FatboySuave

In an iconic Game of Thrones scene, Varys and Littlefinger have differing opinions on the nature of chaos. Varys says chaos is a gaping pit waiting to swallow us all, while Littlefinger says chaos is a ladder. For the past two years, I've been wallowing in a gaping pit of self-pity, but now I'm ready to grab the ladder and climb my way out. I've made up a lot of excuses and convinced myself that "chaos" derailed my weight-loss journey, but the truth is my own thoughts are often my worst enemy. I'm feeling clear headed these days and I'm ready for a respawn. Lately, I've begun cooking for myself again. My plan this challenge is to cook low-carb meals for myself as often as possible and avoid eating out. I also want to wean myself off of Rockstar energy drinks, which I'm addicted to. I will try to drink coffee and/or Crystal Light instead. I will also try to increase my water intake. And lastly, I want to get back into the habit of taking my dogs on walks. I'm not going to let the illusion of chaos keep me down. Instead, I will look at chaos as an opportunity to climb and lift myself up.

I put a lot of limits on myself in the past year and they definitely spread into all aspects of my life. I took a long hiatus from the Rebellion and I've gained a lot of weight — I'm actually heavier than when I first started my weight-loss journey. But I want to get back into the Rebellion and rebuild good habits. I went to a wedding with friends this past weekend and a friend showed me a photo of myself standing triumphantly on top of a mountain from a hike we took about two or three years ago. One of my female friends, who has only known me for a few months, saw the picture and was shocked at how good I looked. I was shocked too. I'm at a point right now where that version of myself seems so far away and unattainable. But I got there somehow, someway once before, so I know it's possible to reach that level again. This post is a baby step in that direction. I don't really have a concrete plan yet, so I'm mainly going to use this space to think out loud for now. Looking forward to meeting and re-meeting new and old Rebels alike!

Hello, fellow Rebels and Nerds! I'm no stranger to the forums, but I've been absent for a couple months. I used to go by EternalJourno and Rey of Light, but I decided to change my name again. I'm fickle like that, lol. To sum things up, I was doing really well going paleo and working out regularly. As a result, I lost 40 pounds. Then things started going bad. My depression started flaring up, even though I was the healthiest I'd ever been. Something was just off, so I started going to therapy, which has helped immensely. But then I stopped working out because of a foot injury (excuses, excuses) and then I ditched the healthy eating all together. As a result, I gained nearly 30 pounds back. Recently, a lot of positive changes have happened. I went from job duties that I absolutely loathed to something that challenges me and makes me feel fulfilled. I'm also in an exciting new relationship, and he's getting ready to move into my house. I'm beginning to feel more hopeful for the future and I'm better able to see the direction I want to head in, but the depression is still lurking under the surface and something still feels a bit off — something my therapist and I are working on. I figured I should come back to the forums and try to get back into a healthful mindset. I'm still ditching paleo for the time being. I want to just find a healthy-ish, affordable diet because times have been tough financially. And I need to get back into the habit of walking my dogs. Oh by the way, I adopted a second puppy who is the floofiest. I want to take things slow and ease back into the forums, so I'll come up with official quests later. Just wanted to reintroduce myself and reestablish myself on the forums.

Saw my therapist yesterday for the first time in almost two months. She was extremely apologetic for having to cancel twice in a row, and we pretty much just spent time catching up. I told her I've been feeling much better since I switched meds, and she was very relieved, because the last time I saw her I was feeling pretty low. She was glad to hear I'd been finding joy in gaming again. Just what the doctor prescribed, lol! She asked me about work and whether I yelled at anyone recently like I did a few weeks back, which I almost forgot about, lol. I told her I've been learning to let things go at work. For example, if I get annoyed or upset about a story, I will allow myself to just not read it and move it along to the next editor. Nobody really cares enough to notice. My whole thinking is: Why stress myself out so much trying to improve things when the reporters don't care enough to do quality work in the first place? It leaves me feeling out of control, especially when reporters ignore my emails and advice. It also makes me second guess myself. Am I not as good an editor as I think I am? Are my ideas not good? Is that why my boss never wants to try anything I suggest? It's those kinds of thoughts that really get to me. So rather than stress about it, I'm trying to let it go. If the paper is shitty, so be it. When I switch back to reporting, I'll be in control of my own work, so I can put as much thought and care into my writing as I can. I won't have to worry about what others are doing or not doing. But for now it's just a waiting game until the cops reporter sells his house and retires. On the challenge front, the dieting is going really well, and I'm seeing a bit of movement on the scale in the right direction. So that's promising. I'm still not doing much physical activity. And to be honest, I just don't want to or feel like it, lol. But I'm OK with that. Again, I'm trying to learn to let things go. I'm not gonna stress myself out with thoughts of things I SHOULD be doing or things I HAVE to do. If I feel like walking or working out, I'll get to it. For now, I'm content with focusing on my mental health, and I feel like I'm making a lot of progress.

