Ayla14

It has been awhile but I have finally returned. Life has seemed to finally mellow out again and now I have focused inward. Many small projects have been accomplished but my journey to being healthier has always been on the back-burner. But now I have a quest. In November I am attending my best friends wedding. The theme of the wedding is basically her cosplay and comic book characters ( https://www.facebook.com/childrenofproteus/?fref=ts ) So an Atlantis, sea critters, and steampunk kind of feel. Sounds interesting huh? She requested that I specifically should do a bit of cosplay for the wedding as she knows that 95% of her guests will being wearing regular wedding attire. I told her that I would be Ariel as it is simple enough to achieve. I have a perfect dress to wear to the wedding ( image below) ...but it is my senior prom dress when I was at least 60lbs lighter. So quest acquired! Lose at least 50lbs, attend wedding in great shape. Not only would this be for the wedding but future cosplay projects that hopefully I will be starting soon with my boyfriend. Projects I would like to be a bit lighter in weight for. Mostly have problems with thinking up a plan, be it fitness or food. I get too overwhelmed with all the choices and such but I know if I just buckle down I can reign it in.

So last year I started doing the "beginner's workout" and was doing well and seeing results. Unfortunately, I found myself having to get body work done because I was getting tension headaches and my back was hurting me. I finally consulted with my doctor and he told me as much as I was so ready to jumped into the NF workout that my body is not as ready as I think it was. Due to a medical condition I have, he explained it would be best to build a foundation first by doing activities that aren't jarring and high impact. He said after some time working out this way that I should be able to really workout the way I want to. So far I have been going to the gym every other day and doing 10 minutes on the treadmill, elliptical, and a stationary bike. Ellipitical has been kicking my ass! but I am slowly getting better. But I was wondering if anyone had any ideas to amp it up but still stay within my current limits? New things to introduce? As said I cannot do anything that is too jarring, running is included in that.

I recently got a job a Dunkin. Worst nightmare for my attempt at trying to start my quest of health, fitness, and overall desire to be a more improve version of myself. A nerdier, happier upgrade. First mini task. I need a quick and easy small meal that I can make the night before or before me shift at 6am. I am not a fan of oatmeal and from what I've read its not good for you? I needs some ideas please! Also a note I am usually not hungry when I first wake up this earlier and its only an hour into my shift that I start getting hungry....than I start hearing the munchkins talking to me...poppable...easy to snag while running round...munchkins..........help!

Oh boy. This is at least the 5th time this year that I tried to reboot and get healthy and I seem to crash out faster each time. This year has been hard and I have seen the full blown return of a pretty bad negative attitude and depression I haven't had since high school. After my senior year in high school I had worked very hard to improve my attitude and perspective on life and I was really proud of myself. There would be tiny little bouts of it but I would be able to handle it. Than 2015 rolled in and I found myself just crumbling. I got a boyfriend who is quite honestly the love of my life at the tail end of 2014. January rolls in and 2015 took no prisoners. Boyfriend decides to move in with parents to save money for apartment, tells landlord that he will give him the month as promised. Week later Landlord gets into argument with boyfriend and boyfriend immediatley moves out. (The argument was over grains of sugar on the counter by the way it was ridiculious.) Parents are of course overwhelmed but take him in. Boyfriend than owes lots of money for fixing up his car to his parents. In February boyfriend ends up in the hospital and I am emotional incompassetated for a whole week even though he recovered quickly and he stated that it wasn't a big deal. His car has still not been fixed and driveable because of the constant snowstorms and its causing tension with his parents. I also had to quit my job because a manager was making my life a living hell at the time. In retrospect I should not have quit because I have learned the hard lesson that this economy has taught many. Jobs are hard to come by. In March and April boyfriend and I have a hard time and our relationship takes a pretty bad hit and the subsequent months are spent trying to recover. In May, relationship is still recovering. Still no results on the job hunt other than a couple interviews that I don't hear back from till this month. June and July I have been constantly sick, from a cold to a tonsil infection which lead to an allergic reaction to medicine and than a yeast infection. I have finally recoverd from all of it. Apart from that I have found myself being more angry and sad than anything else and taking it out on boyfriend and family even though they are only trying to help me to be more positive. With all this going on I should be writing but I the wheels of creativity have just not been turning at all. I blame stress on that. With all this going on or from all that has happened getting healthy has just gone downhill. My first go around I lasted two months and was making great progress and lost 10lbs. The last few attempts at exercising has been derailed as well because of constant upset muscles and tension headaches. I am seeing people to get that all taken care off. Walking for now till I can get back into what I want to do. It's just how can you try to eat healthy and avoid the vices when your family continues to buy the junk food and essentially hounds you every time you eat? I am very weak willed around certain foods and right now it is all present and I have politely asked my family if we could once again cut back on them. The only ever say this "If you eat it, it's going to be your fault." Essentially we will buy what we want and you are on your own. Which is real world thinking but I just wish they were willing to help. I just felt like writing out to the community about what I have felt like recently and what I am trying to do to get going albeit slowly again on the road to good health.

