naarasleijona

Another delightful day. I got up when I was ready to get out of bed. Surprisingly it was earlier than I would have thought. I did some yoga this morning, and then proceeded to enjoy a British film festival (DVD style), made a tie dye shirt, and finished knitting a sock.... and most importantly, snuggled with the dog . A lot. Food wasn't my strong point today. I didn't eat very healthy. I'm not letting it get to me down though. I enjoyed the company of my family and even of myself. Every time I started to hear myself commenting that I should be doing something more productive, or responsible, I reminded myself that there was plenty of time for getting it done during the work week. As a result it's been one of the nicest weekends I've had in quite a while. I actually feel more in control than I have felt for quite some time. You see, usually my weekends are crammed with pushing myself to get things done, and catching up with everything that didn't get done during the week. It's an impossible mission. I typically feel a huge amount of guilt for not taking care of everything, and I end up being even more stressed by Monday. I decided to try something different this weekend, and I do believe I like the result!

Slept in as late as I could this morning. I wore my workout clothes all day, but never made it to the treadmill. Still, a goal is a goal,so I'm checking the day as done. No cooking. I had enough leftovers. Otherwise I had a thoroughly enjoyable day of doing nothing responsible. I worked on one of my unfinished projects, and did a jigsaw puzzle. Hopefully I'll remember the sensation when things get crazy with my upcoming classes!

Just a day today. I did my workout this morning. Sleeping in my yoga pants definately helped with the cold issue. Ate dinner when I got home. It was only leftovers, but I made myself sit at the table and have a real meal. .

I'm a child of two librarians (one turned book seller). If I could, I'd read in my sleep. I've gone so far as to call in sick just so I could read for a day ( I think that was when one of the new Harry Potter books was released) :). No, as far as reading goes, I think I just have to suck it up and be a grown up and send myself to bed . ...That one more chapeter is just so tempting though! Sweaters are one of the best inventions ever! Especially cashmere. Totally makes winter that much better. I asked the hubby if we could put a gas fireplace in the bed room, but he didn't go for it. So I'm trying socks by the bedside tonight. I can't stand sleeping in them, but if I put them on first thing, I'm hoping it'll help

So I forgot that my son had what they call "community work" after school today. In terms of my challenge goal, that meant getting home two hours later than I had been hoping. Looking to the future, that means every Thursday night for the rest of the school year :{ I think I need to redefine my idea of a normal afternoon, and just plan on getting home at 7 instead of 5. It's the way things seem to be working out . At least, that's been the case for 3 out of 4 days so far. It was kind of a mixed blessing. I happened to have recently brought my spinning wheel and some wool to the office in order to work with a colleague who will be teaching some of the kids at school. I haven't done any spinning in a while, so it was nice to be able to have nothing better to do than crank out some yarn . If I work on it every Thursday, I should be able to eliminate another one of those unfinished projects that have been hanging over my head. It's going to be a perfect yarn for a short cape or hood - natural grey, and rustic. I'm hoping to have my ranger "costume" finished by the end of this summer. A hand-spun, woven cape or hood would be a nice addition. Tonight's dinner was what my boys affectionally like to call Taco Barf. Looks awful, but tastes divine . Mashed black beans, chunky salsa, avocado chunks, homemade taco seasoning and green onions...scooped with some corn chips. Yum! I was only a little hungry when I got home, and actually on the happyish side. I didn't feel like I was needing to seek any relief from my day. It was a nice sensation G'night and happy challenging everyone!

When he first started doing it, I watched him like a hawk. He seems coordinated enough to handle it. It still makes me a little nervous, but he's shown that he can use it responsibly. Gotta let those little birds fly, right?

