kaelvan

I have no clue anymore if I'm living in unhealthy household or if my depression is warping my perception of my family. But I seriously feel like I'm being highly controlled by my parents.

I don't have much friends either. If it was 10 mins away, I could easily do it (since I wouldn't be restricted from going that far). ............. Yeah I need to gain some control in my life. I need to get over my fearfulness of dealing with parents (had some pretty nasty fights with them in the past over small stuff).

Honestly my anxiety pretty bad, especially when comes to driving wise (doesn't help my car now trying to kill itself...fun of a 19 yr old car).

Watching drunk spider; what has become of my life? Speaking of which

It's kind of hard, especially now I been trying my luck at online dating. Sadly, I can't get support, unless want to drive 30-40 mins to a city never drive in. Hate how I live so far from everything. As much love to wait and tell them then, I have no clue when I will get out this house, especially how New York state loves to kill all the jobs.

My dad says quit a few stupid things about gays before (I think more ignorance than hatred) and my mom usually yells at him. I'm not really worried about coming out to my mom. She'll just be more worried about my future since she saw her good friend have to leave the neighborhood to keep his family from being embarrassed of his gayness. I mean my mom has her ignorance, but way left less than my dad. I have my issues with my mom, but it's more of my mom's anxiety trying to control everything.

I know my mom be little more easier to talk to her about it. She always joke it's twice the wardrobe.

I was going to come out today with my family, until I heard my dad call one of the gay activist on House of Cards a faggot. I couldn't say anything, I stuck feeling paralyzed. I couldn't even tell him off. I feel like shit now. I'm such a coward.

And I chickened out when I heard my dad refer to the dead gay activist in House of Cards as a fag. Thanks dad for making me feel really uncomfortable. I couldn't even tell him off. I feel like such a loser for that. I feel like a disgrace to my own morals. *sigh*

I want to see boobs. Nothing to see there. Nope nothing

Nice job on the plank. And welcome.

Hope it all works out for you. Drama kind of sucks. But yay for the 3 min plank

You just had to give me more books to read

The cold messes up my sleep patterns

I think I'm getting that way too. Winter just doesn't do good with me

Cool I'm Deadpool

If you do, we can both struggle through and conquer it together.

I have to prepare for the worst (it's just habit I picked up). I want to do it Saturday; though if I find good opportunity tomorrow, I'm taking it. Got covered in head to toe in peanut butter making the shelter dogs' treats. Great way to not want to look at peanut butter for quit a bit. Had really long and great workout today. I got pinwheel down. And my back been getting more flexible. Also, I think I did 2 pushups today. Couldn't really tell since my glasses were off (not breaking these too). Also, talked to an old friend who I haven't spoken to in 2 yrs. Still feel bit bad I made her suffer from my issues at the time even though she forgive me. Maybe next challenge make amends with the people I basically hurt during my darker days.

30 sec plank (wasn't really pushing myself for longer)

Talked to an old friend from high school. Nice to hear from her, I think the last time I talked to her was about 2 years ago (when I was a miserable bastard).

Poor vegetables. They get such a bad rep

I'm neutral like Switzerland (which I say they be neutral chaos too...them and their bombs hidden everywhere to blow up their infrastructure if invaded)

That and talk about Carlos' hair

I have no clue what your music taste is, but maybe any of the Indiefeed podcast series might be your taste. Also, they have poetry series (if you're into that stuff).