kaelvan

Ok I've been bad at updating this. I've been keeping up with my art part of the challenge (end up just learning Gimp, grinding through my artwork, started a gig on Fivrr, and reading up about business). Doing my yoga through my app. Getting myself to meditate (missed few days, but I've been getting better at it). Drinking lot of tea. Also, made another payment on my debt.

I have the good, the bad, and the ehh for my week, but I'm getting myself into a groove. Next week should be easier for me. Helps I've found few apps I'm in love with. 

Ok, I need to get on a schedule with posting. Shall focus on that tomorrow. 

Good: I got all the apps I needed downloaded. I did minimum for yoga and spin class (like to see if I can push past that). I stayed under budget this week. And I've been having to redirect my thought process on myself quit a bit this week (hopefully gets easier). Oh and I hit the 4 month mark for my art. Yay.

Bad: I have been failing at meditating. Usually too tired to even do it. And my photoshop is out of date. I need to replace it. Might go with Gimp for the time being. Sadly, can't afford the price tag.  

Ehh: I've been on and off checking my email and messages. Like to put a schedule in place to keep it from building up. Maybe even invest in this program this one blog talked about. Might get rid of quit a bit. 

I tend to do lot of mix media, that concise of makeup (mostly eyeshadow, lipstick, and liquid eyeliner), chalk, markers, pencil, pencil, and pen. I like to focus on the circus arts with quotes. I got inspired by Phil Hansen (for his trying new unique techniques and mediums), Dallas Shaw (she did this one piece with makeup...sadly can't find it now), and as well as Zhang Huan (his ash pieces are amazing, especially in person).

I made the challenge for myself after seeing this Ted Talk (can't find it now) about this guy who decided to do a 365 days straight of doing one art piece a day. It was hard at first to keep myself on track, but now it is something I look forward to each day.

Instagram: @kaelvan

Tumblr: http://kaelvan.tumblr.com/

DA: http://kaelvantheunicorn.deviantart.com/

Ok I did pretty well with replacing coffee with tea, even if I desperately want to be lazy and just take the already brewed coffee. I may need to beware I've been starting to be tempted by energy drinks (broke down twice already since it is so convenient being there and all). I should look into a solution about that. Maybe invest in a good thermal might help.

Already stopped myself a few times when trying to compare myself with others. Though seeing one of my exs made me feel bit better about myself (pretty horrible I know).

Started watching videos on Photoshop. Nice to see all of it is starting to come back to me, since it has been awhile since I've used the program.

Just finished day 117 yesterday night. Fantastic to see how much I've improved. Now I just have to think what I'm going to do for tonight.

And I'm still on budget today. Hooray!

Now to do some yoga for today.

It's been awhile since I've been on the forums (mostly been annoying the nerds on FB). I've been going through a rough patch on doing anything lately, so what better way than to do the 6 week challenge.

So let's get down to business

Goals for this challenge:

~figure out if I should or shouldn't start selling my art

• If so, on where? Will I do prints or actual physical art pieces? How much to charge? How I will find clients? Should I invest in a website? Is all my social media profiles professional enough? Is there any apps I should invest in? Anymore questions I should figure out and answer?
• Maybe find some people in the industry to network with. Maybe also find someone to ripe my work to shreds to show what I need to improve.
• go over photoshop editing skills
• Continue my 365 day art challenge (almost 4 months now)

~Get back into yoga

• Either go to class (if I can) or atleast find video to use
• atleast 2 times a week
• if I do at home, beware of the cat

~Spin class

• atleast once a week
• curling in a ball and crying afterward optional

~meditation

• redownload that app
• do for atleast 10 minutes a day
• relax

~drink some tea

• replace coffee addiction with tea
• relax
• enjoy
• and avoid that sugary bs "tea"

~budget

• download an app for budgetting
• pay off debt (student loan and money owe the college)
• question if I need that thing ex that really cool Assassins Creed game that you want or another book
• set a budget of what I can spend a week
• find a way to pay for ticket (either plane or Amtrak to get to Camp NF)

~look for a new job

• don't curse out coworkers just yet
• don't quit current job without backup job
• please a job with animals
• full time be the best if possible
• call that temp agency if they have any leads

~(and last but not least) stop comparing oneself (for fsm sake)

• remember everyone is at at different stage in their life
• stop thinking not good enough
• reflect once a week on what has been accomplished
• stop obsessing on things that can't be fix (ex the past)
• stop getting sick over the future

Bonus:

• check emails and messages at the end of the day

Now may the odds be ever in my favor.

Hi guys. It's been awhile. Decided I need a 6 week challenge in place for me, since I've been stalling out a bit the past few weeks.

