zeroh13

I’ll be back to read through things later, but… It’s okay to not know what to do. It’s okay to only focus on survival.

I think for me, more structure and less options works better. The more options, the less likely any of them will happen. And then hello indecision and procrastination. I schedule my workouts. Of course there is a bit of rescheduling involved. But that doesn’t cause much of a problem, to a certain extent. Honestly, I might just be at the point of: “I don’t really feel like working out, because what’s the point because I’m not seeing any changes. And it’s not like I have time, so it’s not really important.” And I can tell myself that changes take time. And if I don’t do it at all, then I’m guaranteed to not see any changes. And I can make time for it. And it is important if I want to get to where I want to be. It boils down to, which one do I really believe more?

I’ve always done very badly with morning and evening routines. Part of the problem is, when am I leaving/coming home from work today? If I have a shift where I’m leaving at 11am, I have plenty of time. If it’s a shift where I have to leave at 6am… all I have time for is changing into my work clothes and eating while getting ready. And basically the same for an evening routine. If it’s a day where I’m getting home at midnight… well if I try to do anything except sleep, I’m going to fall asleep doing it. With trying to balance things, it’s not only what day am I working. It’s also what time am I working. Here’s an example schedule: Monday, 8am-3pm; Tuesday, off; Wednesday, 3pm-9pm; Thursday, 9am-5pm; Friday, 3pm-9pm; Saturday, 3pm-9pm; Sunday, 9am-4pm. Which then might turn into, come in earlier on Wednesday, stay later on Thursday. And then if I’m really unlucky I get a text Tuesday morning, so and so “isn’t feeling well” today, can you come in? And I have a fairly long commute on top of all that.

The bartender is nowhere and everywhere. Now, myself, as a sneaky little Cheshire Cat, will most likely be found behind you. Unless you suspect that is where I’ll be. I’ll take a dirty chai latte. Please and thank you.

So, it basically goes like this. I stop checking the forums for whatever reason. Then I stop tracking what I’m doing. Then I stop doing them. And that’s not what I want. I want to get stronger. I want to like my body better. I want my life to be more than work. So, time to do some improvements. The first step is, what do I want? And I just did that. Next, how to get there? Well, it looks that the #1 thing is to not disappear from the forums. Okay, when are good times to be here? There’s during my lunch break at work. Maybe when I wake up? I’m less likely to do it during the day or before bed. I had been doing it during my commute. But that was eating my very limited data. So not doing that. Get stronger is pretty simple and straightforward. I have a kettlebell workout. I just need to do it. Liking my body better is a lot more complicated. But I have been doing washing my face as a goal for a bit. And that does help. Now, work/life balance… that’s where things get complicated. Because I don’t have a set schedule. Well, I do know my schedule for the next couple months. But the thing is, I’m essentially also on-call. If someone gets sick or has an emergency or asks for time off, I’m the first one that gets asked to come in. And upper management would rather overwork their workers than hire more people or create more positions. From what I’ve heard, they’re even okay with a lot of people getting overtime. Because they have a nice profit margin with the current set up. All of that to say, I am asked, but if I say no, there basically isn’t anyone else. And I like the people who run the locations where I do get called into. And I know they are already overworked enough without being short staffed. And that they are both looking around for new jobs seriously because of how they are being overworked. And on top of all that, I need the money. I’m finally getting to a point where I’m not behind on rent and important bills. Though one thing that I’m enjoying doing now is streaming games on Twitch during my free time. Focusing on doing it just for fun. There’s definitely anxiety around it. Cause I’m very awkward and I stutter and say words wrong sometimes. (I’m not using a camera.) But it gets a little easier each time.

Yeah, I’m not using a camera. It sounds so intimidating. And doing voice is intimidating enough! I end up stuttering and tripping over words. And not really knowing what to say. Maybe eventually, but we don’t even have a camera. More important is to get a microphone. Right now I’m using a workaround with discord and my Bluetooth headphones. I’m pretty impressed with the streamers who do it full time, and do everything seamlessly. There can be a lot to keep track of!

It’s more been sucking my time away. I have lost workout motivation from not working out for about a week though. It’s so much harder (for me) to do the workout when I haven’t done it for a bit. I’ve also been feeling a little blah. Which means I don’t want to do much of any of the challenge things. - - In other news, I’ve started streaming a little on Twitch. It’s awkward. And scary. But kind of fun too. My BFF started several weeks ago. So I thought I’d give it a shot. Right now I’m just doing House Flipper. I had wanted to do Valheim. But… technical difficulties… In the process of setting up and testing stuff out, we learned that our motherboard is dying! 😭 Our network card couldn’t handle playing and streaming at the same time. Blue screen while streaming. So I got a wireless WiFi adapter to bypass the network card (which is only Ethernet). And shortly after booting up the PC, all USB devices stop responding. Unplug all USB except for the keyboard and the mouse, restart the computer, and no problems. Plug everything back in, same problem. Turns out, we can only have 3 USB things plugged in at the same time… Which then means that we can only have either the WiFi or the controller plugged in. And I play Valheim with a controller… (with some keyboard and mouse for inventory and hot keys).

