few gala apples to put in my hotel room fridge. I rolled up some of the spinach in turkey meat and then finished off my little meal with strawberries and an apple. The day probably ended up around 1,600 calories which seems pretty darn good for a day traveling that I usually would have ended up with at least twice that. I'm going to eat lunch and dinner with the company today... so I'm going to angle to just keep lunch very low calorie, avoid the free dessert after dinner, and then have more of my spinach/turkey/fruit when I get back tonight. Food: Calorie Counting Hiatus (but did awesome, estimating ~1,600) Exercise: Pushup / Pullup / Situp / Handstand circuits (better than doing nothing and my leg is limiting me) 2 x (20 / 8 / 20 / 2) Supplements: 4 fish oil capsules Daily multivitamin

Monday, 09/21/2015 I did an upper body workout but I couldn't do anything lower body due to my left leg injury. I still can't walk correctly (Tuesday), but it does seem a tad better. I've been eating Ibuprofen like candy, hopefully in the next day or two I'll get some proper sleep and wake up feeling better. My hotel gym is under renovation (ain't that the way of things?); I'm going to be limited to bodyweight exercises in the hotel room for workouts. There is a 24-hour fitness around here I could try to find but I hate working out in gyms. We'll see how motivated I'll get. I ate a ton of food on Monday due to feeling terrible about having to travel for work, being away from my wife and kids, and depression/pain from my leg injury. That's ok though, so far I haven't eaten anything today and it's almost time for dinner. We're going to a BBQ place so I'm going to try and get a pound of smoked chicken and some vegetables. That would kind of even things out between yesterday and today, and then the rest of the week I just need to keep my shit together on the diet front (with free gourmet coffee w/ cream & sugar, cookies and pastries everywhere, AND all meals on the company this is a hard task). I'm sick of acting like an idiot when I travel for work and using it as an excuse to not do what I know I should do. This trip is going to prove that I'm better than my past behavior. Food: Calorie Counting Hiatus (but ate too much, yea totally going to get my shit together starting today): - 2 huge bowls of cereal - 3 blueberry pancakes w/ syrup - Turkey soup - Banana w/ peanut butter - 12oz. of steak, lots of sweet potato fries, corn on the cob, large bowl of mixed vegetables - 2 huge bowls of cereal - More food I'm not remembering... Exercise: Bench Press (warmup), 4x185, 7x170 Overhead Press 5x120, 6x110 Chinups 4x195, 5x175 Barbell Curl 6x85, 2x5x85 Supplements: 4 fish oil capsules Daily multivitamin

Attempted to do the 40-hour fast that I had planned before traveling for work. I scratched the plan at the 31 hour mark when I was still awake and restless at 3 A.M. due to some combination between the pain in my left leg and hunger. I gave in and ate some sweet peppers, chicken, brussel sprouts, and a banana. I finally managed to fall asleep somewhere around 4 A.M. My left leg is still hurting really bad despite icing several times yesterday and lots of ibuprofen, so I used it as an excuse to gorge on some delicious pancakes and two huge bowls of cereal for breakfast. I'm going to lump today in with the traveling starting tomorrow and just hope the calorie surplus helps recovery. I was intending to get a good full-body workout in today but it looks like I may be limited to upper body. Food: Calorie Counting Hiatus Exercise: Rest Day Supplements: 4 fish oil capsules Daily multivitamin

