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About Kyellan

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  • Birthday 07/20/85


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    New England


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  1. Kyellan's Quest for Peace & Sanity

    Well, I'm not dead, anyway. Life... well, it kind of went to shit there for a few weeks. Suffered something of a personal tragedy; nothing to do about it but suffer through and cope. It totally threw off any chance of finding peace, though. I've finally found a source of light and I've been steadily crawling toward it... I'm starting to feel like myself again, maybe. It's not the first time I've been through something like this, and it won't be the last. Minor life updates: I've got a tournament in Cambridge at Wu Dao on Sunday (my favorite one!), and I'll be doing an abbreviated version of my newly-memorized Gung Gee form in the hand form division. Depending on what weapon divisions are available, I'll have my staff and my broadsword at the ready. Sifu and I worked out the details at class last night. It covers a lot of the best technique but is done in less than 1/3rd the time, so that'll be much more manageable than trying to work through the whole 4-5 minute form at top power and speed. The following Saturday (11/25) is the adult belt test, and I'll be testing for my orange rank. Not sure if I'll pass, especially because my stress over the past weeks has caused me to lose some aerobic capacity and gain a few pounds (I am a stress-eater, and it has been bad lately). However, I don't think Sifu would ask me to test if he didn't think I could pass his expectations, so I'll give it a go. I ain't afeared. Also good news in that I discovered I could make it to class a little early on Tuesdays to join in Sifu's new Tai Chi class. He's teaching Yang style in response to community requests, and it's something I've wanted to do off and on for years. Learning it in a real environment is way better than learning it from a video, no matter how good the video instructor is, so I'm pretty psyched. Three years of Kung Fu let me catch up to the Tai Chi beginners (who have been at it for about 6 weeks) in a single night. Now that's a pretty good sign. It's a slow climb out of this hole, but I'm managing.
  2. Kyellan's Quest for Peace & Sanity

    Obvious joke out of the way first: Joking aside, all I really want out of the next four weeks is a recovery of my inner equilibrium. I've been firing on full burn since July, and despite my repeated efforts to slow things down, it just hasn't been happening. Mostly because, as I'm well aware, I haven't been doing enough to MAKE it happen. It's time to shed the excuses and bring my mind back into harmony. We all have busy lives, and yet I'm pretty sure most people have a higher sanity level than I do right now. I need to remember that I'm an introvert and that it's okay to skip things and say no sometimes. On the bright side, some major events are now gone by. My sister was successfully married last Friday, and my major fix-it project for the year (my decaying section of roof) is nearly complete. I have a meditation textbook that requires study, and I need to spend some time focusing on what skills I already have to help bring my mind back under control and stop feeling like I'm constantly stretched beyond my limits. Still working on the concrete goals, but I will have some this time. On the Kung Fu front, I may be testing for my orange belt sometime in the near future (like, next week or two). Frankly, I'm not sure I'm qualified, especially in my endurance, as my attendance at class has been sparse lately and my exercise outside of that has been basically nil... but if Sifu thinks I'm ready, I'm willing to push myself. I've been very focused on making all of my stances better lately, so hopefully that improvement will show. Speaking of which, I'm gonna go for a walk. ======================================================= Okay, real goals time: I'm stealing the basis of @Luciana Valerosa Culming's unicode checkmark system to track this time, because this challenge is basically going to be all about meditation. I want my sanity back, and short of running off into the forest somewhere for a long time to live in utter solitude, I think a solid meditation habit might be the only way to do it. Unicode: ✔✘☐ Meditation Week 1: ✔☐☐☐☐ Week 2: ☐☐☐☐☐☐☐ Week 3: ☐☐☐☐☐☐☐ Week 4: ☐☐☐☐☐☐☐ I'll be editing this to track how I do. ✘ means no meditation that day, ✔ means I sat for at least one 10 minute session during that day, means I sat for >20 minutes in a single session. On the bright side, I'm already off to a decent start, because I actually took 30 minutes today. Not nearly all of it was totally focused, but that's okay. Study Week 1: ✔ Week 2: ☐ Week 3: ☐ Week 4: ☐ This part is all about reading The Mind Illuminated by Dr. John Yates. I'd like to read at least a chapter a week, and really absorb it. Turns out, part 1 is all about establishing a regular practice. Funny, isn't it? Turns out I already did the reading for this week, so I should be right on track. No stretch goals for this one, just pass/fail. I want to understand parts 1-3 and get a start on part 4 before the end of the challenge. The first few chapters will all tie together, so it will be good for me to have at least parts 1, 2 and 3 in my head as I'm establishing my practice over these next four weeks. Entering into Part 4 at the end will give me a look ahead. If I do this, by mid-November I should be starting to feel more focused and less scatter-brained. But I'll have to actually do it and not make excuses. I've already fought off a bunch of excuses (when will I find time?! there's no way I can do this consistently enough to matter! etc, etc) so I'm a little ahead of the game. Here goes.