Kyellan

All I can say is I'm with you, brother. God this month SUCKS.

Work is tryna kill me, that is all. I did put up a new track this week, and it was 40+ degrees today so I walked a 5k. Huzzah.

Hey, so you remember that time when you said "I hope our karmic link didn't extend to the reorg" or some such? Well... about that.

Boy, work is just all kinds of fun. This is sarcasm, but I suppose that's why they call it work and not fun. Things that are fun? Kiddo time, Assassin's Creed: Odyssey, tabletop RPG time, and music making. I really like music making. I'm already halfway into next week's track and I love it. As I was working through it, a bit of inspiration hit, and so I'm tuning it toward a very specific feeling. I'm excited to share it when it's done! It's so strange. I've been playing the guitar for 20 (yes, twenty) years, and only ever dabbled in strum-my songwriting. Little bits and pieces that didn't go anywhere. Put me near a piano for six months, and suddenly the wonders of instrumental, atmospheric and ambient music have come alive in my brain to an extent I'd never considered possible. Music theory finally (finally!) begins to make sense. I've collected dozens of virtual and sampled instruments that I can bend to my will and create sounds that please my ears and my brain in ways I thought I'd never reach. Still not figured out the movement thing. I might just pace in front of the television as suggested. At least it would be something!

Well, here it is Monday of Week 1, and I've got my first entry for the MUSIC goal. Now to go handle the MEDITATION goal before dinner.

I like simple. Simple is good, especially when the rest of the world is complicated. Also, I like benders. Earth, air, fire, water and shiny metal!

And no, I don't mean the painter's/welder's mask I use to protect myself from the pandemic! But seriously though. Now that I'm (mostly) recovered from surgery, I need to start building up my mind and body again. I've gotten too tired, too soft, too blah. So it's time to fight back and try some new things... as if I have time for all that, on top of everything else! #1 MUSIC Last June, my in-laws bought my daughter and I an entry-level digital piano (88 weighted keys). It is not too much to say that it has actually changed my life. I've been playing the guitar for two decades, but the past half-year has revolutionized my understanding and feel for musical composition. Maybe it's the piano, maybe it's just exactly the right time... I dunno. Can't be sure. What I CAN be sure of, though, is that I'm finally able to bring some original music to life! And it's about gosh-darn time, too. I've created a SoundCloud account where I am posting original instrumental songs under a CC-BY license. These are learning, study pieces. They're not intended to be revolutionary, or mind-bendingly awesome and technical. Over the past few years I've developed a deep and abiding joy in simple melancholy and ambient instrumentals. "Meditation music", if you will. Quiet, textural pieces that evoke a mood or a feeling, instead of songs with direction and purpose (though I do love some of those too). I'm posting them as CC-BY because I like the idea of giving art to the world without trying to make a buck off of it. Of course, that has a lot to do with the fact that I have a job that pays me enough to live, which I realize is a privilege not everyone enjoys. So, I want to post a minimum of one new piece for every week of this Challenge. Doesn't have to be long or complicated, just something new. Here's my most recent one. #2 MEDITATION It's time for meditation again. Right now I'll settle for five minutes of quite respite per day. That should be achievable. #3 MOVEMENT This one's the trickiest. I need to get my body moving again, and I need to not take it too fast. It's arctic cold where I am, which is keeping me inside and away from my wonderful 4-mile walks (oh how I miss the walks). I have a whole house, but few rooms with actual room to move in them. (My personal space has steep eaves, for example, meaning that I can't even stand up in the middle without hunching my neck). So, for Week 1, I'm going to figure out WHAT I can do inside and WHERE I can do it in order to facilitate movement. After that I'll figure out a goal of actual working time. That's it for now. Back to work. WEEK 1 MUSIC [ X ] MEDITATION [ X ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ] MOVEMENT [ ]

I have thought about this. Unfortunately, I have forgotten the Taiji that I had learned from my Sifu (I just can't pull it out of my brain anymore, which is very sad) and I haven't found a good source to re-learn from. I have a video that I bought years ago and... it's not very good. YouTube hasn't turned up anything either. The search continues. On the bright side, it was 38 degrees yesterday AND I got outside. Slow for sure (I was at about 15:30 min/mi before surgery) but I made it!

I would probably feel a bit more normal if this wasn't the second day in a row of kiddo sleep regression; so, y'know, there's that. On the whole, though, I clawed back another 5% or so of my total capacity. Regular-ass movement still results in some aches and pains in the abdominal muscles that I am not a huge fan of, and the fatigue is still holding me in a death grip, but my mind is getting a bit clearer. I would go out for a walk, but it's -15F here with the wind chill, so... probably not the best plan. My best effort at regaining stamina has been pacing back and forth in my office just to keep myself moving when I'm not immediately involved in something, and that's been a bit helpful I think. I'm not sure if the weather is going to permit my 3.2 miler by the end of the challenge, but in theory we've got a couple of positive-degree days coming, so I'll try to steal it on one of those. I don't mind it being cold, but Arctic-cold is not exactly my friend.

Thankfully, no. You're good. Work is usual. It's just really hard to think through this fog. Feels like my thinking power is halved right now... solving actual problems is damn near impossible, and that sucks.

Okay, well, another goal is off the list because I accidentally picked up my daughter during a normal routine, and everything was fine! So, that takes care of that one. I feel like after the first week I got back to 65-70%, and after another week I've crawled to 75-80%. I'm still saddled with a very deep fatigue that I can't shake, and that's driving me a bit crazy. Today, for example, I feel like I'm surrounded by a very thick fog and everything is difficult. I'm going to start walking again this week. Slowly at first, just to get the idea back. I'm not really sure whether I need to rest more, or whether I need to push myself to start getting my body used to working again. It's not an easy thing to figure out. AC: Odyssey is about the only thing I can concentrate on. Work is really tough. I'll muddle through, but man, this is much less fun than previously indicated.

Official follow-up appointment check-in: I am an "ideal patient" (according to my surgeon) since I didn't take any of the hard stuff post-procedure. Everything is ahead of target by his observations. I'm even more tired, but satisfied.

Today's my first day without painkillers. It's entirely self-imposed, but I felt like I needed to know where I was at. Good news: it's manageable. Less good news: I'm still very tired. Good news: how badass was that poet at the inauguration? If you didn't catch it, go back and watch the whole thing... she was amazing.

First goal completed. A slow mile indeed, but a mile nonetheless.