Dear RP, I say this entirely in love, support, and friendship. Consider setting aside the "be under 200" goal for a while. As someone who unintentionally bulked and cut this year, the best thing I did was NOT FOCUS ON MY WEIGHT. I tracked and recorded it, but I did not (totally) beat myself up about it. I focused on consistency and habit building, and I feel that the results speak for themselves. I'm stronger, more flexible, and have more endurance than I did a year ago, and I'm the same (or slightly higher) weight at this point. I have less fat and more muscle. I MIGHT have gone up a pant size while I was gaining weight, if I actually wore something other than elastic. Giant pictures in the spoiler section: I eat A LOT AND ALL THE TIME. You are an active individual! It is critical to feed your body for those activities so it can GROW MUSCLE. If you can afford it, try getting a few months of nutrition consulting. Worst case scenario it doesn't work and you're only out a few hundred bucks. Best case scenario is that you outsource the hard-thinking part of food to someone else and you're able to make progress. Having a coach for food is no less valuable than having a coach (or sensei) for training. I'd like to reiterate that I love you, and support just about any life decision you could make. I just can't hold back the frustration I feel when I see you struggling to achieve what I feel is an arbitrary numbers goal and continuing to starve/binge/injure yourself any longer.