Morag

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About Morag

  • Rank
    Renegade
  • Birthday 11/02/1983

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  • Location
    Kiel, Schleswig-Holstein

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  • Class
    ranger

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  1. Morag

    Morag's unexpected journey.

    I still haven't posted pics of bujo/travel journal and controll journal. So here goes: And my work-in-progress controll journal That's quite the wall of pictures. I hope you're reading this on wifi... anyway. Today I am not awesome, cried a lot already and it isn't even noon yet. Will pick the kid up from daycare by bike today (his is parked there), then we'll go and brows and maybe buy some ceramic pens... you know? For painting rocks... possibly we'll see. May go for a walk beforehand, feeling restless and kinda stuck... send from my phone, bear with me.
  2. Morag

    Morag's unexpected journey.

    Thanks guys. I seriously don't expect things to ever properly calm down. It seems to be a trademark of myself to always have my metaphorical plate full. Maybe I should talk about this with my therapiat... or meditate. There seems to be something there for me... Anyway. When you posted, aramis, I was still up and about withthe kid. I got to bed by 2230 hours, asleep around 2300h, the kid in my bed. I woke when the alarm went off, but fell back asleep right after, actually crawled out of bed around 0730h, got the kid up amd moving by 0800h. Delivered him at daycare 0920h. Which is utterly late but so there. Had another revelation of: I can easily get out of bed 8h after falling asleep, everything else seems ludicrous. My plan is thus: put out clothes for tomorrow, pack purse (breakfast and lunch, plus bus tickets) at 1800h at the latest. Be in bed by 1900h, sleep before 2000h alarm at 0330h backup alarm at 0400h. Be out the door at 0500h, get bus at 0529h, be at work 0545h. The kid this morning told me how afraid he is of "being alone almost every day" once I start working. So I am going to show him how awesome it is when I do indeed start working, he'll get picked up from school, we will spend lovely afternoons, all the things. Fears are indeed irrational. Not just mine. Bears keeping in mind. Anyway. Off to do some cycling in the drizzle. Talk more soon. send from my phone, bear with me.
  3. Morag

    Morag's unexpected journey.

    Just changed the alarm to 4am. And the backup to 0430h. Thats in 12h and a bit. My Sunday, if I am kind with myself, and plan on at least 6-8h of sleep tonight, will be around 4h long. 6 if I really want to be tired like all hell tomorrow. What was I thinking?! send from my phone, bear with me.
  4. Morag

    Morag's unexpected journey.

    So the sitting and knitting I got down. I excel at it even. The going to bed thing? Not so much. At some point last night part of me convinced the rest of myself that I don't even need to go to bed, I somehow got myself believing, that staying up till 4am, ... and beyond, just not sleeping a whole night, that that was a good idea. Why? I don't know. I knitted and netflixed until... 5am through... then -Surprise- crashed like a ... something impressively failing, I don't even know. I have no idea what I was thinking?! So it is almost 1500h now, I am groggy but awake, I have no idea how to get back onto the waggon. Since I started doing daily dares and since the kids are gone, I don't get anything done anymore. Things are falling apart and I need to do something. But I am tired and willpower is scarce. I brush my teeth and shower and get dressed, but everything beyond that seems like HARD work. Laundry dishes, prepping for the next day... I just fell out of my clothes last night/this morning, I didn't do a single thing on my evening list. Farkh I am really down. Sorry for the whining. I'm feeling whiny. I'll shower and get dressed and then I'll see where I am and what I can do. Might even get around to taking pictures of my controll journal, see where I am at... send from my phone, bear with me.
  5. Morag

    Morag's unexpected journey.

