KawaiiHime-sama

Soo... I kept up the workout for a few weeks. From the day of that original post to december 2nd... which is about 3 and a half weeks. But then I started having panic attacks non-stop over a series of 4 days (and stopped working out), eventually heading to the emergency care center where I was prescribed some medication until I can get in to see My doctor on Monday and hopefully see a therapist soon as well. Haha, so my workout sessions seem to be off for a bit, as the medication I'm on make me incredibly lazy and I'm still so depressed as to have zero motivation regarding workouts right now.

That sounds like an awesome concept, but I haven't found anything like that which gives me any of the benefits I'd want lols. Sure, moments of the workouts, the bodyweight, or running etc.. are fun. But, my motivation just ends up waning after a few weeks. I'm currently in that 'restart' mode atm, so Its easy to keep going, but I am worried about what'll happen later. I guess its that level in the game I'm not sure how to beat. *scrambles for online walkthroughs*

I suppose...I predicted this earlier. My struggle seems to be maintaining my exercize through life events... and it is something I am very poor at. My last post was in April, when I tried to go on the 6 week challenge. I can't remember exactly what stopped me from exercizing, but it likely has to do with motivation. It was around that time I found out I did not make it into grad school, and also when I got a 'half-promotion' at my temp job so that I had more responsibility but the same pay. How fun. Two months after that point I would go on a few dates, that would ultimately end with us 'just being friends' though an unfortunate amount of tears were involved. Right when that relationship was ending was also when I was finally able to leave that job. It also happened to be when my car got totalled (darn rain) so that cost me another chunk of money to get another. It took about 3 weeks before the fog of deppression from working at that terrible environment and being unable to live full-time as my gender would leave. So... Around October I finally found myself feeling comfortable with my path, and with my situation and my dysphoria has continued to decline due to my transition. I went out running every other day for the first 3 weeks of october (I would walk a mile, run a mile, walk another mile, post-stretch), but it got super rainy and my alergies had been acting up during the last run pretty severely and been screwing with my 'sports related asthma' which doesn't do well in the cold... so I held off runing in the rain. When it came time to run again... my brother had just gotten in to visit and he was getting eye surgery a state over so I ended up driving him a lot while also going to my appointments. That's probably not much of an excuse to not run though. And so, now, I'm back. Perhaps some of my issues regarding motivation had to do with a crappy job environment combined with not being full-time and the dysphoria/depression that causes... but it's still tiring to see that I can't maintain a workout. It seems I'm good at generating motivation that says "Hey, it would be awesome if you worked out because you could get -blank-, -blank-, and -blank- benefits" but not very good at maintaining that motivation and momentum. And then when I try and start up again, like now, I get bogged down in trying to find a routine. So many influences like: It's getting colder and my asthma will choke me if I exercize out in the snow. I'm moving in January and trying to save my money so I can't really get a gym membership, nor buy too many items to work out using(I'm currently jobless, with non-matching paperwork until January which makes job hunting awkward, on having to spend another thousand on a facial procedure in a few weeks I didn't think I'd have to). But so far my understanding of my goals suggests strength training would achieve the ends I seek... putting it at odds with my lack of funds for a gym (also I'm still extremely unconfident, so It'd be tough to go to a gym... I know I know 'suck it up' but with people like myself in the news more than ever, with confrontations and the like flourishing... it can't help but get me a little worried). And I don't have any friends in my town that could help out. So I'm a bit lost. It seems like a motivation problem on the face, but theres all these annoying restrictions I'm trying to deal with on top of it. Any guidance would be helpful. Edit: I went ahead and did one rep of the Advanced bodyweight routine today, and I'll try and get that back up to 3-4 reps as a primary lead off.

