mdwill

@Defining Thank you for your post, I understand that you don't want to suggest any exercises nor should you. I just wanted to hear other women's stories from other women that are active so that I could share them with her so she would know she isn't alone and also maybe even give her ideas on the emotions she may face and ways other women overcame them. @Diadhuit I do understand that you didn't intend to be harsh but you were harsh by assuming I was mistreating my wife when I was looking to help her emotional issues she is starting to face before the surgery even happens. She is the one that said those things about her self, not I. Those words and thoughts are not like my wife so I became concerned and thought that maybe reading other women's experiences may help.

Hello, My wife is going to be having surgery on the 14th and will be out of the gym for about 6 - 8 weeks. she is 5' 7" and currently 145 pounds (gained about 5 pounds in the last few weeks from stress eating) and is starting to talk about how she is going to gain weight and seems apathetic about getting back into the gym. I am wondering if any of the women here have dealt with this and how you have handled it. I want to help and support her through this and get her back to where she wants to be and currently feels like it's all slipping away.

So I have a bit of experience with both sides of this issue. First when I met my wife she only ate processed food because it was quick and easy so I started to cook her healthier food, all fresh ingredients and very tasty but I don't fix most of those foods any longer because they don't meet my diet or goals. Over six years of doing all the cooking she now asks for steamed vegetables and sometimes even wants more than just two bags. So the moral of that part of the story is taste buds can be changed but the other person has to work with you, my wife had a 2 liter Diet Mountain Dew habit when we met and not she drinks fresh brewed full leaf green tea. So that is how I changed my wife's eating habits now how she changed me. When we met we were both overweight and I was fine with it, I am a gamer and like my TV and comics and I never did any physical activity. My wife was more active with walking but she didn't eat right so she was also overweight, to give you an idea I am about 6 foot and I was 268 and she is about 5' 7" and was 186. So we met and got married and I was literally fat and happy but she wanted to get a gym membership and go together. I was not wanting to do that because I thought we would join a gym and it would last a month maybe two and then it would stop..... it never stopped. We started slow three days a week for 30 minutes on the stair mill and we started to lose weight, then I started to feel better, and then I stopped having sleep apnea (24 apneas an hour was where I was). After that everything has snowballed and we do a lot, my wife is down to 140 while I am around 180. Looking back I can see what my workouts have given me, better health, stronger immune system, and more energy to name a few but back in November of 2014 when my wife was asking me to do this with her repeatedly I only saw lost time and money. If your SO will work with you and if you do little baby steps everything can change to the point you don't recognize the people you were all those years ago. Go slow talk a lot and compromise (he may not be ready to give up chips this month but maybe you can get chips you don't like and won't eat until he is ready). I hope this helps if you have any questions for me or my wife let me know. Oh and I do still game it's just maybe an hour every other day or so but you can work full time, workout, and game.

I did lose weight with sleep apnea and there is really no difference in losing weight with or without sleep apnea. For me I was lucky and once I reduced my body fat percentage enough the sleep apnea went away. I didn't really eat junk food so I cut out the junk food that I did eat and started 30 minute cardio sessions 3 times a week. Point is you can lose weight with sleep apnea and always start with small changes that you can stick with over the long term.

The best thing I can say is to try and get a work out buddy/friend (I have my wife and she has me to help motivate the other) and start small. My wife and I started with 30 minute cardio three days a week, we then added machine weights, we then replaced the machine weights with dumbbells, we then replaced dumbbells with barbells, we then added swimming, and finally wall climbing. We both don't really like the cardio or weights but we do like how it makes us feel and we found that swimming and wall climbing are things we find fun. Even though my wife isn't a fan of running she has even started signing up for 5Ks (we did one on January 1st when it was -13 degrees) so even if you don't like doing exercise now if you get a buddy and stay with it you could find things change.

Here is a good video on foam rolling. Picture Fit Foam Rolling

My wife does box squats so she can judge how far down she is going. The basic idea is get a box or something similar that is at the level you want to squat too, tap it with your butt and then raise yourself up. Don't rest on the box just lightly touch it so you know how far you are going down. On a side note I would recommend a deload just to get the form worked out no reason to reinforce a bad movement pattern and going light for a short time will allow you to get use to going down to parallel or how ever far you want to drop. Also if you want to could also post a form check video as well.