    I am struggling. I am tired all the time, can't get out of bed within even an hour of waking, and I wake well past 8am. So next week will be "interesting" (Serenity pun intended). Because being at work bright and early (6am) will be a hugely different experience. I decided to torture myself a bit in preparation: I will get up as if I have to go to work, both Sunday as well as Monday, hopefully, three days is enough to get my sleep rhythm in check Enough to be able to do Tuesday with minimal ill-effects. I was thinking I should start today, but I am lazy and tired and I talked myself out of it. Silly me. What was I thinking, seriously saying yes to shift work? I have watched hubby suffer under this kind of bullshit for ten years and now I just go and say "sure I'll do it, why not"? What the F is WRONG WITH ME? Also Not having kids for any length of time is weird! Not bad per sé just weird. I'll hop through the bathroom, then do the grocery haul for next week's no-mensa lunch situation, and by some veggies and stuff for my own eating for this weekend, then I'll warm up yesterday's leftovers, because I did indeed put food in the fridge yesterday. And "out of sight out of mind" it's waiting for me there. Packing things up and putting a lid and a fridge door between me and leftovers apparently is enough to get me to put down the fork. It's all about thresholds it seems: make healthy snacks easier accessible than unhealthier choices, add height to threasholds I want as a deterent, lower those I want myself to cross. Silly human behaviour... silly morag behaviours. I'm tired tired tired. I expect it is because I am not doing much, therefore I don't need any energy much, so the body is reducing available resources, I am tired, don't want to do much, and so on and so forth. Bit annoying. I'll get some stuff done today, then I'll sit and knit and watch a movie as evening wind down, then bed as early as 9pm (8?), with an alarm for 4am. An hour and a half should be enough to get up, sorted and to the bus in the morning. So I will practice that. See how it goes. Getting up 2h early while I am in school routine, getting up before the kids, all that jazz, it shouldn't be a problem. But doing it during summer break is kind of cruel. Okay. Enough babbling, lets get moving. send from my phone, bear with me.
  6. Morag

    Morag's unexpected journey.

    Thank you for your kind words, aramis. Good enough. Thats just a turn of phrase. Good enough is actually good enough, that's just so dang difficult. My language is quite a bit bent there: Good enough has this negative vibe to it, that just shouldn't be there. Good enough is not strike sails and give up. It's actually good enough... i have a lot to learn still, especially on this front. I appreciate your thoughts on this. Hey elastigirl, good to have you along. Thanks for your words. Yeah life sucks a wee bit, but I am doimg okay, considering. Late night update. It's 10:30pm here, I am almost in bed by now, which is a huge win. I just have to put my clothes out for tomorrow and water my sprouts and then I am done with Thursday. Just have to go to bed and not watch stuff while in bed, then I'll be asleep before 2300 hours. HUGE win. I did most of my routines today, got some small sorting and cleaning done, nothing as big as my mind told me it should, but I spend some time decluttering and cleaning in the livingroom. And spent some time sorting through the last leftover bag of our camping luggage (sorted laundry). I had a nice enough coaching session (their goal is to get me employed, I have no signed paperwork yet, but more of this another time). Coaching was good, short and painless, had a lovely bike ride through a new-to-me park, even sat and spend some time there. It was lovely, will take the kids there sometime soon. Gorgeous area. Finished the daily missions for wizards unite. I fried mushrooms, a red paprika, and two zucchini in some coconut and some olive oil with a bit of salt and some thyme, then poured them into a casserole dish over some pasta, added sour cream and cream cheese, some parmesan and some grated gouda and baked the whole thing. It was really yummy. I should have put the leftovers into the fridge right away... after I had eaten, I ate a fork full every time I walked past until my tummy hurt and I had an emergency food coma nap. So I have no leftovers for tomorrow and ate way more than I had planned. BUT I cooked healthy(ier) food and it was 50% veggies (+shrooms) (I am a biologist: mushrooms are not plants, sorry for the confusion) and it was delicious! And I even have enough ingredients to make another batch... will put leftovers away then. Other than that I knit (on the second vacation sock now, have added the provisional stitches that will be the opening for the heel lateron. Can't believe how fast I am knitting a pair of socks.), finished reading Iron Druid book 1 Hounded by Kevin Hearne, watched at least 2, maybe 3 episodes of voyager (end of season 6 now) and had to water my balcony something fierce, summer is hell on the plants, just sayin'. Tomorrow I might take some bujo & FlyLadyControlJournal pics for you all. Maybe. Lovely day, and when I list it all it's not as little as it seemed, I did have a full day afterall. send from my phone, bear with me.
  7. Morag

    Morag's unexpected journey.