So I'm already noticing some obstacles to the first part of my challenge. 1. Fatigue - I stayed up until after midnight last night reading. It was hard to put the book down, and I read until I was exhausted. That means I got less than 5 hours of sleep and it definitely made things more difficult this morning. There are other times where my brain just won't turn off. I keep on thinking about things and situations and it keeps me tossing and turning far later into the night than when I go to bed. Both are stress related issues. I read to escape, and I have trouble mentally or emotionally letting go of things that are bothering me. Haven't quite come up with a solution of how to deal with either of those yet, but at least I know it's happening. 2. The frickin' cold! Honestly, how to people live in Canada or Alaska? I love being all cozy and under the blankets and watching the wind and snow blow through the trees outside my window, but I'm not a big fan of having cold feet and hands in the morning - especially when I'm getting dressed. And I'm one of those people who is a walking ice-pack. My hands take about and hour and a half to warm up in bed, and half a second to go into deep freeze as soon as I get up. (I sleep with a down comforter and a wool blanket in July - even if it's 90 degrees out). My whole body tenses up when it's cold in the morning, and it isn't a sensation that I look forward to. Cold fresh air is great! - if I have 5 layers of clothes on to keep me warm, but yeah, I'd rather skip the strip-down in frigid air. I've thought about sleeping in my workout clothes. They can be a bit restrictive though. Maybe I can put them under my pillow? - or set a timer on a heat pad to start warming them up in the morning. I think slippers for the cold bathroom floor are a must. - yeah, I know - first world problems and all that. I'm just trying to eliminate as many stupid excuses as I can. I'm curious to know if a space heater would help..... If anyone has any suggestions, I'd be more than happy to listen. (Moving some place warmer is logistically and financially prohibitive at the moment. The idea has crossed my mind ). In the end: Obstacles are not insurmountable, and I can learn to live with them. I just want to beat them to a pulp with superior intellect and righteous fortitude before they get the better of me. R

Yay another good day . My son was a bit upset this morning because he fell back asleep after his alarm went of. It threw him off of his plans for his workout, but I managed to calm him down and help him realize that he still had a lot of options. If there is anything I've learned over these challenges, it's that when things don't go your way or as planned, you make do, or find another way. It was pleasantly reaffirming to be able to share that with him. For myself, I managed to get dressed despite the cold, and even did a workout. I'm thinking about sleeping in my yoga pants tonight just so I don't have to go through the torture of putting on cold clothes. I wasn't particularly hungry when I got home, but I made dinner after switching to the comfy clothes . I've been noticing over the last few days (because I started cooking more even before the challenge started), that I'm not as ravenously hungry during certain parts of the day as I have been in the past. I don't know if it's because I'm less stressed, or if it's a difference of eating real food as opposed to packaged stuff. I'm curious to know if the trend is going to continue. Dinner was o.k. A sweet potato fried rice. Not quite the flavor I was expecting because it certainly wasn't your typical fried rice from the Chinese takeout, sweeter and subtler than I would have chosen.... But still good.

Ugh! Can a girl get a break? As noted, the morning was great. I probably should have done something more vigorous, but I only did some stretching this morning. Last challenge, I became very aware that I was trying to be great at everything, and when things fell apart...so did I. If this challenge is about habits, I'm trying to keep my focus on that. I want to be the kind of person that starts their day with some kind of exercise or something physical. I don't want to even have to think about it. I want it to be just one of those things I do, like brushing my teeth, or checking my email. So right now it doesn't matter to me if I'm not maxing my potential. (The fact that I keep on having to tell myself that, shows me that it does irk me at least a bit, but I'm sticking to the plan this week). Anywhoo, the afternoon was a disaster. I lost my work keys while out doing my errands for work, so instead of going home to make myself dinner, I spent an extra hour driving around town trying to locate my keys. I finally gave up, and two seconds later my son found them under the driver's seat! This kind of thing is so typical. My mornings are great, but something always happens in the afternoon that throws my plans to hell. I guess it makes sense in a way, I mean every other part of my day is pretty structured, so there is bound to be a time where everything else has to get squeezed in or addressed. I didn't plan on losing my keys, but I think it's symptomatic of my tendency to multitask (I was getting the mail, and talking on the phone at the same time....). To add icing to the cake, I forgot my cookbook at work and had a moment of frozen panic as I saw my whole evening fall apart in my minds eye. BUT I regrouped rather quickly, and found my recipe on line. Made my dinner, and managed to clean up before we had to leave for soccer practice. So in the end, everything turned out just fine. There was just a lot of stress that wasn't necessary. My son asked me today what a misadventure was. We decided that it's an adventure where everything goes wrong but it turns out o.k. in the end. That word pretty much sums up the second half of my day. At least it wasn't boring!

