Tamaska

Hey guys, sorry I vanished. I had a lot of things going on. BUT! I'm hoping to come back! I hope that's okay. ^____^ By things I mean moving, getting a new job, taking care of my mom, college... just lots of stuff.

aslkdfjasldnvoiwen indgoaidng!!! I'M LATE!!! -cue that white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland.- -Comes sliding to a halt and falls over causing a puff of dirt to float into the air.- HERE I AM!!!!!!!!! Ahem. Tamaska has arrived. Hello. Please proceed as normal.

October 28, 2015 There is something here... there is something in this cave and its watching me. I can feel its eyes on me. I can feel it watching my every move. My eyes scan the darkness quietly and warily. I can't see shit in the cave due to the murky darkness that is hardly even phased by the plethora of fluorescent glowing rocks. Even my flash light isn't very effect for getting rid of the darkness. The stupid thing only illuminates nearby areas of about 6 or 7 feet away and 4 or 5 feet wide. In a cavern that is a few hundred feet wide and long that doesn't do jack shit for the distant corners. Lucinda said the caves were dangerous, but she didn't say WHY beyond the fact that people get trapped here because she controls them. Is there something here that she can't control? The idea of some kind of monster lurking in areas I can't see makes me feel small and uneasy. Video games, stories, and movies have monsters in them.... but the hero is always armed with SOMETHING. They're always in a group, they've got help even in the darkest hours and their time of need, but... but I don't. I have a flash light and a video game system. No sword, no fancy powers, no friends to help me and the feeling of being watched just isn't going away. I can feel my anxiety mounting, the panic that has plagued me since I was young, the feeling of being powerless and unable to change the things around you. My eyes strain, my ears strain and I hold my breath for moments at a time in hopes of seeing or hearing something, anything, a clue as to what is giving me this feeling. But, I can't see or hear anything! I bite my lower lip and try to break the mounting panic. You've been through this Tamaska... you've had these panic attacks before. Stop it before you start crying and hyperventilating; that's not going to help you. No one is here to hold you and tell you things will be better. You can't... you can't do this right now. OW! I bit myself a little too hard. With a whimper I run my tongue over the area I bit. The tang of iron rich blood makes my tongue curl back, I hate that taste. Great, I bit the blood out of myself. I hope the monster or whatever it is isn't attracted to blood. I shiver and slowly get to my feet. Come on Tamaska, you're a fighter. How many books, movies and video games have you played that gave you ideas for survival? Is there a place to trap it if the thing comes towards you? Is there a place to force it to only come from one direction? What do you have to set up a trap? My mind races as I slowly pick up my blanket and wrap it around myself almost like a shield. My shivering is more than just the ever present cold, its my body reacting to the high levels of anxiety and panic I have. Go back to the room you woke up in. It's big, but there is only one way in and there is less room for whatever is watching you to get to you. If its big maybe it won't be able to come in. The hairs along the back of my neck stand on end as I move slowly towards the smaller cavern. My heart is in my throat as I move across the couple hundred feet that separate me from the smaller sanctuary. I can hear the sound of my own heartbeat thundering in my ears, the sound of my own breathing seems all too loud. Somehow, I manage to make myself walk the distance to the smaller cavern without running. I reach the back of the smaller cavern and collapse on the hard floor. My entire body is wired and full of energy as I shakily attempt to catch my breath. I need to calm down. This is just a feeling, I have no proof that something is actually in the cave with me. I need to calm down. Count to ten... count to ten... There is nothing the cave. Nothing in the cave. Nothing in the cave. Nothing in the cave. Maybe there is something in the cave..... NO! YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH! THERE IS NOTHING IN THE CAVE. God damn it... now I lost count... What's that noise? Oh god... oh god... oh god. I slowly turn to look behind me. There is a face... there is a face looking at me. There is a mother fucking face at the mouth of the cavern. My blood runs cold as I hear a clicking noise come from the creature as its head tilts side to side. The body connected to the face is gangly and matches the rock walls of the cavern. No wonder I couldn't see anything when I looked around. It blends in with the rocks. The head tilts again and the clicky noise happens again. It reminds me of the creepy tree spirits from Princess Mononoke.

That is a wonderful guide to behold. That horse face, those candy egg things. Kinder eggs? How you doin'? XD

XD The spelling bit I was serious about... I never learned how to properly spell exercise cause I say it funny. Ex-sir-size is how I pronounce it and I guess its supposed to be pronounced Ex-er-size. I also just want to look into places to go swimming, google it a few times and look around where I live at places that might be options. Make up my mind and then just go visit the places to see what its like there. Then, eventually decide if I want to add swimming once or twice a week in exchange for yoga. It's not set in concrete, its just an option I want to explore for the future. Thank you for the welcome Balidd. I appreciate the concern you and Luciana have voiced over my goals. I'm still in editing mode since I just kind of barfed up goals and ideas on the fly while I was at work. I made them complex because that's what I feel like I need to have them be so the lazy/depressed part of me that I'm trying to break isn't wiggling around looking for loop holes. Cause if I say "wake up at 10" and I set my alarm for 10, that lazy asshole part of my brain is gonna acknowledge the alarm and then go back to sleep telling myself 'You woke up, you turned off the alarm, its all good' or some whiny 'but I'm still tired' x____X I am my own worst enemy when it comes to my depressive episodes. As for the adventure tag, ohhhhh, a shiny tag thingy ma jigger. I GET TO MEET AN ADVENTURERE PERSON!!!! -freaks out and wiggles all happily.- I was wondering what guild I'd go into eventually. I'mma go lurk on them and maybe pester them as a form of saying hello. <3 Thank you Luciana and Blaidd.

