Maggie-Miau

I've had another fainting episode. Mum has been diagnosed with diabetes.

I have fainted Twice within the past couple weeks. Haven't decided yet whether I actually care 😅 Have not done well on goals at all, not been sleeping well and the days have been running together. Not sure how we're half through September already. Main thing right now is to earn enough money to keep bills paid through October (fairly on track for that so far, not too much to go) I think I need to start cooking again and eating more real food. Pretty sure I'm not doing good nutritionally. In particular I need to make some decent packed lunches/snacks for during the work day as it's very easy to just not eat at all. Also need to make more of an effort on the hydration front.

Sending hugs, Sal ❤️ I think you'd look very cute in glasses ❤️

Been doing okay on the insurance. Not opened any new accounts but I have done some enrollments. I should have enough income to take care of rent and car payment. Two more weeks to get rent, three to get car payment. I am Struggling with the fam. Very sad. Broski is getting a two dollar raise but keeps complaining about finances. Mum hates her job and keeps talking about wanting a change but won't actually pursue one. She's very codependent and won't go anywhere except to work unless I'm with her, including going to see her father. She's been saying she might want to get into insurance too but is determined that she would need to work with me. Broski's been saying he should also go into insurance and immmmm Idk I just feel a bit trapped smothered choked. Like leave me alone 😅 Because mum has been upset wanting to see her dad and won't go without me I Finally agreed to go to mobile. I thought I could at least get some prospecting done but nope, whole operation got taken over. Mom asked broski to come bc grandad asked if he was coming. Broski agreed to come, then in the car completely unprompted said he'll pay for gas and dinner. Then about halfway to mobile he starts whinging about the fact that he'll be paying for dinner, saying he should have thought it through before going on a 'pointless excursion,,,,,,,,and then got angry with me and mum for saying we'll just cancel dinner and go home. When questioned about why he agreed to come in the first place he said he's learned over the years he doesn't really have a choice. He does this all the time, anything he decides, it's always somebody else's fault. If I go anywhere else it'll be by myself.

Today: I am worried about Money but at the same time i have two enrollments scheduled, one for this week and one for next week. The one next week is with a State department, which bodes pretty well. Also, coworker Cate has invited me to potentially join her dungeons and dragons group, and i have learned that coworker Jacob is an absolute Nerd in a good way. He introduced me to a queer-friendly bookshop i didn't previously know existed.

Second trimester already? Oh wow 🥺 sending hugs, you're doing great ❤️

Thank you sir Tank ❤️✨️ Thanks, Sky, much appreciated ❤️✨️ I've enjoyed the new job so far. It feels a wonky fit at times but the work itself seems like it'll be fairly straightforward once i get used to it....it's that learning curve and getting past the sort of gangly duckling stage 🤣

I'm so busy swooning like a victorian orphan I forgot to even mention goals 😅 Mentioned in previous thread that diet has been hmmm not great. Been relying on wheat products, which is fine because the main thing is just to eat at all, except Gluten Intolerance. Stomach hurty, skin staging riots, etc. It's currently hard to actually want to eat anything, so I'm not setting hard rules except - stop eating wheat, you absolute pheasant. Preferably I should eat. A vegetable. But as long as it's not a wheat product it's fine, i just need to eat *something*. - drink water. I have my usual jug and I need to use it. - Work is harder to map out since it varies but essentially I need to do as much prospecting as humanly possible in addition to the training assignments I'm given each day. I have a list of places I would personally like to get in touch with. I've found that speeding through a call list and pretending that the business has been expecting me/pretending I know exactly what I'm talking about is a decent strategy for combating the anxiety side of things. Of course it will get better the more it gets to where I actually *do* know exactly what I'm talking about. But my goal is going to be like....25 approaches (in person or over the phone) each day. Which makes for over 100 in a week. They usually recommend at least ten each day, so 25+ is Good. I need money 😭 - as mentioned, the plasma donation, if I can do it twice a week without dying that will take off some pressure from the insurance work since the car payment will be taken care of. - I have to get my car tag this month I'm concerned it will cost the earth - On the creativity side I want to finish at least one craft project and fully outline at least one story this month.

Hi I'm mags I'm Hella woozy from plasma donation like Oh my god they put my blood back in me what is the problem smh I've recently changes industries, going from manufacturing to Insurance.....feel massively out of my depth and like I may have made a terrible mistake but manufacturing was not working for me and this *could* be a good thing But I have to really push to get the money I need from it in a timely fashion. My bills are paid for the month, and i have some money set aside, so I have until the end of the month to earn basically just over $1000 for next month's bills. I have recently changed meds and must say I have been doing really well so far at taking them every day. No side effects that I've noticed so far. Family remains a bit tumultuous. Broski quibbling and angry with me for leaving lear, momsauce up and down saying she doesn't think I can succeed at this insurance job and telling me how her mother would have reacted....also lately refusing to go anywhere without me and getting passive aggressive if I don't want to or can't go. I have been feeling more and more like I wish I lived on my own but there is still the fact that genuinely none of us makes enough money to live alone and we still have fewer vehicles than family members so. Making it work for now. Despite the Reaction I am still going to try to donate plasma again within a couple days because honestly even if I do faint again, it pays enough that donating twice a week could take care of my monthly car payment.

Following!

i donated plasma today.....made it to the last five minutes and abruptly fainted, or.....whatever you call it when you've basically fainted but can still hear everyone around you. It was funny bc i could hear the nurse going "Oh, damn , that's crazy" might actually faint again as i'm feeling a bit woozy, not sure yet. It was like a whole ten minute episode at the end of the donation 🤣got paid seventy-five dollars though, so that's nice.

Thanks, Sal ❤️ It's come up a few times as i've been to various doctors. This latest one is the first to really focus on it though, or at least, the therapist. She said a lot of what i've described to her sounds like Bipolar 2 in terms of like...hypomanic episodes and such? She reckons i've been on the wrong meds and wants the actual Doctor at the clinic to evaluate for it.

He didn't mention bipolar but he did switch my meds. Prozac and trazadone. He said he will see me free of charge until I can get insurance again 🥺

Small update.....prior to that last post i had gone ahead and quit Lear in a fit of low impulse control, like an idiot, thus losing my safety net so now i do have to scramble to get income rolling in. I'm still sort of in the set up stages with Aflac but have 'earned' 125 so far, from two half-days of very little actual work. I'm oscillating wildly between "okay, i can do this" and "oh god i'm the stupidest person alive i've made a terrible horrific mistake please shoot me" been very irritable and low on patience regarding the fam, enough to feel like a jerk because i just. do not want to be around them and am annoyed by everything, but this is possibly because mum has continuously told me how she doesn't believe i can make the aflac thing work and am supposed to be her "dependable one" and has had me being the family therapist again, and i am a jerk for being impatient about that. diet has been atrocious, haven't been drinking enough water by far, sleep schedule is Shot wound up phoning the leasing office about the neighbors again bc they had my entire desk vibrating, this time the leasing office actually called them and they seem to have chilled out somewhat i have an appointment with the actual psych doctor today, having had two therapist appointments. they know i'll be self pay after this week so appointments may be sparse. Therapist had noted that she wants the doc to "rule out bipolar 2". i am Nervous.

First day at Aflac for semi-real and I was sent "prospecting" with a fella we'll call J. Initial Oh Hell No reaction to getting in a car with a man but it wound up being very chill and informative. Eventually I'll be doing prospecting by myself and ngl I feel like I'm actually going to enjoy it. Presenting the policies is the part that will be challenging for me.