Monday, Dec. 11, 2017 Food & Liquor: Breakfast Enthusiast: 4 omelet muffins and 2-3 cups of coffee. Out to Lunch: Chicken breast with broccoli and sweet potatoes. Fruit Snacks: Bacon, apple, string cheese. Dinner Time: Beef, broccoli, mushroom stir fry. Hold My Liquor: N/A Drink More Water: More than 3 liters. Awesome hour: N/A The New Workout Plan: The Warm Up N/A The Body Rock N/A A Long Walk N/A The Cool N/A

Week 2 Recap I don't have much to report. I fudged my battle log without realizing, so I can't really give myself an accurate grade. However, I know I did really well on the dieting front, but I didn't do any walking or workouts. I'm probably in the D territory. I'll do better this week. The Switch has consumed my life, lol. Breath of the Wild has taken my breath away. I can't stop playing. I feel like a born-again gamer. I love getting lost and just exploring. There's so much to do and see, so I'm taking my time and wandering around as much as possible. It's so much fun. On the mental health front, I'm feeling really good. Ever since I switched to these new meds, I've been feeling clear headed. So that's really promising. I'm scheduled to see my therapist tomorrow. I haven't seen her in almost two months because she called in twice before. But because I've been feeling so good, I don't know what we're even gonna talk about, lol. We may end up doing some form of guided meditation or EFT — at least, that was the plan a month ago, so we'll see.

Sunday, Dec. 10, 2017 Food & Liquor: Breakfast Enthusiast: 4 eggs and 6 pieces of bacon and 4 cups of coffee. Out to Lunch: N/A Fruit Snacks: N/A Dinner Time: Moo goo chicken, beef and broccoli, chicken chow mein and mixed veggies. Hold My Liquor: Half a bottle of wine Drink More Water: Less than 3 liters. Awesome hour: N/A The New Workout Plan: The Warm Up N/A The Body Rock N/A A Long Walk N/A The Cool N/A

Saturday, Dec. 9, 2017 Food & Liquor: Breakfast Enthusiast: 4 eggs and 5 pieces of bacon and 2 cups of coffee. Out to Lunch: N/A Fruit Snacks: N/A Dinner Time: Moo goo chicken, beef and broccoli, orange chicken and mixed veggies. Hold My Liquor: 1 1/2 beers Drink More Water: Less than 3 liters. Awesome hour: N/A The New Workout Plan: The Warm Up N/A The Body Rock N/A A Long Walk N/A The Cool N/A

Hang in there and fortify!

Wednesday, Dec. 6, 2017 Food & Liquor: Breakfast Enthusiast: 2 scrambled egg and bacon sandwiches. Out to Lunch: Chicken breast with broccoli and sweet potatoes. Fruit Snacks: N/A Dinner Time: Teriyaki chicken, orange chicken and mixed veggies. Hold My Liquor: N/A Drink More Water: About 3 liters. Awesome hour: N/A The New Workout Plan: The Warm Up N/A The Body Rock N/A A Long Walk N/A The Cool N/A

Tuesday, Dec. 5, 2017 Food & Liquor: Breakfast Enthusiast: 2 scrambled egg and bacon sandwiches. Out to Lunch: Chicken breast with broccoli and sweet potatoes. Fruit Snacks: N/A Dinner Time: Chips and salsa. Hold My Liquor: N/A Drink More Water: About 3 liters. Awesome hour: N/A The New Workout Plan: The Warm Up N/A The Body Rock N/A A Long Walk N/A The Cool N/A

Monday, Dec. 4, 2017 Food & Liquor: Breakfast Enthusiast: 2 scrambled egg and bacon sandwiches. Out to Lunch: Chicken breast with broccoli and sweet potatoes. Fruit Snacks: Chips and salsa. Dinner Time: Sirloin steak, corn, peas, carrots and fried potatoes. Hold My Liquor: 1 beer. Drink More Water: About 3 liters. Awesome hour: N/A The New Workout Plan: The Warm Up N/A The Body Rock N/A A Long Walk N/A The Cool N/A

Haha, oh man, I feel your pain, lol

I haven't heard of any of these, so I'll definitely check them out! I've been hoping to find an inspirational podcast. I tried the Art of Manliness for a bit. It tackles a variety of topics on self improvement, but most of the episodes just felt like advertisements for whatever guest was featured. It didn't feel particularly engaging for me.