My starting point? I'm working from ground zero pretty much. Any physical activity I did was at least 5 or so years ago beyond the basic walking to work and what not. Five years ago I was in high school, I did the bare minimum for PE class and did two years of wrestling. While I pushed myself for the team the changes I made to my life for those two years didn't stick. I've tried to get interested in martial arts or the gym now that I'm an adult, but nothing really fits because I always felt alone or too tired due to my depression and crazy work schedule. Now my work schedule is set concrete and specific. I work Tuesday- Saturday 3pm to 11pm. Sometimes it changes, but its mostly just adding a few extra hours to my shift to make it a 12 instead of an 8. I'm setting up a routine; get up and go to bed at a certain time. Eat three meals a day plus a snack and then do yoga once a day. Those are the things I want to start doing. Its a foot up from my daily BS of forgetting to eat, going to bed at 7am or whenever I feel like it and waking up an hour before work to get dressed and head out. Realizing I forgot to eat anything since yesterday, ordering a pizza and devouring it in my eight hour shift then not eating anything until the next day again. While it seems like a lot, its more or less just imposing rules on chaos and disorder. I know I'm not going to get 100% on everything all the time, but for the next six weeks these are the things I want to focus on because they're important to me. The schedule helps me regulate when I'm hungry, regulating when I'm hungry reminds me that I need to eat something other than pizza or a hamburger, then the yoga helps me to just have an hour to myself to stretch and unwind. Not sleeping all day has its benefits as well lol. I'll have more energy, I'll have more time and be more focused on the things I want to get done.

October 27. 2015 Woke up around 8am. Made oatmeal, rinsed some dishes and put 'em in the dish washer. Ate about a half a cup of oatmeal. Added 1/4 cup plain white sugar... Not my proudest moment but it tasted so bland!!!!! >.< klajsdflkjasd Washed my dishes and put them in the dish washer. Went back to bed around 9:30ish Woke up at 1pm Got out of bed at 1:45 Mom made me take left overs for work. Chicken and mashed taters. yum. Dressed for work and left around 2pm Returned mom's overnight reader thingy for the tests the doctors needed. Drank spice chai tea 1% milk and sugar added At work at 3pm. Doing 12hr shift x____X drank hot cocoa. MY HUMAN BODY IS SO BORING!!! I toss my pen and pad to the cavern floor. All it does is eat, sleep, answer emails and go to work! Sometimes it even goes to the bathroom! What in the shit am I doing with my life? God this is boring! I stand up and pace the cavern quietly. What the hell am I suppose to do with this information for a week? Lucinda better have a DAMN good reason for all this BS or I'm going to flip shit on the next piece of paper she sends me. Just you wait, I will use that steel and flint thingy to set it ON FIRE. Maybe I'll actually get warm that way!

Wheeeeeeeee. Tamaska is in Hillsboro, Oregon! =D Hiiii guys.

-Lurks on your post.-

LOL I only do this so extensively because I'm a procrastinator and a lazy schmuck. If I didn't do it this extensively I'd be pulling 100's everyday for eating a brownie or just looking at veggies at the super market. If you need help setting something up this extensive just let me know and I'd be happy to help you. =D

Week one day by day progress Eating: Day one:Day two:Day three:Day four:Day five:Day six:Day seven:End of week total: End of week status =D%End of week status =D% Scheduling: Day one:Day two:Day three:Day four:Day five:Day six:Day seven:End of week total: Did you do the thing?!?!?! %Did you do the thing?!?!?! % Exercise: Day one:Day two:Day three:Day four:Day five:Day six:Day seven:End of week total: So.... how are you?%So.... how are you?%

Vitamin Week one. Mineral Week one.

Thank you! <3 I appreciate this!

Exercise Learn to spell exercise: I did: A Did not: F Yoga Did it for the hour needed: A Did it part of the hour: C Did not do it at all: F Swimming place Week one: Googles is your friend. Look up places to go swimming. Did this: A Did not: F Week three: Visit these places/get more information on them. Did this: A Did not: F Week Six: Have a plan to make swimming a part of your day along with your yoga. Did this: A Did not: F

Schedule Waking up. Set an alarm. Do not go back to sleep after this alarm has gone off. Alarm is set for.... If I wake up and do not go back to sleep after this alarm has gone off: A If I go back to sleep after the alarm: C If I dismiss the alarm and miss my scheduled breakfast time: F Going to bed. Get ready for bed 1hr before bed time. Shower, jammies, brush teeth, etc. Turn off game stations and stop dicking around on my phone. Alarm is set for..... In bed by the top of the next hour and not dicking around on the phone: A Still playing on phone, but in bed: C Missed bed time, still dicking around on phone an hour after bed time: F Meals Breakfast within one-two hours after waking up. Ate all the food and it included a protein and fiber: A Did not include a fiber/protein: B Did not include either/forgot to eat: F Lunch Around noon. Ate all the food and it included a protein and fiber: A Did not include a fiber/protein: B Did not include either/forgot to eat: F Dinner Approximately 6-7pm ( depends on work) Ate all the food and it included a protein and fiber: A Did not include a fiber/protein: B Did not include either/forgot to eat: F Snack Either before lunch or before dinner. Must be healthy. ( No donuts, no candy/sugar etc) On days I work 12hr shifts it can be after dinner. Exercise hour for teh Yogaaaa. Before or after work. Take a shower afterwards. Don't be gross. Did the full workout at the scheduled time: A Did the workout, but not at the time: B Forgot the workout all together: F