I have fallen off the wagon myself quite a few time since January but I have also restarted a couple times as well. What has been hard for me personally is about this "falling off the wagon". Yeah the first day you just want to throw up your hands and say "I have failed and I will keep doing so, sooo what's the point! *screams it at the top of a mountain as the rain pours down*. But I found that its best to start changing that perspective on that. Its been hard but I had to start seeing as less of a major failure and a simple thing that after a brief respite that I can easily start back up again when I'm ready. Each time I have seen myself recovering quicker and doing better. No self control around food, damn I feel ya on that one. I really love good food, like eating at one of my favorite restuarants and even though the portions are out of control I just inhale it without thinking once that perhaps its best to save half for later. I also eat very fast because for some reason I think it may disappear off my plate or someone will take it. So far what I have been doing before there can EVER be an extensive clean up in my diet (as in getting rid of bread...eventually) I decided that the first small step is to just cut down on the portions. That's it. I started eating on a smaller plate and saving half portions of food in restuarants for lunch the next day. Granted I have to have my bf take the box and place it away from me because I will start mindlessly eating out of the box. It's tough and I definitely still have my off days but it's expected. Also just try out different things in tiny tidbits and don't feel downtrodden if it doesn't work. Wish there was a Connect Four version for that so that at least there is a reward for your efforts. That would be lovely. So tiny baby steps. Nothing crazy. Slow and steady will win this race, and if you trip up just come to us and we will help you back up.

I am currently on a Seltzer water kick. The Polar Seltzer water is cheap to buy (recently it was 2 for a buck which was fantastic), and they have started to come out with more and more flavors such as Blueberry Lemonade and Tropical Sangria. Apart from that my number one treat is Vanilla Chai with almond milk. Hot teas as well.

My mother made a comment to me about a week ago that I need to start adding cardio to my routine. I told her that the exercise routine (the NF beginner workout) along with further strength training would be the sure fire thing to drop weight. Her rebuttle is that my body type is not good for strength training. I'm 5'6 and weight around 180. She says that I did a test a while back (at least 5-6 years or more) on this diet plan (cannot remember it). I don't remember personally doing it but who knows. The test was to determine what food plan and exercise routine would allow my body to drop the weight and attain the body I want. She tells me that the way I gain weight and such gives me a body type that unfortantely when it builds the muscle it will instead bulk me up instead of slim down. So I did add cardio to my routine which has proven in revealing that even though my NF workout was going well, I am now seeing there needs to be major improvement in my cardio routine which is simply biking. I live in a nice neighborhood, hilly but there is some flat areas and such. I was shocked that even with the NF workouts I found myself barely biking a part of the neighborhood without my legs aching and my heart pounding out of my chest. Not good but it will be improved on with slow and steady work. But to get back to the point that my mother made. Is there truth to these different body types losing weight and being affected by workouts differently? If so should I continue with adding in this new cardio routine or maybe even focusing on cardio workouts more than the strength training instead?

So I realized the other day, a sort of "oh geez" moment. I had realized that just because I cut out soda doesn't mean I am still chugging down a ton of sugary drinks that may actually be WORSE. The other day I was going to get something, a small arnold palmer coolata, and decided to first check into it first before ordering and holy bejeezus! 45 grams of sugar! Thats more that a can of coke! Than their are my favorite snapple drinks those ended up being in the high 30s as well. So I found myself just drinking water, hot tea, and vanilla seltzer water. I used to drink smoothies but fell out of the habit at the tail end of last year. Which is too bad I have the NutriBullet and a massive juicer as well. I was just wondering if anyone has any drinks I can try out? Oh and drinks that I can order when I'm out other than water? I appreciate the help!

I know that when I was exercising in the past about 90% of the time I was afraid that I was going to end up tightening myself up so bad that I was going to have to go to the chiropractor, or to my Rolfer (many don't know what that is) which is not a cheap visit. I have a medical condition which leaves me a little more prone to getting really tighten muscles areas. My mother became a Svaroopa yoga instructor a couple years ago and I started to now incoporate this yoga into my routine. I just did the beginners workout this morning, and before the workout my back and shoulders had already been really bothering me the night before. But after a nice spot of yoga I feel so much better! This yoga really does do the trick in just relaxing those aggravated muscles. I often pay for my workouts (so far) with terribly rock hard shoulders, pinched up back, tension headaches and a terrible night's sleep. So anyone else do Svaroopa? I am not too sure if it is as well known as the main stream yogas. A quick definition of Svaroopa (in my own words) is that it is a restorative yoga. Using blankets and props during poses it helps for the body to relax including the all important sacrum (tailbone)! I would say that it is not so much focusing on stretching or that you need to be atheltic to do this type of yoga. That is the quick and dirty definition for it. I've had to try to explain it to others and this seems to be the quickest starting point.