Saturday, 09/19/2015 Woke up feeling even more guilty and terrible. To make myself feel a bit better I decided to go outside and run a bit of it off. I haven't run more than a mile or two in one go for about a year and a half, but stupid me decided I was going to make up for all of the excess food. I aimed for a half-marathon but the trail ended shorter than I expected and I ended up running about 12.5 miles all things said and done. I felt great during and after the run... and then it hit me after dinner. Now I'm having some difficulty going up or down stairs and my knees hurt when I bend them, but it's to be expected I imagine (I felt this way after both my marathon and 50k years ago). After that run I decided to just stop counting calories until Monday, September 28, I'm getting a little binge/purge mindset going on and I just need to relax and not stress about it for a bit. On Monday the 28th I'm going to do another round of cutting, I can tell that I'm not in a proper mindset to start trying to build muscle as my main focus. On the bright side of all that here is a list of benefits that convinced me I should do more cutting: I'll feel much more confident about eating a surplus. I feel too guilty eating a surplus right now because I'm still self-conscious about my stubborn fat areas.I'm already in the mindset of cutting, it will be easy to do another round.I should be able to spend more of 2016 trying to build muscle since I'll start out the year leaner.The leaner I get the more improved my P-ratio should be.My wife is going to be losing fat for a while (from when our last daughter was born a little over a year ago), so I'm sure she'll be glad to not see me gluttonous quite yet.I can enjoy this next week without feeling overly guilty by eating a mild surplus (since I'll be traveling out of town for work), since I'm just going to be losing the fat anyway.I'll be able to find out my average body fat loss per week with the 3 fast days plan, so I can aim to not gain more body fat than I can lose in a month when bulking. Food: Calorie Counting Hiatus (ate mostly Turkey/Chicken/Vegetables w/ 1 bowl of cereal & a banana with peanut butter, I did good) Exercise: 12.5 mile run ~9:45 min./mile pace Supplements: 4 fish oil capsules Daily multivitamin Weekly Deficit/Surplus To-Date: ~0

Friday, 09/18/2015 Well, this day didn't go as planned. My father-in-law arrived in town and we went out to dinner at a local buffet restaurant. I absolutely destroyed it, and though that was my only meal of the day I still calculated that I ate about 4,500 calories. So I went to bed feeling pretty guilty and terrible (though it did taste great). I did get in a great workout beforehand though, so hopefully all of those calories went to something. Food: ~4,500 calories / 190g protein / 189g fat / 521g carbs Eating window ~5:30-7:00 PM Exercise: Bench Press (warmup), 6x185, 7x170 Weighted Dips 6x200, 7x180 Deadlifts 4x305, 5x285 Barbell Rows 2x5x160, 6x160 Tricep Extensions 3x3x115 Supplements: 4 fish oil capsules Daily multivitamin Weekly Deficit/Surplus To-Date: +1438

That's a great 6 weeks. Even if you were able to crank out the last little bit for perfection on those days where you overate it probably wouldn't have made much difference. Sometimes that last 5% just isn't worth the extra stress and effort it would cost you to be "on" every day.

That's a good point. I've heard people get pretty good results running a cycle of Smolov squats, but I'm not entirely sure what the program is other than that it's a lot of squatting. I know that you have to truly eat in a bulk fashion (i.e. more calories than I'm probably intending to eat) in order to facilitate recovery so it may not be an option for me. Maybe I'll give it a Google today though, at least to find out what it is.

This was a pretty good leg workout. It will be great when I can get squats to progress again, it's tempting to just go into a straight bulk to get it to at least 225 lbs. for 5 reps. Patience is the name of the game though. The quick solution, relative strength-wise, would be to just keep cutting down to 11% body fat which would make me stronger relatively. Oh well, I'll have to see how I feel when I get back from being out of town for work whether I should bite the bullet and cut a bit more. I sure don't want to but it would remove any sense of doubt about progress. I travel out of state for work starting on Tuesday morning until Friday night, so I need to find a place to fit in one more 40-hour fast between now and then. Since I want to work out on Monday in case the hotel has crappy facilities, my options are moving my Monday fast to today or to Sunday. I'll probably play it by ear and see how I'm feeling at dinner time. If I'm not starving and feel like it would be an easy one then I'll probably do it today, if the day is sucking I'll just do it Sunday. Food: 3,023 calories / 227g protein / 72g fat / 383g carbs Eating window ~12:00-6:30 PM Exercise: Barbell Squats (warmup), 7x165, 8x150 Barbell Lunges 3x5x125 Weighted Pullups 5x195, 6x175 Handstands Supplements: 4 fish oil capsules Daily multivitamin Weekly Deficit/Surplus To-Date: -782