My wife was having issues with very minor arching on the deadlift at a much lower weight. For her it wasn't bad arching but I also watch her form every few weeks per her requests. We added in bent over rows and after a few months her back form looks very good. That being said it could also be one of the things @matty_mcfly suggested so if you post a form video of @Rooks suggestion than people here could see which issue you are facing.

@Halo That's the thing, other then staying in semi shape and giving my calorie budget a bit more head room I don't have any real goals. I haven't done that IronMaker yet, I may have some time next week at work to try it but I will get back to you on it.

@RisenPhoenix I get what you are saying I would much rather get back into my Aikido training then lift or walk up 4 miles of stairs. There are two reasons I opt for the unenjoyable activity's one is time and that is the big one. I can get to the gym in 5 minutes from where I live so the time impact is very small. The second is just routine, my wife and I get most of what we don't like doing done because of routine. After the cardio in the morning we clean the house which we both dislike as well. I do agree with you though, while I have been doing this since January 2015 I would rather enjoy and look forward to doing what I do over saying it's just what we do on X,Y, and Z.

@RisenPhoenix I live in Minnesota and for most of the year it's to cold to do things that are more enjoyable. I hate all gym cardio but pick the one that has the most bang for the time commitment. To be honest I am not really fond of lifting as well (I like wall climbing rowing and other things like that) but again Minnesota so I do it to stay in semi shape. Funny thing is where I work has a company gym with personal trainers and I was talking to them about how I get up at 4:30 3 days a week and do 30 minutes of the stair mill and then do 2 days of an hour long lifting session. They said "That's great I'm glad you enjoy that but I wouldn't enjoy that at all" I then said "Oh I hate it" I was then given a odd look and told "Wow you are really committed to your hate". So yaaaa I am committed to my hate lol.

@RisenPhoenix I do agree he is on the extreme side of everything when it comes to fitness and while I hate my cardio I would also imagine most would see me as extreme as well just not his level of extreme.

@Halo This video sums up my thoughts on cardio. Now I do lift but I do a lot of cardio, so much so that my heart rate is very low (mid 40's to low 50's) and it takes a lot to give me a good cardio work out. My cardio is about 4 miles of steps in 30 minutes 3 days a week and then one day of swimming a week. When I do Squats or Deadlifts I can get my heart rate up in to the 130's but when I do my cardio I have my heart rate up higher then that for a much longer period of time.

I also get my heart rate high when I lift but lifting isn't cardio and it won't give the benefits of cardio. Both are good and both are needed but they are different and push the body in different ways to achieve different results. @Will35 I did and still do the starting strength program more or less. My Advice would be to follow the program as close as you can. Some examples from my life are I do lifting two days a week not three so I slow my progress down but I understand that and accept that. My Wife couldn't do Deadlifts so she started out doing Romanians to work on form and to get the weight high enough so the weight can start at a rested state. We both don't do the power clean but added bent over rows for more back work. The program does work though, I started my overhead press in July or August of last year at just the bar (45lbs) and now I am lifting 96lbs. Those are not high numbers but they are high for me and that is the big thing you have to look at what is good for you. I am a 43 (almost) year old, 6 foot male that sits down most of the day, I try and cook well for good fuel but I skimp on my sleep. Each one of those things determines how fast I can build strength. TLDR: Starting Strength is a great program and if you stick with it and follow the program as it's written you will see results.

Funny thing, I read your post today and then saw this on YouTube. I think it may help you on your squat journey.

Just look up "twinkie diet" a nutrition professor has already done the work for you.

There are social issues as well but those can get complicated and cause people to get angry quickly so I stayed away from those because I didn't want to have even a chance to ruin your thread. If you would like to learn about some opinions on the impact of those social issues though I think Sam Harris had a good opinion of those in his last podcast.

I am going to give you a real non partisan answer to this with no biting at all . in full disclosure I have no dog in this I hate them both so I am not supporting any side here. There were many reasons why she lost but it had nothing to do with Hilary being a woman. The big one was she lost the rust belt which is normally very democratic but has not seen the economic resurgence that other parts of america has seen during the recovery of the recession. The rust belt is in the north and had a lot of manufacture jobs (Think Auto industry) and those jobs are dying. Trump talked to them and said he would help (Not saying he will or won't but it's what he said he would do) when he was campaigning. Both partys have left this voting block behind and Trump capitalized on it. If she had won the rust belt it would have been much harder for Trump to win if he even could have won. Sorry to hear things got bumpy but don't give up you got this.