Week 1 Recap Quest 1 - Workouts: F (Haven't yet found the will to workout. I think I might actually be a little scared because I know I've lost a lot of progress and I'm afraid to find out how much). Quest 2 - Walks: C (Took Booklet on a few walks, but I can definitely do better.) Quest 3 - Alcohol: B Quest 4 - Diet: F (Thanksgiving leftovers and lack of meal prep hurt me here. But I'm getting back into the swing of things.) Week 1 Grade: D+ Definitely not a great first week, but I'm easing back into my quests. Baby steps! I'm not going to beat myself up about the grades. It's important for me to calculate them though as a means of accountability. Ohe positive side, I updated my battle log every day for the week! That's definitely a win! So these grades don't necessarily reflect the progress I'm making, but that's OK. As I work on rebuilding my willpower and discipline, the grades will get better.

Sunday, Dec. 3, 2017 Food & Liquor: Breakfast Enthusiast: 2 scrambled egg and bacon sandwiches. Out to Lunch: N/A Fruit Snacks: N/A Dinner Time: Teriyaki chicken and rice with an eggroll. Hold My Liquor: 2 beers. Drink More Water: Less than 3 liters. Awesome hour: N/A The New Workout Plan: The Warm Up N/A The Body Rock N/A A Long Walk N/A The Cool N/A

Saturday, Dec. 2, 2017 Food & Liquor: Breakfast Enthusiast: Scrambled eggs, bacon, tomatoes, mushrooms, toast. Out to Lunch: N/A Fruit Snacks: N/A Dinner Time: Orange chicken and kung pao chicken with rice. Hold My Liquor: 2 beers. Drink More Water: Less than 3 liters. Awesome hour: N/A The New Workout Plan: The Warm Up N/A The Body Rock N/A A Long Walk N/A The Cool N/A

Friday, Dec. 1, 2017 Food & Liquor: Breakfast Enthusiast: 4 omelet muffins and 3-4 cups of coffee. Out to Lunch: Chicken breast with broccoli and sweet potatoes. Fruit Snacks: N/A Dinner Time: Orange chicken with rice. Hold My Liquor: N/A Drink More Water: More than 3 liters. Awesome hour: N/A The New Workout Plan: The Warm Up N/A The Body Rock N/A A Long Walk N/A The Cool N/A

My weekend was pretty uneventful. That was until I decided out of the blue to get a Nintendo Switch! lol. I've been thinking about it a lot lately and decided to just throw it on my credit card as an early Christmas gift to myself and pay it off over time — something for future Richard to deal with while present Richard plays games, lol. I got Zelda Breath of the Wild, and it is such an amazing game! It's so beautiful visually and there's so much to explore. I still haven't quite gotten the fight mechanics/controls down yet. Every time I try to pull out my shield, I end up crouching, lol. I've also died several times in silly ways, primarily falling off tall things, lol. I've justified the purchase by telling myself that treating myself is a form of self care, lol. But the game genuinely does bring me joy. And I'm excited to share games with friends. I don't want it to become an excuse to veg out and play solo in the dark. I really want to use it as a means for connecting with others. And I'm gonna try hard to limit my time on it so it doesn't get in the way of my challenge quests.

Lore was suggested to me too, but I haven't listened yet. I'll have to check it out. I don't think I've heard of Myths and Legends, but I'll definitely check it out too. Another one I like is RadioLab.

Yuck, I hope you feel better soon!

@Redbeard the Viking, same. One forgiven meal leads to another, leads to another, and another, lol.

I took Booklet on a nice little walk yesterday. I've started using this time to listen to podcasts. I've only recently started getting into them. Before I deactivated my Facebook, I got a ton of suggestions from my Facebook friends — so many that I've yet to sample everything, lol. But if you guys have recommendations, I'm totally willing to give them a shot. Right now some of my favorites are Reveal and Code Switch. I also listen to NPR's Up First and Politics and the NYT's The Daily. I spent more time watching Twitch streamers play Journey yesterday. It's nice knowing there's still an active community for this game. The game itself is really short, so it leaves me wanting more, especially with its companion mechanic. You basically meet a real person in the game, but you can't communicate other than chirping at each other. You find out at the end of the game who they are and can send them a message. And it looks like there used to be a forum for companions, but it's gone now. So I felt kinda lonely, wanting to connect with people about the game. So this online streaming community is a way to do that. I also started to learn how to do some flying and other tricks in the game. I have this half-baked desire to start streaming myself. It seems like a cool way to connect with people while playing video games, which has always been a problem for me. I've never really known many people who play games IRL, so it always felt like a solitary thing, and that's a big part of the reason why I started distancing myself from games. Recently, though, I've been able to connect with my friends more via board games. And Twitch has given me a connection to other people via video games. So I feel like I'm rediscovering an old passion in a new way, which is kinda like rediscovering a piece of myself.

Definitely! Woot!