Asuka

Hi @@mu Nice to see you again! Hi @Grandkai_NL! Absolutely!! I am late in updating this thread by week 0 was a great way to see where I tend to spend my calories and how to try and improve my habits! Hi @raptron! HAHAHA, it only took me 33 years to get there... But now, I am better able to focus on what is most important for me. In a book, I read "we don't do the things we love, we do the easy things". And it was soooo true. So now I use this yardstick to help me better spend my time, especially on weekend. Would staying on the couch watching TV make me this happy? Sometimes the answer is yes! Hi @Jonesy! Identifying where you are and what you want to do is so useful. Hi @spezzy! Happy to see you here ^^

I have the same problem with the phone distractions. Pomodoros help because I will turn my phone face down when I am within the 25min of working, then immediately pick up my phone to play with for the 5min off work. Something which also helped me through sustained studying efforts is Epic Music. Not sure if you are able to study with music playing, but if you do, you may want to give it a try. The music is lifting enough that you feel empowered to go through work but since most of the music is instrumental, it does not distract your brain from studying. And it is just cool enough that it will keep my "I want to play video games" brain engaged. (My fav: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5rhHa3G_kk) It also helps a lot to have headphones plugged into a computer (even if I am working from a book), because I know then that I should NOT touch my phone at all. You can use google countdown to get your timing in, so you don't use your phone for that either. Basically make your phone redundant! (But I never managed to leave it off my sight...) Good luck on your new schedule!

I 100% second that. I do these same "intervals" or Pomodoro (because the guy who invented them used a tomato shaped timer) during which I have to study / work and then I know I have a break coming right after. Also make sure to take longer breaks every 90min. These got me through my Korean exams. Because nothing like learning to say "chronic lung disease" to get you to close the books and play video games

Hi Manarelle! Totally agree with you - I try to have 2 habits: say thank you and be grateful when small things happen along the day and take a minute every day to write down something I was grateful for that day and which helped make the day better!

You are right - however, I was raised to be extremely competitive and I am always sad to "lift" less than the professional woman teaching on screen, or less than the recommended weights. It took me some time to recognize that I should only lift what is good for me, and if that is half the recommended weight, then I should learn to make peace with it. I was telling one of my friends who is a lifting fiend (I saw him lift 60lb with ONE hand, ah Costco 20lb pre-cut frozen fruit bags!), that when I doo chest presses, I can lift heavier with a barbell which has easier balance, than with free weights, so I push the barbell weights and I feel proud of myself. And he sighed, looking sad. Then he told me "you do this to develop your muscles, to challenge them. Why would you want to challenge them with a heavier weight? If it is harder with a different kind of lower weight, then do that - you are less at risk of injuring yourself!" He said that he can deadlift so much that he cannot add to the bar and that it is frustrating because it is both not very challenging and so potentially dangerous that it took all the fun out of it. This seriously made me rethink my "he who lift heavier is better" former idea. Dance class is THE BEST!!! My body feels OLD compared to that of the 18-yo around but I don't care and just move around! This morning I had to replace my cardio session with some stretching because my muscles ached so much from our class last night. Our teacher does not have a gram of fat - he is all muscle and bones and can teach for hours every day. After a 90-min class I am completely winded. (It does NOT help that he trains us in a room with the window open by -8C / 17F outside...). But I loooooooove waking up and realizing that my dance class / weight session was hard enough to keep my body aching a bit. I added 10 squats and 10 inclined push-ups post stretching because I want to increase my endurance and it felt good. I am cautious now because I am a bit overweight compared to before when I did serious dance class / lifting, so I need not to hurt myself. But pushing myself feels good. I saw pictures of some of your aerial work and I am sooooo impressed. How did you first start aerial? It did not come across as angry, don't worry. And I needed the push. I had not seen the NF article you pointed me towards, so it was really good to be reminded of that. I also tend to be too judgmental (of myself and other), and likely I am the one thinking I am the fat girl in the gym, so your second pic got stuck in my head - every time I am judging myself (or others) in a fitness situation, I have Patrick Stewart to remind me that they are actively trying to overcome their difficulties and should be encouraged. So thank you for that! Oh, you are totally bad-ass. I believe any form of self-sustenance (knowing how to cook, how to saw, how to self-soothe, how to grow fruit and vegetables, etc.) is one of the most awesome skills, because you can actually MAKE things happen and are not always dependent on external factors to provide them. Right now that I am just on the verge of being too big for the XL size of Uniqlo pants (and Uniqlo is the only brand here in Korea which remotely fits my behind), I wish I knew how to saw well enough to make my own pants. Instead I will use that as a motivation to lose weight (which is necessary, so it is a good thing), but I know I am wearing clothes which do not always fit me well, and I don't have the skills to make them fit better. Maybe in the future? A long-winded and round-about way to say that, yes, you totally are a bad-ass, and very inspiring! And I totally love to see things appear from time spent crafting. Be them stickers, drawings, music, or a giant Mjolnir hammer. How difficult is it to make Mjolnir? Do you think that a beginner such as me could make it, or is it too advanced? Thanks a bunch in advance! New challenge thread:

