spooky

something something quick to the draw something something cc: @SomeGuyFromScotland

MY THREAD HAS ARRIVED.

thank you! it's nice to be back! (did i almost accidentally type tits instead of it's? also yes.) school has been great and i had to argue with financial aid but i ended up with a huge amount of grant money so success is mine!

other things: currently recovered from ED stuff, not eating particularly well but i'm trying and also the more i think about food the worse the ED thoughts get so i'm just...not. BUT, i did join the student run CSA's on campus and i have lots of produce so YAY. am i making flourless chocolate cake tonight? also yes. School is going really well. I'm enjoying all my classes though making friends has been a lot harder than i anticipated. but i have bean with me and also i sort of adopted my neighbor's cat because she was being neglected to the point of abuse and they left her outside when it was 34F and raining. Gotta work on my senior project over thanksgiving break. I'm looking at paratext (specifically footnotes) as a site of creativity in the novel through two lenses: as a reader through literary theory and then as a writer by writing my own story that emulates three texts (the third policeman, pale fire, and guards! guards!). my advisor is currently writing a novel that uses footnotes so it's a good fit. one of the more interesting things i've learned about recently is the history of AIDS activism in America and it's been really eye opening as far as what reaches public discourse and what doesn't. the readings are great and incredibly fascinating even in the professor doesn't manage our class discussion time that well, imo. the readings have made it worth it. also a thing i've learned: percy shelley was extra af. i have an entire senior house to myself. i was supposed to have two housemates and i did email them but never heard back. so i've concluded they're cryptids who catfished the university. i'm impressed tbh. i refuse to wear my warmest coats even though it's reached below freezing several times this month. mostly because if it gets even colder i have nowhere to escalate to. and that is a level of hopelessness i cannot abide. break started today so i'm taking the night off of homework because hahaha what is sleep and i am very tired. uh...i'll see/read around and say hi! *mic drop* (HOW DO YOU END A POST?)

SHELLO!!!!!!! <4

IF ANYONE IS STILL READING THIS I'M BACK AND CHILLING HERE

IF ANYONE IS STILL READING THIS I'M BACK AND CHILLING HERE

*emerges from the murky depths* oh wow hey look it's been...nope not even contemplating how long it's been since i've been on here. one goal: check in and reflect. one sentence. also! for those who're wondering: i'm back at school! i'm about two weeks away from finishing my first semester and i'll (FINALLY) graduate in the spring. HURRAH! more details to come? maybe? also if anyone is on discord lmk because that is my primary mode of communication these days

cross posted from my challenge: ahaha anyone following this, well, the updates will be pretty sporadic -__- I am working on things though! I've been writing every day, I've been making sure to leave my house more, and do some of my writing in coffee shops. AND THEN THE BIGGEST THING: School. Anyone who's followed me here for a long time knows I've been trying to get back to school for a while. This is the first year that I actually have all my tax info on time and my CSS profile and FAFSA are submitted! This is huge. My school has an estimated aid calculator, and I should be getting close to a full ride, supplemented with work study, pell grants, and maybe a very small student loan depending on what the grant covers. So school in the fall is looking like a VERY real possibility. I'm so excited!

KORRA! <333 DFG!!! <333 welcome to my sporadically updated battle log

ahaha anyone following this, well, the updates will be pretty sporadic -__- I am working on things though! I've been writing every day, I've been making sure to leave my house more, and do some of my writing in coffee shops. AND THEN THE BIGGEST THING: School. Anyone who's followed me here for a long time knows I've been trying to get back to school for a while. This is the first year that I actually have all my tax info on time and my CSS profile and FAFSA are submitted! This is huge. My school has an estimated aid calculator, and I should be getting close to a full ride, supplemented with work study, pell grants, and maybe a very small student loan depending on what the grant covers. So school in the fall is looking like a VERY real possibility. I'm so excited!

Tea is also good. Sometimes it's tea and not coffee So Many Things! I HAVE A THEME SONG? HOW DID I NOT KNOW? Thank you! As of today, a BIG thing just went very well

<3333333333333333333333333 Accurate hug gif <3 REMATCH PARTY!!!!