Food: 2,266 calories / 190g protein / 86g fat / 89g carbs Eating window ~4:30-7:00 PM Exercise: Rest Day Supplements: 4 fish oil capsules Daily multivitamin Weekly Deficit/Surplus To-Date: -1,525

Food: 3,021 calories / 284g protein / 48g fat / 377g carbs Eating window ~12:00-7:45 PM Exercise: Deadlifts (warmup), 4x305, 5x285 Weighted Chinups 6x190, 7x170 Overhead Press 5x120, 6x110 Barbell Curl 6x85, 2x5x85 Supplements: 4 fish oil capsules Daily multivitamin Weekly Deficit/Surplus To-Date: -1,539

A few key reminders to myself to prevent suffering from Fuckarounditis:

I feel you. I never, ever, intend to have to go longer than a full month again. Granted, I'm sure I said that last time too but I don't have written proof of it at least.

I'll probably not do any diet breaks in my first go at this, specifically for the reason you mentioned (that it's basically a perma-recomp). If I find that I put on too much fat after a switch back and forth I'd probably rethink that though. It definitely could get tedious. Slow progress seems like a worthy trade-off for staying lean year round right now, but who knows if it will seem so in a few months.

Food: 40-hour fast Exercise: Rest Day Supplements: 4 fish oil capsules Daily multivitamin Weekly Deficit/Surplus To-Date: -2,240

Yea that's a heck of a deficit. Almost beyond the 10 lb. total deficit mark..

My body fat trend has settled down to 13% so I'm going to take this opportunity to call the overtime/sudden death portion of this cut as complete, transition to two weeks at roughly maintenance, and then introduce a very mild weekly surplus (~5%). I'm going to approach gaining muscle with a ratcheting mindset. I'm going to gain up to 14% body fat trend from this point, then cut back down to 12.5%, gain up to 13.5%, cut down to 12%, etc. This will allow me to slowly "tighten up" my body fat range as time goes on and if I actually gain muscle over time I will look significantly better as I get lower in body fat since I currently get pretty gaunt below 13%. My current intention is to keep doing a full 40-hour fast one day per week, for both health and body composition. I'm also looking to workout every other day, rather than the three days a week I have been. That will vary which muscle group follows my fast day, which will spread out any benefits or drawbacks among all muscle groups. The plan will run in two week cycles where the first week I fast on Monday and workout Tue., Thurs., Sat., and the second week I fast on Tuesday and workout Mon., Wed., Fri., Sun. Then the cycle repeats. In any two week period this allows me to workout 7 times, complete two 40-hour fasts, and remain in a daily surplus on all other 12 days of the week when I should be either working out or recovering from the workout the day before. It also keeps me "warmed up" to fasting, so when I transition to fat loss again it will be easy to just add in more fasting. I have a very similar two week plan I'm going to use when I do get back to having to lose fat. Also running in two week cycles, I'll continue my workouts every other day and then fast Monday and Friday for week 1, and then Wednesday of week 2. All other days of both weeks will have maintenance calorie levels which will give a slightly less than 2 lb. deficit over two weeks (for my TDEE) which should be manageable and relatively easy at any body fat level. Basically I've done away with daily deficits in my planning and my mind. If I'm going to restrict calories then I'm going to isolate it to specific days and go straight for the jugular and eat like a friggin' champ the rest of the time.