    I removed some of the pictures. I hope you don't mind. The internet is a weird place. In other news I am between vacation mind and gets-stuff-done mind, and struggling with moving slower than I think/feel I should be moving at. This impatience with myself is tiring. Why can't I just do the best I can and be okay with it? Why is there this overcritical side inside me who is never happy unless I run at burn-myself-out- / run-myself-into-the-ground- speeds? I know I should be kinder with myself. I choose to be kinder with myself. It's not so simple, but you get the idea. Kids will be at grandparent's house until Sunday, I think, I have no further appointments this week apart from a curiosity to check out open air live music things in the inner city tomorrow. Fuel up on some culture while I can. Next appointments are interning at my potential job cite Tuesday 6am onward, with a get the contract signed thought riding right behind it, then an interesting lecture on behaviour and communication wednesday morning, daycare resumes without lunch (summer break - no mensa) for LittleBoy, so I need to prepare breakfast AND lunch for him to take along Mondays through Fridays for the next three weeks) and see how things will resume once the school year starts. There were some changes, but I am not up-to-date on things... LittleBoy is invited to a bday party 27th of july... Lot's to do all over, but not today, today I'll hit most of the items on my list, and get to bed EVEN EARLIER STILL. send from my phone, bear with me.
  8. Windshield wipers done with ec. The tree I didn't quite get the leg all the way up there, so modified but in one go, no points but feeling good about balance. The LittleBoy joined me and his tree was also quite good. send from my phone, bear with me.
  9. Morag

    Morag's unexpected journey.

    Hello friends... my name is Katrin [cut-reen]. I go by Morag around here, and Katrin Morag almost everywhere else. I have been around these forums since April 2016 (2015?). Last challenge was the first challenge in all that time that I missed entirely. I am a 35 year old mother of two lovely boys, ages 8 and 15. We live in Kiel, Northern Germany. I weigh in at 97kg, which is a problem, but it's currently so far down the list of priorities, that I don't even have time to worry about it. My husband of 16 years is in the process of moving out. Actually he is almost entirely moved out, but the books and boardgames we collected over the decade-and-a-half of marriage, which turns out neither of us wants to keep, are a forest in my entryhall/diningroom. I am still in therapy. This break week is the last week of school before 6 weeks of summerbreak. I have a PILE of paperwork to do to get all the running costs to be send to my name and run through my bank account. And just a "minor aside" I need to find a job, so that I can indeed continue to rent our apartment, our home. I started sorting out my bedroom and library first, cant pour from an empty pitcher, and it is almost done. I have a tendency to make a floordrobe. I can't get myself to put worn-but-still-fine clothes back into the wardrobe. To keep that in check I have plans to build a kind of coat rack / silent butler in my bedroom. The space is there, I just need wood. I moved some furniture around, now I am finally sleeping under the windows again and the former space where the bed had been is a library reading corner. Which BabyBoy and I have been using quite a lot already. Next: livingroom. Still to be unearthed from all the clutter, need to decide if I keep the coffee table or get the other one out of the hall closet. Besides being able to walk through the room again would be nice. I dream of vacuuming. Second week of summer break, Wed 10th through Sun 14th, the kids and I will be out for a much needed camping break. Hubby and I never went camping with the kids. It's not so expensive. And the kids and I deserve a treat after all this bullshit. Hubby and I are in a weird place. He doesn't want to break up with me, but he doesn't want to continue living here either. I thought I knew what I wanted. I am not entirely sure any more, beyond "the apartment sorted" and "all this chaos out of my living area". The kids are stressed, confused. Yesterday hubby was here most of the day, putting things on ebay and taking boxes/bags to his place. Afterward the elder kid asked me, why Papa doesn't sleep here any more (because he's moved out). And BabyBoy has been sleeping in my bed for an entire week now. They suffer, but it will be better once the living arrangements don't resemble a garbage pile any more. I have plans for living room and entryhall/dining room. Both need a few things which I can't budget for yet, might not even be able to this challenge, but the kids are very brave and we will be okay. I am FLYing, have been for a while. My energy levels are iffy during shark week, but that's almost over now, and I am starting to get back into things. BabyBoy made a list for himself too, things he wants to do every day, tick off... it's cool. I gotta get the three of us moving. I have a lot on my list for the week, and I WILL make a dent in it today, so that I get a good solid start. Life is different than Hubby and I had planned, different than I had worked towards for the last 16 years. But maybe I get less compromises and more what I myself want afterall now... time to see what is possible.