So I f***ed even more in my parents' eyes. Now back on my meds because of it. I feel so upset. I haven't been cutting or trying to kill myself, but because quote on quote went behind their backs to see old friend, who they say isn't good for me. *sigh* I really hate having my depression because my life becomes a democracy for the rest of the family to choice what happens in my life (no my words my mom's). Seriously why can't I f*** up like a normal adult? Why does my past constantly have to brought up? And why can't I for once be selfish (can't take being a door mat anymore)?

I should just accept I can't do anything about my life. I'm stuck again.

Hey guys. I started a 365 day art challenge for myself. Today day 13. I find to be great way to force myself to focus on actually do something. It helps I gave myself a few guidelines for it.

Trying so hard to stick to the schedule seems like everything keeps getting in the way of it.

Already feeling like going to die at the idea of my friend's art exhibit. I feel like skipping. Too deeply afraid of my parents finally kicking me out. Sucks so much being the disappointment child. I basically dropped out of college twice (couldn't do it, since had my stress and my family's to balance). I know this really getting bad after my mom going on about WHAT I AM going to spend my tax refund (hint not going towards a replacement car for my poor dying 20 yr car). Worst enough few times, she acts I owe her (feel like a maid around here now). Also, my mom basically deciding (without telling me) she doesn't want me to take job opportunity which $20 an hour for the summer, but *gasp* there's men. I want to punch her for that. Seriously I need that money. And I'm already being treat really poorly at my job, so what's big deal if I was to do that job instead. I feel like I'm forced into a corner at home.

I want a hug now.

Not as stressful once I give myself guidelines and at time I must get it done.

I should do a schedule today. And I already did more with the program.

Will you take pictures on your lovely projects? *puppy dog eyes*

Good to hear your close to 60. And good luck on defeating your first challenge.

And this time I'm focusing on something I should of dealt with while back.

And thanks

Still a Slytherin

Guys, I finally cut my hair after so many months of saying it. Best decision. EVER.

Excited for the new challenge.

Good luck dear.

Yeah my last challenge started to fall apart after being taken off meds during the last few weeks. Now I seem to be much better now (getting quit use to it now).

Art

1) So past few days now started a challenge for myself of drawing an art piece a day for a year (today be day 10) and putting it on all my social media. I gave myself minor guidelines; use circus arts and some use of geekness. I like to make sure that keeps up. No missing days (not even when sick...though I don't have to worry too much on quality if sick...atleast drew something). Must be posted by midnight.

2) Must join an art competition (no matter how small or big just do it).

3) Network with other artists.

4) Finish that program I have to help with getting started with freelancing.

5) Make a schedule. And keep it up.

Fitness

1) Run atleast once a week.

(Thanks Capt).

2) Use Charity Mile everyday.

3) Work on making my back even more flexible.

Fear

1) Start take ownership of my life (and that I'm the only one keeping myself unhappy).

2) Learn to put my foot down for once because my family getting pretty bad now about walking allover me (even my younger brother did this to me a few times) and at work (so much drama over that).

3) Have a backup plan if things go south.

4) Do something that really scares me...have so many of them. (Bonus if I work through other fears)

Bonus Points

• Apologize to people I hurt over the years (from my depression).
• Get a new job to replace current.
• Keep off depression meds without a problem
• Get under the skin of that one coworker and ruin her rule over the day crew

As usual using my made up unicorn peso system...don't ask me how it works. I still don't know it works. It's like the currency of string theory.

Rewards

One fun thing I want to do (preferably in the city).

Hopefully this goes lot better than last time

Feel bad I have to re-spawn because I got off my meds and it messed up this challenge on me. Atleast I did learn a few things on my failed challenge. Will work with Assassins for my redo 3rd challenge.

*cough Ezio cough* Need to get that coughing checked.

Seriously, Ezio is a stylish motherf***er. He's even got the swag to match it.

Part of me feels like I failed a bit on this challenge, especially the part for volunteering as much as I wanted (oh the joy of it constantly deciding it wants to snow or rain...next time I won't chose the outdoors with the dogs). 

Thanks.

Today I went on a pretty dangerous road (since trying get over my fear of driving...fun how that was instilled by my mom) because NY state hates roads and paving is for squares (but put rocks on mud is the way to go). I had such an adrenaline rush I haven't had in a while.

I think I'll push it off until the end of holidays. We apparently are going to be "celebrating" Easter with my mom's side of the family (little backstory these people basically stop talking to my mom because she defended my aunt, who has been helping my grandparents, but because she said no more on being "abused" by them, she got isolated by mom's side of the family. Only reason we are going is our aunt asked us to do that since she's moving). I have no clue if my jackass cousin will start in about gay people, but I might tell him off. I will try to stay enough under the radar for my mom since she can't drink (recovering from her co-depending on alcohol to get through dealing with her family). I might tell my grandma (dad's mom) about being lesbian since she's the ultra-liberal that walks the walk and she's the few family member that don't suck.

Also, working on my anxiety since I'm now getting off my meds in 2 weeks. I need to do this in order to gain control in my life. Also, to get over my fear of going and socializing with people.