spooky

Love this! Subbed and cheering for you!

Day 4 This challenge has been going really well. I feel happier than I have in a while. Like I finally have control of my life. Not control of others, just control of myself. Goals today: -c25K workout #2 -meditation -mindful eating -2 L of water -WRITING -Therapy

Okay so recap for the day (so far). Early evening. exercise: 3/7 complete for the week Water: 2+ L 3/7 complete for the week meditation: 30 minutes 3/7 complete for the week (I am altering the challenge. the effects of meditating every day have been so beneficial I do not really want to miss a day. It doesn't have to be 30 minutes.) Food: Food: 2 eggs w/ 1/4 cup sharp cheddar 2 minneola tangelos 3 kiwis 1/2 carved turkey sandwich 1 cup pineapple 4 petite ecolier dark chocolate cookies romaine salad with chicken, almonds, cranberries, asiago, and homemade vinaigrette dressing. Writing: worked on an essay. wrote two sentences. Getting the ball rolling and overcoming some emotional inertia. Other: I felt happy almost all of today, even though there were things that did annoy me, I maintained a good mood. I'm very proud, and, well, happy to be happy on my own.

needs more cats.

Thank you so much for this epic response. It really helps to know I'm not the only one who has dealt with this situation. It's hard because some of these were classes to fill major requirements. That pressure got compounded during my last semester since I transferred mid sophomore year, requirements changed when I changed schools. I definitely have a perfectionist demon to slay. I've gotten better but I still have a ways to go. I try judge myself on two: Did I make the time, did I put in the effort. Sometimes fear keeps me from doing either. It does feel like a prison. I've changed a lot in the past two years but being stuck with these assignments can make it feel like I never left. The pressure is all self inflicted. You are right to say I just need to shoot for "good enough". I just need to get them done so I can move on with my life. The problem is remembering this in the face of all the imaginary fears that make me so scared I can't move.

Mini challenge completed! ​

Week 1 Mini-Challenge: Is your overall quest achievable (over a short or long period of time)? Is it reasonable? Over a long period of time yes. Do your 3 quests all build towards your main quest in little ways, or are you taking on too much? Do your quests have sub-quests or is it just one thing to focus on? All three of my quests help me take care of myself. Mind and Body. So far it hasn't been an issue of getting these things done. I've looked forward to making progress every day. Are your main goals realistic? Can you scale them to smaller steps to fit your life better, even if it will make it take a little longer to achieve them? Yes definitely. Are your goals able to be measured and tracked? What will you use to track them? The standards outlined in the first post of this challenge How are you grading your goals? Are they pass/fail (“every dayâ€, “not even once over the six weeksâ€)? Is there a reward for the effort, or are you only grading yourself on whether or not you “lose the weight†or “run the distanceâ€? Effort is factored into all the grades. I only fail when I do nothing. What is your plan for continuing/altering/grading those goals if you become ill or injured? ​If I am injured I will doing walking/yoga/stretching and continue drinking water, meditating, and writing. If ill I drink water, meditate, write. Did you take into consideration any special occasions (Labour Day, Independence Day, birthdays, anniversaries, etc) that may occur during the challenge? What modifications do you need to build into your goals for those? I can squeeze exercise into short segments. They will add up. If I fail, I forgive myself and try again. Do any of your main goals conflict with each other? Will one goal make it hard to do another? No Do you already have the time in your schedule to actually complete the goals you’ve set? If not, what are you planning to do to make time for them? Yes Are you trying to build multiple habits, or is all your energy focused on your main quest? All habits build the physical and emotional happiness aka the goal of the main quest.

I've been experimenting with this scenario: I want a sweet treatI think about itI think about it 10 minutes latergo to the cabinetopen a box of cookiestake ONEwalk back to wherever I was siteatenjoyget back to antecedent activityIt is hard to take just one. I remind myself the box is still there in the cabinet when I want it. If I only take one cookie, I enjoy it much more. When I take more than one I've already mentally skipped to cookie number two. And that's how a binge starts.

Oh boy. During the last semester of my junior year I was going through crippling depression and anxiety where I wouldn't leave my room except maybe 10-15 minutes a day. I really should have left school mid semester but I was stubborn and I tried to fix the problems there while my parents went through a financial meltdown at home. The financial stuff was also part of the problem. Knowing I probably wouldn't be able to go back for other reasons I couldn't control. I stuck out the semester the best I could but didn't make it to all of my classes and arranged to do all of the work I had missed at home during the summer then return in the fall. Before the first month of summer was up (before my birthday) my dad told me I wouldn't be able to go back b/c of the financial situation. Deep in debt. I tried financial aid, but did not get nearly enough aid to go back. Loans are not possible and are actually part of the problem. I have completed most of the work, got credit and good grades in two of the classes. I have several short essays to revise for one class, and one longer essay that also needs to be revised. The writing is roughly done. I keep thinking I need to add more. I know I'm all hung up on imaginary problems. The gap between knowing and solving is wide. I don't know if I could financially justify taking extra credits when I go back because I didn't finish this work. After that melodramatic paragraph I will say I did do some work on my essay. Not enough to be done, but I have to start somewhere.