The Greek restaurant was excellent, with surprisingly HUGE portion sizes. That inevitably led me to overeat but since it was a once in a great while occurrence, eh, I'm not going to worry about it. Food: 3,227 calories / 171g protein / 126g fat / 359g carbs Eating window ~1:45-7:45 PM Exercise: Bench Press (warmup), 5x185, 6x170 Weighted Dips 7x200, 8x180 Barbell Rows 3x5x155 (I reset this lift, I was doing too much cheating with kipping) Tricep Extensions 3x5x110 Supplements: 4 fish oil capsules Daily multivitamin Weekly Deficit/Surplus To-Date: -3,536

I love how great food tastes when breaking a 40-hour fast. Even stuff I'm not that excited about, such as vegetables, just tastes great after not eating for so long. The chili was as good as I hoped it would be, we put in three lbs. of a fatty cut of beef and a bunch of onion. Topped off the night with some banana and crunchy peanut butter. Food: 2,396 calories / 255g protein / 89g fat / 167g carbs Exercise: Rest Day Supplements: 4 fish oil capsules Daily multivitamin Weekly Deficit/Surplus To-Date: -4,483

Finished up the 40-hour fast without too many issues. I felt pretty crappy for a lot of it because I was still stuffed to the brim when I woke up and felt uncomfortable, yet I felt all kinds of hunger pangs throughout the day probably related to my blood sugar crashing after all of the sugary sauces and what-not from Chinese. Oh well, broke the fast about noon with chicken, vegetables, and spinach. Tonight beef chili is on the menu, going to be great. Tomorrow night we're going out for my brother's birthday to a Greek restaurant, so tonight and tomorrow are looking good. Food: 40-hour fast Exercise: Rest Day Supplements: None Weekly Deficit/Surplus To-Date: -4,599

More quotes from My Fight, Your Fight: “... it is not enough to just be better than everyone else. You have to be so much better that no one can deny your superiority. ... You have to win so clearly that they have no choice but to declare you the winner. You have to be able to win every match twice on your worst day." “The days were all soreness, sweat, the stench of my car, and constant wet hair. I didn’t mind it. I was in the middle of the hustle, and I understood that in order to be successful this was what I needed to do. I needed to practice more than anyone on the planet. I needed to be smarter and stronger and go longer. I needed to be at the gym when other people were merely thinking about going to the gym. I needed to go beyond what anyone else thought was reasonable and then go beyond that. Every day I did that, I moved one day closer to achieving my goal.†“Aristotle said, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit.†Winning is a habit, and so is losing. ... Winning is a habit means trying—and expecting—to be better than everybody in the world every day.â€

Yep sounds like it's time for some serious rest. Hopefully all of that will have you waking up feeling better.

Went to my family's favorite Chinese buffet and ate a truckload of food. I did two large bowls of meat, seafood, and vegetables for my first trip and had it all cooked up on the Mongolian grill topped with a lot of rice. The second trip I actually got some of the stuff I love from the line with the fattier/sugary sauces with a lot more rice. Then some hot & sour soup, then more line items with rice, and finally called it done. I stayed away from the desserts, ice cream and all of the fried stuff at least, so I guesstimated the meal at about 2,500 calories given the quantity of food that I ate. Came home and polished off 2 cups of frozen yogurt with a banana for my dessert. I'm debating on doing a 40-hour fast today since I woke up feeling stuffed to the brim still and I'd really like my body fat to settle at about the 13% mark at least before I stop this cut (currently at 13.2%). We'll see how the day goes though, at a minimum I'll probably keep it really light on the calorie side in any case. Food: 2,965 calories / 165g protein / 65g fat / 232g carbs Eating window ~5:15-7:00 PM Exercise: Barbell Squats (warmup), 6x165, 7x150 Barbell Lunges 3x5x120 Weighted Pullups 6x190, 7x170 Handstands Supplements: 4 fish oil capsules Daily multivitamin

Food: 1,807 calories / 212g protein / 82g fat / 79g carbs Eating window ~4:45-6:00 PM Exercise: Rest Day Supplements: 4 fish oil capsules Daily multivitamin Weekly Deficit/Surplus To-Date: -3,004

Food: 2,029 calories / 200g protein / 75g fat / 162g carbs Eating window ~12:30-6:30 PM Exercise: Deadlifts (warmup), 4x305, 5x280 Weighted Chinups 6x185, 7x165 Overhead Press 7x115, 8x105 Barbell Curl 3x5x85 Supplements: 4 fish oil capsules Daily multivitamin