Awesomeness in the morning: My son, who is 9 yrs old, has seen me working out in the mornings and running on the treadmill over the past few months. Every now and again, he's been asking questions: why am I doing this? what exercises am I doing? etc.... He's got this thing for Captain America. He's "small." He's going to be one of those guys with a very wiry build when he's older, and he's constantly asking how people get muscles. Anyway, last night he asked me to wake him up when I got up. He ran on the treadmill this morning (The little bugger could run for hours without losing his breath), and he did push-ups and planks. The whole point of me writing about this is that it feels really good to be a source of motivation for my son. My parents certainly never set any kind of example for me - I just fell into soccer and field hockey as a kid and really enjoyed it. But to help my kids see that exercising is an important part of just -living.... that is really cool - and it inspires me to keep going. R

Well, I don't know if it's ironic, but the sure as hell is ridiculous. First day... Out of the gates. The morning went fine. I got dressed, even did a workout (not my best workout ever, but it was more than nothing). Buuutttt. The afternoon threw me for a loop. My son has soccer practice tomorrow. The first one after a long break. He of course needs indoor shoes. I have no money because I spent everything for the holidays. Had to ask the hubby to pay for them. He did not want to pay higher prices at the local sports store (there is a point to this I swear). Long story shortened we ended up driving to a town 40 minutes away after work to save about $10. I didn't get home until 7:00 (after having to stop by the grocery store so the boys would have something for breakfast). ... I wasn't really hungry, but the LAST thing I wanted to do was anything remotely responsible once I got home. My emotional state was like a blister: sore , irritated, and needing to relieve some pressure. Thank god for leftovers. I had made one of my favorite meals yesterday (spiced chickpea wraps), and had enough to heat up for dinner when I got home tonight. Was the scenario ideal? Not to my standards. But I feel like I avoided the most of my emotional eating. I tried to concentrate on the fact that it was a healthy meal, as opposed to the grab and shove of my usual post-work routine. I sat down at the kitchen table, browsed a new cookbook while I ate. Who knows where the rest of my family was, but that is a challenge for another day. I even cleaned up the kitchen when I was done. I'm giving myself some kudos for moving in the right direction, at least. Given that something always seems to deviate from the plan, I'm contemplating doing some prep work for tomorrow's lunch and dinner. I figure that having as much as possible ready to go will help deal with that daunting feeling of having to start from the scratch when I'm the most tired. The day is done. I'm happy with the results.... I'm calling it a good Monday R