Here I am again. At the point where I have (once again) let myself just have a ton of excuses to let the plan fall to the wayside. Though I have to admit that these excuses have been reasonable... I haven't been keeping myself in check since February 11 when my boyfriend was in the hospital. The stress from that situation just got a hold of me and I couldn't shake it. I mean I should have gotten over it because he was perfectly fine after he spent the night there and his health has been great since BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! I quit my job in February 3rd after my hours were severly cut (down to 12-14 hrs) and my boss was unwilling to let go of some grudges she was holding against me. I had some high hopes on getting a job with another company at the time but it didn't pan out as I had hoped. So since February 3rd I have been unemployed. Anyone would agree that is stressful enough... Than I got engaged. I know you'll say "Congratulations! That's fantastic!" But unfortunately it hasn't been a happy occasion. We had agreed that it made sense to wait on getting engaged until we had moved in together hopefully the beginning of next year and that would allow my family some time to get used to the idea. My fiance is unfortunately the guy that parent's pray to never have to deal with. He has let's say a not so savory past. After we agreed to this I thought "Good, that's plenty of time for my parent's to see more of this great guy that I know inside and out." ....Well he proposed wayyy ahead of time, March 9th to be exact. It was heartfelt and amazing but I knew that this was going to be a problem when I woke up the following morning. Since than my parents and I have had mutliple discussions, and the tensions have been at an all time high. I have explained that a wedding is not currently in our plans and that we plan to have a long engagment or at least be engaged until we are in a better place. They still aren't entirely happy with that and I don't really blame them entirely. But because they aren't happy, I'm am not happy. I have been so stressed that I have just been eating just for no reason. And it has but a strain on my relationship with my fiance. So after many discussions with friend's, fiance and other family members I decided that all I can do is really reorganize my life and try to be as positive as I can. I have plenty of pro's when I get back on this plan... I have plenty of time because I am currently not working. My family for once is at least all on the same page when it comes to eating healthier! My father has lost a good deal of weight since February and I am so happy for him. He used to bring in the junk food and bread. My brother, sister and mother are all eating healthier. My mother even has started making granola bars which have been quite tasty. Fiance completely backs me up on it and knows my food triggers so he can help me steer clear without irriating me.I know that it's a lot to tell but in order to pick myself up I am reaching out to my fellow NF crew to help me out. I need potions people! Potions and Pheonix downs!

Up until perhaps...six days ago or so I was well sitted on the NerdFitness wagon. I had small amount of jostling but my butt was well planted in my seat. I was exercising regularly more than I ever had in my life and found myself eating well. Than life suddenly threw a giant rock in the path and I was sent flying right off the wagon and into the mud. I was supposed to go to NH this past weekend with my boyfriend but the weather was kind of iffy and we had planned to wait to see what Thursday morning would bring. Instead I woke to a text message from his mom telling me that my bf was in the hospital. My world just started spinning as I got a hold of him and asked him what happened. Once I was caught up to speed, I quickly grabbed my things and drove over to the hospital. He was stable and recovering but still feverish and groggy. My emotions were all over the place. I was crying that whole day and started crying as soon as I saw him lying in that hospital bed. I could barely get myself to sleep that night because I was just so distressed. Next day I returned to his room and waited for him to be discharged and than brought him home to rest. But instead of calming down the stress only piled on more. His parents jumped on him, verbally pouncing on him before he even got settled, demanding him to do this and that. I was horrified. I had never once gotten treated like that when I had just been released from the hospital. Than when he left to go do something for me, his parents essentially turned and started bitching to me. I found out later that this was done on purpose because they knew that "Well if he won't listen to us than he will listen to you". Yet they had no idea how I didn't need any of that added stress and honestly that is not my job. I am his girlfriend not his babysitter. His parent's behavior has not yet gotten better and my opinion of them is at an all time low. More nonsense has happened all in between all of this, my own parents and unfortunately a couple friends attitudes have been poor. But today I think life has finally calmed down. My boyfriend is recovered and ready to go back to work and I am finally feeling myself settle. So it's time to chase down the wagon and get back at it. Before this I had lost 7lbs and I was feeling great and I plan on getting back to that. Tomorrow is back to my workout and tracking my food. PLUS MY DAMN KEYBLADE IS IN THAT WAGON! I need that back....