so um... yeah I missed 1 workout and 1 yoga. I did my workout for monday though so if I keep it back up hopefully I can get back on track. I know excuses excuses, but I'll type it all up anyways just to get it off my chest: So I took Friday off from work so that I could be up during the day since I work 3rd shift and could get some additions to my tiny incomplete wardrobe. So I ended up trying to go out Thursday to get a haircut, but all the nice places were closed and I did the stupid thing and went to a cheapo-walkin. I figured since I just wanted a trim it wouldn't be bad. Welp, she trimmed like 30 hairs and was all "I'm done". That pissed me off and lowered my enthusiasm a ton. So I hit up one store, but I was so self-conscious I could barely look at the clothes and I left after 30 minutes. Went home. Next day, woke up and just had zero energy and zero motivation and at points was curled up fetal position. After I started getting really tired at like 8:00 am I found some weird slap-happy motivation and went ahead and went to the store. It didn't open till 9 but that was ok XD. This time I was successfull sort of. I texted my sister and a friend and had them help me look at the clothes since I'm extremely inexperienced shopping. The scarriest part was the changing room because I had 5 items I needed to try on, but I was so scared the lady at the counter would point me to the men's side. She didn't, and that was definitely a boost of confidence. When I sent my friend pics of me in the outfits though she was all "Wow you need sleep" because apparently I had super black no-sleep around my eyes. I ended up only getting one shirt, before going to another store and finding nothing there. Then I went home, and went to sleep. I figured I could still get both workouts and stuff in when I got up. Unfortunately I could not catch up on my sleep. I sleept 4 hours, then couldn't sleep anymore even though I was so tired I had a headache. So I stayed up for a bit before trying again. This time however, I only slept 4 hours because I had promised some online friends I would RPG with them. So I woke up and did that, which was fun though one of the group mis-gendered me quite a few times which hurt pretty bad. So Then I went back to bed. Woke up, still had headache. Tried to get some motivation, chatted with a bunch of online friends, realized I needed to do my grocery shopping for the next week so i went out to do it. Was hoping to get my Yoga in still... but my head was still pounding so I just went to bed. Woke up this morning (afternoon sunday for everyone else) and got the first workout of this new week in. So there you have it. >.> Head still feels funny. Did I mention I missed one of my medications? The HRT (Missed it when I was out at the stores for a super long time). I'm sure that contributed to me getting super off and maybe the headache as well. Hard to know though.

It went fine! No major issues. This second week however ... XD I still haven't missed anything, but it's been far more difficult, and I've found myself particularly tired. Still, I've continued pushing and haven't missed a workout or yoga or voice practice session yet. I took a day off from work for this coming friday to go shopping during the day (since I work 3rd shift this is usually quite difficult), and so hopefully the 3 day weekend will help me regain some of my strength while allowing me to keep up my routines.

Finished Miniquest!