Do you have good quest or goal ideas? Submit them!! I will need inspiration to continue on this path for 11 month... Other ideas of quests to feed my 3 goals (thank you to all of the people who offered the suggestions in previous challenges!!) - Try a new skill-based exercise, as proposed by @@mu - Start a bullet Journal, as inspired by @Jonesy - Cross-stitch with my friend - Join a book club! One of them is reading the Handmaid tales for end of Feb - this is totally a book I WANT to read! (as @Jonesy and @karinajean do!) - Meet at least 4 new people per month (meeting counts if phone numbers / whatsapp contacts have been exchanged and that person has been met IRL) - Start Hanji or another craft where I get to MAKE objects (I want to be like @Manarelle when I grow up!) - Join a singing class - Join a writing club or write daily (20min or so) - Spend more time listening instead of pushing for my opinion immediately - Learn ho to do a chin-up (as inspired by so many assassins whom I admire from afar...) - Learn how to do 10 push-ups - Learn how to do 1-leg squats (this is one of my dreams, and could be possible within 11 months) - Learn how to do a pull-up (one of my dreams too, but with all my strength and my weight in my lower body, I don't think it will be possible within 11 months) - Leave 10 minutes early all the time and walk slowly - Learn how to make actual good bread and stop buying overprice French bread in Korea (no, buying a bread machine does not count!) - Dead-lift 50kg - Fit into L-sized Uniqlo pants (Yes, this is an attainable dream!!!) - Do 1 kind thing for myself everyday (I did that in an old challenge and loved it!) Any other suggestion is welcome!

I don't think I have ever been this excited to start a new year or a new challenge! 2017 was difficult and January was useful to take stock of where I am and what I want to do with my life. The answer is: do more of the things which make me happy, judge less, and be healthy. (Also, swear less.) I will try to maintain this momentum throughout 2018, so I am here setting up the basis for all the 2018 challenges to come! The quests themselves will change, but these 3 goals will largely remain the same (unless I reach one of them mid-year, then I will change!). It took a long time for me to identify these three priorities, and I intend to pursue them fiercely! I am falling short of a metaphor or a picture of someone I want to emulate. Because this is the year where I reclaim MY life and live it the way I want, without too much interference from others. So, let's say that I want to be, as often as possible, as happy as I am on this picture (or happier!). This is me and my sister at a k-pop concert last year - few other moments were as happy as that in our lives! (I am on the left, in case someone is wondering ^_^) Ultimate goals for 2018: 1- Be healthy, and not be ashamed of my body, specifically lose 22 kg 2- Stop judging readily and be more accepting of others and myself, specifically stop putting myself down 3- Use my free time to do things which I enjoy, specifically DO things with my hands on top of having intellectual hobbies For February, let's start with basics and establish good habits! Quest 1: Establish healthy living habits! - Note what I eat every day - No need to try to limit what I eat yet, just take note of patterns, feelings when I eat a bag of M&Ms (or want to) and be mindful of what I eat - Try and sleep 7 hours per day (this means in bed by 11:15pm, 10:45pm on Thursdays!) (I am currently around 6 hours, so 7 should not be impossible!) - Exercise a little every day (I currently exercise 5 days a week, but I am inclined to rest and not do anything physical on weekends) Quest 2: Flex my non-judgmental muscles! - Try to catch myself when I am being judgmental and instead try to understand others' point of view - Listen to Judgment Detox - Write down 1 thing to be grateful of every day Quest 3: Try out new things and see what makes me happy - Try 1 new restaurant or 1 new dish (cooking a new recipe is okay too) per week - Move furniture around a buy a piano and realize my life-long dream to actually learn how to play - Start my own online shop selling stickers and trading cards Side quest: stop swearing. Method: when I am about to swear, use another word. If I already swore, repeat the sentence without the swear word. Continue until extinction of swear words or sheer exhaustion. I feel like I am waking up from a loooooong slumber where I was on the sidelines, on the outside looking in. I learnt a lot, but did not DO much, because I was afraid of failing, because I should not, because I did not know how. I want to let go of this feeling and embrace failing, and be more active in life! More details tomorrow so I don't make this post too long!

