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ManicSpider

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Everything posted by ManicSpider

  1. Day 10 Terrible day. Had a meltdown in the evening and literally just ate things to spite myself. All those plans I had about water consumption just went right out the window. Food/Drink 3645 calories Plus side - I actually tracked it all rather than saying stuff it. Breakfast: Leftover chicken and brown rice. Lunch (at 2pm - starving): McDonalds (medium chips, 10 nuggets) Dinner: PizzaSnacks: All the things. Like three packs of chips. Piece of Fruit: Nope. Water: 0. Sleep 8 hours. Exercise Nope. Got home after driving my son around to activities all day and was just buggered.
  2. Day 9 - With some deep thinking I had an epiphany! I gave up looking for my script and booked an emergency appointment with my neurologist, and then I remembered that this was what I always was like before I started the tablets, which is how I got so large to begin with (I was 145 kilos, 319 pounds, at my biggest). I was diagnosed with ADD when I was 28 and my life just turned right around. The tablets help me with impulse control ("hey look something shin- no, wait, it's a trap, go back to doing work", or relevantly here "hey look chips - no, wait, it's a trap, go drink water"), and also now that I haven't been taking them I've noticed a return of some anxiety eating because I'm worried I'm forgetting to do things that are objectively important but my brain doesn't care about (like sending in tax forms). For me, having ADD is like living in a Kafka novel. Also, I made a link between the hoarding and the ADD. I used to keep things around so much because I was terrified I'd forget I needed it and throw it out by accident, which is probably why it's been a lot easier for me to change that behaviour since I started the tablets. But the specialist sorted the script out and so I should have everything under control next week. Food/Drink 2333 calories Breakfast: Cheds and a Red EyeLunch: Nothing. Dinner: Fish and Chips while watching Sleepy Hollow with friendPiece of Fruit: BananaWater: 2 litres. Sleep 7 hours. My body must be getting used to it, because I went to bed too late for 7 hours and then slept right through my alarm till I got to 7. Exercise None.
  3. House - *lol* I'll try and actually progress then I'm great at plans - not so great at actually putting them into action. Aminarra - I had to google what a tater tot casserole was, but OMG that looks insane! In Australia they're mostly known as Potato Gems, and I never thought of doing that with them. Must. Resist. Urge!
  4. Day 8 I finished my son's costume for Bookweek! I think the proudest I have ever been in my life is when we arrived at school and a teacher said "Oh, we have a Spot the Dog!", because I was terrified people would be like "Are you like a weird Winnie the Pooh?" I had to cut a hole in my doona cover this morning after the crepe paper idea for the spot fell through, but it was totally worth it. I'll patch it up later. Food/Drink 2730 calories. Once again, the dreaded parental dinner invite strikes at the last minute to ruin the best laid plans. Alos, it would have been less if I hadn't been literally sitting around waiting for paint to dry at midnight. I ate the rest of the Pringles from last week out of boredom. Breakfast: Egg and Bacon Roll and a Red EyeLunch: Cabanossi, brown rice, peas and corn.Dinner: Mixed grill, green beans, sea salt and rosemary chips, apple pie.Snacks: Half a cupcake (thanks Dad!), pringles, 20 M&Ms.Piece of Fruit: BananaWater: 2 litres. Sleep 7 hours approximately. Woke up naturally before 7am for the first time in ages, but then spent 25 minutes lying in bed browsing Reddit so was still late. Exercise Half an hour walk at lunchtime, half an hour walk to the shops to pick up green beans and apple pie for dinner with folks. I'm particularly proud of that because my son wanted to drive down, but I insisted we walk seeing as I knew we were about to blow my calorie plans for the day. Despite the fact I'm still not doing great, I'm feeling fairly positive about the medium to long term.
  5. Thanks Aminarra! And good idea, I'll update my signature now The other thing I am going to make sure I do this week is to track how many calories I eat each day even if I go way over. I think the blowout days were well over 3000 and if I at least keep track of the actual numbers, while they might be embarrasing now, it's better to have exact numbers so I can see improvement in weekly calorie totals over time.
