The Ox King

Hi, it's me... again... again... I've been in a downward mental spiral again, set off by rapidly increasing weight, which seems to have been (ironically?) set off by getting back into working out. For those who don't know, I'm Matt, 33M, ADHD, depressed, anxious, etc. I lost about 100 pounds from Jan 2016 to June 2017, most of which was done between Sept 2016 and March 2017. In early 2018, I was at my lowest weight, but had been slowly coasting since June 2017. About mid-2018, I gave up my weight loss journey in search of enjoying life. The problem was that I had developed orthorexia, dysmorphia, and was spending upwards of 5 hours in the gym, 6 days a week. I felt that I was eating, working out, sleeping, working, or meal prepping. I didn't socialize, I felt like I had to ignore people to keep up my "good" habits, and I was just overall not happy. After that, I started believing I "deserved to eat" bad food or taking a rest day. Eventually, that lead to overall poor eating and not working out at all, which lead to regaining most of the weight. In October 2021, I was back, about five pounds shy of my highest weight. Since then, I've lost about forty pounds. I'm intent to lose the weight in ways that keep it off and keep me healthy. I'm learning more and more about the long-term positive effect exercise has on the body and mental health. Also, I'd like to live past 70. Much of my family on my mom's side died in their early 60's or earlier. I'd like to enjoy my retirement. Overall, I'm just trying to find that balance between what I want to do and what I need to do, and finding how I can cross the streams. Feel free to ask me anything.

A very haggard dwarf practically falls through the front door. If you didn't know better, you'd almost think he were a zombie. He drags himself to a nearby table and collapses/sits on an empty chair. He answers, "Unfortunately, that's a sign your meat's got bacteria in it. I recommend cooking it through and/or tossing it entirely. Even fresh meat can yield bacteria if it has gotten warm at some point, possibly before you ever laid your hands on it."

I suppose I can't say I don't exercise at all. I take the dog for a 10-15 minute walk most mornings, but that's because I feel guilty she's stuck in the house by herself most days.

I'm majorly depressed and need some magic to pull myself up. I'm gaining weight, eating sugar, not exercising at all, overall a hot mess... well, a mess. Not sure about hot.

I'm back after a long time. Someone on Facebook reminded me of the forum. I've been in the worst depressive slump I've been since 2013. I am questioning everything in my life, except my dog. It's the nature of depression, I guess. I hate it. I haven't been exercising or getting sunlight. Today, I had to get some car work done, so I walked from work to the mechanic shop (left the car there earlier in the day to have them work on it), then walked the dog after. About two miles overall. Most exercise and sun I've gotten in a long time. My fiancee's father died, so she's not home. Being alone has made me realize how f'ed up I am lately. I'm really in the hole. Just done with life and whatnot. Not actively suicidal, but not happy or satisfied. Been eating more sugar too.

And now I "fasted" for the full day, and binged with cake to the point that I am at excess calories. F me.

Lost my uncle (death), my girlfriend (mutual breakup), and two cars (transmission and axle) all in the past two weeks and allowed myself to get off track. Now, it's time to reel it back in. My anger is back. I'm trying to stay positive, but I really need a workout or something to calm me down. A real issue. I'm super irritable and trying so hard to stay positive that anything negative in my environment makes me want to throw something out a window. This anger astounds me. Really wish I had a vehicle and/or my running shoes so I could go to the gym (currently at work).

Yesterday was a purposeful rest day, and I had three strength training days in a row. I messed up at the final second, eating three boxes of pocky. After I had the first, I simply couldn't help myself. Since I was ashamed and ate it really quick, I believe it was the start of a binge. Lack of sleep is likely the cause. I donated blood today and was planning on working out. The Red Cross folks seemed to really emphasize that working out would be dangerous. So I'm forced to take a second rest day. Money has been rough. Idk why, but it seems that my food expenses have been bumped upward recently. I had a very strong vision yesterday of the guy I want to be. Basically a geeky, kind powerlifter.

Can I use Ox King as a verb? To me, being the Ox King is to be the strongest physical offense and defense as possible. Might not be too smart or fast, but his power shots are something to watch for. His endurance and stamina seem to have no end. His personality is the definition of Bullish. Though he is slow, it is something he seems to be changing through sheer willpower. As such, my primary tools are cardio, strength training, and food tracking. I eat loads of protein, and try to watch carbs and fats (though I do have a wicked sweet tooth). I will define each of my strategies as a "minion" and my struggles as "opponents". There also may be side quests, bystanders, and a lovely lady or two. The Ox King Stats: Warrior class Chef sub-class Level 25 HP: 330/330 Stamina: 30/45 (I'm a little worn out today) Strength: 40 Endurance: 45 Speed: 11 Flexibility: 6 (Physical movement) Precision: 12 Magic: 2 Sous Chef (Minion): (Aka, Nutrition) Level 7 Chef class Tactician sub-class HP: 90/90 Stamina: 120/120 (Food prep was all done already) Strength: 10 Endurance: 10 Speed: 10 Flexibility: 12 (Physical movement) Precision: 16 Magic: 18 Description: Just... keeps... going. Prepares meals readily for the party. Golem (Minion): (Aka, Workouts) Level 4 Warror class Brute sub-class HP: 60/60 Stamina: 40/80 (It's a Monday...) Strength: 60 Endurance: 30 Speed: 25 Flexibility: 10 (Physical movement) Precision: 10 Magic: 1 Description: Hits hard, but easy to defeat. Mage (Minion): (Aka, Mindset) Level 4 (stalled) HP: 50/50 Stamina: 10/30 (In kind of a bad place mentally, but I'm recovering) Strength: 8 Endurance: 10 Speed: 15 Flexibility: 12 (Physical movement) Precision: 12 Magic: 22 Opponents: Laziness (Big demon) Level 12 Unknown stats. Seem to vary randomly. Description: Very powerful demon. Seems to get stronger when it is dark. Feels strongest against weak heroes. ('Study' to know more) Sweet Tooth Level 7 Unknown stats. Description: Becomes strengthened when other demons are also strengthened. Arch-enemy of Sous Chef (minion).