I am trying to learn the same thing now. Realized I was making myself unhappy bu complaining all the time (and never changing anything), so I am trying to improve that and reframe my thoughts (1/ people are doing the best they can, 2/ judging them is not constructive, 3/ complaining about things I cannot change it useless - I should either change things or find ways to tolerate them). Gratefulness also helps a lot, in creating lots of little moments of "happy things", these compensate for crappy moments! Hope your relationship with friends will go back to a much calmer one, sharing support and happiness! Congrats for reaching that conclusion! I am still struggling with my free time. Trying to do too much and thinking it will "not take that much time", although it always does. I want to do better with prioritizing and sequencing too! So I am not buying the piano until I am done with my current stickers and trading cards period (and sold some of them!), otherwise I am afraid I will have 3-4 projects started and none finished and me just unhappy because I don't have enough time to do all that I want to do. Your idea of having different lines which run in parallel but in limited number is great. I will try to think a bit more in these terms and see if it helps!

Oh, sorry, I did not realize it was for your nephew... I think spending time with you, an adult who loves him, is key. Also repeatedly telling him he is worthy and telling him his mom is doing the best she can under her circumstances and that he is also doing the best he can is good too. That way he won't think he is doing something wrong. Reminding him that he is good and worthy of love, as illustrated by your love, is all you can do.

I bought a punching ball to get through the day when I had a horrible boss who did not care about ANYTHING. I would punch and punch and punch until my body hurt more than my anger. Sometimes, violent ways of expressing yourself are okay as long as they are safe. Hang in there - this is a tough situation. I applaud you for both noticing and trying to help your nephew. If you cannot talk to his mother, then helping the kid and being there for him is the single best thing you can do in my opinion.

You are such an inspiration to me! And Hearts are PERFECT for February!! Your Bullet Journal is absolutely stunning! I want to free up some time and start one too! How much time to you spend on it per day or week on average?

You are totally right. I was not thinking clearly - just thinking about do dumb deadlifts or something. Even Yoga I do without watching the screen (I usually have music videos playing in the background). I should try sets of complex muscle work. Like deadlift to an upper row to a shoulder press, which requires total focus in order for the barbell not to fall on my foot... Ball manipulation sounds interesting - I will take a look at it and may add it to my list of new thing to try! I think one of the key is to force myself to take breaks during my binge TV watching moments. I had never thought of googling this - I LOVED these pictures, especially the second one! I wish I did not feel that way, but I have always noticed other people's feelings a lot. I actually have to work to make them disappear. I will work on make them disappear, but in the meantime if I really want to focus on my lifting, doing it alone at home is infinitely preferable. In dance class though I am in the FRONT row and I don't care if I am making mistakes. It only took three years!! Hahaha. I understand the urge to get angry, and I know it is weakness on my side. So I will work not to be ashamed of myself anymore and to accept myself, but it is very much a Work in Progress. Actually, being more accepting of myself is one of the reasons why I installed a giant mirror in my living room. I used to avoid reflecting surfaces until I realized that I could not live that way. and now I love to look at myself while lifting - it feels good to get stronger.