I'm not out for the count yet! Lots of things learned from the last challenge. I'm trying to mentally shift gears this time around. This time, it's all about habit forming. These are my goals for this challenge: Fitness: Every morning - no matter how tired or whatever excuse, I've got to get dressed in my workout clothes. This is all part of a habit building exercise for me. Last challenge I used so many excuses for why I didn't want to exercise, and December basically fell completely apart. I've realized that my perception of my life's responsibilities has me way stressed out, and exercise is usually one of the first things to go because it's both such a mental and physical effort. I'm taking this week by week, so this first week. My only fitness goal is to wake up and get dressed like I'm going to exercise. The idea is that will at least trigger something - even if it's just stretching. This whole hiding in bed so that I don't have to face the world isn't working for me because it just makes me feel even shittier. I LIKE when I exercise. I usually feel better physically and mentally during the day - if I can just get over that hump of convincing myself to get out of bed... my day is so much better. So all my focus is going to be on this weak spot. If I don't commit to anything else, it shouldn't be so hard.... right? If I happen to start exercising - so much the better, but not required. So...Baby steps. 1. - get my ass out of bed in the morning, and show up for the party. #2: Diet: Eat like a human being. Habit-wise, I think I have a pretty good handle on the breakfast and lunch thing, but I always fall apart after getting home from work. My goal is to make a real meal when I get home from work (still sticking to the gluten free and vegan thing). I want to break my habit of walking in the door and walking straight to the fridge to stuff my face. I'm going to focus on walking in the door, and getting myself psyched up to make some really tasty, nutritious, healthy food. The recipes will be simple to start - hell I might even make the same thing every night for a week if it makes it easier for me. But the point is that I'm trying to bypass the usual destructive habit I have when I arrive home. I'm not going to try to make something different each night, or lay out enough food to feed an army for Sunday brunch. I just want to use my kitchen, use my tools, combine some good health ingredients.... Hell it doesn't even have to be a full meal - as long as I'm creating the habit of cooking food that doesn't come out of a package or straight from the fridge. (Peanut butter scoops do not count as a meal ). I'm not going to count calories for this first week. We'll see how it goes for the following weeks. And that is all I really feel like putting on the table right now. I've got my son's soccer season starting up this week, and this is my last semester of IT classes to get my certificate. Essentially I'm going to be mentally and emotionally slammed for the next few months. I've watched myself over the last challenges fall apart because I try to take on too much and make everything perfect. This challenge is not about doing everything all the time - I need to restructure my foundations first. R

Random thoughts..... I keep trying different things to start new positive habits and remove obstacles that are getting in the way of where I'm trying to go. Part of the issue is that I want things to be fixed - instantaneously. It seems like every time I try something, something else "more important" comes up, or something needs to be taken care of that I've put off for too long...... habits that are difficult for me, are easy to let go of. I wish that I could turn my emotions off and just make decisions based on logical arguments. My goals are basically shot to hell this challenge, but I have made improvements overall. Some things just haven't gotten done as well as I wanted them too. I have to face the facts that I'm a busy full time working mother - and some things are just going to have to wait, or at the very least - they are just going to take more time than I want them too. I so wish that I could dedicate my life to making myself healthy. But I choose not to disregard family (and therefore work). I'm having a hard time letting go of the idea that I can't have it all. I just need to work on having bits and pieces of what I want/need for now. I've got an IT project for class due on Thursday - it has me majorly stressed out!. On the plus side, it's like I'm watching myself in a fish bowl - and I can see every bad decision I'm making (health wise), and I'm recognizing the ridiculousness of it all. None of it is fate. None of it is just the way things are, or the way things have to be. These choices are mine. I recognized the choices of eating while I'm stressed as just that - choices. I just haven't found anything to replace the bad habit with yet - that works for me. I'm still searching though... Something has to kick in eventually.

Tuesday ended on a better note than I had hope for. I finished up with work and went to my ceramics class - it always helps for me to do something creative. On the way home I stopped at the store and bought the ingredients for a recipe I had found on line. It felt good to make real food - not something out of a freezer box. The only trouble is that the recipe was actually much more appealing than the actual flavor of the dish. Can't win 'em all. So after yesterday's snit fit. I had the day scheduled off to go to a training instead of work. I decided to play hookie (gasp!). - My rational was that I already have enough training hours, and I didn't feel like driving for 4 hours in the rain today just for a couple of hours of instructions. It was nice to have the day to itself - but it went by very quickly. I got some Christmas shopping done, and spent a lot of time working on cleaning out my bonus room - so at least one goal got worked on today. Didn't count my calories today, but I did stick to my rules (water= only beverage, vegan and gluten free). I worked on some projects that need to be finished up soon. I guess I just needed a grown-up "time-out" - so now I'm ready to be nice with my family and friends again. I've got a few ideas that are percolating in my head to help me get my life more in tune with how I want it to work. Toying with the idea of an "epic challenge" - 365 days of using what I have. I've realized that one of my biggest obstacles is the amount of stuff I have and the tremendous amount of guilt I have associated with it. Guilt for not using it, guilt for wasting the money I spent on it, guilt for not liking it anymore.... (the list goes on) - it's part of why I was feeling so angry yesterday. As I was cleaning out my bonus room today, I was once again reminded that I have enough stuff to keep me happy with craft projects for years - without buying anything else. I've weeded a lot out that I don't want to keep anymore, but there is still so much that I have plans for and that I'm not ready to let go of yet. 365 days seems like a lot of time - so maybe I'm going to take it in 10 day increments. - see how it goes for a while until I think I can fully commit. I'd have to lay out some ground rules..... There's more involved, but again, I'm just toying with the idea right now..... but I'm curious. How many days could I get by without starting yet another new project? The challenge is tempting.......

