sassyfrassy

http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/79300-project-breathe/

PROJECT: B.R.E.A.T.H.E. Balance Restore Energize Accomplish Transform Humor Engage I'm really flattered and humbled that people were asking for this for March. I had my own doubts about posting because I'm still not sure if I'm going to participate in the current challenge. There were so many things that happened during the course of the last one that really pushed me to ultimately give up. After much thought I decided that I would move forward with posting this again. I recently watched a few videos on finding passion, stopping the search for passion, and delving into the art of being yourself. I realize that the first two things may cancel each other out, but they don't. They actually compliment each other, and this is why: Both videos in which I watched talked about what passion is. It is not a thing. It is a feeling. For so long, I have always felt that I was a failure because I cannot sufficiently answer the question: What is your passion? I don't know what it is! I'm 32 years old, and I still don't know. What I do know is what I like doing; I know what makes me happy and puts a smile on my face. That is helping others and giving them the hope and support that they are worth it; that they should not give up no matter what. Which is exactly why I am adding this to the accountabilibuddies for this challenge, and quite possibly for future ones. Building up others to ensure that they reach their goals, and are able to face whatever challenges they have are what make me feel stronger. It breathes life into my spirit and soul. And I'm hoping that, in doing so, I find the much needed ambition, drive, and push to get myself back onto the path that I have been traveling.

I will do my best! I'm not sure about this current challenge for lots of reasons (see post in Respawn area!), but I'm happy to send lots of positivity and happiness!

I sincerely love following you and yours, so here I am!

So last night I was having a dumpy sort of night before turning in. I watched three videos that really helped lift my mood, but more importantly, I wrote this: 3 People Who are Doing What You Want (i.e. Role models, inspirations, people who put a smile on your face, people who make you want to be a better person, people who give you confidence) "Shaarawy is a long-time friend who I would be completely lost without. I love reading about her successes with health, fitness, and life as a whole. I know she, too, has her own obstacles and challenges to face, but she sticks with it. She gets it done. Even when she doesn't want to, or life throws a wrench in her plans. I want to aspire to that level of excitement, determination, desire, and passion. I want to find something, or many things, that I enjoy so much that I WANT to do it no matter what. She is a true definition of role model."

I may end up rambling because it's semi-late, and that is usually what happens when I have a lot I feel like I need to get off my chest when it comes to fitness and health. That and I really have no idea where I want to go with this respawn post. Well I do, but I don't. It's complicated. My least favorite, yet favorite, answer in the world. I have been a member of Nerd Fitness for a little over a year now, and it has been a struggle. Not with finding support and helpful guidance. There is an abundance of that here. I've been struggling with myself, and finding that working healthy lifestyle. Whether it's my own laziness or lack of motivation, or life in general, I have yet to find success in many of challenges. I even got to the point of panic and anxiety at the thought of failure, that I abandoned one account to begin another in hopes that the "staring fresh" feeling would help me do better. I feel as though the second I begin to find a quiet place of focus where I can begin to gather myself, all hell breaks loose. Usually when that does, that is when I completely shut down. There are times when my emotional and mental health get the best of me, which usually drives me to just become a slug. Believe me when I say that I understand that this whole thing? No one can do it for me. No one can make me do it. I want to have to do it, which is a constant battle with myself. I want to do it, but why do I want to do it? Do I need to do it? Why should I bother doing it? There are a lot of other things that just get me flustered, but those aren't for this. That's for the journal. Anyway. Though I hate using the word, I failed miserably on the last challenge of this year. A death in the family and then a car accident. Lots of stress and things and...I shut down. I didn't want to draw. I had no creativity or desire to do so. I either didn't eat, or at whatever made me feel better. I broke my no water record...though I did break it back in December when I had another family death. It was comfort and I wanted it. I had one the night of the car accident because I needed that comfort with my pizza. I've even made my challenges, pardon the phrase, stupidly simple. It's frustrating because I don't see a reason why I shouldn't be able to be successful with this. I want to be successful. I want to do right by me, but I feel completely discombobulated. I feel like there is a disconnect somewhere; like I'm trying to plug to ends of a USB cord into itself. I know I need to find that sense of order again, which is going to take some work to do. I just hate that I feel as though I was close to it, and now it's even further away than it was before. I really need something to help me jump/kick start myself. I need to find a passion for something, and that is so ridiculously hard to find.

It is so crazy how quickly your mind (and body) can just drag you down, and just sap any and all motivation. These past two weeks have been a bomb, but I have a feeling that I know why. I'm not sure, but ugh. I don't want to beat myself up too much because then I'll just run and hide and never come back. Lots of things happening that have just left me feeling less than stellar, but I am trying to stay positive. That is the key. I think I need to remember that at least I came back to try and accomplish a challenge. There are still plenty of them left, plus some. Just keep pushing, right? Winter is not helping. Neither is snow. Neither is ~magical girl times~ that are approaching.