So January ends much better than it started. Mostly because I arrived at the following conclusion: I SHOULD AND I CAN LIVE MY LIFE THE WAY I WANT IT. It sounds so normal, and yet I feel like a new person. I will detail more of this in my next challenge, but the key is that I really want to be more accepting of me and build my own sense of happiness. Once of the things I have observed lately is how much happiness is derived from people I know from arts and crafts: - One of my friend (who is 27!) cross-stitches (she found an app to make any picture into a cross-stitch pattern, so she cross-stitches singers' faces!!!!!!) - @Manarelle makes her own clothes and is a badass cosplay maker. Your pictures about thermoplastics were unbelievable. I have never made something solid from my hands. It looks like pure awesomeness!!! - One of my friend (who is 35) is just now starting to learn to play the piano and loves every minute of it, even if it is difficult - One of my friends makes boxes in cardboard and paper (a traditional Korean art called Hanmi) - Several of our Assassins started Bullet Journals Why do I not get that kind of happiness?? Duh, because I don't try. I say it will be hard and I will have to meet new people and then stay home and read books or play games. But failing in arts and crafts is not failing, it is learning how to be better! There is NO downside to trying. And there is no "erase" or "go back" button - you live with the consequences. Scary! But it really is not, it is just life. Living life is messy and sometimes you fail or do im-perfectly and then... you live with it. Preferably happily. No need for M&Ms bag to make you forget. This is the life I want to live. Less time at work (or more precisely, a healthy amount, you know 9-7/5 days a week) and the rest of the time will be devoted to ME and what makes ME happy (and also chores because clean laundry is good ^^), because even in the perfect job, some things will not be happy (but it's okay, because other things cause happiness). Of course, first I have to find out which things bring me happiness. So I polled my friends and I will: re-start cross-stitching because it always brings me peace of mind (I stopped because it was an "old person" hobby) and I will learn how to play the piano. Learning the piano has always been one of my dreams, but I was too busy and the older I got the more I told myself it would be too hard. Turns out, several of my friends started learning in their 30s and have not been struck by lightning and are enjoying themselves immensely. What is the pattern? I am the one who prevents myself from doing things, because I am afraid, because I heard it was not "right", because I might not be good enough. So I am changing that - because this is one of the things I CAN control. I need to find out what I want and set out to get it - and it is not always easy). So my only resolution for 2018 is the following: find out what you want in life and go get it. And f... what other people are thinking, because I am only responsible for MY happiness. (Also swear less.) And this perfectly aligns with the goals I had set for January! I think I needed the month to really look into myself and find my inner strength to get out of my shell a bit more. Now I am ready to tackle 2018. Recap for last week and this week: I achieved my goals, even exceeded them! - Schedule a meeting with a friend: I scheduled 2, met one, and met the second this week Monday (so it counts towards this week, yay!). AND This friend and I will go to a small group, low key party on Saturday where I will be able to meet new people in a relatively safe and non threatening environment. I have been working on being less of a "wallpaper flower" and developed some good social tools, so now I have to test them. AND (so many good things!) because this party is an event organized by an actual club, if this party is fun, I could join the club and meet my goal for this week! It seems that they are a group of age-appropriate English-speaking people. So if any of them has a good sense of humor, it will be a win! (additional points for the club being 5 minutes away from my home.) - Schedule PT sessions: I visited the gym and got all of the info. Living in Korea, not many trainers speak English, so it came at a steep price. I went back home to think about it. Then I realized that this is not a cost, this is the way to improve my health and body image and went back to register. The gym was closed (it was Sunday). Do you believe in "signs"? I do. This was a sign. Not to give up on improving my health, but to find a better way. So I took a step back and thought: PT is great, but it doesn't help with the bag of M&Ms I want to eat. And as Steve often reminds us "Nutrition is 80-90% of the battle". So I leveled up and I am now on the waitlist for 1-on-1 NF coaching! I am super stoked (and more than a little worried), because There are great chances that I will be coached by Staci (#awesome #famous #rolemodel #liftingheavythings). And at the same time, I cannot think of a better inspiration to make me lift heavier and be a stronger woman (in every sense of the term). AND none of these were the best thing this week. The best was the following: this is my last week in this job! Monday morning I go back to a job which will not suck the life out of me. Boy, oh boy, how much warmer and brighter the sun is and how much sweeter life is when you know you can live it! Let's 2018 really begin... See you next month, with a whole new perspective, an appetite for new experiences and and a (small) piano! PS: I declare January a successful challenge!!!

One day, one day, I will try something as wonderful as this... This looks really awesome.

I totally agree with you - it is my experience here in Korea, that people will respect and try to understand me when I speak in broken Korean. It puts them at ease, and they may feel less of a burden later if they have to speak (broken) English. People are a lot less judgmental than we are towards ourselves. A lot more forgiving too. So sorry to hear that you had a hard week gastrically speaking! And impressed that you pushed through with the weights - I usually stick to cardio when my energy level is low, because I am afraid of injuring myself. Hope next week will be all good!!

I don't think they do it on purpose. It is just easier for them. And as I will be leaving soon, I do not want to disrupt their habits with change which will not continue. I think you are right - I need to find something I can do at home which inspires me enough so that I will do it consistently. I thought barbell training was it, but I am too low-energy for that. I will look for some free weight / exercises I can do while watching TV. Maybe I can do 10-15 min of exercise for every episode I watch? I would exercise sooooo much during weekends hahah! I will definitely investigate this - thanks for the idea !!! Thank you all for your support! It is incredibly helpful to see all of you reading and offering solutions and sending positive thoughts. I will do my best to improve on this crappy situation and have a better rest of the year! Thank you