Angry today... not gonna gripe in public... trying to hold my shit together and it just isn't the day for it... tired of things being difficult... angry for being angry. Sigh.... am going to try to get through the rest of the week on a better note. Trying to channel some superman strength to help me get back up again..... I KNOW I can do better.

A few small victories yesterday.... I did my workout and 20 min on the treadmill. It was kind of late in the morning because I'm off for the holiday break, but I felt instantly better. I've realized that if I do my workout, anything else can go "wrong" or "bad" during the day but it will still always be a good day...because I did something for me. It's a good way to start the day

Well shit, my slippery slope is greased with oil. It's tough getting back up. Taking lots of baby steps. I've been falling into old habits... . At least I'm more aware of what's going on. My biggest bummer is that I've been missing too many workouts - it's all been mental. It was tough to get going this morning, but at least I did something. I'm looking forward to the thanksgiving break to give me a good boost. We don't have any family things going on, and no big meal planned... So that should help a bit. I've been side tracked from cleaning out the bonus room by the numerous unfinished projects I've come across. I've been procrastinating by working on that stuff instead. It's a hard call for me. I've been enjoying finishing things that I've wanted to do for a long time, but I keep questioning myself... Why do I want to do them? I know that getting strong adds to the quality of my life, but what do all these random projects do?

Interesting. ...ci don't know if it was because I had a different attitude coming home or what, but coming in a different door seemed to help. I spent most of the evening in my studio working on various projects. It was a nice night. Went for my walk today in drizzly cold rain. It was kind of boring because I forgot my earbuds, still it was a nice time to just think random thoughts Did minimal PT today - but something is better than nothing. Frankly it's pretty boring, so it's hard to get the motivation to do it. Would have been 1459 calories on the dot. But I got hungry this evening and had a couple of scoops of peanut butter. Totally hit the spot Didn't do anything in my art journal, but I did lots of creative stuff today, so I'm counting it... Not much progress on the bonus room, unless you count working on one of the projects I had in there. A good day

Spending lots of time just trying to observe my emotions and mental state in as objective a manner as possible. I'm sitting here at work and I just had a major rush of the munchies. It's not lunch time yet, and I'm trying to figure out what's going on in my head. I realize that I'm particularly tense right now, not anxious, but there is a distinct feeling of being out of control, like everything is about to fall apart because I don't have everything all together. I feel like so much of my time at work is spent trying to catch up or just hold my head above water..... it's not wonder I'm exhausted when I get home. My entire work day is spent mentally in a tightly wound coil that is just waiting to spring. Now I just have to figure out how to fix it without giving up my life and family time (because I could just spend more hours on the nights and weekends getting caught up). hummmmmm..........

My cold is finally gone. Not the best workout today, but I did it. There's nothing worse that having to climb out of a nice warm comfy bed and put on cold clothes while you're still tired. I was worried about dragging my feet because of the cold morning, so I slept in my workout clothes last night. - actually wasn't so bad. They weren't that uncomfortable, and it did help with my motivation to get out of be. Anywhoo, DB deadlifts 40 lbs total 3 sets 10 reps DB push and press 15 lbs per arm 3 sets 10 reps DB forward lunge 15 lbs per arm 3 sets 10 reps Assisted chin-ups 3 sets 9 reps Reverse Crunches 3 sets 10 reps Triceps push-ups (knee) 3 sets 10 reps Bent DB fly 3 10 lbs 3 sets 10 reps I'm still a bit tired from this blinkin' cold, so I took it a bit easy today. I've got to work back up to my push-ups, taking so much time has put me 'behind' a bit.