Just got off work. Did yoga and voice stuff this morning. Now that I'm practicing my voice more, I'm wondering if my initial goal might have been light. I think I'm going to think of it as more of a 'minimum'. Anyways, I'll do the Mini Challenge below: Is your overall quest achievable (over a short or long period of time)? Is it reasonable? - I mean... I rather hope being comfortable with yourself is achievable and reasonable. XD It's definitely a long-term project, but in that regard, even if I can always find new parts of the quest which are not yet achieved (aka: thinks I don't feel comfortable about myself) then I suppose I can always try and tackle them next and I will have lost nothing and gained a lot by doing what I could. Do your 3 quests all build towards your main quest in little ways, or are you taking on too much? Do your quests have sub-quests or is it just one thing to focus on? -All my quests do buld towards my overall quest, in rather obvious ways. All are based on achieving a better physical self, and my physical self has a lot to do with my comfort. I don't think I'm taking on too much, and the only thing I'm really branching out on is the Yoga, which while I'm sure it can be difficult, I'm taking a very relaxed approach to. I could break them into sub-quests, but only if I was really micro-managing, (particular rep increases, time practicing yoga or something), and said micro-managing wouldn't really help me achieve the purposes of those quests or the overall quest better. Are your main goals realistic? Can you scale them to smaller steps to fit your life better, even if it will make it take a little longer to achieve them? -My main goal is rather abstract... and as such achieving it as allowed to fluctuate over time (and definitely has during various points during my transition before I became a recuit). As such, scaling isn't something that's too important for the big quests, however as was suggested for one of my small quest goals, I had shot a little too far and had to pull back some. It's nice having nerd fitness to give me more abtainable goals well within realism. XD Are your goals able to be measured and tracked? What will you use to track them? Yep. I'm using a dry-erase board on my wall to track them. More in next question. How are you grading your goals? Are they pass/fail (“every dayâ€, “not even once over the six weeksâ€)? Is there a reward for the effort, or are you only grading yourself on whether or not you “lose the weight†or “run the distanceâ€? First two goals and the life-goal are all "Daily" events. If I miss a day I'll drop in score, and I'll write down any days I miss. The last reward is a "gain the weight" event. I honestly haven't given myself any 'rewards' or thought up any. I suppose I can think of some during the 6 weeks, but I'm not quite sure what they would be... other than I suppose getting some RPG points XD What is your plan for continuing/altering/grading those goals if you become ill or injured? Different injuries would affect my different goals. A general body-injury could make me have difficulty with my workout. I would do my best to alter my workout to correct for it, but if I am unable to complete it for a long period of time I would give myself a "Withdrawl" from that sub-quest temporarily, possibly till next challenge. I would be able to continue all other quests though, as I'm sure there is Yoga to avoid injuries. If I was too sick to do Yoga or workout for a few days, I'd give myself some leeway on grading. If my voice got raspy or bad, I can give myself some leeway again on practicing my voice during those days. The only risk to the gaining weight goal is if I lost weight due to a particularly bad illness. In such a case, I would do my best with what I could and see what I could maintain and get back up to after I recovered. Did you take into consideration any special occasions (Labour Day, Independence Day, birthdays, anniversaries, etc) that may occur during the challenge? What modifications do you need to build into your goals for those? There shouldn't be any issues. I have a rest day each week, so if I have to shift that day here or there it shouldn't make any large problems. Do any of your main goals conflict with each other? Will one goal make it hard to do another? There is a slight conflict in that I'm working out, and thus slowly pushing myself harder, while trying to gain weight. This, however, is nearly a necessity for the purpose of the weight gain, as pudge in the wrong places would not help my main quest. Still, I think it will work out if I achieve a healthy weight. Do you already have the time in your schedule to actually complete the goals you’ve set? If not, what are you planning to do to make time for them? Yep. I've been doing it fine for a week. Doing the workout and yoga has given me more energy so when I've been excessively sleeping I can now stay awake a bit more. Are you trying to build multiple habits, or is all your energy focused on your main quest? Some habits are being worked on sort of, but only those contributing to my big goal. It's just that the big goal requires making habbits! XD By that, I merely mean establishing excersize is usefull to help me feel comfortable with myself. Thus hitting main quest and establishing a good habbit too.

Haha, my IRL support is tollerable. I have some fine friends from other forums I've been with for many years and they've been super supportive. It's all moderately temporary anyways because after I get all my legal stuff switched over I'll likely move to a new location taking only my online friends with me. XD Thanks! I have quite a few online outlets to access trans-spaces of various forms, so I should be good. I WILL SAY THOUGH... it's strange working out with a different internal chemical make-up. It's something I intellectually expected, but experiencing it is very difficult. I'll keep that in mind about change! We'll see about the food tracking... XD Thanks for the response!

Just a quick correction. Transgender is an adjective, not a noun, so proper phrasing would be "transgender person" or something like that (think the way we describe orientation: It is correct to say "a gay person" but to say "a gay" is somewhat demeaning). Just figured Id correct yah now, thanks!

I've just switched over to GSM Gender and Sexual Minority. When explainint it to people, I say: It properly addresses why the groups are unified, while being inclusive, and is the proper successor to LGBT and all the acronyms after it. I've found that people who are JUST accepting LGBT but would have trouble accepting any longer acronyms are usually ok with GSM. I suppose the downside is it doesn't name all the groups within GSM, but in my opinion that's also an upside as groups currently not accepted in LGBT+ can work their way in easier (say polyamorists). *shrug* On an upside, I posted my first picture to facebook since I deleted my old one and made a new one with my proper name. It recieved fine responses, though my favorites are the ones from my brother and father.