I have been trying to think of what I wanted to write and share today for everyone. Admittedly, the second week was less progressive and successful as the first week. Naturally, I was very close to just giving up; to just hiding away from both my challenge and this group. That is usually how I cope with not being successful: I hide. I run away from what I want to achieve because I look at it as I've already failed. It's really difficult to overcome and I'm still having my doubts. This past week, I have been feeling incredibly lethargic. Many reasons can attribute to it, but I can say that I am disappointed that I allowed myself to be brought down and sucked in. It's so easy to let it happen. I haven't quite built up a strong wall against it just yet. It's in the works, but it takes time. Everything takes time, I know. I am not going to get down on myself, though. Getting back into a routine and commitment can take time. Only I can accomplish my goals, and I need to want them. That is not to say that I do not want them, because I do. I believe that I have some self-inflicted hurdles that I need to overcome. Again, they will take time. I cannot get down on myself, but I also cannot be too easy on myself. There is a balance that needs to be found and maintained, which is what I usually struggle with. All of that said, I need to remember to appreciate and love myself. I need to remind myself that I am worth it and that I am doing everything for me. No one else and not to make someone else happy. I am doing everything to make myself happy. I invite everyone to appreciate and love yourself as you on this Valentine's Day. It is important to do this every day, but especially today. You have to remind yourself that there are people out there who want to help you succeed no matter where you are in your journey, or life.

Week two begins and where are we in our challenge? We are we in our goals? It's only week two, but even this soon in our passage we could find ourselves stuck. We could find ourselves stalling or simply standing still. That's okay. This is not easy. Nothing is ever easy, right? Regardless of what others say, everything takes time. Everything requires you to learn. Life is about living through the difficult times, the rough patches, joy, laughter, moments of pain, sadness, and a lieu of other emotions. If life were easy, how would we learn? How could we learn a sense of accomplishment? Of pride? Of excitement? Even when life pushes back at you, keep trudging forward. Learn from it, embrace it, and know that you can triumph in the end.

My first week was a pretty decent one, I think! I did have some things that fell through the cracks: yoga and sketching. However, rather than huff and puff about not doing them, I am focusing on what I DID do. I did no yoga this week; however, I did take some walks outside when it was sunny. Despite the chilly weather, I wanted to get some sun time in, and it did make me feel a bit more energized. On the days that it wasn't sunny, I had small dance parties every now and again while cleaning the house or while fetching water from the fridge. SO, though I did not do exactly what I planned out in my goals for the first week, I still had movement. Some is always better than none! I only sketched three times. I am finding myself unmotivated and uninspired to just randomly draw something. Even flipping through magazines, anything I was going to attempt felt more like work; a chore, and I don't want it to feel that way. Rather than scrap the idea, though, I am going to dig around for some fun sketch challenges on the internet. Something that gives me a general idea or topic, and I can go from there. I am going to keep finding a way to dig into my artistic side again, but I also don't want to burn myself out, or become disappointed in myself. A challenger appears, but I'm ready to take it on. I'm glad that others have found this helpful so far! The amount of happiness it brings me is tremendous, and I hope that I can continue to provide a sense of peacefulness and calm.

THOSE EARRINGS ARE SO DANG CUTE. But, no. Ear bling is just that; ear bling. They may help elongate your face, but that's about it. Is it terrible that I'm rooting for the Broncos because they're Stan Marsh's favorite team?

Many times we are lured off our path by anything and everything. This happens. This is part of our life. At times, the first reaction is to immediately berate ourselves. We did not accomplish what we had set out to do. We did not achieve our set goals. We believe we have failed. This is not the case. We have succeeded in managing life. We have gained the confidence to juggle the many things that life tends to throw at us even when we least expect it. Or don't need it. As we come to the end of our first week, reflect back on things that happened during this time. How many times were you thrown a large amount of obstacles that you had to overcome? How many times did you find yourself juggling so much that you thought for sure you were going to topple over? How did you manage to succeed? If you found yourself unable to reach your goal, did you get down on yourself? Why? It's important to remember that we are human. Things happen. Life happens. Don't worry! We are capable of picking ourselves up and marching on.

Week One Days Five & Six Why hello there! Fridays when the siblings return are always a bit crazy, but that did not deter me from my objectives! My eating habits are getting better. Even if I only eat an energy bar in the morning with my coffee, it's still better than nothing. I have been having a piece of fruit or some veggies between the breakfast portion and lunch if I'm finding myself hungry. I can say, with confidence, that I am not getting enough calories in a day though. At least not filling/good calories! Despite eating meals and having some snacks, there are times after dinner when I am feeling so completely famished. Ugh! I think I need to start having salads with dinner. Which is something I keep saying that I'm going to do, but I want to do it now more than ever. I slacked on my sketching, but I had done a lot of cleaning/reorganizing/etc around the house. I have been trying to take quick walks to the mailbox and back when it's sunny despite it being chilly. It's giving me some much needed sunshine and outside time. Trying to take advantage of the sun when I can! I have to say that, so far, my first week has been pretty awesome. Just a tad bit lazy with a few things, but sometimes you need some "you" time when there is no one around during the day. I'm going to get another week later in the month where it is literally just me. Vacation! Hehe. Hope everyone else is having/had a great first week!