It’s completely the change in angle. Doing the regular one handed row movement without any weight still made it pop. I can try doing the one handed at the two hand angle. I don’t know how the grip would work though.

My bruises tend to be very visible. But it doesn’t really bother me. It’s the hurting when I bump into something exactly where the bruise is that gets me. And I seem to have a special talent for doing that!

I now have a workout that I like! I’m naming it 8^12 (8 to the power of 12) Slingshot (aka around the world): 8 clockwise and 8 counter clockwise (x2) Two Handed Swing: 8 Two Handed Row: 8 Bottoms up Press and Hold: 8 seconds (x2 on each side) Reverse Lunge (no kettlebell) 8 each side To be clear, by two handed row, I mean holding one kettlebell in two hands. Not the one where you do two kettlebells at the same time. Not progressing at all on the squats was bugging me too much. So I decided to switch them out with the reverse lunges. Which I haven’t done in a very long time. So I need to work on my form before adding a kettlebell to the mix. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it in this challenge before, but I do the bottoms up hold because the regular hold was putting too much weight on my forearm and ended up starting to bruise it. Just the weight. I was very careful to hold it correctly and to not slam it at all. I just bruise too easily. It sucks when you do everything right, and it still causes problems. Which I’m finding is a sad trend in my workout journey.

So, what getting from this is that pharmacists are awesome and greatly under appreciated.

Wait, really? I use cardamom quite a bit. But then again, I’m not using any recipes that were handed down to me or from old cookbooks. So my cooking and baking could very well just not be very American.

I hope that happens soon. (I know, it won’t. And it sucks.)

I’m now at two attempts at the overnight oats. The only real difference between them is that the first used protein powder, and the second didn’t. They both tasted good. But the protein powder one had a slightly gritty consistency. And I did use a shaker cup to mix the powder and oat milk together before mixing it with the oats. Gritty is just what that powder does. Next time I buy some, I’ll try a different brand. The oat milk I used this time was vanilla flavor. Which added a nice amount of sweetness on its own. I do want to experiment with different plant milks though. There’s a dark chocolate one I’m eyeing. Top it with banana and nuts. And I think coconut milk could be good with pineapple and shredded coconut to make a pina colada flavor.

It’s the movement, not the weight or how rigorous it is. Specifically, how the rotator cuff joint moves. Which depends on so many factors. I’m slowly growing a list of movements that I can’t do safely do because of hypermobility. (And may never be able to do.) I can do a clean no problem. It’s the movement I use to get into the press and hold position. Which is in the workout. But what I want is to include a pulling movement in the workout.

We also have peanut butter, almond butter, and maple butter.

I finally got the sheet done. And week 1 looks sad. But at least I can see it now? It was mostly staying hydrated that I failed at. Need to keep a better eye on drinking water during the day. I had Friday off this week. We got beer and pizza to celebrate me working again. I’ve been working for a bit now, but waited for my second paycheck so I could treat both friends. (The three of us live together.) Earlier today I did my first attempt at overnight oats in a very long time. The protein powder I just got turned it a slight green color. So not really the most appealing looking… In the morning I’ll find out if it tastes okay. Yesterday I did a new workout I put together. And I like it. Except for one exercise: kettlebell row. Really, it’s my shoulders that don’t like it. They kept popping. So now I need an alternative exercise. No idea what yet.

Heck ya! And just pretend this is your mother.

I think there is something about being able to say to someone who is doing well, when you’re not, “hey! Great job! I admire what you’re doing. I’m not there yet, but I’m working on it.” And if you’re both having trouble, saying “You’re struggling. And you know what? I’m struggling too. And yeah, it sucks.” Short and simple means less pressure on me to post on other people’s challenges.

Before the potty training years, people clean up the baby with wipes when they get a diaper change. Right? And after other messes? So… do babies actually get that smelly without full baths?

Out of curiosity, what is a good age to introduce showers? I vaguely remember that all through elementary school age I alternated between hating baths, hating showers, and hating both. I’m sure that last one caused my parents much grief.

I’ll need to ask what the estimated attendance is. Max capacity for our area (it’s on a college campus) is around 5,500 with a concert.* Which is a good size for what it is. The previous college I worked at had an arena with about half that capacity. *We are currently allowed to operate at max, with face covering restrictions.

I was actually looking at mattresses back in March. My top pick was Sweet Night, specifically one of their hybrid mattresses. Because their hybrid ones do not have fiberglass in them. It’s a common fire retardant in mattresses. And completely contained inside an inner cover. But with a cat who will claw through anything, I didn’t want to take any risks. Unfortunately, the size I wanted was out of stock for over a month on their website.

It’s not a problem. They just want hugs!

Since you start off strong, I don’t know how well this will work, but maybe it would be useful to divide the 5 week challenge into two challenges.