  6. Day 7 and Weekly Analysis (with graphs!) Okay, considering I typed something quite lengthy before and it was deleted I'll make this one shorter. Food/Drink Stopped counting again. Basically I was doing fine until it got to the evening, then we had to go find material to make a Spot costume for Book Week so we got takeaway on the way home. But even after I'd finished I had the most massive cravings and just ate as much food as I could find. I didn't even enjoy the stuff I was eating - it was just there. Water - About 1 litre. Sleep 8 hours. In fact I slept through my alarm and woke up as I was meant to be leaving the house, which made for a stressful morning. Exercise 30 minute walk. So, obviously as far as weeks go this one wasn't great. I weighed in at 129.4 kilos, which is a gain of 1.1 kilos - an actively worse result than when I wasn't paying attention to it. While there are clearly a lot of problems here regarding food choices, sleep, exercise and emotional eating, I am going to try and focus on a couple of small things I think will make a difference. I've made a graph of water consumption vs calorie consumption, using 3000 calories for the days I ate so much I stopped recording: From that, I think it's pretty clear that the days I have complete blowouts coincide with my very low water days. So a priority for this week will be making sure I get enough water. Basically the plan is that I will say to myself "Sure, you can eat whatever you want - as soon as you've finished drinking the rest of your water". I also made a graph of my calorie consumption vs sleep, but I'm not sure if there's really a pattern I can see unless it's that I eat more on days I sleep more? Anyways, so the plan for this week is focus on water consumption, have only one Red Eye a day, and incorporate a piece of fruit each day in the afternoon so I'm not starving when I get home from work. Improvement - go!
  7. I don't think it's a bad idea to keep track of why you don't do things. We all tend to look down on "excuses", but what we really have is 1) what we planned to do, and 2) what we actually did. Looking at what we actually did and why might help us understand why we didn't do what we planned to do and enable us to make more realistic plans in the future. At least, that's what I'm hoping Good luck with StrongLifts! From my experience, squats gets easier as you get better at the movement.
  8. Day 6 I spent all last night looking for that script. You might ask - how can someone spend more than 7 hours looking in their house for one piece of paper? The answer is that I used to be a hoarder. Not just a "Oh, I have a lot of books and ha wouldn't it be funny if I was a hoarder" but literally there were entire rooms that could not be entered because I had papers and books stacked to the ceiling and if anyone tried to get rid of them I would have a massive panic attack. Why I thought I might need a handout from the Communication Theory class I took 10 years ago I have no idea. Then one day I did a Mental Health survey and was like "Wait, that's not normal, is it?". I'm weirdly proud of the fact that you can walk into any room in my house at the moment. Well, not you, but a person could. But my script has disappeared into the sea of paper waiting to be sorted that is my dining room and I can't find it anywhere. Also I went to the physio yesterday. I have a letter that will allow me to go back to lifting (Woo!), and I'm planning to go back next Tuesday once I've finished the house. I'm going to do it all this week, I don't care what else I have to let go in the meantime. I want everything in a place so I don't have to worry about where any particular thing is. Food/Drink 1989 calories Breakfast: Cheds and a Red EyeLunch: Leftover ChineseDinner: Chicken, brown rice, lettuce and mushroomsSnacks: 1 banana, 10 M&Ms.Water - 2 litres. Sleep 7 hours (Woo!) Exercise None. Literally by the time I'd gone to the physio, done a full day at work, cooked dinner, put washing on, and then sorted papers for 2.5 hours I was so incredibly sore. Even my cheek bones are sore.
  9. I'm glad your apartment people are being reasonable! Moving can be so stressful at the best of times, and it's just so much worse when people choose to be jerks about things. Also, this may sound weird but I'm really enjoying seeing what you eat. As a much larger person, it's instructive to see what other people are making. Do you have a recipie for the seared scallops with garlic butter? I've never made them before but they sound fantastic and I'd love to give them a try.
  10. Day 5 Today was another wipeout. I was sore and tired, and I've lost an important script which is really stressing me out. Food/Drink 2,800 calories. I was doing alright until the afternoon, when I sat down and calculated how many calories I had left and decided I could afford the piece of cake I'd kept aside from the birthday party. Then after I'd eaten it my Mum called and asked me to come over for dinner, where I had Chinese. Note to self - Prawn Toast is never worth that many calories (238!!). It's nice, but it's not THAT nice. Then I got home, looked for my script for a couple of hours, had a pity party with Pringles and told the whole day to jump off a cliff. Breakfast: Ham and Cheese Sandwich, Red Eye.Lunch: Rice, Cabanossi and frozen vegetables.Afternoon Tea: Chocolate Cake.Dinner: Chinese Takeaway.Self Pity: Pringles and another Red Eye. Water - 1.25 litres Sleep 6 hours Exercise Nope. I thought about it briefly after I finished looking for my script, but was too pissed off and tired.
