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About Renate

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  • Birthday 07/01/1994

Character Details

  1. Had difficulty going to sleep last night and getting up this morning. Feel woozy and have the slightest difficulty balancing. Fun. I decided to do a few dishes. Started breakfast too late. Likely will be a bit late at work. What will we do today, kids? Ask ourselves at all times: "What is my goal right now? What am I doing and why?" I allow myself to breathe. This is like pushing through a difficult set of weights. It will not last forever.
  2. On types of rest: https://go.zerofasting.com/s/XT7YZrDQeBGZwYF29 https://goop.com/wellness/mindfulness/7-types-of-rest/
  3. Today is one big anxiety day again. I don't quite understand why. Perhaps because I didn't keep the promise to myself to fold my laundry. TW: Physical assault Yeah. One month isn't a long time. I need to be patient. One day at a time. Enjoy the good things. Breathe. Eat. Sleep. It will be okay.
  4. It's a bit simplistic and naive but I intend on just grabbing on to little joys and smiling, when I have privacy singing and dancing and such. The other mentality thing is, rooted in pretty intense background lore. Thus I will take moments to enjoy that all this struggle is the process of figuring out what lies under the onion layers of self-doubt I know I am a wonderful person (with both lightness and darkness). I am going to enjoy getting to know her, finally. It is! I try to look around and smell the flowers. Sometimes when I find that difficult to do figuratively I do it literally (Thank goodness for people that take care of flowers in their front yard.) My physiotherapist advised having an overarching skill goal to focus on to build your fitness workouts around. Like handstands. I wonder if he knows nerd fitness haha.
  5. Welcome, dear folks, to a reboot. I made a topic earlier this challenge but I find myself needing a new one. I won't make it a habit. The challenge goals, which were not formulated yet, are as follows: - Drink at least 1,5 liter of water + tea - Find the fun in the struggle - Show up (don't worry about the rest) The rest: - Take mini-meditations during work time (keep my job while in chaos) - Take a walk during lunch time - Journal and write down what I feel and what I want every evening - Don't leave dirty dishes for more than two evenings in a row
  6. It will be okay. - I tell myself, as I read about your daughters inner contradictions and feel an intense amount of empathy while remembering mine. Also, I really wanted to treat myself to a milkshake soon but I'll have to settle for the super duper good deal for Ben&Jerry's deal I ordered for Wednsday. I'll reopen your thread then and enjoy it while dreaming of a chocolate mint milkshake.
  7. Actually, I think I know. I just feel discouraged. But it's okay. I am focusing on how I finished a goals I had since a teen: - to get out of my parental home before 30. (Thanks mom for making it unbearable for me to stay because of sororal duty.) - to have my income - to not seek stability in a partner but stay on the path learn to provide it for myself - to trust people despite the world pushing us towards distrust
  8. I always thought I could do it: showing weakness and vulnerability (early on) and ending up with someone who will not use every thing to insert themselves as a commentator and helper when I don't want it. But it is what it is. Emotionally it is the primal brain gets triggered and you need quite the mental filtering system to combat those type of urges. I get it. Ah well. The experiment was a good run.
  9. I just deleted this whole rant on a discussion and exchanges I had with J. and his parents. I'm going to give myself 1 month, starting from when I move into my own place, to ruminate on this BS. Then I need to move tf on... Sigh.
  10. An address registration is the rule, but an address registration has financial (fiscal and social) consequences for all people living there. A postal address is allowed by exception. For shippers, homeless people etc. People who are in between moves can use it, although it is of limited use since the Tax organization cannot check out of how many people your household exists that way, reliably. Fortunately, I don't have children or other things that make me rely on social security stuff. BUT I need to prove I have not 1 permanent place I'm staying at. Otherwise, they want you to register on the address of someone, if even for 1 or 2 weeks. Of course, most of my friends do not have the legal knowledge base to know what this all means so only 1 person is willing to give me a postal address (not in the municipality I'm living in temporarily).
  11. N.B. - Challenge goals will follow shortly. This challenge will be about forging inner armor again. I hope I will settle before my gym Summer Deal membership ends, though. The main concept is this. If I really want it, the world is mine. My world is mine. I don't have to defend or explain anyone my choices, if I'm not asking to change or impose something upon their lives. And if I do, it is all up for discussion. But ultimately, if we don't have views on how to move forward that mesh with my most important principles, or if we do have it but they don't have the feeling of independence to stand their ground on these principles we both feel the same on, I can choose to leave. Let people call me selfish, let them call me unreasonable. I'm not afraid to sound like my mother anymore. I know I am doing my best to keep others' best interest at heart. But never, again, at the cost of my own health. I know what's best for me. It is part of life to make mistakes, and I take ownership for them. My life starts now.
  12. God. Damn. Iiiiit. I really wanted to be able to apply for a "letter address" on time but the municipality of the friend that is willing to offer me one is making it real difficult. I read a hotel address/longstay place address is viable for address registration. But I didn't want to spend money on those if I could e.g. get the places that are pending, that I went to see last & this week. My friend that I'm staying at is giving me a place to stay but without an address or at least letter registration I'm put in a governmentally difficult position. For fuck's sake, man. Talk about making someone dependent on you by being hurt after she simply follows the agreements you made at the beginning. Or doing your best to make her so, anyway. (In actions if not in intentions and words.) I don't give a fuck. I know I'll manage. And it's not because I don't have official health problems. If you feel dependent and afraid parents won't help you with your health problems, then news flash. If they call you selfish/lazy/whatever when you truly believe you are doing your best. They are no different than mine. My mental health, seeming physical fragility and so on also puts me out of business in a crippling way. But uhh. My body has been pretty good to me every time I cut a tie with people that think I'm dependent on them. Freedom or death.
  13. The Universe loves me and wants me to be happy. First week of fulltime work of my life, lesssgoooo.
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