Hey everyone, I am Rawglor. I found out about Nerd Fitness awhile ago on another forum and was given some little pushes to join by a member there. He thought it would be very helpful for me. So finally I have joined. Although I won't be participating in any challenges yet. I have struggled with depression and anxiety since I was 13. And the biggest problem I have is having a part of me that is very against me. I'm always very critical of myself, have negative views, beliefs, and thoughts about myself, and can only counter these so well for so long before I run out of willpower. My current living situation/existence is very isolated as well. And I am also so stuck in a vicious cycle of depression and self-defeat that I find it very, very hard to be social or friendly whether in real life or online. Anyway. I have been trying, for the past few years, to improve myself and my life in many ways. I've tried therapy, meditation, stretching, body building and different exercising, massaging, supplements, self-help books, and other things. Last year around this same time (November), I started working harder than ever before (it was I first started massaging often). And in January of this year I had the two best weeks of my entire life. I was healthy, I felt very healthy. I was stronger than ever and getting stronger very fast. I was getting much better sleep (I started needing only 8 hours of sleep and waking up feeling rested). I was very happy. I had much better endurance and much more energy. I was learning much quicker. My brain functioned better. I had little to no anxiety, depression, or stress. I have my own theory as to why. It is now that time of year again, and I am starting to feel the same again. Needless to say, I want to feel like that again, so I am now starting to do the same things again and am start to work harder. So the plan is to start stretching, messaging, and meditating daily again, with a little exercise thrown in. I'm going to be looking through this site, reading blog posts and forum posts, reading some new books, and dusting off some old stuff to help with motivation. But the real problem is burning out again. And it's not so much about getting tired of doing so much everyday physically, it's more mental. Fighting all my negative thoughts, trying to change my negative beliefs about myself, and doing something permanent about that part of me. I don't care what anyone has told me about what most people are like, or what they are like. How happy a person a can--or should be. How much any one person can handle doing. What is or is not realistic, etc. I really, really want to be who I was last January, all the time. I want to be strong and healthy. I want to be happy. I want to learn things and accomplish new things everyday. I want to be always growing--always becoming smarter, stronger, faster, better. I want to sleep great at night. But I think I need some help. Something other than family and therapists. I'm just not sure where to go or who to ask. Rawglor, TLDL: I don't have one, sorry.