  11. My shoulder is really feeling it from yesterday. All the wall scrubbing followed by pushing it a little hard on the stretches. I've got a physio appointment tomorrow morning and I'm really excited to be getting my letter allowing me to go back to lifting.
  12. Congratulations on the bub! It sounds like you're going great and doing all the sensible things. I know how you feel - I was 118 kilos (260 pounds) when I got pregnant, and I put on so much weight it made everything really difficult. Seriously, slow and steady and you'll be fantastic
  13. Day 4 So I had people over last night for gaming and they didn't go until about 4am - it always happens, we game, and then we talk, then we watch YouTube, then it's like "Oh shit, those of us with kids have to be up in 3 hours". Then I went to a birthday party for a 1 year old, bought myself some kick-ass but HUGELY too expensive Razer Tiamat headphones, and then came home, fed my bub and cleaned the entire computer room - all papers away, 2 bags of garbage gone and sugar-soaped the walls. I think I was on some sort of sleep-deprivation high. Food/Drink 1888 Calories (woo! Would have gone over if I'd had a piece of birthday cake) 1.2 litres of water Sleep 4 hours Exercise Shoulder band-exercises (green): Internal - 24, 21, 19 External - 12, 10, 11 Rotator Cuff: 2.5 kilos (5 kilos above is a mistake, I'll fix it) - 15, 10, 8 (should have stopped at 6 as I'm not meant to go to pain but I'm stubourn) Mobility: Clam Shell - 30s x 2Hip Flexors - 30s x 2 (each leg) Side Lunge - 30s x 2Squat Sit - 30s x 2
  14. Day 3 Food/Water I stopped counting. Went to a friend's house for lunch, and then had people over in the evening so it was a complete mess. Also, I drank absolutely NO water. Literally none. I spent the whole day drinking diet coke or red eyes. Sleep 10 hours overnight, then a 2 hour nap in between lunch and people coming around in the evening. Exercise Shoulder band-exercises (green): Internal - 24, 20, 20 External - 15, 13, 10 Rotator Cuff: 5 kilos 2.5 kilos - 21, 20, 15
  15. Day 2 Food/Water Drank 1.25 litres of water. Calories - 1,834 Sleep About 5 hours. Exercise Walked 30m 27s, 2.69 kilometers (pace 11:18/km) I think it might be useful to log why I didn't do certain things: I drank water at work, but I was really busy and so didn't drink as much as usual. I had planned to do my mobility stretching in the morning and my physio in the evening, but I was running late in the morning and I was exhausted in the evening. Seriously, I really think getting my sleep in hand is going to be the biggest turning point.
  16. I know you say it was horrible, but I'm so jealous! That's some fantastic scenery you've got there. I live in a city filled with small hills so nothing looks particularly impressive
  17. Day 1 - Alternate Title: In retrospect this should have been a 76 day battle log After difficulties with my assignment meaning I was furiously typing and looking up case law till midnight, day 1 was almost a complete write-off. 1) Drank 2 litres of water. 2) Calories = *cough* 2,829. 3) Sleep = 6 hours 4 and 5) Nope. No exercise at all. On the plus side, I took a fairly thorough inventory of measurements: Weight - 128.3 kgWaist - 112 cmHips - 142 cmChest - 126 cmNeck - 36 cmThigh (L/R) - 80/81Calf (L/R) - 52/50Bicep (L/R) - 44/43Wrist (L/R) - 17/17
  18. So I'm going to PAX Aus in 77 days (woo!), and I've also been struggling a bit recently with eating habits and injury so I've decided that I can convince myself to do the right thing in the lead up to PAX. Basically it gives me a window to change my habits while not struggling with the "I have to do this for the rest of my whole life?" thing. Then I'll set another event to aim for and try and do it again, so hopefully keeping one step ahead of my psyche Basically my goals are: 1) 2.5 litres of water a day. 2) Track my calories every day, never going over 2000. 3) Sleep for at least 7 hours a night. 4) Do my physio exercises and mobility stretching every day. 5) Walk for half an hour every day on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. When I get home tonight I'm going to put up my measurements and weight so I've got a baseline.