I don't know how much weight you want to lose but my wife lost 50 pounds in about 6 months, all we did was first change what she ate and got that under control and did cardio 3 times a week. That's it, the cardio helped if our calorie count was off and it started to get us in the habit of going to the gym. My wife is 5 7 and 145 pounds now doing both cardio and free weights (She can squat 160 pounds now and i deloaded her to get better depth). Diet is what you need to change but 30 minute of cardio 3 days a week (or more it's just what we did) can give you a buffer to help while you change your diet.

I like an app called FitNotes

If I may add a bit to this. First never beat yourself up or hate yourself, this isn't easy but you can do it because you are doing it right. I don't know if you cook or not but a pressure cooker helped me a ton. I have a counter top model and it helps me cook good healthy meals while I go and do other things. With the candy cravings, I do this I have a treat once a week (for me it's a nice coffee with milk chocolate added) and then I go grocery shopping, I had my treat so I am less likely to be tempted to get stuff I shouldn't and that strategy has helped me a lot. Another thing is never buy a bag, if you just want one piece get one piece or buy a bag and take it to work, give it away, throw it away. For me and my wife, one reward a week keeps other cravings down, she gets a doughnut and I get the coffee. My wife went from a size 18 or 16 down to a size 4 or 2 depending on the manufacturer. You can do this just don't beat yourself up.

So for veggies, I recommend steaming them and using seasonings like salt, pepper, and something like this. I love veggies but if they are over cooked they are nasty, to save time I get the steamer bags and steam them in the microwave and then season them in a bowl. A pressure cooker like this can also help with saving time and help with making some tough (and cheaper) cuts of meat easier to eat. Cleaning up the diet is 80% of fat loss and you can eat healthy and save time and money cooking if you do it right. As an example, I picked up 2 16 oz T-Bone Steaks Saturday for $11 (US) and you can't go out to eat for that add in a bag or 2 of steamed veggies and you have a meal that costs $14 dollars for two people at home that would be over $30 if you went out.

Just to comment on how my wife and I did what you are wanting to do. We started January 5 2015, all we did was start by going to the gym 3 days a week for 30 minutes, we did the stair mill (it looks like a reverse escalator that you walk up and it goes down) and started to watch what we ate closer. That's it, as time pasted we tightened the diet and raised the level of the stair mill. The Stair Mill wasn't to help us lose the weight it was there just to give us a bit or room to adjust our calories, the saying is you can't out run the fork and it's true 80% - 90% or weight loss is done in the kitchen. After almost a year we added weight training and then swimming. Start slow like we did and make yourself do it for 3 months, if you do that and you are honest about how many calories you are taking in and using I think you will see some progress in 3 months. You should only lose 1 or 2 pounds a week and you won't see that every week, there were many weeks we didn't see the scale move at all and sometimes it went up but over time you should see a downward progression. Things that helped me was looking at calories as a budget so those chips became very expensive and wouldn't fill me up but that 1lb bag of baby carrots became very cheap and would be filling. Also if you don't want to throw food away (I have an issue with that, I just can't toss food) you can put an actual dollar amount on it (we did $50) and if we would eat it then we would give the other person the money and when my wife reached her goal she celebrated by having that pizza that was in the freezer. Also if you get stuck, feel down, lost, or want to give up make a post and people here will do their best to help.

I said "I disagree that it's the "sexist society" or it's "patriarchy"", for myself I don't see that as the issue but if you do that is fine it's all just opinion and can't be proven. I see the points you make about movies and magazines happening to both genders not just women. The media has always shown an idealized version of life. The sitcoms from the 50's were the ideal nuclear family most of the time and how many ever had that? Today for both genders if you don't have an ideal body, not rich, and live in a nice home then you have missed the mark in life. As for your other points, I was born in 74 and grew up in the 80's so I grew up with Ellen Ripley, Charlene McGee, and Sarah Connor (That's just from movies There are Strong women in comics and books from the 80's as well such as Molly from neuromancer), never once did I think women were lesser then men or just around for men's gratification. I go back to occam's razor here, where the movies and magazines just want to make money and putting idealized versions of people in them makes them more money then putting average people. If you remove body type from the celebrated ideal then it will just be replaced with something else that most can never attain such as money, education, job title, ect. Again this is just my opinion but it's an occam's razor formed opinion.

For my wife, her goal is just to eat what she wants and still be a size small, so she does Cardio and Strength training. For me it became the routing and it's what we do on those days.