Well, Friday was a bust. Got home from work and went straight to bed... Massive headache. That's the only thing I remember about that day. Saturday was ehh... But I did have a pretty big insight... In a nutshell: I have this issue of not wanting to do anything as on as I get home. I realized that I do very well in the morning. I get in a good grove and I'm happy - regardless of wether it's something I have to do or want to do. It's only after I've left the house, for work or soccer practice, or errands...as soon as I walk through the garage door, all my good intentions and aspirations are dropped. I'm not resentful coming home, or necessarily even exhausted or overwhelmed. I don't know if it's a habit, a mental trigger or what. It's like trying to run in deep water...I just have absolutely. Zero motivation. So, tomorrow I'm going to try coming in a different door - just to see what happens. Anywhoo, today was a nice day. . I didn't leave the house and I got cleaning done, I threw some pots on the pottery wheel, two friends came over to hang out, I cut a new block for printing, and cleaned up some more in my studio. I didn't do well with my food yesterday or today. I don't even think I thought about any of my other goals, but I'm still happy. I'm looking forward to tomorrow. My cold is almost gone, so I should have good energy to start the day

I wonder if I'm ever going to have a "normal" day. I keep trying to figur out some kind of routine... But it seems like every day something comes up to throw my plan all out of whack. Today was a good, but long day. It's the school night where I don't get home until 10 pm. I did my walk at lunch today. It was a beautiful day! I discovered that I definately need thinner socks if I'm going to use those boots again. The hand knit socks were too thick, and were causing my arches to ache while using the arch supports. Lesson learned. I did my art journaling and my PT after I got home. Each only takes a few minutes. Calories for the day were 1445. I plan on working on the bonus room after work tomorrow. I'll have to do my workout tomorrow afternoon, because my son has a friend sleeping over, and they are using the room where I have all of my workout stuff. Now it's time for bed, so I can do more craziness tomorrow!

I'm happy with the day. Still sick, but definately better. Headaches come and go... I had a training in DC today, so it was a two hour drive into and out of the city. I had to leave early, so I didn't get my workout in, but I did a lot of walking today, and I'm pretty sure my calories are on track...I'll add them up tomorrow. I brought my food with me knowing that I didn't want to pick up junk while on the road. I'm proud of myself for going at all. After yesterday, I REALLY didn't want to go. The whole prospect of that much driving while not feeling100% had me thinking of every excuse I could come up with. But I'm very happy I went. It was a good workshop. I did some work organizing stuff in the bonus room and loaded the trunk of my car for a Goodwill delivery. Instead of doing my art journaling I worked on knitting my socks. The workshop was at the national galley of art, so I figured I got some creativity in for the day:). Only thing I'm missing is the PT, but my feet are kind of achey from standing all day, and I'm pretty tired right now. Still, a good day

3 am...just woke up with a headache. Called out sick yesterday. Took a walk in the morning and stuck to my 1450 calories, but I ended up spending most of the day n bed..... Nothing else got done.

No worries... Taking it nice and easy, but I'll be damned if I come up short on the very first day! . I took a nice long nap when I got home from work. It was too dark to take a walk outside, so I walked on the treadmill. Actually did wonders to clear up my sinuses. I've never understood why I get so congested at night. Rest is supposed to make you feel better, but mild activity always seems to make me feel better... Anywhoo, I walked on the treadmill PT will get done as soon as I finish here except for the honey, I stayed on track with my calories: 1453 today. I stored some empty baskets away in the attic. I'm not quite willing to let them go just yet, but at least they are empty! And they aren't stacked on the treadmill anymore I spent about 15 minutes working on my zen doodle journal. - always a nice relaxing way to end the day. A good day overall