Strawberry Squatcake

I'm baaaack! Posting from my phone, sitting in the middle of a mess. I'm packing. And not because I'm moving. but I'm hopeful the universe will respond if I push that direction. What else is new? I am on a "diet" for the first time.in a few years. By diet I mean km watching nutrient intake and trying to stay below 1900 calories. Not sure why I chose that number. And if I eat well and am still hungry, I eat more. To ease into it and see how my AF responds, I've been only walking so far. I reallllly miss lifting now that its cooling off. Fall is usually the season of changes for me, so this isn't unusual. I actually had the urge to run today, but held back. Eating has been weird. The latest revelation I had is how little potassium I get because I avoid things like potatoes and bananas. But no fruits or veggies are off limits now. And I'm trying to vary them and meat intake so it isn't all chicken or beef or pork. My weight has been settled at the highest number I've ever seen. And my blood pressure isn't in a great place. I also feel so out of shape. So getting started is such a struggle. However, I'm staying fairly positive. Work is work. So busy I want to cry. But I've been setting boundaries around stuff and people are mostly responding well. I could really, really, really use some time off. But that's not happening until Thanksgiving. I've been doing yoga once a week. But I'm still anti-bendy. Toastmasters is still a thing and I just passed my one year anniversary. Lean In also passed the one year mark. Oh! And they just implemented a sabbatical at my work! That means in 2016 or 2017 I get a whole month straight off. Part of me just wants the month off and to lounge at home. The other part wants to travel. If I buy a house that needs work, it is likely I'll take the time off to coordinate that. Other than that, not much new with me. Life is still a mess. I still make broth and ham, bacon and sausage. And I've found a group of friends that get together once or so a.month to have dinner parties and play cards. Life is pretty good! When I'm.not on my phone, I'll start stalking everyone else. Goals by EOY: lose ANYTHING. anyone who knows my struggle it has been no matter what, the weight never drops. Ifni could even see 5 lbs to feel encouraged, I'd love to. I'd.love to drop 20lbs by eoy if I start losing. Get back to lifting! Not sure what this means. But I've not.lifted a weight since spring. Even some.ole 5lb dumbbells would be an improvement! And finally, stay connected with mah nerds. <3

Brahweh would say the answer is Poptarts and The Tonight Dough ice cream. I would say it's pizza and cheese dip. But without a gall bladder, those are probably all terrible choices. How's your back after some time off? How much time off were you supposed to take? I think you said it above but I scrolled back up and can't find it.

Sorry about Mr Princess and his wisdom teeth. My mom also regulated my pain meds. She was also really weird about my head going below my heart. Hahah. I recovered OK. But I wasnt' eating solid food the same day. You're a trooper! I also loved Kimmy. I watched the entire series that first weekend. No regrets. WEll, sorta regrets. I wish I still had new episodes. I'm considering moving to Washington state or Oregon... I think that means trips to see you will be even easier! I'm so excited at the prospect, but definitely am delaying pulling the trigger. change is so hard!

