swiftblade

You know how to contact me. [emoji13] Sent from my HTC One_M8 using Tapatalk

Only bad people eat pizza!Sent from my HTC One_M8 using Tapatalk

So I tried again to work out in a fasted state. I really can't even do it. This is what its like. Starting the workout my energy level is low. I got all my pushups but my time on my plank lowered. I'm doing fine at this point. My abs cramped after planks. Over to bench. Bench press I'm usually around 50 pounds. I was feeling very tired so I started with 20. Yeah, good call I struggled to put up my last two. So next set I thought adding 10 lbs would be okay. WRONG. Barely got 5 reps. My triceps were cramping and I asked my husband to come over and check my form. I was doing everything almost right. But I couldn't activate my chest. He lowered my weight to 10 lbs. Then I was finally able to activate the muscle. Weird. This is when things started to suck. Next was the chest flyes and I did well on this. 70 lbs straight through all three sets. Last set struggled to pull out the last 4....absolute failure on the last reps. But when I stood up, I got tunnel vision. Not just that but I was dizzy....so dizzy I had to sit down. Drank some water then on to triceps. Still not feeling well, overhead triceps press at 20 lbs. Set one: fine-ish. Set two: muscle cramps. I took a little bit longer break....this is when the headache set in. Right above my right eye. It felt like I was being hit with a cabinet door. (lol cause I've done that too many times in my life). But hey, I'm stubborn. I kept going. Like an idiot. Last set. Muscle cramps were so bad, my triceps felt like rocks. I gave it 5 minutes. Tunnel vision hard. But whatever, I did kickbacks. With 10 lbs....a light weight. More cramps. More headache. Hate my life at this point. Making this my last exercise. Needed to eat... Got a muscle milk and relaxed in my car before driving. I instantly felt like puking. I was shaking and felt like I would pass out. This is horrible. I didn't do it on purpose. I just forgot to eat. I had three boiled eggs and an Apple for breakfast at 8 am. Worked out at 4 pm. So it's not even a long fast. I hated it. I felt weak and useless. What a waste of a workout. [emoji37] [emoji38] [emoji36] [emoji35]

Awesome. [emoji3] look forward to it.

Better make that spreadsheet. Lol. I need a lot of work on my diet.

How do I move it?

Thank u for this. It's always better to not feel alone. That little man is kickass. Got some mental harvesting to do still.

So, I think I do a pretty good job of pretending I'm okay and ignoring all the negative thoughts in the back of my head. Some days it's harder to keep the thoughts at bay, "You aren't good enough" and "No matter what you do that won't change". It's even hard to write that because of how much I believe those words. I often read things to inspire myself, I love Jean-Paul Sartre because he makes me feel like I'm being chastised for thing that way. "It is therefore senseless to think of complaining since nothing foreign has decided what we feel, what we live, or what we are." Some days I just find it difficult to find my self worth. I feel so often through the eyes of others that my being is expendable. I feel so lonely so often. I don't know how to fix me. I think sometimes, I'll just always be broken. I always feel like a mistake. I have a theory that not all people are integral to the story line. That some people are just meant to play the party of the NPC , and merely help the true hero reach their quest, save the world and whatnot. Just fodder to fatten the story. I feel like one of those people. That I will never truly make an impact and that my life is meaningless. I'm just one of the people in the background to the story that does matter. Oh well. Gonna try today anyway.

So. I didn't run this morning. It was cold and I'm a bitch when it comes to cold. But I didn't have any rock star and still no cigarettes. I worked out after work instead cause again I was being a little bitch this morning. I did legs. Walked on the treadmill for 10 minutes then took my husband's advice and tackled my hardest exercise first and with a lotta weight. 3x8 Squats: 50, 60 & 70 lbs Stiff-legged deadlifts: 70, 80, & 90 Leg press: 140, 160 & 160 Hip abductions: 90, 110, 115 Glute kickbacks: 90 (these are freaking tough. First time doing it) Cool down with stretches Running tomorrow morning. No excuses. Good freaking leg day. I will be sore but that means it's working. ðŸ˜

Yes. But I mean. I havent had one in a week. So I think I've quit?

Quit cigarettes**

Thanks Jenni. Funny story, one time I tried to smoke cigarettes by saying that I would only smoke when I drink. by the end of the week I was drunk everyday. so that didn't work out very well. it wasn't intentional, but as soon as I started to live healthier I find that I am drinking a lot less and when I do drink I'm actually drinking less. Stay mindful of your goals and you'll totally reach them.

Today was a bad day. Woke up with terrible joint pain and didn't run. I have Sjogren's so some days are harder. I had to work 14 hours so I didn't want to push myself too hard. Oh, and I had a rockstar in the morning because it helps. Tomorrow I am getting my car fixed so while I wait I was gonna take a run around the plaza. It'll be at 730 am so no one will really see me. Lol. Not like igaf. Then I was thinking to hit the gym for legs before work. Depends on how long the car takes. Slacking a little on the water. Just the last two days. I didn't feel like doing dishes so that I could fit the Brita in the sink. So it stayed empty and I just didn't drink. But I need to focus on staying hydrated. It helps with the Sjogren's....not allowed to be lazy. Still no cigarettes. Although, I really miss the squishy feeling of the butt...Lmao. I mean the filter. The vapor doesn't really offer that comfort.