On second thought the essay being two years overdue is actually pretty hilarious and not finding the humor actually makes it scarier. So i just need to open the word document and giggle for glory.

Day 3 in progress. Exercise: 60 minutes pilates. Lots of stretching today, but also some good work. Water: 1.25 L down, .75 to go. Meditation: 30 minutes after coming home from pilates. Food: 2 eggs w/ 1/4 cup sharp cheddar (mild cheddar horrifies me) 2 minneola tangelos 3 kiwis 1/2 carved turkey sandwich Writing: to be tackled. Luckily I have the rest of the afternoon free to devote to it. Currently working on short stories and an essay so overdue its not even funny. Essays are one thing I'm trying to think about like cooking. What are the ingredients for a successful essay? I've written literally hundreds of essays. I'm stuck mentally. But capable physically. It's fear. Plain and simple but never easy.

Okay so cooking done and I'm exhausted. It's hard when you have to do all the clean up yourself. Making a mess is the fun part. I love cooking and I need to think about things that scare me as though they were cooking. To make them safe. So end of day log: Day 2 -exercise: day 1 of C25K complete -Water: working on liter #3, so A for the day -Food intake: homemade smoothie (banana, mango, pineapple, stawberry, raspberry, yogurt, chia seeds) 1/2 carved turkey sandwich 1/4 cup sugar snap peas 1.5 bowls homemade shepherds pie 2x 100 cal greek yogurt popsicle -meditation: 30 minutes, 2/5 for the week -writing: will write at least one sentence before bed. (done. literally one sentence, but i will let that be enough as I'm exhausted from cooking all afternoon) notes: I think meditating helped me maintain a more positive attitude throughout the day. I felt like I was able to do one thing and really focus on it. I want to remember that feeling. I am finding a larger space between impulse and action. I'd like to keep widening the gap. Also although I won't beat myself up about it, having two of a "low calorie" treat somewhat defeats the point. Oh well. On to the next.

-C25K: Completed! Oof that was tough but I did it. 1/3 completed for the week. -Meditation: 30 minutes completed. 2/5 completed for the week. -Cooking (chicken, ground beef, freeze unused portions) My next task! -Writing: -Water: 1.5L so far

That spreadsheet is mesmerizing. Can't wait to read more of your story! Keep up the great work!

Day 2! Day 1 went well, but Day 2 is my chance to rock C25K so.... listy agenda thing: -C25K -Meditation -Cooking (chicken, ground beef, freeze unused portions) -Writing -Water started my day off with a delicious banana, strawberry, raspberry, mango, pineapple smoothie

Good luck! I'm going to follow your challenge. I'm new as well and I also struggle with depression and anxiety. It's amazing you're making the effort to tackle it with CBT on your own. Sending you good vibes!

Day 1 Log -exercise: 10 minutes of walking and 60 minutes of pilates I really pushed myself in Pilates today. I was able to approach it more like meditating, where I gave each moment my full attention and effort. I had to run errands after but I'm proud of my effort. -Water: at 1.5L glasses, need two more before I go to bed. -finished the day at over 2L of water -Food intake: opal apple with crunchy almond butter 1/2 banana 1 homemade vanilla cupcake without frosting (oops. I made these for a friend who had a rough weekend) 2 string cheese 1 minneola tangelo 1 serving homemade pasta with vegetables 100 cal greek yogurt popsicle -meditation: 7 minutes morning 6 minutes afternoon 15 minutes evening (the first two session were interrupted) -writing: more than a sentence, achieved for today

also challenge thread is here for anyone who is interested

I aspire to be like Jake even though I'm probs more a mixture of PB and Marceline.

Haha I wish I could blame my love of cartoons and chocolate on someone else . I'll have to watch Regular Show at some point. Maybe with NF I can approach Sugilite levels of beef. Of at least get a megaphone so I can dance around singing at people while they exercise.

I walk ~20 minutes a day but I've only been able to run for a minute at a time. Running is something I've always wanted to do, but I convinced myself that I couldn't. So it's time for a paradigm shift. I need to alter my challenge goals to include running but I'll have to figure out how to structure it. When I was little my mom told me that the tops of broccoli were trees. I always wanted to leave the trunk so the "leaves" would grow back.

Definitely want to build muscle. I actually have already started to. I weight train a little and do Pilates (which works with bodyweight).

Putting in a recommendation for The Good Soldier by Ford Maddox Ford.

Seriously it's so true. My mom told me this for years, but I persisted in thinking I was a special snowflake and it wouldn't work for me. I'm still a special snowflake but less stubborn about accepting help/advice.