Yesterday, I tried to push myself and went out to dinner with colleagues - one of our colleagues was leaving and it was his farewell dinner. It took a bit of courage, but off I went and I had a good time. when I went to bed, i was feeling more recharged and my heart was lighter. This tells me that I have to push myself more and instead of caving to my (exaggerated) fears, I should push and try out things. contrary to what I would like to believe, I do need others to recharge - it is not enough to be home doing things I enjoy. So I will challenge myself in the month of January, because I need to know if I can integrate some of these things into life starting February! For this week (YES, this week), I have to go to the gym and see what type of personal training they offer. I know this gym, they have some of my favorite classes, some of my favorite people train there and it is SO CLOSE to my home ! The only thing keeping me from the gym is the fear (you know, fat girl exercising in public being made fun of), but I already have safeguards in place: 1/ I will change and shower at home (like I do in EVERY OTHER GYM DUH), 2/ I will go Saturday mornings when there are few people, 3/ I will also exercise from home outside of PT time, so I can progress without fear. All I need is 30 seconds of fearless me, just to pass the door (and also some Korean power to explain myself to the reception desk...) For this week too, I should plan 1 social outing. The one from last week was great and made me feel better. Why not plan another? (Rhetorical question of course.) I have a friend in mind I am due to meet, so I will see if she is available! If not this weekend, then we can meet next week, but I should PLAN and HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE this week. For next week, the last of this challenge, I should try and find an online book club which fits my needs. Here there are too few and they focus on genres which I do not enjoy reading too much. So i will first try one online, before I can join one in real life. I started jotting down what I spend and what I eat, so it helps. I will continue. I know everything will be alright in February. The real estate agent will stop trying to rent my house to other people ("What do you mean you are not moving now?"), I will go back to dance class and I will be back to a bearable job with social interactions - yay! In the meantime, I need to find the strength not to eat my weight in chocolate cake and the energy to do the things I like rather than lying down in defeat. I think I need to watch more GoT and remind myself that Brienne is my favorite character.

January is really a strange month. I decided not to go to dance class, as I had to miss the first week and it was a song I really do not like. I will go back from Feb 1st. I miss dancing, the feeling of moving my body, of fun rhythms I have to follow. And as I did not replace the twice 90-min workout sessions with another workout (I just enjoy the rest), I miss the workout itself. But most of all, I miss the feeling that I belong. Dance class is one of those places where I am not supposed to belong(I am much older than anyone else, teacher included, and probably too overweight to do it too well), and yet when I am there, I know I can be myself and no one else will say a thing. We all look like nerd when we dance and miss a step, and yet we all have the same non-judgmental fun. I don't think there is another place which makes me feel like that, except home with my family. I did not think I would miss dancing that much, so it feels strange. Another strange thing is how frustrating everything seems to be. I now notice again all the little things I did my best to accept at work, the meetings where everyone is invited but me, the emails I do not receive, how everyone has so much work, but I don't, how much my work is of no importance to my boss. These last 2 have serious silver linings in terms of going home early, which I take advantage of, but the feeling of alienation that I had forgotten resurfaced after my vacations, this time stronger than ever. And me having to plan the future in these conditions is difficult - everything else feels like it could be so much better! I stayed relatively kind with myself, I did not push hard, neither on dieting nor on exercising. I try to get my daily 30-min bike session and get at least 20 (30 most days). But the heavy burden of "Things Which I Have To Do", which should have lifted last Sunday after my exam still subsides. Getting myself to do laundry or prepare healthy meals is dreadful, although once I start it feels okay. I feel like I am not in my place and as I am trying to think about a place, everywhere feels strange. So I eat. I eat to get the feeling, at least for a second, that things will get better. Which of course, will not be the case - I will have to diet with extra weight. I need to change my life because all I want to do right now is escape from it. Reading, watching TV, being with friends, imagining a better life, are the only things I want to do. Last week I proudly worked on my last presentation, then learnt that no one was interested in it. Now I keep working on it, but it holds no interest - I don't even get feedback when I send drafts. I think I am just waiting for February to come, when another job will start (my older one mind you, but still better than here), when my life will get a bit easier (no more 3-hour long commute), and I will see people who will talk to me during the day. I know February is only a few days away, but it feels like an eternity. Still, some early thoughts on the questions which I had: - (Norm question) I can restrict food, but not much, as it is one of the only joys in my life for now. As for exercise, For now, I have to drop weekend workouts because I am too energy-less. I need all the happy activities I can get, and working out does not rank too high. Decision: What I should really do (but it shames be) is write down what I eat. It is a small habit which has a huge impact. And as for exercising, I should try the 10-reps x 5 exercises with my barbell. It is a 3-min habit which turns exercising into a friend little by little, so I do not get frightened again - How do I meet new people: I talked with some friends, and I think I will explore the book clubs in my city. I am sure I can find one with people I can relate to. I looked a bit and found some early leads which I will have to follow up on. I am also trying to reconnect with friends, so that helps too. At one point (when the weather will be warmer, when I will have lost a few kilos) I might start going out in clubs again. They opened a new Hip Hop club next to my house. I just hope it will be here in a few months... - How do I do the right things: Well I am testing the limits of what I have to do and not to do. I have not yet reached the point of not doing laundry for more than a week, but I have been foodless at home. Thankfully there are a couple of healthy options around the house for take-out. I did not do my bed 1 day (I forgot), and mostly I just watched TV and read until late at night, filling myself up with happiness until I dropped from tiredness. Then I sleep on the bus to and from work, but it is obviously not enough. - How do I make myself happy: Meeting my friends and talking with them, doing puzzles, reading books, singing, dancing, writing, online shopping, organizing and using stickers - all of these things make me happy. I try to make time for them during the weekend, but I need to make more time during the week. This will be an action item for the future: set aside 45 minutes per day to do happy things BEFORE bedtime (not after and then sleeping 45 minutes less!). Not yet a lot of progress but the strangeness of the period makes it more difficult to move faster.

