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Morrigainz

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Everything posted by Morrigainz

  1. Lift the feelings away! Send my apologies to Christi...I wanted to talk to her the other night but got distracted. Love to you both. Pardon typos; sheep have hooves, not hands.
  2. Re: weight, I was in Mexico for 5 days and gained 10 lbs. The scale lies, bro. Since my return, I've "lost" 8 of those lbs. Pardon typos; sheep have hooves, not hands.
  3. Gotta feed the bacon bits! Omnomnom. I was going to make a parasite joke but I didn't know if you would like it and also I couldn't think of one. Pardon typos; sheep have hooves, not hands.
  4. Let's! Where are you located? There's been talk about having a mini meetup at my place in March. But I will have to check with Mr Mir before I officially invite more people, especially ones he hasn't met. Pardon typos; sheep have hooves, not hands.
  5. SO FLAT. MANY FOG. I feel like I can't do anything or make an impact on the world. I feel like I am drifting/floating/coasting. I have spent a lot of my life feeling this way. It's uncomfortable to say the least. I realize the only way to get out is to PARTICIPATE. Get out. Do things. I feel like I am trying, but maybe I am trying the wrong things. last night I had a friend over. She's great - one of my besties. But this morning I feel meh. So probably I should have gone to the gym instead, but I wanted people and social interaction. So it is 11:20 am and I am still in bed, drinking leftover champagne because I didn't want it to go to waste. Pardon typos; sheep have hooves, not hands.
  6. I GLOMP!!! I had many thoughts on my way to work this morning, but now I'm not sure I remember them all. I know I remember some. 1. I feel flat. I feel like each day passes in a fog. I'm managing to do most of my adulting (barely - you should see the heap of laundry I need to do) but every day I wake up and feel like yesterday is so remote. I'm not sure if this is due to meds, depression, a lack of participating in the moment, or a combination of all of the above. I know I spent a great deal of time yesterday agonizing over the state of things in my life (particularly my marriage) and so for a good portion I was not present. However, I only realized that just now upon reflection; I did not recognize it in the moment. 2. Habit-building is hard. I have started to build some small habits that are helping to unfuck my life (setting up meds at night, taking them before getting out of bed in the am, hanging keys immediately when I get home) but I need/want to start creating some bigger habits. Like going to the gym. At the end of each workday I am exhausted and flat, and sometimes sad. All I want to do is go home and veg (and this is me, the super extrovert talking). Re: the gym, I have two things I want to do. I want to lift and I want to yoga. Yoga because of my SI joint issues, which have started creeping back in since I started going back to the gym-ish. Oh and my PT exercises that I have, of course, neglected. But creating that routine is hard. Everything is different now. I work in a different building, belong to a different gym, live in a different house - and I haven't figured out what the best routine is yet. It's a process for sure. The gym is right across the street from my work. I used to go on my lunch hour, but when I got assigned to this project, I decided I wanted to step up my game and be a bit more professional - i.e., not take long lunches and then come back all gross and sweaty. I am no longer sure which thing takes priority. I wonder if working out at lunch would give me a boost to get through the rest of the day not in a fog. I feel like I am spinning my wheels. I have a lot of big changes that I need/want to make, but I am not really sure how to go about that. It doesn't help that I haven't had therapy in 2 weeks (was on vacation one week, sick the next week). I will see her this week which will be good but I definitely feel starved. I'm really struggling with some stuff at work too. I'm having a hard time focusing/being present, as I mentioned. Most of the time, I am either ON or OFF. Off doesn't just mean "off my game" - it means off like a lightswitch. After spending a significant portion of time being ON at work, it's very hard to fake it when I'm OFF. To the point where I just can't do it. Many times when I am OFF I will just stay home (although I have gotten slightly better at that). Because people notice when you're ON and then one day you're OFF. There is a woman here who I have wanted to approach about acting as my professional mentor, but it's hard to do when I'm OFF and I don't know how much to explain to her. Because I KNOW she has noticed the OFFness. Another thing I've thought about work is that I really need to be interacting with people on a regular basis. I spent a number of weeks pulling data extracts, neck deep in SQL and a million different tables and while it was interesting, I kind of felt myself....wilting. But I'm terrified to ask for more interaction with people (despite being SUPER EXTROVERT MIR) because it's hard to interact with people effectively when I'm OFF. And I don't want to participate in more stupid, useless meetings. Communication has been a huge issue on this project and I brought it up to the communications lead several months ago - and it went nowhere. However, the lead is a gatekeeper of sorts - and he will not be happy if I go around his helmet. I think I have a lot to offer in the realm of improving communication, but my attempt has been stymied and I'm not sure how else to go about it. That's my brain dump for now.