Week One Day Four Another good day! I actually woke up before 10. I did feel a little groggy, but I made sure I didn't fall asleep on the sofa or anything. Successful breakfast, lunch, and dinner...although dinner. Oh boy. It was so tasty and I did my best not to eat too many thin lo mein noodles and fried rice. Even so, it was good and I enjoyed it! The Chinese food in Canada is much different than in the states. I've had a hard time finding some that I really enjoy, but when we have Chinese at my grandparents' house, it's SO good. It's too far for us to order and pick up, so it's a nice treat! Crispy orange beef, broccoli, and Cantonese vegetable lo mein. OM NOM NOM. I feel a little better about the sketching/drawing endeavor! A little work and patience, and it's getting there! So far, this week has been doing great! I'm sending all the positivity and happy vibes to everyone here.

Though you may not have met a goal, finished a project, or accomplished all that you wanted to, that's okay! Today is a new day; another day to go out and conquer it all. Yesterday, we gave ourselves a positive lift once we awoke. Today, consider all that is available to you. Remind yourself that today is another day to keep going. Don't look at something as unfinished. It's a work in progress; just like we are as we continue down our road of success. What opportunities did you take today? What did you do today that made you feel amazing?

Week One Day Three I had a really great day! I'm mentally getting into a great place, which means I'm feeling better about so much. I had a great session with my counselor. Our next session may include a session of Reiki, which I am very interested in learning more about. I am definitely a person who is always open to learning about new things, and anything that can help me find more of my center? I'm all for that. Along with that, I'm very happy that I can discuss things that I want to work on more precisely rather than not knowing. I was successful in getting all of the remaining ornaments wrapped and put away, which was a challenge! Better yet, rather than just sitting back and ordering pizza (because YUM pizza), I made a delicious dinner. It's just my step-dad and I right now with Mom in the states, so splurging on pizza isn't as pricey. However, I felt so much better after making a cooked meal rather than getting pizza. It was yummy, too! I also did some work on my character sheet for Nerd Fitness. I'm struggling slightly with my sketch quest. I am doing my best not to get down because my drawing is not what it use to be, but that can be difficult. I am going to dig through my 2038234 magazines, and find something to sketch. I just have to remind myself that I need to work back up to it, and not to get distraught.

I am working on being more positive about myself and to myself. In doing so, I am working toward gaining self-confidence and self-worth.

Week One Day Two Not too bad! I really need to make myself get out of bed tomorrow morning. I need to make myself go to sleep by midnight tonight. I did well on the food front. I found myself getting the munchies after dinner more than during the day which I'm sure means I need to have more calories (or something) in my day. Still working on the water intake. Sometimes I start to feel sick after so long for some reason. I know I'm not at too much water, and I'm not chugging it down. I just need to keep working on it, which I will! I had a handful of small (2-3 minute) dance parties throughout the day usually while cleaning up the kitchen. It was fun! I sang my little heart out, too. Tomorrow, I will be finishing up the Christmas stuff, chat with my counselor, and stuff. All the stuff! (Like catch up on my Temperature blanket. Oops!)

Your first thought usually sets the tone for the rest of the day. Rather than waking up to your first thought being everything that you need to accomplish, think of yourself. It may sound selfish, but you are just as important as a report, project, or chore that needs to be done. Whether it's looking at yourself in the mirror, thoughts over a cup of coffee, or staring at the ceiling in bed, boost yourself before you raise yourself. No matter what the day is going to throw at you, know that you can achieve your goals and accomplishments. It's always one step at a time.

The first day of my challenge went really well! I did eat a little more after dinner than I planned. While it was my own fault (waiting until I was famished to make dinner...etc!), I did not let it weight me down. Instead, I looked at the successes of my day. I ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I measured out treats rather than eating the whole bag. While I didn't meet my full 60+ oz yesterday with water, I am still drinking more water than ever before. That, unto itself, is a good thing! I also considered crossing off the sketch project, but I didn't. I haven't drawn anything in so long, so naturally I am very out of practice. That's okay, though! I can get back into it little by little, and produce pieces like I use to.

Week One Day One I want to start off by saying that they brought back crispy M&M's, which are MY FAVORITE. I love them more than peanut and pretzel. I can't explain it, but I love them. So my step-dad brought some home after work. Of course I immediately tore them open, ate one, and it was like heaven. Rather than leave them on my computer desk and be tempted to eat the entire bag in one sitting (because, goodness, I could), I portioned out the 1/4 c, and put the rest away. Holy cow is there more in 1/4 cup than you think. I also filled my glass of water back to the top with a little more ice. I took down both Christmas trees, which is a workout unto itself. With the dusting, vacuuming, re-wrapping and boxing? If they had Christmas Olympics, I think I would win a few medals. Including what we're having for dinner, I successfully had a breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I'm at 32oz of water once I finish this glass. While I did not get to the rest of my laundry or the bathroom today, that is okay! I accomplished something that makes the family grateful. I also sang like a diva while doing so.

seems appropriate.

THAT VERSE. I need to frame that because that is absolutely beautiful and on point.