[plz give me coffee] [this might be better for my sporadic updates]

*sneaks in* Guess who's back and is also obsessed with Yuri on Ice??? MISSED YOU <333

[things go here] [coffee first] EDIT: welp this took a while but some things: writing socialization SCHOOL (update on this!)

New challenge is here

I might just leave the cat pictures there tbh. I'm going to keep brainstorming my challenge and probably do a really simple one. @Heidi ☯ recommended following the template we have for rebels and I think that might be what I do. I'll keep you posted! Still sort of working through some ideas. BUT!!!! I was social this week! I went to a New Years Eve thing with a couple guys from work, and then hung out with them again the next night. I also did a movie night with a new friend I met at the NYE get together on Wednesday and had a really good time. We watched Ex Machina, which you should see if you haven't. It's great. She and I are supposed to go see 20th Century Women on Sunday. We found a place to rent, a cute little house that's close to work and I like it a lot. I had my psych appt yesterday and it went really well, I like him a lot more than my last one and feel like he actually listened to me. More to come!

Filler cat pictures

Gotta get my January challenge up! Lots to update you guys on!

I'm back and here for a mini/trial run/general reflection challenge before the new year.

thanks guys <3 I've been a bit better mentally the past two days. We've looked at a bunch of houses to rent, and one has approved us so at least we have a place to live. It's not our first choice, but it's nice, in a good area, and quiet. So it will work. I've got an appointment with a therapist to set up my psychiatrist meeting today, so I'm hoping for a meds adjustment soon. I would like to to start exercising again, I've been really lax on it, i think out of worry about over doing it again. I had a hip issue for a couple of weeks, not sure what was going on there, but it's still intermittent. We'll see how things go from here I guess, I've got work this evening since I switched my saturday shift this week for my grandma's birthday. I might be able to do a longer more reflective post then, that's the goal. Take care <3

*peeks out from behind a corner* Oh hello there. It's been a while. Things are crazy, but I don't know, driving home tonight in terrible visibility while sheets of rain were pelting my windshield made me think. Maybe it was the hydroplaning. One thing I haven't been completely honest about was a relapse into my eating disorder. I've mentioned it at points as a past thing but it's been very much a present thing as of the past ~4 months. My therapist knows, we're working on it and I'm currently maintaining a weight that is both too low and too high. Brains are dumb. This has been a big reason I've taken a bit of a break from here. It can be hard to fight the urge to lose more weight when, well....it's part of the environment. But successful maintenance is something at least. 2016 has been hard for so many reasons. We finally sold our house (for real). We're moving. School is still up in the air. I think my meds may be less effective than they need to be. I had an ED relapse. Trump got elected (god I'm still ignoring this). This is sort of a very very informal challenge. More of a desire to communicate, to catalogue, to work through. To set myself up for a better 2017. 2016 set a pretty low bar that won't be hard to clear. I made a huge roadmap for last year. In some ways it was a good idea, and in others it wasn't. So I'm doing something a bit different. Here are three things I'd like to work on. They're mostly abstract, though I am aware of how I can quantify them, it's just that they're mental rather than physical. 1. Bridging the gap between the Intellectual and Emotional: I can be so aware that something is true/untrue and yet feel completely the opposite. I want to listen to my intellect while respecting my emotions. It's okay to feel whatever it is I'm feeling, but it's important to understand the inherent subjectivity of that feeling as well. 2. Practice: I want to see things as a continuum, a series of interconnected skills, that all actions are just practice, without pressure. I'd also like to make this goal more clear lol. 3. Make Mistakes: mistakes are the goal. I WANT to want to make mistakes. I want to normalize them, reframe them as a positive, enjoy the error part of trial and error. I feel like this would help a lot with self image, anxiety, and depression. So that's it. I guess this is sort of a trial run before the new year.

GUYS IT WAS THE CHARGER. I didn't think it would be because I just bought it a month ago but they tried the store's charger and it worked, so they exchanged it at no cost. So much better than having something they needed to fix with the computer