So, long story short, I like networking with those around me (physically) so a friend asked me to help her get a job. She does not live near me and I'm not sure how to expand my network to help her. I'm pretty much a LEO (LinkedIn Enterprise-something, basically I connect to thousands of people), and yet I still rarely communicate with people aside from sending birthday messages and saying "hello." I've tried communicating a few times, but it seems like I'm the only one on the site that uses messaging. I would like some tips on how to begin some active communication with other people in areas that you wouldn't usually tie yourself to. For example, I'm in the aerospace engineering industry in very southern Maryland and she is in financial management in Towson, Md.. I don't have jack to cross those industries and places. I can do one, but to fish for both is outside of my comfort zone and networking circle.

I'm surprised no one has posted it here, but there's 18 or so of us nerds attending the Spartan Sprint in DC on September 10. Most of us went to Camp Nerd Fitness 2016, but all are invited. There's a team for it (search using "nerd") and they'll set us up to all have the same race time (though it seems like we were trying for the Sunday morning spot). The password is "CNF365". There's also a Facebook group. We'll be getting brunch afterwards.

I have returned!

Ahhhh! I forgot to come back!

This month, I will be focused on re-building habits, building new ones, and enhancing positive personality traits by adapting the environment to suit me. My main objective will be to start connecting to the actual people around me. I do it somewhat, but I can and want to do more. "If you want to be more positive, surround yourself with positive people." One of my biggest challenges will be balancing my (enormous) school workload with my exercise routine. To defeat this challenge, I will need incredible discipline. Weeks begin on Mondays and end on Sundays. Push myself to complete 4 sets of 21 reps of 3 strength exercises (I'm counting push-ups and crunches as strength) 4 times a week: Week of 7/17/2017: 2/4 (Homework got the better of me) Week of 7/24/2017: 2/4 (More homework. This challenge is at a bad time for me. OTL) Week of 7/31/2017: 0/4 Week of 8/07/2017: 0/4 Have a 2-minute conversation with someone you don't know 5 times a week: Week of 7/17/2017: 2/5 (Nope) Week of 7/24/2017: 0/5 (Didn't happen. I'm sorry) Week of 7/31/2017: 0/5 Week of 8/07/2017: 0/5 Brush your teeth twice a day five times a week: Week of 7/17/2017: 8/10 (Messed up on Friday) Week of 7/24/2017: 4/10 Week of 7/31/2017: 0/10 Week of 8/07/2017: 0/10 Play ukulele 5 minutes a day every day for 30 days: Week of 7/17/2017: 2/7 (Hmmm...) Week of 7/24/2017: 0/7 Week of 7/31/2017: 0/7 Week of 8/07/2017: 0/7 Hangout with someone outside of family 1 time a week: Week of 7/17/2017: 0/1 (Again, homework took priority this week) Week of 7/24/2017: 1/1 Week of 7/31/2017: 0/1 Week of 8/07/2017: 0/1 Spend 6-10 hours a week on homework (based on actual work needed): Week of 7/17/2017: 15/8 (Homework obliterated my social life) Week of 7/24/2017: 19/7 Week of 7/31/2017: 0/10 Week of 8/07/2017: 0/10 Sleep 6 hrs night 7 days/wk: Week of 7/17/2017: 5/6 5/6 4/6 8/6 5/6 9/6 7/6 Week of 7/24/2017: 5/6 4/6 6/6 5/6 5/6 9/6 0/6 Week of 7/31/2017: 0/6 0/6 0/6 0/6 0/6 0/6 0/6 Week of 8/07/2017: 0/6 0/6 0/6 0/6 0/6 0/6 0/6 Make a stranger smile at you (non-waiter or cashier) 3 times a week: Week of 7/17/2017: 0/3 (I don't get out much, okay?!) Week of 7/24/2017: 0/3 Week of 7/31/2017: 0/3 Week of 8/07/2017: 0/3 Da big ones: Max out one workout: 0/1 Arrange or join a hangout with someone new: 0/1 Complete my 3 deliverables for each class: A: 3/3 - B: 1/3 Deadlift bodyweight: 0/1 Squat 200lbs 3x -OR- Leg Press 315lbs 3x

I forgot about this thread. Yeah, this is still an issue and it's June (practically July). I can't seem to find a new goal as important as getting away from my old "disgusting" self, which is what previously drove me.