  19. @Elastigirl - I've started to pay more attention to how I feel after eating certain foods, and I've learned that garlic bread is my worst enemy. I feel like I've eaten concrete afterwards. I'd never really put the two things together until I started to think about it. @DerekP - Definitely. Whenever I've had a bad day, I try and give myself a treat to cheer myself up. It's the whole "I give up on the world and all I want is Twisties" kind of thing. Also if I'm stressed I try and eat quick and easy takeaway so I don't have to focus on cooking. I had an assignment due yesterday (I study nights) and I kept this forum in mind and made myself oven fish and microwaved some rice rather than ordering pizza.
  20. I can't thank you all enough. To be honest, I wrote it in a moment of weakness and I was half expecting people to be annoyed at my being such a wuss, but you all have been so awesomely inspirational and I'm really grateful. I've never seen Any Given Sunday but wow, that speech just blew me away. I was upset because I know I haven't been doing the stuff I'm supposed to be doing - I've been hit and miss with my physio exercises, I've blown off a lot of my mobility work and yesterday I could really see it was having a negative impact even in my bodyweight squats. I've been eating more chips, sleeping less, and drinking less water than when I was going to training for two hours a couple of times a week because I've been sitting around more. @Draken50, it's interesting you bring up smoking, because I literally did just one day stop. I had pneumonia and when I got better even the smell of cigarettes made me so nauseous I just haven't had one since. That was over two years ago, and just last week I wanted a smoke really badly in my head, but my stomach revolted at the idea and so I didn't. I guess that's what I mean - I don't have any faith in my ability to tell my body "no" in the long-term. Brain wants a smoke, body says no? Body wins. Brain wants to eat healthy but body is going to complain constantly until we have KFC? Fine, we'll have KFC but just tonight and we have to be good tomorrow. Body wins. I guess I have to come up with a way to let my brain win more often (if this stream-of-consciousness isn't making me sound like a crazy person). I think sleep and water are the key parts. I get so tired I don't do my exercises, but if I'm sleeping enough and drinking plenty of water I will be less tired and have to get up off the couch more at least just to pee. I'll start with those two and go from there, and hopefully I'll be back at training in the next couple of weeks. Seriously, all of you:
  21. This may be a little depressing, but what do you do when you know you can't lose weight? I've tried so often with so many different methods. I'll do well for a couple of weeks then fall back into my old habits. I get so frustrated with myself and I feel disgusting that I can't even just stick to even 2,000 calories a day, which should be plenty. So what do you do when you can't convince yourself you have even the smallest chance of succeeding? I have been lifting for about a year and in that time my weight stayed steady (at 127 kilos) but now I've been out for two months with a shoulder tear and I'm gaining. I keep telling myself all I have to do is eat right and exercise. I don't know why I suck so much.
  22. Had a really good day today. I went to the gym, telling myself I'd take it easy (I'm still on antibiotics) and ended up getting a new PR in squats at 5 x 55 kilos (121 pounds). Then had bacon, eggs, salad and mushrooms for dinner.
  23. Thank you Sozzielou, that really helped. I was sitting here this afternoon feeling awful and I saw this and thought "Bugger it, just go to the gym. If you go today, you can still finish the first page of your challenge sheet next week." While I was getting dressed my brain kept saying that I felt too weak today to do any lifting ("That's cool, we'll just do really light weights, and we can go whenever we get too tired"), that I should be cleaning up instead ("We cleaned yesterday. We can do more tonight."), that a nap would be awesome ("A nap would be MORE awesome if we were tired."), that I just ate a really bad lunch and so I might as well chuck the whole thing and just wait till the next challenge. Even right in the gym carpark my brain was saying things like "maybe we should go to the markets first". But in the end, I got a new PR in Deadlift (50 kilos, woo!) and I had a pretty good afternoon. Then for dinner I had bacon, eggs and mushrooms and an apple. Success!
  24. I haven't been around in a while, and I also haven't done anything in all that time. I felt really lethargic and tired. I had so little energy that even picking up my bag was exhausting. I've been struggling ever since. I don't want to be a complainer, but I just feel so down and like there's nothing I can do that will make anything any better. I feel kind of hopeless. I know there are ways to fix it, but I can't bring myself to do anything apart from sleep and work.
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