Update: Workouts: Going OK. Getting three a week. Lifting not always happening. So not perfect. Toastmasters: Going well. Haven't missed any. Meditation: Has fallen off the edge of a cliff. I don't know why? Partly, I think it's being over-extended after work. I've been busier with HOA board stuff, the after work Toastmasters stuff, and other things that have come up after work. By the time I get home, It's around 8:00, and I try to start getting ready for bed around 10:00. So by the time I eat, wind down, etc. Ugh. I'm way over-extended. Which means I need to meditate more. Not less! On top of that, a coworker that's been battling cancer for awhile was admitted to hospice. So work has been heavier than usual. Also means I need to meditate more. But all I want to do is "escape" by watching TV. And eating crap. Not good. Work: I'm so frustrated with work right now. Maybe partly because of the heavy stuff going on, I feel like, "Why am I wasting my time being frustrated about something I can change? At least I have time to change it." So I've been looking for jobs out of state, etc. I have approached my boss. He told me I've advanced as far as I will and am making as much as I will (not even cost of living raises). So I really feel like it's time to move on. But changing is hard. I've worked for this company since the summer after I graduated from high school. Next year it will be half of my life! YIKES! So if they don't see value in my work enough to see me moving up farther, then I have to move on while I'm young enough to be hired. I'm looking in Washington state and Oregon, mostly. And I DON'T want to be in Portland, Seattle, etc. It's exciting to consider, but I'm finding myself scared to take the risk. Although I don't like my job right now for several reasons, it's secure. But is it worth being secure and mostly unhappy (my attitude stinks, I'm faking happy all the time, which is also something I never want to do), I would probably benefit in so many ways, including health-wise, if I moved somewhere I'm actually happy and appreciated. I recently made a move to a new job. But they won't make the move official. For some reason they won't move me out from under my old boss (although unofficially I'm reportin gto th enew one). They won't change my title. They won't announce the change, etc. It was supposed to be a new department I was running. But by avoiding announcing it, it is confusing to everyone around me, and feels like they aren't committed to the change. In addition, since my title hasn't changed, and the new title was never finalized, and the work I'm doing is different than what we discussed, I feel very confused about what I'm SUPPOSED to be doing. How do I know if I'm ding well if I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. In addition, IT has taken my IT access away, and when I work internally and externally with people and tell them I'm not in IT, they see my title and think it's an excuse. And when people ask what I do now and I say, "I don't know." It also looks like I'm being intentionally vague. It's such an unnecessary stress. People now joke openly with me about it and my supposed to be new boss gets annoyed when I bring it up to him. UGH. Such a stupid thing, but it really does impact how valued you feel. And your perspective of how well you're doing. I get good feedback from random people about the work I am doing, but since that work wasn't supposed to be my job, I actually feel a little like I'm failing anyway. I know part of that is insecurity. Part of it is for sure pettiness (when people at the top have department changes, a big to-do happens, but those of us in the middle get shifted around and no one knows what's going on). Part of it is general annoyance because the alleged upcoming change dragged on for so long, it negatively impacted other relationships. My work is for sure a dysfunctional family. There are good things about that and bad things. In this case, it just feels frustrating. In fact, HR called me two weeks ago and asked me who I report to. I told her the story. She said that's what she thought and she'd been trying to get it finalized. So there are people calling it out, but my alleged new boss is dragging his feet. And I have no idea why. It's not hard to make the change. ANYWAY. FRUSTRATED! So that's definitely dragging me down more than anything. Last October I gave myself a year to get this mess figured out (at that point I was 6+ months into the alleged non-change of jobs). And I think that was too long because now I'm holding onto that arbitrary date just because I gave it. Someone tell me I've been at this place too long. They are disrespecting me. I'll never get promoted or another raise. And it's time to move on.

Brahweh- I don't know what NF God power you've cast on my thread, but I can't quote your holy quote. I wanted to quote it and say: Live it.

Holy crap! 70 grand?! I feel like I did mine in under 15. But I might be waaay off. I had to front the cost, and work reimbursed at the end of the semester when I showed a passing grade. So maybe it was much more than I remember. Of course, this was 8-11 years ago. I finished December 2006. And did a three year program (full time pace).

Hi friend! I didn't read everything. Or, really much of anything. I trust you're being you. And that it's still appropriate I miss you. Carry on.

One legged all the things! I have always been uncoordinated, but with age it gets worse. And with weights and age? Fuhgeddaboudit. Nice job on the meditation. And I wish I could sketch. I mean, I know I can sketch, but actually with skills. I'm popcorn flavored jelly belly.

217.5x5x3 (or whatever order the numbers go in)? Guuuurl, you been bro-in' while I been snoozin'.

I LOVED being VPE. Loved it. We had a young (lots of new members) club. So I think that contributed to it.

Baby Roo turning two?!? I went I yo shock and lost all my comments. I got my MBA at WSU. At the time they were accredited and in the top 6% in the nation in business schools. They might still be. I don't know how to check. Anyway, the program was supposed to be tough, I guess is my point. Good takeaway things I may have gotten with experience but directly impressed people post-graduation: 1. Strategic planning approach - my company uses the exact cut and dry model. When I was involved, people were impressed I knew what was up. I always thought strategic planning was common sense though? 2. Financial analysis - impressive. Sadly, no one cares about the results at my work. But still impressed people. We were able to choose focused tracks if we wanted and I chose finance. 3. I DID get promoted to VP as so a s I graduated. But due to the over-work mentioned above, horrible morale directly related to the project related to the hours, and everything else, I hit burnout within a year. I lasted a year and a half in the job and had to step down. And I've been stuck under a ceiling (glass or otherwise) since. Moral of the story? I don't think there is one. My case is unique. I think a promotion like that is unique, but if you don't do what the company wants, you're hitting pause on your career probably forever. If not just because they're pissed you don't do it. My boss doesn't want to get his MBA and gets mad when our board doesn't consider him for CEO. He's smart. The company pays for it. Spend two years and get it. The diff between mrs Roo and my boss is his kids are older, the company pays for it, and he is ready to be promoted NOW. So when they say it, they mean it, probably. Rock. Hard place. Probably doesn't help?

