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About CaptainPenelope

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  1. woops. been a few days. Ok I decided to forgive one missed daily a day, up to 3 for the streak i'm going for, but i'm already waffling because my first day off yesterday was hilariously unproductive. This waffling in turn makes me wonder if having a little forgiveness mechanic will just weaken my habit building... I just don't know yet. Guess I'll keep trying and find out. (also, ha, used waffling like twice under a knope gif) One area where I think I need to set more concrete goals is my language learning, but I'm not even sure where I am with that any more. I am thinking of going back to my textbooks, and maybe starting with a goal of one lesson per week, seeing if that's just right or too easy once I get out of the lessons i've already learned before. Give it like 6 weeks and re evaluate. Also @mom2sjm that you for the parks n rec gif! Also also wish me luck because one benefit from my renewed attempt at neglected dailies is that I did not miss the deadline to apply for a new position at my job and I have an interview today. (now that I think about it, I wonder if I messed up my other habit streaks because I used up so much willpower fighting all my little monsters around that application? Anyway.) Thanks again to everyone who's written!
  2. I definitely need the kick in the pants about thinking bigger. I like the idea of making the journey towards like, tangible/visible for motivation. I think for my non fitness goals, my ultimate goal is so far off that I need like, intermediate goal posts in addition to the small goals. and I haven't found a good intermediate point yet. I'll have to look at that and see how I can change that. thank you for writing!
  3. Ooh I like the idea of a set decision for acceptable misses. That will probably be helpful. And weekly loot is great idea too! Thank you for writing! Also re: your water challenge, the first few days with out coffee are so hard but after that it's amazing! Good luck!
  4. Borderlands? Anybody? Anyway- Trying to face my avoidance coping habit in any way I can, so I decided to come here. I made an account and tried a challenge a few months ago. Forums aren't really my thing so far and I had a lot going on, if I remember correctly, so I fell out of posting pretty quickly. Not that "a lot going on" should be reason to stop things I want to do. Even without the NF forums, I had found a workout that finally helped me reach some of the results I wanted. I was keeping a little log of sets & reps but I kept working out for a few weeks even after I fell out of the logging habit. But now I'm looking back and I don't remember the last time I worked out. And I have had a really stressful, sleep deprived, depressed week. Which, I'm starting to notice this as a thing that has impacted my life for several years now, messes with my sense of time, especially in the long term. So, in an effort to face the avoidance coping, like I said, and to hopefully get into a mindset of quickly "respawning" when I fall off the herd of horses I'm trying to ride, I'm back here. I think what keeps going wrong is that I take on too much, and while part of the mistake i'm making is just trying too much, I think a bigger, more effective part to focus on is that I take my eyes off the small things. You gotta glance at your big picture, and then get back to the details that make it work. One of my favorite things I read recently was a chapter titled "Sweat the Small Stuff," and while I totally take that lesson to heart I still need practice with it. I still want to do a lot of things, and on top of those things is a giant anxiety/depressive monster (and then there's the whole cyclical issue of these things the monster is sitting on are the things i need to battle the monster), but I'm still going to try. I'm not changing my list of dailies for now, but I'm working hard to reframe how I see them. Instead of needing to write or draw or paint a masterpiece, instead of needing to translate an entire book or start writing my own poetry in another language, instead of doing the hardest the workout I've ever done, my focus is just anything toward the skills i want to learn, every single day. No quality measurement, no quantity measurement than 'every day.' I'm hoping that is a small enough goal. I might also break it down into a kind of rotation--ideally one thing for each skill every day, but like, 2/3 or something still counts as success. I should probably write that out so it's easier to keep up with... If anyone has any insights for setting SMALL goals, when you keep slipping up time after time, they would be much appreciated. And general thanks to NF for having a respawn room
  5. Man I feel so far behind on posting. Oh well. Not behind on anything else (more than I already was) so I'm ok with it. Exercising is still frustrating, but I'm sticking with it. Avoiding sugar is still kind of hard, but I feel my willpower strengthening over time. And stretching has been almost as frustrating as exercise. I was trying to wait until I had a job, but I may see what basic foam rollers will run you. Also getting better with facing issues. Yay spring. Also, re: issues; I've been doing a lot of reading on specific problems I've had as I pin them down in searchable terms, and I'm realizing that a lot of the stuff I'm dealing with may manifest as anxiety type stuff, but it seems a lot of it goes back to ADHD type stuff. Getting to the source of stuff has helped get a handle on it, a little.
  6. Random Wednesday musings while I sort out the weekly challenge: First, confession time: while I've never been diagnosed with an ED, I've had a few ...interesting experiences that included some of the weirder ED symptoms. And it's always been brief! and I immediately start talking it out/asking for some guidance from the people I trust most. I'm still eating and everything! I just sometimes, very rarely, have to manage some incredibly weird body image issues. This round of getting back into a workout habit has stirred some of that up, and managing this issue has meant a no mirror gazing rule, which is probably a good rule to have anyway, at least for someone as vain as me. I am really, really massively disappointed about the setbacks with the goals, and I'm fighting really hard not to start beating myself up about everything from setting the wrong goals to not meeting them. But, the weird body image thing seems to have just vanished. And I am pretty sure that's how it went away before--just, poof!--but it was weird, in a pleasant way, to be fighting so hard to stay positive and not be mean to myself, and then to realize that this awful trick my mind plays on me has gone away for now. And now I have so much more headspace and motivation for cobbling together a new work out. I also almost cried today from the simplest sentence: you can't run on a bum knee. The person was addressing when kick-in-the-pants, no-excuses attitudes might not actually be helpful--when you're depressed, or anxious, or have some other drain on your energy. Finding the balance of no more excuses, but ok maybe that's just mean enough to be destructive let's tone it down now, has been a real struggle physically and mentally. And, ok, so maybe I do already cry at the drop of a hat, but I think finding such a simple, straightforward, but still compassionate way to think about moving forward has me really relieved and excited. Anyway, challenge coming soon