This is January 8th 2018, I have not yet thought about my "Good resolutions" for the year. I just came back from 2 weeks of vacations during which I did nothing but what I wanted, search for serenity and truth and introspected while trying to identify what I want from life. I know 2 things: - Currently my life is NOT what I want my life to be - It will NOT magically change by itself, I need to plan / think / act in order to get what I want My vacations were good to identify what I want from life (hint: less work, more TIME, the one thing no one can buy), so now I need to plan HOW to get there. In 2018 I will likely have to or want to: - Change jobs - Change countries - Find more people who share my values and my sense of humor - Have time for ME - Do what is good for ME This is a tall order and I thus need time to see how I will get there. So I will take January to plan how to do that without sacrificing good habits. As a "side", I also want to get back on track with nutrition after 2 weeks of just "eat whatever you want, see or are offered". I have not dared weighting myself yet, but I am pretty sure I gained weight. So this first challenge of 2018 will be spent closing down unfinished business and planning for the rest of the year. These are 4 key questions and 1 norm question I should answer: - (Norm question) What mix of nutritional restriction and exertion do I want to have in my life? * What will be my weight/health goal? * How much do I want to restrict food, versus make smart nutritional choices? * How much exercise do I want to do on a regular basis and what is the place of strength training in there? Should I try PT? - What kind of job do I want? * What responsibilities, level of management? * What type of future do I want to have beyond this job? * What do I like to do at work? - Where should I live? * What country/city will enable me to be happy and have time for me, while not making me uncomfortable? (also offers a job which meets the conditions above) * How do I manage to be close to my family, independent and safe? * Where can I entertain myself, meet people (see next point!) and learn in the same place? - How do I meet new people (despite being afraid of meeting new people and having a terrible track record a meeting new people)? (Note: New people is considered as a large group, but I would also like to meet people who specifically share the same values as I do and also have some common ideas regarding humor or having fun, aka people who read but also enjoy music and imaginary worlds) * What activities should I try and do to meet new people ? * What places should I try to go to meet new people? * What should I do to ensure I continue meeting people once I met them for the first time? - How do I make sure I make myself happy beyond work? (aka happy things) * What makes me really happy? (Hint: Binge watching reruns does not qualify, Discovering a new season of GoT may) * How do I set time aside to do these things? * In an ideal world, how do I share these things and times with people? - How do I make sure I do the right thing for me? (aka reasonable things) * What are the right things? (Especially in terms of nutrition and exercise, but also in keeping or not people in my life) * How do I make sure to do them 80% of the time without making myself miserable? (How do I make them work with the happy things?) * How do I ensure I do not feel bad, feel guilty or worse ashamed if I am not doing these things? I will try to think about these things and test some ideas out this month and throughout the year, to see what works and what does not, and come up with a plan. Weekly goals: - By Jan 14: Establish norms for nutrition and exercise. Focus on 1 key question and identify answers - By Jan 21: Test answers for 1 key question and identify answers for a second KQ. Identify people who can help with answers (e.g., professionals such as headhunters and coaches, friends, family members) - By Jan 28: Test answers for 2 key questions and identify answers for a third KQ. Start discussing potential answers with key people to see what they think - By Feb 4: Test answers for 3 key questions and start finding answers for a fourth one. Start writing down what it means and how it is shaping up to be. After Feb 4, there will be unanswered questions. Live with it. Life cannot be planned .