Update: My first workout is done! ... "but wait!" you say " It's not the 13th yet!" Well... I work third shift, and spend more of my day awake on the day after the day I wake up, plus it's the official day I write on all my forms so I consider when I wake up the 13th. Yeah... so I did my workout before heading off to work. It was tough, and while I need to work on technique it did go well, so off to do yoga tomorrow. Thanks, and thanks for the link! I actually posted in there a while back. XD Doyogawithme is where I got the free online yoga I'm doing for tomorrow. I like the woman's voice and while It seems rather simple, I suppose it IS for beginners. XD I'll try to add some extra peanut butter. Not a huge fan of almond butter... unless nutella counts XD I did pick up some string cheese to snack on so yes to that as well. XD Thanks! A specific price goal probably WOULD be a good idea. Thanks for that suggestion! My spending money in the past was just that I could find nothing to buy that I wanted that I believed was accceptable for me to buy (or in some cases even look at... "no of course I'm not allowed to look at eyelash curlers" kind of thing XD) so I've been spending more in general on that. That said, my issue nowadays has a lot to do with the fact I know I have legal fees coming up (Yeehaw Indiana court fees for name and gender change) as well as super duper expensive surgeries further down in my future. So all of that makes me worried about spending... but that said, I know I'll find a way to be in a better financial place next year by using the degree I am currently not using, so I really should think less of those future expenses as being part of my current saving problems.But once again, thanks for the specific suggestion!

Haha yeah. Voice training is difficult though. I had thought I was making progress but after speaking to some others it seems I haven't been doing anything they really noticed lols. So i'm going to work MUCH harder on it. My IRL support is... well rather lacking tbh. Live with mother, who says she is supportive but still won't use proper names and pronouns. In contrast, My dad switched over at the beginning of the year and has been great about it. I'd stay with him but he lives far away from my job and his wife and me don't always get along. Yep... patience patience patience. lols. But as they talk about even on here, it's about breaking things down into little goals and big goals, and I've tried to do that with my transition too. Thanks! I'll look into it as well~

Hey! Thanks for the reply. Multi-tiered response incoming~ I'm on Estradoil which is my estrogen, no progesterone (new studies are inconclusive on it, so my doctor didn't perscribe it), but Finasteride (mostly just effects hair) and Spironolactone which is my anti-androgen (testosternone blocker). And yeah, it's working, but I just want to give it some help. I was hoping it would increase my fat storage more, but it really didn't do anything really in terms of helping me gain weight, and it has been just as difficult to gain what little I have recently as it was a long while back when I put on some weight. Yeah I'll lower my goals on the weight end. XD And while I'm not afraid of math, I'm rather inexperienced in food math, and I cannot stick with keeping track of my food. A previous poster suggested I could just eat a healthy desert daily, but I found that I will always do that if I actually have said desert already bought. I suppose I have a limiter in the fact that I'm super scared of spending money but I can make it through that I'm sure. It's less about trouble with the medication and more that I know I'm underweight and thus it's less likely to do as well as I hoped, say in the boob area. XD I mean that effects cis girls if they are underweight during puberty. Logopedic work or even professional voice training might be required in the long run, but some people don't need that (no statistics on such things ofc) when transitioning and there are some good online communities set up for such which I'm already working my way into. And the suggestion for daily intake to gain weight is a good one, but I don't think I'm THAT big of a desert fan really. I know if I buy it, I'll eat it. Just gotta buy it. XD So really, my challenge is more to buy more food, though that sounds sort of funny as a 'fitness' challenge lols.