  7. Yay to nicer thoughts about ourselves!! You're doing great.
  8. I guess I'm going to have to accept that I'm not going to hit my goal for pushups. The rest of this week I'll tool around with some other workout ideas until my right arm stops this nonsense. anyway. Workout done. I'm starting to notice the difference stretching is making. so at least there's that.
  9. Man, weekends keep getting crazier and crazier. Saturday's workout was fine, but now I've got a flare-up of tendonitis (-osis? whatever tf it's called these days) in my ankle. It's like my whole right side is opposed to this whole movement thing. Oh well. Trying to stay off of it & get it to calm down by tomorrow. We will see. Still doing ok on sugar, although my boyfriend and i are the worst enablers. That's ok. Saying no to myself and then to him is like double the willpower workout, right?? On the upside I am fantastically stressed out today, and I don't even really want sugar or sweets, I just want to eat all the broccoli I can get my hands on and then take a nap. Alcohol might be another story, though. Anyway, just checking in from weekend. will report back tomorrow.
  10. So, major pain in my right arm by the time I was ready for bed yesterday. I think it has more to do with how & how long I was sitting at the desk than with the pushups, but I'm scaling back once again and focusing on wrist & elbow stuff again. Bleh. Otherwise, workout done, exercises bookmarked for practice, mouse on the left side instead of the right, etc.
  11. Put the third mini challenge in my 6 wk challenge thread. This one was pretty long, oops...
  12. Ugh this little mini challenge was pretty hard. But here it is. 1. Pinpoint the quest in your journey that is giving you the most uphill (or one that you're struggling to achieve) I'm having a really hard time facing my life issues. I had set up this challenge so I could gain a little bit of momentum on those while not giving up the progress I am making regarding my physical health. While I think the challenge has helped me stick to my plans for my body and health, I am definitely still avoiding a lot of my very big, looming issues like finishing school and finding work. 2. Search through NF (forums or articles) to find one that is able to offer some assistance I found several... I tend to binge on motivational reads... I also went back to my "do it" pin board that has some other kick-in-the-pants type advice. Anyway, the articles: Nerdy and Different The One Thing Holding You Back The 20-Second Beast Mode Berserker Challenge Of Course You Can 3. Apply it to your challenge (no collecting underpants here). I already know this, so I think the difficulty I am having is just part of the change: I can't just do nothing anymore. My apathy and fear are doing real, serious damage to my life, and my anxiety is just my imagination. And I'm not trying to do anything outlandish, I am just finishing what I started, and gaining the tiniest bit of momentum for new things. Just enough to hustle for awhile. So, today I am going to fill out that job application I've been avoiding, and maybe another. Even if I hate those jobs, and only stay there for like, three to six months, that is still three to six months of money in the bank, three to six months of treading water while I plot and hustle elsewhere. Today I am going to work on this ridiculous paper, even if it's only the silly 20 minutes I've set up for this challenge. I have been in school for four years now, and I am not going to throw that away because it didn't go how I planned, or because I'm burnt out. This paper, and some international red tape, are the only things standing between me and graduating. Today I am going to sit down with a nice drink and my planner and the internet, and try to plan out some of my bigger goals. Working with my planner has helped me feel, not just know but actually act out the fact that I am in control of my time, that I don't have to just wait for things to happen to me. I've only been doing one month at a time, and I think it's time to go bigger. In some ways, I think it is still important to make these additive changes slowly while spending energy to very consciously and very deliberately stop beating myself up, but I also need to say eff it to a lot of my anxieties, and just white-knuckle it through these things. (also, perhaps unrelated, but thinking through this challenge brought me to this conclusion, and it feels important: I need to prioritize myself. I gave up my weekend to help someone, and it kind of messed up the groove I was in. And when I used Friday evening to plan out this week, I still felt guilty when I turned down the invitation to spend more time there, because I still wanted to stick to my plan. And then, while it was a nice weekend, I felt guilty and stressed enough that I didn't hit my goals for Monday. And I think that, and some of my other problems, come from not prioritizing my own work and my own goals.) Whew. Ok. Back to work.
  13. Hey, you're doing great! That "steady pace" in regards to change is really foundational, and you're well on your way to a strong, sturdy foundation for all the other things. Also, hooray cooking! Have fun when you get to do those recipes!
  14. Thank you! Workout complete. Wall pushups again. But everything else felt much better than it has the last two weeks (I'm chalking that up to my cycle more than any improvements though). Now to focus on work things for the rest of the day.
  15. Abbreviated workout again today, this time kind of severely abbreviated. But, I am not discounting it. I have been walking a very large, very energetic dog while I babysit, and if I feel like it isn't enough by the end of the day, I will make up for it tomorrow, when I get home. Sticking to wall pushups for the day, and some tiny wrist and elbow exercises. I think I've figured out what was giving me problems. Also building up how many squats I can do with good form.
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