Ayla14

It has been awhile but I have finally returned. Life has seemed to finally mellow out again and now I have focused inward. Many small projects have been accomplished but my journey to being healthier has always been on the back-burner. But now I have a quest. In November I am attending my best friends wedding. The theme of the wedding is basically her cosplay and comic book characters ( https://www.facebook.com/childrenofproteus/?fref=ts ) So an Atlantis, sea critters, and steampunk kind of feel. Sounds interesting huh? She requested that I specifically should do a bit of cosplay for the wedding as she knows that 95% of her guests will being wearing regular wedding attire. I told her that I would be Ariel as it is simple enough to achieve. I have a perfect dress to wear to the wedding ( image below) ...but it is my senior prom dress when I was at least 60lbs lighter. So quest acquired! Lose at least 50lbs, attend wedding in great shape. Not only would this be for the wedding but future cosplay projects that hopefully I will be starting soon with my boyfriend. Projects I would like to be a bit lighter in weight for. Mostly have problems with thinking up a plan, be it fitness or food. I get too overwhelmed with all the choices and such but I know if I just buckle down I can reign it in.

So last year I started doing the "beginner's workout" and was doing well and seeing results. Unfortunately, I found myself having to get body work done because I was getting tension headaches and my back was hurting me. I finally consulted with my doctor and he told me as much as I was so ready to jumped into the NF workout that my body is not as ready as I think it was. Due to a medical condition I have, he explained it would be best to build a foundation first by doing activities that aren't jarring and high impact. He said after some time working out this way that I should be able to really workout the way I want to. So far I have been going to the gym every other day and doing 10 minutes on the treadmill, elliptical, and a stationary bike. Ellipitical has been kicking my ass! but I am slowly getting better. But I was wondering if anyone had any ideas to amp it up but still stay within my current limits? New things to introduce? As said I cannot do anything that is too jarring, running is included in that.

I recently got a job a Dunkin. Worst nightmare for my attempt at trying to start my quest of health, fitness, and overall desire to be a more improve version of myself. A nerdier, happier upgrade. First mini task. I need a quick and easy small meal that I can make the night before or before me shift at 6am. I am not a fan of oatmeal and from what I've read its not good for you? I needs some ideas please! Also a note I am usually not hungry when I first wake up this earlier and its only an hour into my shift that I start getting hungry....than I start hearing the munchkins talking to me...poppable...easy to snag while running round...munchkins..........help!

Oh boy. This is at least the 5th time this year that I tried to reboot and get healthy and I seem to crash out faster each time. This year has been hard and I have seen the full blown return of a pretty bad negative attitude and depression I haven't had since high school. After my senior year in high school I had worked very hard to improve my attitude and perspective on life and I was really proud of myself. There would be tiny little bouts of it but I would be able to handle it. Than 2015 rolled in and I found myself just crumbling. I got a boyfriend who is quite honestly the love of my life at the tail end of 2014. January rolls in and 2015 took no prisoners. Boyfriend decides to move in with parents to save money for apartment, tells landlord that he will give him the month as promised. Week later Landlord gets into argument with boyfriend and boyfriend immediatley moves out. (The argument was over grains of sugar on the counter by the way it was ridiculious.) Parents are of course overwhelmed but take him in. Boyfriend than owes lots of money for fixing up his car to his parents. In February boyfriend ends up in the hospital and I am emotional incompassetated for a whole week even though he recovered quickly and he stated that it wasn't a big deal. His car has still not been fixed and driveable because of the constant snowstorms and its causing tension with his parents. I also had to quit my job because a manager was making my life a living hell at the time. In retrospect I should not have quit because I have learned the hard lesson that this economy has taught many. Jobs are hard to come by. In March and April boyfriend and I have a hard time and our relationship takes a pretty bad hit and the subsequent months are spent trying to recover. In May, relationship is still recovering. Still no results on the job hunt other than a couple interviews that I don't hear back from till this month. June and July I have been constantly sick, from a cold to a tonsil infection which lead to an allergic reaction to medicine and than a yeast infection. I have finally recoverd from all of it. Apart from that I have found myself being more angry and sad than anything else and taking it out on boyfriend and family even though they are only trying to help me to be more positive. With all this going on I should be writing but I the wheels of creativity have just not been turning at all. I blame stress on that. With all this going on or from all that has happened getting healthy has just gone downhill. My first go around I lasted two months and was making great progress and lost 10lbs. The last few attempts at exercising has been derailed as well because of constant upset muscles and tension headaches. I am seeing people to get that all taken care off. Walking for now till I can get back into what I want to do. It's just how can you try to eat healthy and avoid the vices when your family continues to buy the junk food and essentially hounds you every time you eat? I am very weak willed around certain foods and right now it is all present and I have politely asked my family if we could once again cut back on them. The only ever say this "If you eat it, it's going to be your fault." Essentially we will buy what we want and you are on your own. Which is real world thinking but I just wish they were willing to help. I just felt like writing out to the community about what I have felt like recently and what I am trying to do to get going albeit slowly again on the road to good health.