  7. Catsssss why you so difficult?? Yes. This winter has been ridiculous. When are you free, generally? Pardon typos; sheep have hooves, not hands.
  8. Yes! Great reasons for meditation. For me it really is about the mindfulness and being able to detach from overwhelming emotions (although full disclosure: I haven't actually ever meditated, really). The "non-judgmentally" part is key - being able to feel you emotions, or at least be aware of them, and practicing radical acceptance (all moments have led to thus moment) without the angst that comes from the dissonance of experiencing an emotion and feeling as though you should not new experiencing it, or wanting to change it but not being able to fix the situation. That's where suffering comes in. So that being said, I totally need some meditation tips. Especially after yesterday. Pardon typos; sheep have hooves, not hands.
  9. Hanging in there. Lots of crazy going on! Some big changes are coming. I've missed you too! Happy to be back. Hopefully it'll last. Pardon typos; sheep have hooves, not hands.
  10. HAMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
  11. Welcome to your second challenge! YAY! Good luck with the coffee/caffeine. It's a hard one to beat! As far as bedtime, I don't usually have the issue of not being in bed by bedtime, but I don't have a bedtime routine, and some of the work I need to do could use a bedtime routine (reflecting on the day, etc). So I have been thinking about setting an alarm on my phone or something for 15 minutes before bedtime so that will be my cue to brush my teeth, reflect on the day, fill out a diary card or whatever, etc etc etc. Instead of waiting until bedtime and then going upstairs and flopping into bed. Plus it might help with the quality of sleep.
  12. Hiiii druids. Thought I'd pop in here. I'm a warrior at heart but have a lot of self-work to do. Very keen on dialectical behavior therapy and Buddhism at the moment.
  13. This is still a possible possibility.
  14. Thanks my nerd bros <3 Although do druids call themselves bros? I give no fucks. Y'all are my nerd bros. I made some decisions on my way into work on this frigid morning. 1. Starting next week (and not this week because I'm just not with it enough this week): I am going to re-introduce protein shakes into my diet. And start having them at lunchtime. It will be better than nothing, which is what I am doing right now. Yesterday all I ate were a bunch of Sweet Tarts and some kind of dip thing with crackers. Oh and then I also had a bottle of champagne (although in my defense I wasn't alone! I had company). Which leads me to #2... 2. No more drinking a bottle of wine a night routinely. I do not think I am an alcoholic but I am certainly not doing my health (physical or mental) any favors. I need clarity and perspective in my life right now. So I think I will start drinking a lot more tea. And if I want to have a beer when I go out for dinner or a bottle of wine when I have friends over, I'm not going to kill myself with guilt. But seriously, it's really getting out of hand. As far as goals: I haven't started using the workbooks yet, although I've started doing some reading. I have an appt with my therapist this Friday, so we will probably start talking about them at that point. I've already got some good ideas from one of them, and I just need to take some time to implement them. I am also wondering if I can somehow form my own DBT group to talk about the things we learn. I process externally, and I can see how something like DBT could be more helpful with feedback and insight from others. Buddhist temple: I have a sister date tonight, and I may go to the gym even (WHAT), so no temple tonight. And they don't have meditation on Wednesdays. BUT I don't currently have any plans for Thursday night (I don't think) so I can go then. Hopefully I can find a friend to come with me. Habits: are continuing. Mindfulness: ehhhhh. It's a process. It can be extremely difficult to be present in the moment and observe your feelings without judging them. Especially when you are good at hyperfocusing and you are experiencing a negative feeling and you just want to FIX IT. But we'll get there.
  15. rooooooooooooooooooooooooooo i miss yooooooooooooooooooou!
  16. Hiiiiiiiiii Pardon typos; sheep have hooves, not hands.
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