Today is my last day of work of the year! I am on vacations in a few hours. WARNING! SAD POST AHEAD! If you want to stay Holiday Happy, then stop now. Have great holidays, May you and your family have peace, happiness and health now and for all of 2018! Prelim recap Week 4: Someone I knew and admired made the choice to take his own life this week because of depression, so it was definitely not an easy week. I struggled not to cry and to continue just going through life, but did not sleep well and did not put much energy into working out. There has been no Korean study since then. I am hoping I will get better and things will improve as I go on vacations tomorrow am. 1- Sleep: Will try to sleep on the plane. After all I am air-bound for 11 hours, so I can eat, live and sleep. I want to resist the temptation to take sleeping pills, because I am afraid of getting too used to them and not being able to stop taking them. With no alarm-clock for the next 2 weeks, I hope to be able to do better. 2- food: I alternated between not wanting to eat anything and wanting to eat everything in sight. I tried to keep portion control in mind. I mostly managed. Still within the 85.x weight range, so I consider that I am managing. 3- exam: Nothing done. Need to do more. Will take my books and study more once I don't have 8h of work and 3h of commute to do everyday. 4- workout: I stopped weightlifting because I was afraid I might drop them if I got too sad all of a sudden. I went on my bike every morning at least 15 minutes, and tried to keep the habit in place. We have another bike at home so I will do my best to continue during the holidays. 5: self-care: I was very very careful. I suffer(ed, hopefully) from depression and only understand too well the feelings that led to this terrible incident, so I made sure I was making myself okay, eating at least a little, staying away from anything potentially dangerous (I avoided black ice, I avoided heavy objects) and making sure I was talking with people and being okay with my feelings. People at work had to live with me taking longer bathroom breaks. (Silver lining: I discovered this week I can cry, then wait 5 minutes and look normal enough that people would not notice.) I let myself go a bit overboard with shopping, just because I tried to find some joy and happiness in a moment when there was none. I will save more in January and February to compensate. I wrote and I listen to people who also missed him and did not want to believe he was gone. It helped, to see that I was not alone. I tried to make a happy environment for people around me who were not affected so that their happiness could come back to me. Today for my last day of work of the year (boy, do I love saying that!!), I bought a cake for the team and we ate it together. It made me happy to see us together in that moment, and it helped. I will continue to be kind. If it can help anyone else, then I did what I was here for. So overall, I will not grade this week. I will add up the next 2 weeks (or whatever is left before the next challenge next year) and will grade the overall effort afterwards. and I hope I will have improved, but if not, it is okay. I made efforts and I learned and I tried to do the right thing. This has to be enough for now. Anyways, I wish you all a Merry Christmas and hope that you and your family will enjoy a healthy, restful and happy 2018!

I just received a mini Bulba plush toy!! It is adorable so I am happy! A good week again with more sleep, more exercise and a wonderful wonderful concert on Saturday which let me exhausted on Sunday... I have abandoned the idea of working out and I am trying to get some studying done but I am really tired so I am not sure it will be very productive. I did better than usual on my mock exam on Monday (yay!) And I noticed that vocabulary is still my weakness. So I have to focus more on that in the days to come. (28 days left before the exam but 4! Before vacations!!) I plan on studying during my vacations and then rest. My sister is visiting so life is good but distractions abound. Also just today when I am doing laundry for 2 people my dryer decides to stop working (happens sometimes when it is too hot or too cold, just need to let it rest...) so I had to hang everything inside and crank up the heat so I have clothes for work tomorrow... hahaha life is so random sometimes. Overall I could still improve on food, but this week has just been alright so I don't think I should hold myself back. I will some stretching tonight as exercise and will call it a day. And yay for real mini-Bulbi!!! ♡♡♡

Thank you all for your support - I could not do it without you!! As it turns out last week was rather good despite everything, so it calls for celebration! 1- sleep: Improved. I did not break the 11:15pm rule and tried to sleep more than that. I even got to sleep in Friday morning since I was working off our Seoul office (30min-commute, yay!). On Monday, I also slept 8 hours. Life on Tuesday was just overall different from what it is when I am on 6 hours of sleep plus the bus ride. B for sleep! I will hopefully be able to do better this week and the next as I am working mostly out of our Seoul office. Also the week after (even if it is after the challenge) is HOLIDAAAAAYS! So SLEEP will be my friend. 2- food: Could do better, but improvement: I tracked 70% of the time and I remembered to be more reasonable with portion control. I am switching back to my smaller bowls, as I think I got over the NEED TO EAT EVERYTHING IN SIGHT, which got triggered when work was so depressing a couple of months back (when I was eating cake everyday). It feels okay now to stop eating when I am not hungry anymore, even if I am still struggling not to "size up", even if I know the small size is enough. It took me 3 tries to finally get the small portion at the Hallal Brother next to my house. Because the middle size looks better! It is cheaper per pound! Even if I am not hungry anymore by the end of the small size... Also the small size is $2 cheaper! I finally managed to prove to myself it was enough, but I would not believe it... Funny how your brain works sometimes. On the super super good side, since I started controlling portions and not eating dinner at the office and at home, I was able to lose weight and broke the 85kg barrier this am! Seeing 84.x on the scale made me happy... and helped strengthen my resolve! A- for food! (Because tracking could be better). 3- exam prep: I did not do as much as I wanted, but I watched some drama, which helped cement some knowledge and I went to class, so there is that! Some study, but not enough. I have to do better. B- for exam prep because of the efforts and the Monday night study session. 4- workout: VICTORY! I managed to get back on the horse and do a 30-min weightlifting session on Sunday! Looks like these 5-min daily sessions really helped built up my endurance and strength so that I managed through the whole workout (yes, even the lunges). I also think that my rear is smaller than before (but since I cannot make myself actually measure, it may just be acceptance... anyways I will take the positive feeling). I also was careful about respecting my body and switched out cardio sessions for walking or for stretching when I was not feeling good. And it was okay! A for workout! 5- self-care: Great again! I really tried to listen to my body and my feelings and be more mindful of myself. It is a great help in everyday life and enables me to accept the limits, flaws and that I also need care, not just people around me. So I feel I am doing well, living more happily and regretting fewer things. Also: I take better care of my body, which is necessary by the temperatures that we have (currently 10 Farenheit, or -12 Celcius, I am in the office wearing my coat ). Also, I discovered something wonderful, which is just accepting the hobbies which make you happy! I am not completely there yet, but I used to be somewhat ashamed of my hobbies (k-pop dance, k-pop music, k-pop in general and lots of TV shows), as they are seen as immature ("When will you grow up? Your room looks like that of a 16 year old!"). Even when they are made as a joke, these comments still hurt... But I now care less about it, because of all the happiness I derive from them. So I put a tiny bunny sticker on my phone. And every time I look at it, it makes me happy . So A for self-care! A- total for the week given higher acceptance, lower weight (BETTER FITTING PAAAAAANTS!) and less care about what people-who-are-not-me (even my mother) think. We are halfway through the challenge and I feel like I want to live more of my life, and not change as many things to be happy. So yay!