Hello! I've posted a bit on the forums already, and have done the bodyweight workout off and on for the last 3 years (usually about 4-6 months at a time before I'd stop). I know I felt better during my workouts, and I admittedly have some self-viewing issues that have many sides to it. One, is that being a trans individual, I am making progress on that front merely by taking my medication (hormone replacement therapy) every day. However, medication and my self-image will certainly make better gains if I am not merely sustaining my current health, but getting better. The fact I weigh only 109 (up from 105) is certainly impacting the ability of the medication for instance. Thus, I wish to get healthier, feel more comfortable, and help re-envision myself in the best way I possibly can. My previous attempts lacked accountability, and I'm hoping to get some of that through the Rebellion. Main Quest: Feel more comfortable about being me. Quest 1: Do the Strong Curves Bodyweight Workout 3 times a week Measurement: A = 18 times, B = 16,C = 15 I want some curves! And the strong curves workout works on exactly what I'm interested in. Sure my meds will help, but I wanna boost them and know I'm living up to my full curvy potential. This is beyond the mirror because I feel how I move and I know what the meds are doing is awesome, but you don't get a cute butt just by taking pills. You gotta work for it, and now that I am no longer ashamed of some of my physical goals, and I have the internal hormone chemistry to develop them into a better shape, I'm going to push for what I want. Quest 2: Do Yoga 3 times a week. (Will spend next 2 nights attempting to find particular Yoga routine for this challenge... want to give a look to flexibility if possible) Measurement: A = 18 times B = 16,C = 15 They say Yoga can help calm a troubled mind, and use the body in many ways to many ends. I'm interested in some small gains in flexibility, and the mental aspects of yoga as well... I'll find a routine before the start! (I've got 2 days off to look through them, as well as buy the few materials needed for my bodyweight workout... I secretly always wanted a swiss ball so this is a perfect excuse XD ) Coming to terms with me has a lot to do with all of this, and a system of doing that combined with working with my body seems like it'll be helpful to that end. Quest 3: Reach a weight of 115 lbs Measurement: A = 115, B = 113, C = 111 I have been underweight all my life. Truthfully, it has been a blessing. While I had some sort of growth delay when I was younger which stunted the male puberty (thank god) I also probably limited some of my growth by being underweight. BUT, I have no need for such things anymore. I am entering my second puberty, the awesome girly one, and I want it to do it's best. So I need some more weight, and 125 is a good goal. The most I've ever weighed is 115, so I'm shooting for 10 lbs above that. On two separate times I tried to track what I eat with the my-fitness pal, but it seems rather impossible for me to keep up with that. I'm doing my best NOT to be insane, and I've sort of realized that I do eat what I buy if I buy it. Thus, gaining weight for me has to do with just plain old buying more food just for me (live with a parent still so they make meals for me on occasion, but I eat my own food most of the time otherwise). If I buy it, and it takes a smaller amount of prep, and I enjoy it, I think I can kick up my intake. I have been pushing hard these last few weeks to get from 105 to 109... but I need to push harder if I'm ever going to make it to 125. EDIT: Through Suggestions of other posters who "did the math" I lowered my target for this 6 weeks to 115. Life Quest: Voice Train 15 minutes every day Measurement: A = 42 days, B = 36 days, C = 30 days My voice... is a prominent gender characteristic. It classifies me well within the 'man' cattegory, and that's not a place I want to be. This is for both outside presentation, and in the way I deal with myself. So I have to practice to get it right. I'm going to really focus on using the online resources I have available to me (tone-measuring programs along with peer evaluations on some MTF voice groups like the one on Reddit) in order to get my voice into a range and style I can accept. Putting the effort in to practice is tough, but if I dedicate time to it I'm sure I'll make progress. Motivation: I want to be able to feel more comfortable looking in the mirror, hearing my own voice, feeling myself move. I want to know that I'm doing everything I can to make sure my medication is doing it's job, because when my medication does it's job, I feel more and more self-worth, and more and more like me. And when I get healthier, that'll be similar to the medication in and of itself with helping to improve my self-image. And when I'm more of a "me", then I can be a better friend, a better worker, a better daughter, and even a better (future) girlfriend. I'll figure out a System of Reward points later... I do like the whole RPG thing, but maybe it's something I should think about after I've really focused on these Quests first. XD

Thanks! Will definitely look into them if my workout isn't already full ofc. I had done some of thos before and yeah that'd probably help out. I had done Rows during the bodyweight routine so that I can probably add in. Leg raises would probably help out a lot and I am a huge fan of the plank. Thanks! Hrm. Downloaded the PDF, will look through it. Seems very interesting and pre-set up so that could help me out. Thanks!