I have fallen off the wagon myself quite a few time since January but I have also restarted a couple times as well. What has been hard for me personally is about this "falling off the wagon". Yeah the first day you just want to throw up your hands and say "I have failed and I will keep doing so, sooo what's the point! *screams it at the top of a mountain as the rain pours down*. But I found that its best to start changing that perspective on that. Its been hard but I had to start seeing as less of a major failure and a simple thing that after a brief respite that I can easily start back up again when I'm ready. Each time I have seen myself recovering quicker and doing better. No self control around food, damn I feel ya on that one. I really love good food, like eating at one of my favorite restuarants and even though the portions are out of control I just inhale it without thinking once that perhaps its best to save half for later. I also eat very fast because for some reason I think it may disappear off my plate or someone will take it. So far what I have been doing before there can EVER be an extensive clean up in my diet (as in getting rid of bread...eventually) I decided that the first small step is to just cut down on the portions. That's it. I started eating on a smaller plate and saving half portions of food in restuarants for lunch the next day. Granted I have to have my bf take the box and place it away from me because I will start mindlessly eating out of the box. It's tough and I definitely still have my off days but it's expected. Also just try out different things in tiny tidbits and don't feel downtrodden if it doesn't work. Wish there was a Connect Four version for that so that at least there is a reward for your efforts. That would be lovely. So tiny baby steps. Nothing crazy. Slow and steady will win this race, and if you trip up just come to us and we will help you back up.

I am currently on a Seltzer water kick. The Polar Seltzer water is cheap to buy (recently it was 2 for a buck which was fantastic), and they have started to come out with more and more flavors such as Blueberry Lemonade and Tropical Sangria. Apart from that my number one treat is Vanilla Chai with almond milk. Hot teas as well.

My mother made a comment to me about a week ago that I need to start adding cardio to my routine. I told her that the exercise routine (the NF beginner workout) along with further strength training would be the sure fire thing to drop weight. Her rebuttle is that my body type is not good for strength training. I'm 5'6 and weight around 180. She says that I did a test a while back (at least 5-6 years or more) on this diet plan (cannot remember it). I don't remember personally doing it but who knows. The test was to determine what food plan and exercise routine would allow my body to drop the weight and attain the body I want. She tells me that the way I gain weight and such gives me a body type that unfortantely when it builds the muscle it will instead bulk me up instead of slim down. So I did add cardio to my routine which has proven in revealing that even though my NF workout was going well, I am now seeing there needs to be major improvement in my cardio routine which is simply biking. I live in a nice neighborhood, hilly but there is some flat areas and such. I was shocked that even with the NF workouts I found myself barely biking a part of the neighborhood without my legs aching and my heart pounding out of my chest. Not good but it will be improved on with slow and steady work. But to get back to the point that my mother made. Is there truth to these different body types losing weight and being affected by workouts differently? If so should I continue with adding in this new cardio routine or maybe even focusing on cardio workouts more than the strength training instead?