Putting myself first and making conscious efforts to do things which make me happy. Also tracking what I eat because otherwise Christmas food will eat me. Catwoman, because she is a strong woman who does not take no for an answer and in most of her origin stories (except for Tim Burton's) she is a rich, powerful career woman who fights for what she believes in. Also I have always loved gymnastics!

Thanks for the advice! One of my female friends tried it at the gym next to our place and liked it. I will probably try too, once my exam is over. And I will follow your advice - if he/she does not jive with me, I will ask for a change! Going to a gym is already difficult for me, so if I don't like the trainer I will never get there... And I will keep on squatting!

December is here! And with it a slew of trouble, such as strong, icy winds, snow and cold-related skin conditions! This is why self-care is all the more important, to be able to fight against constant attacks from the environment. So quick 1-week recap: 1- sleep: Not good. But I am working on it. I am battling a cold and the night medication puts me to sleep instantaneously, so I am taking advantage of it. But I feel more rested from the bus naps because I got rid of the gilt of napping in the first place, thanks to self-care. Since it is on my mind as a priority and I am working on it, and I am feeling less tired than before, I will grade myself B-, passing, for this week. 2- food: Not good either. I totally forgot to track, I have to get back at it. From a weight perspective I am still on the high end of 86.x kg, so kinda okay. I really try to eat more in the mornings and less at night and it seems to overall balance things out. Passing C because I did not gain too much weight despite a hectic schedule, but I won't pass myself next week if I don't start tracking again! 3- exam prep: Improving! I was behind last week on studying, so I made it a priority this week, and I managed to get 90 min in yesterday night. I will focus more on it now that my Christmas tree and Nativity scenes are done (they are the reasons why I could not work last Saturday, because making them took some time - yeah, right...) and I will also start mock test again, just to make me realize again how hard it is. But I feel better now about failing (like this will not be the end of the world), so I will do my best, but I will not kill myself over it. B- for last week because I managed to study even in Japan 4- workout: I am 3 days behind on my daily 5-min workout, but I will eventually clear them out. I also forgave myself for missing 1 30-min session of cardio on Monday. I may comp it on Sunday, but if I don't I will survive. Also yesterday I did my 5-min workout and it did not hurt anywhere. IT WAS A BLAST. I smiled the whole time then added some reps at the end. So I am grading myself B for Beginning to Build Bulk. 5- self care: AWESOME. I try to do small and large things for myself, always very mindfully, reminding myself "this is for your own good, so enjoy this time". It made these moments really happy, and it helped me get through tough times last week. Now I need to time them better, because spending six hours organizing stickers by size and colors makes me incredibly happy (yes it does, I am a total sticker nerd), but it does take time away from studying and sleeping. But I allowed it on Saturday because Thursday and Friday had been so hard at work. (As in my boss' boss cannot punish me because I am a foreigner, so he punishes my boss whenever I do something he does not like, such as disagreeing with him, even in private.) This effort has been a major change for me (also noticing when I am speaking to myself in a mean way like "oh you forgot your key you idiot!", and switch it around "Oh you forgot your key, let's go back to get it.") and it was pretty successful. I still have progress to make, but awareness is getting there! A for that this week. Overall Bulba and I are moving forward rather happily, maybe a bit more round that we could be, but it is really cold outside, so who can be mad at us for enjoying hot chocolate and cookies? This is soooo 100% us.