I'm glad your numbers are coming down. Sorry the straight shooting doc isn't. But glad the nurse was able to fill the gap between what the doc shouldn't have promised, and what you are, with a bit of reality. No sense in causing that feeling of panic. Sheesh. My aunt just went through a mess with some docs (surgery related, not test), and frustration peaks quickly in the medical field. Why not under-promise and over-deliver? Anywho, glad you're recovering/recovered and headed into a qualifying meet to life with the NF team!

Cheers to strength gains and weight loss. Good luck this challenge! And congrats on the PRs!

Your love fuels my will to lift.

It appears I've fallen in love with a farmhouse built in 1910. Only problem is, there is only one place for my weight room - the 2nd floor (remodeled attic space, but turned into a loft-style bedroom). I have a squat rack with 300lbs plates. Plus every dumbbell set from 3lbs to 30lbs. I have a plate rack, but keep my dumb bells on a dresser. I will be building an approximate 8x8 platform. One layer of plywood on the bottom. Top layer is stall mats on the outside, pine in the center. The Roo Design© for anyone who's seen his platform. The floors don't seem to shift. And I probably wouldn't think twice about putting anything else up there. There's not enough space for any type of overhead lifting with jumping, etc. I'll just be doing plain old squat, DL, bench. DL the heaviest. I'm around 250lb with DL now. So nothing obscene. Longer term I might replace the one car garage (which isn't in good shape and I wouldn't want my equipment out there right now anyway) with a bigger garage for outdoor equipment, tools, etc and could leave space for weights then. But a garage is a decent investment, and likely farther down the road unless it's an immediate must. Is that too much info to help me decide? What other info do you need?

I so feel you on announcing goals makes me aware of them, then I fail. Write a book about this phenomenon and how to fix it, please? But don't make that an in writing goal. Or it will never get done. No response is acceptance enough.

Brahweh I know you are near. Standing always in the squat rack.

Oh shit. And yes.

His calves are hollow? I'm imagining he's one of those chocolate Easter bunnies with the weird eyes. Jacked and tan.

Damnit. I knew I posted twice as soon as I did it. You win this rap battle. But I'll be back. On that one celebrity wash up show. Then that one Amish show.

Everyone here is in contention for OG roles. Has anyone applied for the part of Bronilla Ice? If not, I'm throwing my name in the hat. Too bro... Too bro... *shaker noise

I'm glad to see me back, too. I tend to have a lot of life progress on the weekends. Then weekdays are kind of a wash. So far this wee: 1. Only meditated once (of three days, I should get it today). Boo. Need to work on that. Crazy late nights, and when I've finally made it home, I've been hot. And this is my first summer meditating. So apparently heat derails me? 2. Did go to a new Toastmasters. The club was older in age and experience than my original club. More experience is awesome. Age can sometimes be harder to connect. But I think I'm going to switch to that club. One woman even invited me to visit their advanced/semipro club. I said I wasn't ready for that and she said, "you DEFINITELY are!" (I'd only done table topics.) and three other people chimed in and agreed. It was so different to end a meeting on a positive/encouraging note rather than listening to the old club's president pick me or another member apart. I might visit that advanced club. But feel like this new club is already a good stepping stone. Plus, I have I think four more projects to finish before I can even be considered for semipro. 3. I'm working out today. So I'll definitely get my three in this week. Not sure if I have a stomach bug or if my new supps are upsetting my stomach. But my stomach definitely timely feels weird today. Hopefully I'm not getting sick. I did read some reviews where others said they got gas and or diarrhea (sorry) after starting them for a few weeks, then felt great after. So I'm going to keep up my dose as long as I'm not actively GETTING sick. Also, looked at a new to me house today.... It has potential! So I'm also spending the afternoon cleaning and de cluttering. Get my house in "showing mode." Thanks everyone for stopping by. My intent is to stay off of FB today and spend that time on NF threads as I take cleaning breaks.

I'm at my highest weight, ever. And often look in the mirror and say, "You look great, straw-squat!" And mean it. I have some pretty negative days. But ANY positive days are progress. At a much lower weight, I'd do that nitpicking thing we all know. No more! I'm living life now, and if weight loss comes, it comes. But I'm the same person, regardless of it. TOWANDA!

You is heah!

The trick isn't to turn it off. The trick is to be aware of the thoughts, allow them space for a second, then allow them to clear. Forcing my mind clear was horrible. I think that's why guided meditations work so well for me. I'm imagining standing on barbells right now. And my imagined broken face hurts.