So, I've kinda fallen off writing, but not the program. I haven't had a cigarette in almost a week. Down to one rock star on work days. Eating clean and working out fanatically. Originally, I had planned to do one day cardio, one day strength. I have decided to combine them. Also, going back to my three day split of back/biceps, chest/triceps and legs. I like it better. Today I hit a curb. That has left me with an injured car that I cannot repair until Wednesday. So, I did a bodyweight circuit in my house. With those as weights. I did 4x10 of pushups, overhead tricep press, lying flyes, ticep kickbacks, crossovers and dips. Not that bad. Tomorrow I'm going to run outside, weather permitting, before work. I've been running on the treadmill and have 2.38 mi in 30 mins as my record. Gonna use an app to track my run tomorrow. I wanna keep beating myself. It's the only way to get better. So good things...almost halfway through this challenge. I'm starting to work on my next one. Thinking about doing the warrior dash in August. [emoji15]

So Friday I did a variation of that workout from Wednesday. I ran on the treadmill for 30 minutes 1.96 mi. I wanna reach 2 mi in 30 mins *side quest*. Then I hit the circuit, no cardio interval. 2 sets 1 at 10 reps 30 sec break then up the weight and do 8 more. Leg press: 130, 150 Leg curl: 70, 85 Leg extension: 50, 70 Chest press: 40, 50 Lat pulldown: 85, 100 (that one made me feel good) Shoulder press: 20, 30 Seated row: 70, 85 Bicep curl: 60, 70 Triceps extension: 50, 60 Weighted crunches: 30, 40 Finished with some stretches and a 10 minute cool down walk. Felt really good. I slipped on Friday though. I had 2 rock stars and 8 cigarettes. I smoke more when I'm all caffed up. Saturday wasn't much better. I had a 12 hour shift on the day that just never ended...I smoked 9 cigarettes and no rockstars.... Sunday I was much better one rock star, got a lot of cleaning and packing and moving shit done. Only 5 cigarettes (i think I should mention I was up at 7 am ) Didn't drink all my water on Sunday. 😔 Today. I had one rock star, 5 cigarettes so far and got all my water already. Still need to workout I got stuck at work this morning. One hour on turned into 9. Lord help me. Hoping I do better tomorrow.

That is the circuit at my gym. That's what I did tonight. I would count it as both cardio and strength training because there is 90 sec on the machine 30 sec break then 90 sec on the step ups. Warm up 10 minutes fast paced walk on treadmill. 3x12 back extensions with 25 lbs weight 3x10 reverse crunches on capt chair **all cardio sets done with step ups with high knees** *reps were either til the end of the 90 sec cycle(complete) or failure (not being able to do any more) Leg press 130 lbs 15 reps: failure. Leg extension 70 lbs 15 reps: failure. Leg curl 70 lbs 18 reps: complete Chest press 50 lbs 17 reps: complete Lat pull down 70 lbs 20 reps: complete Shoulder press 30 lbs 13 reps: complete Seated rows 70 lbs 20 reps: complete Bicep curl 50 lbs 13 reps: failure Triceps extension 50 lbs 11 reps: failure Weighted crunches 30 lbs 22 reps: complete Cool down with 10 minutes of walking and then stretches. Completely awesome workout. I really felt it. These were all lowered weights then I normally do with strength training but the object of the circuit is to keep the weights lower so you can keep the reps high and keep cardio working the whole time. Think I might do this again on Friday. But I don't want my muscles to get too used to it. I'm highly prone to plateauing. Had no rockstars and a total of 3 cigarettes. Drank all my water [emoji3] It's been rough without caffeine but I know I'll feel better in general when I eliminate artificial supplementation. Oh. And I've been cutting salt. I am hoping it helps with my belly bloat.

So that didn't work. Thanks for all the support. if it weren't for you, I'd feel rather invisible. It helps to be able to share.

Thanks. Lol. I it means a lot to me. Because well, if it weren't for you're comments I would feel rather invisible. Thanks for the support. [emoji3]

About to head to the gym for my run. I haven't said much about the workout because I knew that wouldn't be a problem. The strength training is a step down from what I was doing but the cardio is definitely a step up. Did my first run in the gym hit 1.92 miles in a half hour. I'm not stopping til I hit 2 tonight.

I'm feeling those headaches today. More like just pressure...either way it hurts. Only 1 cigarette so far today. Think I probably won't have another though. I'm noticing that I choose to smoke. I anticipate when I think I'll have a craving and try to plan around heading it off. This is gonna be a hard habit to break. I've been thinking this way for a very long time.

End of a ten year relationship with energy drinks 😔

I'm thinking I have to just stay away from it. The plan was to moderate but after the detox I don't think I need to have that in my system. It's just hurting me. Good thing though, I was spending anywhere from 5-10 dollars a day on it. Something that can make me feel this awful without, I don't think I need.

This has been one of the hardest days of my life 14 hr with no rockstar. I didn't even realize how dependant I was on it. I made it through though and it should only get easier from here

I follow blog on fb called bodyrock and Dorian Yates has a lot of videos on the topic on bodybuilding.com Jillian Michaels also is a big supporter